Foolish Wisdom
6 No Warnings
I DON’T KNOW HOW, but we got through the rehearsal and the dinner following that night. The best man was on his best behavior. Apparently, Allen’s talk had an effect. After the rehearsal, we all went to the Studebaker Center where we’d had our prom dinner and had a great meal. There was a band playing in the lounge and we were told that we were welcome to come in and dance, but that there would be no alcohol served to minors. I was a little sad. Even though Rev. and Mrs. Gordon were invited, Hannah and Sarah weren’t. Well, it was just for the wedding party and their spouses or dates. We hung around and danced a little. Doreen made it very clear that even though she would dance as a group with the wedding party, she was with me.
The trouble came when I went to use the restroom. The best goon came in behind me.
“Well if it isn’t the little tattletale. Have to go running to big sister because the big college kid is picking on him?”
“Christ. That is so seventh grade. Grow up.”
“I’m grown up. You’re the little kid trying to make like you’re a big girl’s date. But little kids get treated like little kids. You need a swirly.” He grabbed at me to push me in the toilet stall. I’m not going through this. Fuck him. I spun in place and kicked as hard as I could, right up between his legs. “Ah! Fuck!” he said as he doubled over.
“Allen warned you,” I said. “I don’t give warnings.”
I stormed out of the restroom, leaving him doubled over on the floor. I found Doreen.
“Girlfriend, is there a chance you could take me home now? I can find another way if you want to stay and dance, but this isn’t a good place for me to be anymore.”
“What happened, Brian?” she asked. She looked over my shoulder and I could tell she saw the goon. “Oh shit. He’s been tipping a pocket flask all night. He tried something, didn’t he? Let’s go. I’ll tell Betts I’m not feeling well and I’ll see her back at the ranch.”
I went to find Dad and tell him that Doreen wasn’t feeling well and I was going with her to make sure she was okay. Dad glanced over to where Betts and Doreen were conversing. He nodded and grinned.
“I’d guess we’ll all be headed out in an hour. Got that? An hour.”
“Yessir.”
“May I sleep with you tonight?”
“It’s pretty risky,” I said.
“I’ll wait until I’m sure your parents are in bed. I’m going to tell Betts and the bitches. They’ve been off servicing the groomsmen every night this week. I’ll just tell them that I’m doing my duty to my boyfriend and let them hang.”
“You’re evil, Doreen.”
“Maybe. But you are… No. You aren’t evil. You are a dark and avenging angel. Be careful, Brian. Vengeance is a dangerous path.”
“It’s not revenge, Doreen.”
“Still. Be careful.”
Doreen came in about midnight. She simply slipped off her nightshirt and crawled in bed with me. She snuggled up to me and I held her as we went to sleep.
The day before the wedding, the bride, her attendants, and the mothers had a day at the spa. I sort of breathed a sigh of relief. I’d turned down the offer to go hang with the groomsmen telling Allen that they’d all have more fun if they didn’t have a kid tagging along. Besides, I had one more date. Elaine came by to pick me up at eleven.
“Grab your bathing suit and towel, boyfriend. We’re going to the beach.” The beach? Well, it was a beautiful day and the temp was already in the seventies and expected to hit the low eighties. Why not? What I didn’t know was that Elaine had no intention of taking me to Crystal Lake. We headed for Lake Michigan and Indiana Dunes. There were plenty of people on the beach even though it was fairly early in the season. The park lists its season as Memorial Day to Labor Day, but the lake was just beginning to get warm enough to actually swim in. The real crowds wouldn’t start until after the Fourth when the water temperature would get into the sixties. Elaine and I dumped our blanket and towels and the ice chest she’d packed and raced each other into the water.
Holy fucking shit! That was cold. One thing was for sure: I wouldn’t have any problem with erections today. My balls and cock had both shriveled up and run up inside my gut for protection. Elaine came up with a matching exclamation of distress and we ran for the beach as fast as we could fight the light waves lapping against the sand.
“Damn, that was cold!” she yelled. “Look! My nipples turned into little rocks.” She held her top away from her breast so I could definitely see the painfully hard little buttons.
“Normally I’d get excited about seeing that, but my balls sent a note that said they were vacationing someplace near my pancreas.” We were laughing and I was shocked when Elaine grabbed the waistband of my trunks and pulled it out to look down inside.
“Oh, God! You’re the same as a girl down there!”
“Thanks, sweetheart. See if that gets me to hug you and warm you up.” I grabbed a beach towel and made a show of turning away to dry off. Next thing I knew, though, Elaine was plastered against my back with another towel wrapped around both of us.
“Won’t you please hug me and warm me up, boyfriend? I love your boy-parts, even though they are about the same size as my girl-parts.” I managed to rotate in her arms so we were facing each other and wrapped my towel around the two of us as well. We just stood there and hugged. The shivering stopped pretty quickly and apparently my cock and balls decided they’d vacationed long enough. “Come on. Let’s take our stuff up the beach and see if we can find a place that isn’t so crowded,” Elaine said. I grabbed the blanket and we each took a handle of the ice chest and carried it between us as we scuffed through the sand. The sand dunes are just the purest, golden, and by mid-day, hottest sand on the planet. We both had flip-flops and would be glad for them by the time we left. The sand was already heating up.
