Foolish Wisdom
4 Bitch
MOM AND DAD took Allen and Betts to dinner Tuesday night, which meant that I was home alone with Betts’ three college girlfriends and the other groomsmen. They started harassing me the minute Mom and Dad left.
“Hey, what’s for dinner tonight, chef?” one of them asked.
“I guess whatever you order. There’s a pizza menu by the phone.”
“Are there any of those cinnamon rolls left?”
“You ate them all this morning. I didn’t even get one.”
“Aw. I’m sorry.” She didn’t sound sorry.
“Hey, kid. What’s with that Doreen chick? She’s supposed to be the maid of honor, but she doesn’t want to do anything with the rest of us.” That was the best man. I’d taken a dislike to him the instant I met him. I never bothered to learn any of their names. They didn’t actually introduce themselves. I guess all they knew me as was ‘chef’ or ‘kid.’
“Doreen’s been here the whole time,” I said. “She knew Betts and Allen were going out tonight so she went home.”
“She seems really stuck up,” the guy said. He just wouldn’t let it be.
“She doesn’t know you guys at all,” I said. “The only ones she really knows are Betts and me, and probably ninety percent of the people who will actually attend the wedding.” I’d heard Betts complain that aside from her bridesmaids, who she promised to put up for the week, none of her college friends, or Allen’s either, for that matter, were coming to the wedding. They’d all scattered to their summer jobs and homes. “Besides, I’m her date this week and we’ve done plenty. She took me to pick up my tux this morning and we had a nice lunch.”
“She should be paying attention to the best man. That’s who she’ll walk down the aisle with,” the short plump bridesmaid snarked.
“Yeah. I suppose that means you and I should be getting it on, doesn’t it? After all, I’m the one escorting you down the aisle.” She stood up and marched over to me.
“The only reason I get stuck with you is because I’m short. It’s not because I like runts.”
“Well, the only reason Doreen is stuck with him is because she’s maid of honor. It’s not because she likes assholes.” I might have overdone it with that one because the best man was out of his seat and headed toward me. I ran. Betts’ room has a lock on it and I used it. Shit. I’d probably have to pee out the window. I sure wasn’t going back out there tonight.
Mom and Dad were gone to work before Betts got up in the morning. I had everything prepared for omelets for her gang. I was determined to be nice as if nothing happened the night before, though I considered putting a little extra cayenne in the eggs. When I heard the first person come down the stairs, I started the omelet cooking. It was simple with minced ham, scallions, and Swiss cheese. I heard the toilet flush and flipped the first omelet.
“What did you do to my friends, last night?” Betts growled.
“Nothing. They chased me into your room and I locked the door. I’m sick of being bullied.”
“You must have done something. They left me a note that said you were a prick and they were going out. They didn’t come back last night.”
“They’re probably still fucking each other senseless. What a bunch of assholes.” I set the omelet down in front of her with a cup of coffee.
“What’s this?”
“An omelet.”
“I don’t want this. I want blueberry waffles.” That did it. I’d had my fill. I grabbed the plate off the table in front of her and dumped the omelet in the garbage.
“Now you can fix your own fucking breakfast. You and your friends can all fend for yourselves. I’m not your short-order cook. I’m not the runt you can just order around or insult my friends. You’re the fucking bride to be. You can cook for your own in-laws tonight.” I stormed out of the kitchen and started for my room before I remembered that was where the harpies were staying, even if they weren’t here at the moment. I grabbed my hat and boots and went out to the barn. I didn’t bother with the hayloft except to get some hay for the girls. I grabbed the brush and curry comb and started on Silk. I hadn’t ridden the old girl lately and I was feeling bad for her. Even when I went to get Cassie yesterday, I took Rika. I heard the barn door open again and just kept brushing.
“Brian?” Betts’ voice came from above as if she expected to find me in the hayloft. She dropped back down and headed for the stalls. “Brian?” I heard Betts choke on a sob. Oh, Christ on a stick.
“What!” I barked from the other side of Silk. Betts opened the stall half-door.
“Brian, please don’t be mad at me. Please.” Betts was crying in earnest. Shit. What could I do? I stepped around Silk’s rump and faced her.
“Why not?” I demanded.
“Because I’m the bride. And because I’m scared. What if I made a big mistake, Brian? What if I hate Seattle? What if Allen’s parents hate me? I’ve never even met them. I’m scared.” She collapsed against me, sobbing her heart out. How can you stay mad at your sister when she’s crying like you are the only one in the world who cares? I just held her and tried to say soothing things. “Let’s go up to the hayloft,” she said. What the fuck? I followed her up and she already had my sleeping bag rolled out by the time I got up the ladder. She plopped down on it and held out her arms. “Hold me, please? Hold me because I’m your sister and you really love me even though I’m a bitch. Please?”
