Heaven’s Gate
38 Goodbye, Dear Friend
Liz settled into my lap Sunday afternoon, the twenty-seventh of April. It was a lazy afternoon. I’d been out riding in the morning and worked with the kids in the silo. James and Céleste had joined the morning sessions, determined to catch up with their brothers and sisters. I realized the older kids had been teaching the little ones for nearly a year. The level of balance each of the kids had was amazing. We’d made the tough decision to start home schooling Ellie and Matthew in the fall and they were doing their best to teach the three younger children everything they learned. Theresa and Cassie were doing their best, but eventually Robyn stepped to help with a nursery school for a couple of hours each day for Sarah, Leslie, C-Rae, and Xan. When he found out about it, Brett volunteered an hour or two a day as well. He was majoring in elementary education. Of course, all the moms volunteered in the classroom at least once a week.
Xan, at four, still refused to speak. We were all a little concerned, but she was fluent in her sign language and on the ranch, everyone could talk to her. Dr. Jan said it was better that we not make an issue of it, but that she would have to verbalize when she was with non-signing children. We decided to let it go. Geoff and Robyn’s daughter, Sarah, joined us when she turned two and was now in the pre-school with the other three. James, Céleste, and Sarah were all involved in training. Larry had acquired half a dozen ponies, not much smaller than Toby and Tyler. When I was finished with the kids on Sunday morning, they all reported to Larry and Theresa for riding lessons.
It was peaceful in the house and I was just sitting, staring at the fire in the fireplace when Liz settled naked into my lap.
“Mmm. My lubricious redheaded lover,” I whispered as I stroked her hair and raised my lips to kiss her. She squirmed in my lap and settled in for a long, sexy kiss. Sometimes that’s all you really want or need. It’s not like I’m some superman that needs to make love to fifteen women every day. I just wanted to cuddle her naked body up against my own and kiss.
“Do you want a boy or a girl this time?” she whispered.
“Hmm. Are we going to plan it in advance?” I asked.
“Well, it might be a little late to do that.”
“Liz? Red, are you preggers?”
“According to the two blue lines on the pee stick I am. Add that to the fact that my last period was the last week of February. I’m beginning to feel like I’ve got a little parasite in my tummy.” She pulled my hand down to her tummy. At two months, it was way too early to feel anything, but I softly rubbed her tummy and whispered to the unborn.
“Baby Frost, Papa is out here waiting for you. You be a boy or girl; it doesn’t make a difference. Mama and Papa will love you.”
“You say the sweetest things. I love you, Brian.”
“Are you positive the baby is in there? Maybe we should go make sure.”
I carried my pregnant lover to the master suite and we made very sure there was a baby in her tummy.
“Brian? Brian!” I heard the voice from downstairs. I guess I’d dozed off after Liz and I made love. She moaned softly as I rolled out of bed and went downstairs.
“I’m here. What’s up?” I asked. Theresa was there and she’d been crying. Oh no! The children!
“I’m sorry, Brian. Silk’s down. This is the end for the old girl. I called the vet. He’s on his way,” Theresa cried. My moment of relief that the children were okay was lost in my sudden grief for the old horse.
“Hannah…” I started as I grabbed my jeans and boots.
“She’s with her. She and Sam found her.”
I stomped into my boots and started snapping my shirt as I left the house. Silk. The gentle old Arabian who had been my comfort and my confidante. I’d just given her a carrot this morning when I took Toby out. We headed out to the pasture.
“The children?”
“They know. Matthew and Ellie are with Hannah and Sam. Dawn got all the little ones back to the house with Robyn. We’ll take her body to the rendering plant in Columbus tomorrow. I’m so sorry, Brian. I know how you loved that old girl.”
Hannah was sitting on the ground with Silk’s head in her lap. Sam had the two kids held next to her and it was obvious they’d all been crying. Larry knelt beside Hannah with his arm around her shoulders. It was a sweet gesture. I hugged Hannah and we petted our horse’s neck while we waited for the vet. She didn’t appear to be in pain. She just didn’t have the strength to get up.
Once I was with Hannah, Larry left to get a tarp and direct the vet out to the pasture. It was about half an hour later that the vet gave Silk an examination and shook his head.
“She’s a good old girl and she’s had a good life,” he said. “But I’m afraid her time has come.”
“She outlasted Jingo,” I said. He’d been the first of the horses to go a year ago. “Silk’s thirty-seven.”
“And she’s ready. She knows we’ll help her along. Just keep petting her and telling her you love her. I’ll take care of everything else.” He did. He was good and gentle. He’d been calling on our horses ever since we moved to the ranch. Silk didn’t even flinch when he injected the tranquilizer. She just let her head fall in Hannah’s lap. We talked quietly while the vet prepared the catheter in her neck and then let the drug flow into her veins.
“No more listening to me recite poetry and Bible verses, girl,” I whispered. “You were never a harsh critic, even when I stumbled.”
“You taught us all how to ride barrels,” Hannah said. “Remember when Brian rode you to rescue me at the fair?”
“And the summer Hannah rode you every day and you won her a blue ribbon?” I said.
“You were the first horse we ever put Ellie or Matthew on and they love you, too.”
“Can we pet Silk?” Matthew asked as he and Ellie and Sam moved closer to us.
“Of course you can, son,” I said. “You understand that Silk is dying, don’t you?”
“Yes, Ellie said. She’s going to go be with Jingo.”
“That’s right. Silk is a very old girl. She and Jingo will go galloping through the sky on stormy nights as if they were just yearlings again.” I didn’t care if it was true or not. It was what I wanted to believe. The kids understood more than I could say in words. They knew where meat came from. They knew the goats gave milk and sometimes meat. They knew the chickens at Del and Maribelle’s got roasted or fried.
“We’ll put Silk’s ashes in the River,” Matthew said. Shit! I cried, petting her cheek as she breathed out her last breath.
We had a fire that night. No, we didn’t burn Silk. Larry loaded her in the back of the farm trailer and hauled her to Columbus early Monday morning. But we did cut her mane and tail and burned them. We scooped up the ashes and took them to the River of Life. And why not? I suppose some people would be appalled that we mixed animal ashes with human ashes, but Lexi loved Silk, too. Perhaps she would be riding those ghost horses in the thundering storms.
Ellie and Matthew raked the ashes into the River.
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