Eventually we found a place that was slightly sheltered from other people, but still had a lot of sun to spread out our blanket and plop down.
“You need sunblock,” Elaine said. “We should have lathered up in the parking lot. We both have really pale skin. Lie down. I’ll do you.”
“Really?”
“Hush! I’ll put sunblock on you.” I stretched out on my stomach and Elaine started rubbing the lotion into my back and then my legs. “Roll over.”
“Um… Elaine…”
“I’ve seen your erection before. It’s not going to offend me now. Especially since I’m the one who woke it up.” I rolled over and my tent pole stretched my trunks. Elaine straddled me and pressed it down flat against my stomach. She smoothed lotion on my arms and chest, not moving against my hard-on, but not letting it up, either. She even put lotion on my face and neck before she moved down to do the front of my legs. I felt pretty well greased by the time she was done. “Now you do me,” she said, stretching out on her stomach. Man! She was going to need the sunblock. With her fair skin and freckles, I could see she already looked a little pink. I started at her feet and worked up the back of her legs until I reached her butt, most of which was exposed by the little bikini she was wearing.
“Um… Elaine, may I touch your butt to put lotion on it?”
“Brian, I give you explicit permission to touch any of my exposed skin to put lotion on it,” she answered. Rubbing sunblock into her buns did absolutely nothing to relieve my boner. I did her arms and started on her back. When I got to her back and shoulders, she reached behind her and released the ties of her top so it flopped out to the sides and I could rub her whole exposed back. I leaned forward and kissed her ear.
“There you go, love. All done,” I whispered.
“Can anyone see us?” I looked around I didn’t see anyone with a clear view of us within a hundred yards.
“I don’t think so.” She rolled over onto her back.
“Then do my front?” she asked. I did not need a second invitation. She’d said I could touch any of her exposed skin and when she rolled over her scrumptious breasts were exposed to me. I tried to ignore them for all of two minutes while I smoothed some of the lotion on her face and then on her arms, but those hard little points just called for me to massage them. I smoothed the lotion all around the nipples, but just before I covered the points I leaned forward and kissed each of them, flicking my tongue across them. Elaine moaned. “I wouldn’t have forgiven you if you’d skipped that little part of applying lotion,” she whispered. I hugged her to me, our chests sliding against each other, and then moved down to cover her legs. This was fun, but it was serious, too. I didn’t want her pale legs to get burned just because I was obsessed with her breasts. She pulled her top over them but didn’t retie it. When I’d made sure every last toe was covered and had carefully followed the line of her bikini bottoms to be sure all her exposed flesh had been coated, I lay down beside her.
From there on, it was just like a kind of normal date sort of thing. We lay on the blanket next to each other and held hands. Like any normal guy I kept watching for signs that her nipples were slipping out from under her top. Any time they did, I applied a little more lotion to them.
“What’s this college like that you’re going to?” I asked.
“Small liberal arts school. It’s not like a fine arts school. They don’t offer a BFA, so I’ll get a good well-balanced education. But the theater has done some pretty amazing things. They’ve been to England on tour three times and have done some new pieces that the director got first. They’ve got a new department chairperson, but the old one is still doing theater at different regional rep companies. They’ve won three or four American College Theater Festival awards. What’s best is that it’s really a small department. The college only has about twice the number of students that our high school did and half of them are in the nursing program. The really significant thing is that I’ll have lots of opportunity to act and even direct. In a big arts school I’d be competing for those opportunities all the time.”
“It sounds exciting. How’s their chemistry program?”
“You are not going to that school to study chemistry unless you seriously want to go to work for Eli Lilly and Company and make designer drugs. Their whole science building was donated by Lilly. They just happen to have a couple of good arts patrons, too.”
“I’ll investigate them, but I really don’t know where I’ll go yet.”
“Well, you’ve got time. I don’t think it makes a difference where you go. The only people who care about hiring a graduate from a specific school are people who graduated from that school. Unless you know a particular chemist you want to go to work with and will get a better shot if you go to his alma mater, don’t worry about it. Don’t forget that when you choose there will be a bunch of other people going with you.”
“What?”
“You don’t think your girlfriends are going to go someplace other than where you go, do you?”
“Oh. But I’m not the only boyfriend. Brenda wouldn’t follow me if Carl went someplace else. You and Renee and Doreen and Sarah and Sora will all be in college before I am. So will Jennifer and Courtney. I won’t be making the choice for them.”
“Sure, there are some who will be paired up or just independent or driven,” Elaine said. “But if you’d been ahead of me in school or the same year, I’d just have gone wherever you decided. Thing is, I’ll be almost done when you start. It just didn’t make sense. But Liz, Samantha, even Whitney, and certainly Hannah and probably Sarah will just go wherever you say. We’re in love with you, Brian. If Jennifer and Courtney start at a school—and you can bet they’ll go to the same one—and you go someplace else the next year? They’ll transfer. I guaran-damn-tee it.”