“It’s okay, Betts,” I said settling beside her. “You are my sister and I really do love you even though you’re a bitch.” She snorted and we both laughed a little.
“Thanks.” She just held onto me for a couple minutes. “I know you came out here and held Jessica sometimes. She told me after I cornered her when I found out about that horrible Kowalski thing. She said that even after it was all over she’d never have made it through if you hadn’t been willing to just hold her. I’m sorry I never held you when you needed it, Brian. I’m so sorry. When you did what you did to Kirby and his gang, I was so frightened—so afraid you’d get hurt—I wanted to kill you.”
“Well, that makes sense.”
“Yeah. That’s the problem. Even when I wanted to protect you I wanted to kill you. Why is that? I would be so scared for you and my response was to be even bitchier. What if that’s the kind of wife I am? Allen will hate me. If I’m that kind of mother, my children will hate me. What am I going to do, Brian? What am I going to do?”
“Look at me, Betts.” She raised her tear streaked face to me. I wiped a tear away. She was family. My family. I knew at that moment that I’d do anything for her, even if she was a bitch. “Do you love him? Really, down in your heart, love him?” She nodded. “Does he love you?”
“I think so.”
“Let me tell you what I think. He adores you. I’ve never seen anybody so pussy-whipped in my life unless it was me mooning over Jessica. Allen would move mountains for you and then ask if you’d like them rearranged. I don’t know how you two ended up with such crappy college friends. Those six can’t see past their own genitals. The only thing they care about is that Doreen won’t put out for them. I think the girls are at least as bad as the guys. But they aren’t you and Allen. Moving to Seattle will probably be the best thing ever for you. You won’t have any expectations to live up to. No one will know you are really a bitch and you can fool them all.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I’m serious, Betts. All you have to do is focus on making your husband happy and giving him a reason to keep adoring you. He’s got a good job at that tech company. He’s smart. He’s handsome. He loves you. You can either go get a job and try to make a year of college into something that equals what he has a three-year head start on or go to college out there and get your degree or just be the best person, wife, and companion that you can possibly be.”
“What if he doesn’t like me after we… you know? I’m a virgin. I kept telling him that the only way he’d get in my panties was with a marriage certificate. What if we do it and he realizes it wasn’t worth waiting for? I should have fucked him on our first date. I wanted to.”
“All right, Betts. This is completely inappropriate for your brother to talk to you about, but as the person who shared the same Facts of Life and Love for Teenagers book, I know for a fact that thinking about sex turns you on.”
“I’m still so embarrassed Mom gave you that book,” she said hiding her face against my chest.
“Forget it. I manage to… most of the time. But you know what to look for. When Allen kisses you do you get tingly? Do your nipples get hard when he touches your breasts? Does your pussy get wet?” I hissed in her ear.
“Brian,” she whisper-shouted back at me. She looked up in my eyes and saw I was dead serious. She caught her lower lip in her teeth and nodded.
“Is it him you think about when you masturbate?” Betts blushed crimson but nodded. “And do you come?”
“Oh, God! Yes!” she practically shouted. “Oh, God! You bastard. I feel all those things now, just thinking about him.”
“Betts, Saturday night after your wedding, when you go to bed with him for the first time, open your legs as wide as your heart and let him in. Just show him how much you love him and let nature take care of the rest. Really, Betts. That guy adores you.”
“You are way too old for your age, little brother.” I figured my work here was done and we could go, but Betts kept holding onto me. “Brian? Are you… You haven’t… Have you…?” Someday I was going to get my sister English lessons so she could compose a complete sentence. Man. I supposed that I should let my sister in on what was about to happen, though. After our near blow-out.
“Betts, you know about my agreement and my girlfriends?”
“Yes. Allen about choked when you introduced Jennifer, Courtney, and Hannah as your girlfriends. I didn’t really pay much attention to your agreement.”
“Yeah. Well, Sarah is one of my girlfriends now, too.”
“How many?”
“Sixteen. Plus one temporary.”
“Okay. This you have to explain.”
“Our agreement states that none of us will engage in any direct skin-to-skin genital contact until we are at least sixteen years old and will refrain from any sexual penetration until we are at least seventeen. We’re all virgins. Well, most of us. Some had already gone that far before they signed the agreement but haven’t since.”
“Okay, so you are waiting till you are a junior. I guess that’s okay. I never expected you to stay a virgin till you married. That was my silly obsession. Now what’s the temporary one all about?”
“Doreen asked me if she could be my girlfriend this week, completely under the terms of the agreement. I can’t make her a part of the full agreement without a unanimous vote of all the other girlfriends and boyfriends.”
“Boyfriends?”
