Heaven’s Gate
33 Becoming Adults
Part of being an adult, I guess, is having the talk. Whitney and I had the talk. She told me exactly what her wishes were if she should die in service. She wrote them down and gave a copy to her mother as well. Cremated and her ashes spread in the River of Life. We’d all talked about that, but none of us actually wanted to think about it.
What’s harder, though, is to have the talk with your parents.
“Mom and Dad, what do you want us to do if we need to prepare a funeral for one of you?” I asked.
“Mom, that goes for you, too,” Jennifer said to Anna. The five of us were sitting at the table. I had papers spread out in front of me. I’d been trying to list my assets and what should be done with them.
“We’re not planning to die soon, son,” Dad said.
“Nobody plans to, Dad. Sending Whitney off to Germany and finding out she’s heading for South Africa just reminded me that I haven’t made my will. I have four children by three different mothers. Not having my shit together is pretty irresponsible. It just got me thinking that I should be talking to you, as well,” I said.
“Not many twenty-four-year-olds have thought about that,” Anna said.
“We’re not typical,” Jennifer said. “We all have an interest in an entertainment company that has an interest in a media company. In addition to the interest in the companies, we have an interest in the property of both the clan and the casa. Brian has residuals that should continue to come in for twenty years or more. I don’t even know who owns the horses out back or how much of a share of this house I own.”
“I’m glad you are all working on this,” Mom said. “I take it everyone is?” I nodded. “Then it’s only right that you should know our plans, too.” She sighed. “We really want to move down here. There are just problems with it.”
“Your granddad is in a home now,” Dad said. “His house is unoccupied because he wouldn’t sign an agreement for us to manage his estate. We can’t legally go into the house and pack it up. I found out that even inheriting the property was made contingent in his will on us living on the property. If we sell our place and move down here, your granddad’s property is to be sold and the proceeds donated to charity. No one in the family gets anything.”
“Can’t you do anything?”
“Oh, we can get management rights now. His Alzheimer’s is getting worse and he can’t make day-to-day decisions. But he was of sound mind when he wrote his will and the only reason we could sell the place would be if he became destitute and we needed the money to care for him. Otherwise, we are stuck where we are until he passes on,” Dad said. “For my part, your mom and I have created a partnership with Anna and the three of us own the place in Mishawaka together. If something happened to me, the property passes to the two of them with your mom getting my share. However, all my other assets are split between Marilyn and Anna unless Marilyn and I own them jointly.”
“Mom? Is that fair?” Jennifer demanded. “Should you get that much of a share?”
“Jen, it’s okay,” I said. “It makes perfect sense to me. It’s the way marriage works in an equitable distribution state. Lamar was explaining that it isn’t necessarily based on everything split down the center. It has to do with what is a joint asset and what is an individual asset.”
“That’s right,” Anna said. “I bought into the property in Mishawaka with the proceeds that I got from selling the lots here in Corazón. Having one-third ownership in the property is what I bought. Hayden has designated his personal property other than the real estate to be split. But, there are things that are in Hayden and Marilyn’s names jointly that don’t get split up. They are Marilyn’s. It’s the same with me. My share of the property would go to you as my heir, but as long as Hayden and/or Marilyn lived there, it would be held in trust for you unless they asked to buy you out. That would happen if they sold the property. Then you’d get your share.”
“What about funerals?” I asked. “It sounds like you got the will stuff taken care of.”
“The number one request that we have is that you respect the survivors,” Dad said. “If I die, that means that you respect the wishes of Anna and Marilyn and that you respect Betts who is as much a survivor as you would be. I think we all agree that even if we can’t move down here permanently, we’d like to join the River of Life. It would be nice if there was some kind of memorial service back home for our friends to say goodbye.”
“That’s easy enough,” I said. “It pretty much matches what Whitney said but gives her mom the option of holding a service in Mishawaka or not. The only service she asked for is raking her ashes into the river.”
“Laying Lexi to rest out there profoundly affected all of us,” Dad said. “I think most of the parents in the tribe want to join the family plot down here. There are a few who have family plots in other cemeteries that they want to join, but we’ve put together some forms for people in the tribe to express their wishes. Remember that not everyone in the clan is an only child, either. Lech and Irene want to be buried at St. Luke’s where they’ve been members for thirty-some years. I think the Duvals have already purchased a plot in a Masonic cemetery. Different people want different things. You might even have people living here on the ranch that don’t want to be cremated. We’ve already discovered you can’t bury them here.”
This whole shit of being an adult is a pain.
ME: Adulting is hard work. We should really be helping each other with this stuff. There’s all kinds of crap you have to put up with when you become an adult, no matter what age you are. Do we become an adult at sixteen? Eighteen? Twenty-one? Thirty-five? When we get married? When we have kids? When we have a mortgage? Or a job?
Did you ever want to go back to being a kid? I know, our parents are rolling their eyes. Where do they get that behavior? It’s so immature. It was so much easier when they were the adults and we were kids. Take life insurance, for example. I passed a kiosk at the airport that sold flight insurance. If you die as the result of an airplane accident, this policy pays twenty thousand dollars to the person of your choice. All you have to do is put ten dollars in the machine and it gives you a policy.
It isn’t that easy.
[Pull pants up high and stick out stomach.] “Hello. I’m Henry Smith of the Smith Insurance Agency and I’m here to talk to you about the fascinating subject of… Term. Life. Insurance. I know you’re dying to know about this. [Snort.] This is the information you’ve been waiting for. You want to know that you and your family are secure in the event of an unforeseen fatal tragedy. Your loved ones would be cared for with proper… Term. Life. Insurance. In the next two hours I will guide you through the fascinating world of… Term. Life. Insurance. When we are finished, you will know exactly what policy is right for you. I’ll make this interesting with my handy 300-page flipchart that will guide you through the fascinating topic of… Term. Life. Insurance. This first page is you. You may be asking yourself, ‘Why do I need… Term. Life. Insurance?’ It’s the first question on everyone’s mind. I’m going to turn the page because this isn’t about you. It’s about the lovely people on this second page: your family and loved ones. Term. Life. Insurance. Won’t do anything for you. You’ll be dead. This third page is a picture of your coffin. But this isn’t about you. Let’s go on to the fourth page.”
Can you imagine sitting through this presentation? Not just once! You have to comparison shop. You need at least two agents to present their products to you before you can decide about… Term. Life. Insurance. You might not live long enough to get through the presentation!
That’s why we need each other. If nothing else, we need someone to make out with during the presentation, because believe me, that’s the only thing that will make that presentation bearable. We are young men… young women… We can’t be expected to understand things like Bodily Injury. Accidental Death and Dismemberment. Carrying value. Derivatives. We need each other. I have four children and thirteen cónyuge. I know I need insurance.
But why does it take two hours to do what the airport can cover for ten dollars in a vending machine? Adulting should be easier than this.
Of course, the whole topic of estate planning and life insurance got a boost on December first when many of us returned to the River of Life to remember Lexi’s twenty-second birthday. We were calmer this year. There were still tears shed. There was a lot of hugging and kissing. Dani and Courtney joined us—Sly and Lily, Hannah and Samantha, Ross and Monte, Judy and Amber and TK. We all realized how close we’d each been to having our ashes spread here as well.
I carried Céleste. Matthew, Xan, and C-Rae scuffed along in the gravel and eventually sat in the stream to play until their mothers helped guide them home. None of them understood the significance, of course. But I think they understood it was important—that this place was special.
I hoped it would be a long time before anyone else’s ashes were scattered here.
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