I couldn’t really believe that, but I couldn’t argue about it either. The girls she named were certainly the ones most likely to be interested in me. Well, probably not Sarah and I doubted really if Whitney would choose a school based on where I attended. But Liz and Samantha? Yeah. Somehow, they’d already made their intentions known. They planned something long term. Jennifer and Courtney had told me that straight out. Hannah? Well, the simple fact was that wherever she went was where I would go.
We ate our lunch and drank sodas. Elaine sat up accidentally forgetting to tie her strings. She acted all helpless like she couldn’t get them in position and I needed to hold her boobs steady so she could corral them in the cups. I didn’t believe her a bit, but I did it anyway. We did brave another dip in the frigid water of Lake Michigan, but we used it more as an excuse to bundle ourselves in the towels together in order to get warm. It was sundown before we left the beach and close to ten by the time we got to my house. She came in and said hi to Mom and Dad. We went into the family room and settled into Dad’s recliner to cuddle for a while.
We’d been there about ten minutes when Doreen joined us. Elaine shifted over a little and Doreen sat in my lap, too. We just cuddled and talked for a while.
“Really?” I heard the whispered voice. “What’s he got? A twelve-inch dong?”
“Shh. They just all like him,” Betts whispered. “I told you it wasn’t a fake. He’s got seventeen of them.”
“I wouldn’t share him.”
“You wouldn’t get a chance after what you said to him,” Betts said firmly. “Now you’ve seen. Go to bed.”
Betts got married.
For the past six months it seemed like every erg of the family’s energy had been spent getting ready for this event. I stood at the far end of the groomsmen and watched her and Allen exchange their vows, place rings on each other’s fingers, and kiss. I was just glad it was over and couldn’t figure out why that short plump friend of Betts’ reached over with a dainty little handkerchief to dab at my eyes. I didn’t even realize they were running.
I know a lot of people have big receptions with booze and a band for dancing and all, but really Betts’ wedding wasn’t that big. We had the reception in the church basement and Rev. Gordon approved pouring a limited amount of champagne for toasts. Certainly, it wasn’t enough to get anyone drunk. The best man scowled at me when Doreen and my companion traded places and nothing else was said. After the presents were opened and the cake was cut, Betts changed clothes and she and Allen took off to drive cross-country to Seattle on their honeymoon. I didn’t think they’d get as far as Chicago tonight. Little did they know that Doreen and I had slipped a note inside the door of their gas compartment advising the filling station attendant to wish them luck in their new marriage. I wondered where they’d be when that note was discovered.
It was early enough in the day that the bridesmaids all came back to our house to pack up their stuff and head to their own homes. I went out to take care of the horses before the guys came to pick the bridesmaids up. When I heard them leave, I finished brushing the girls and went into the house to move back into my room. Mom and Dad were out with the Partridges and planned to take them to O’Hare, Sunday, so I was surprised to hear the vacuum running upstairs in my room. I went up and found Doreen finishing cleaning up the area. The windows were open and all my stuff was moved back where it belonged. Even my bed was back in place and made.
“Doreen! You didn’t have to do all this!” I said.
“I didn’t. Apparently, you made quite an impression on the bitches last night by cuddling Elaine and me in the family room. They cleaned everything up when they packed. I was just doing the last little bit. I brought your magazines and pictures back up and I think I got your clothes back in the right places. There’s still a load in the dryer.” I went to my desk and Doreen had put the small stack of magazines and photos from Heaven next to my computer.
“Thank you, Doreen. You are a pretty sweet girlfriend. I suppose that now Betts is married, you’ll pass on the agreement, but could I kiss my girlfriend one more time to say thank you for keeping me sane this week?” Doreen came to me and pressed herself against me while we kissed.
“I’m going to sign, Brian.”
“You are?”
“Elaine told me she reset her virtual age to sixteen and would celebrate her seventeenth birthday according to the agreement next year. That gives a lot of latitude in what she can do while she’s away, but also sets a stop point for her. I like that. I went to business school instead of college. It’s a two-year program and already I’m getting offers from companies and a few from potential bosses. Those are two different things. I don’t want to get into hassles and succumb to pressure just because I think it will get me a good job. You have no idea how easy it is to start thinking that you have to do something… personal for a man to be a good employee. Maybe even for a woman. I’m resetting my virtual age to sixteen as well and will abide by those terms until my next birthday before I consider any other involvement.”
“That’s pretty amazing, Doreen. I’m so glad you aren’t just a temporary girlfriend anymore.”
“Yeah, well just think. You’ll be sixteen in October. Anything you need to know about pleasing a girl and how things work, I’ll be glad to show you.” Crap! That’s the same offer she made to her brother years ago. It got us all hard then and it sure wasn’t making it easier now. “I’m going to go home tonight so I won’t be sleeping with you. I’ve got a couple hours, though. I should have gotten out of this silly bridesmaid dress a long time ago. Will you help me?”
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