“Six guys, including me, signed the agreement. There’s a total of twenty-two of us. The agreement states that we can date outside the group as long our date agrees to abide by the rules. That includes getting explicit permission from your partner or partners for any activity that could be considered sexual, right down to kissing and holding hands. That’s protected some of the older members of our group like Renee and Candace.” I wasn’t sure if Betts knew Candace had changed her name.
“Wait! Renee Carver? The cheerleader? She was like one of the biggest sluts in school ever since I knew her.”
“Not this year. She dumped that asshole Chad the first week of school and joined our group. We only put the sixteen and seventeen-year-old stipulations on a week ago, so she had no skin-to-skin genital contact all year.”
“Is that possible? Good for her!” Betts sounded genuinely pleased.
“Not only that, but you remember your old friend Lamar?”
“God, yes. I liked him, but it just didn’t work out.”
“Well, he and Renee kind of got sweet on each other this spring after prom and even though they didn’t violate the agreement, they’ve both decided to go to IU this fall.”
“Wow! Okay. You got me distracted. Why does Doreen want to be your temporary girlfriend?”
“Because she’s more scared than you are. Allen’s best man seems to think the bridesmaids are private whores for the groomsmen. Doreen is my date for this entire week and if that asshole makes a move on her, Betts, I will find some way to totally destroy him. You know what I’m capable of. You’ve seen it. You need to get Allen to warn him off. I will not let him harm my girlfriend.”
“Oh, my God! Brian, it won’t come to that, will it? Please don’t ruin my wedding, Brian.”
“Betts! It won’t be me who ruins anything. You need to make sure Allen gets the message across to him. Better yet, let me get some time with Allen tonight. He’s a good guy. I’ll let him know what the situation is. He won’t let it get out of hand.”
“I’ll do it. I’d be sick if anything happened to Doreen. That’s what would ruin the wedding. What makes you tick, Brian? Why would you take on this responsibility? This is way beyond what you should have to do.” I put my hands on either side of Betts’ face and turned her to me. I looked her straight in the eye.
“Life Rule Number One, Betts. Do whatever is necessary to protect and defend the ones you love. Not just because Doreen is my girlfriend or the sister of one of my best friends. But because she is your best friend and you are my sister. You are family, Betts. My. Family.”
Betts shuddered in my grip and nodded to me.
“I’ll make sure Allen talks to you tonight. No. Listens to you.”
“By the way, Doreen is my date for dinner this evening.”
“Oh!”
“She’ll stay the night with you since the other three have gone off to service the groomsmen.”
“Dinner? What are we having for dinner? Are you cooking? Are we going out? I didn’t even think to ask.”
“None of your new in-laws are vegetarians, are they?” I asked.
“Oh, no! I hope not! What would I feed them?”
“Salad. Lots and lots of salad,” I laughed.
The truth, of course, was that Mom had talked a lot more to Allen’s parents than Betts had. She’d asked me in advance whether I could cook that night and took my shopping list to get all the ingredients. She didn’t skimp on anything.
Betts helped me by brushing Rika. As she brushed, she also calmed. I’ve found that to always be the way it works. Horses.
I heard the car crunching on the cinder drive and went out to meet Denise and her father. Betts followed me and I introduced her to them. For all that Betts was nineteen, about to get married, and thinking she was really worldly, she was still a little awed by the fact that I had black friends—even girlfriends. I told Mr. Raymond about Betts getting married this week and that I was going away on a summer internship in ten days. He said he’d be back about three and told us to have fun. Betts hung around with us for a while and helped saddle Rika in her trail saddle. Denise was wearing a brand new pair of riding boots, so we saddled both horses.
“You take really good care of Rika and Silk, Brian,” Betts said. “I think Rika’s happier with you as her rider than she ever was with me. Thank you for being such a great little brother.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and left me with Denise to have our date. I had a lunch packed for us with cold packs around our sandwiches. I put it in my saddlebags and we rode off down the road.
I didn’t head for the woods behind our house. Denise was calm on Silk and we rode alongside the tarmac on Mosquito Road for half a mile before we cut into Mr. Baron’s farm off on the right side of the road. Mr. Baron was a nice guy and his father had been farming here as long as Grandpa. Unlike my family, though, he still farmed his land and hadn’t divided it and sold it. He had a really nice apple orchard and we guided the horses through it. They were interested in the scent, of course, but it was too early for any fruit to actually be developed on the trees. In the fall it was almost impossible to ride through because the horses wanted to eat everything in the orchard. At the back of the orchard, there was a trail that led into the Baron woodlot, about the same as the woods behind our place. We watched for a good place and I dismounted and helped Denise down. I pulled the bits and tied the horses with halter ropes so they could graze on the lush spring grass. We spread out a blanket and I finally got a chance to just sit by Denise and talk a while.
“I don’t know. I wish Pops would move us out of that neighborhood. We could do it, I know. He is always worried about whether he could afford a house out in a suburb and if that would make him some kind of Oreo.”
“What’s that?”
“Somebody who’s black on the outside and white on the inside. Sort of the opposite of what this horse is.” I’d shown Denise the first time we rode that while Silk’s coat was white, or really light gray, her skin was black. It’s a characteristic of Arabians.
“It seems like if you’ve got the ability to improve your life, you should do it. You shouldn’t be locked into anything just because of the color of your skin.”
“It doesn’t bother you that when you look at my titties they aren’t snow white with a little sprinkling of freckles like Liz?” she asked.
“Hey. Where’d that come from? First of all, why would that bother me any more than that you’ve got nice round full titties and she’s got little tiny titties? And second, when have I ever seen your titties?”
“I thought you might get to today.” I choked on my sandwich and grabbed my water bottle.
“You should come with a warning label,” I laughed when I could breathe again. “Choking hazard. Do not eat while in the presence of this girl.” We laughed some more and she asked me more about what I was doing in my internship this summer.
“Pops is still worried that you are going to be flipping hamburgers at McDonalds instead of making big bucks designing new drugs.”
“I doubt it. But geez, you know the more I read about the pharmaceutical industry, the less likely I am to try to work there. If I designed a new drug that could really help people, I’d get pretty pissed if the company decided not to release it. And I’d feel terrible if I created something that they started pushing and then I found out five or ten years later that it causes cancer in infants or something. You really have to believe you are God to work like that. It’s worse than being a doctor.”
“Well, you’d know right away if somebody choked on your hamburger at least.” We packed up our lunch site. I folded the blanket and tied it onto her saddle. “Uh… Brian? I hate to ask this, but where’s the nearest toilet? I gotta whiz.”
“Oh.” I reached into my saddle bag and pulled out a small roll of toilet paper. “Just go off in the trees a little way. Bury the toilet paper by scuffing dirt over it when you’re done. And uh… don’t squat your pretty little butt too close to anything with three shiny leaves.”
“Really?”
“We could ride back home, but it’s at least twenty minutes back and then we’d be pretty much done with our ride.” She took the toilet paper and headed off into the woods. I left the horses tied and stepped a few feet the other direction to relieve myself. Guys really have it all over girls when it comes to peeing. I waited a few minutes and Denise came stumbling back. She handed me the rest of the toilet paper and I put it in the saddle bag.
“You really don’t have any secrets when you ride out into the country, do you?” she said. “I almost got it on my pants and had to figure out how to squat without a toilet bowl under me. And then had to change positions so it didn’t run downhill and get on my boots. I can’t believe I’m talking to you about how I peed in the woods.”
“I love it when you blush.” She laughed and then turned to hug me. Whoa! Something’s different here! I untied the horses and we walked hand-in-hand leading them for a while. I kept glancing down at Denise as we walked and there was a lot more movement under her shirt than I noticed before. I was pretty sure I knew why.
“Denise, may I have permission to kiss my girlfriend? I’ve been wanting to ever since you got here.”
“I thought you’d never ask.” I kissed her and Denise showed me that she was a pretty good kisser. Anything she lacked in experience she made up for in enthusiasm. And the feel of her soft squishy breasts pressed up against me got my attention real fast. I was sure now that she’d taken off her bra when she went to pee. “You want to just stop and make out for a while?” she asked when we came up for air.
“Yeah. I’d like that.”
“Can we get the blanket back down? If I peed in the woods, probably something else did, too, and I’d rather not sit in it.” In answer to that, Rika leaned forward and started a long stream. The timing was too good. I grabbed the blanket and we left the horses tied where they were so we could walk away from the fragrance of her urine. We settled down on the blanket and I laid back to give Denise the dominant position. I had a feeling she was driving and I was along for the ride. “Brian,” she said as she settled next to me, “I give you explicit permission to touch me anywhere above my waist, inside or outside my clothes. May I have the same permission?”
“Sweet girl, I thought you’d never ask,” I repeated to her. I don’t have that much experience. Well, I’ve gone a long way with a couple of girls and spent a lot of time going nowhere with a lot more. They were both fun. I have to say, though, that I love kissing. I love everything about kissing from the first light touches to deep tongue-in-the-throat passion. At any stage of that, if you add a girl who will let you touch her breasts, my temperature just skyrockets. But when a girl opens her shirt and presses her naked tits against my bare chest while I kiss her tenderly, just about every nerve in my body short-circuits.
We didn’t try to hump and grind, but we both really enjoyed just holding each other skin-to-skin and kissing. Eventually I glanced at my watch and realized that her dad would be by to pick her up in half an hour. We needed to get back. Denise pulled her shirt completely off and got her bra out of her back pocket. It was fascinating watching her strap herself back in. Almost as much fun as watching one taken off. I put the bridles back on the horses, gave her a boost onto Silk’s back, and we rode home.
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