What Were They Thinking?
42 Wounds and Healing
NUDISM WAS EASY FOR ME. I guess I was a bit of an exhibitionist and knew I had nothing to be ashamed of when compared to anyone else I knew in my generation. My vanity speaking. I desperately wanted to stay attractive for Hayden and Marilyn. Desperately.
I’d just turned forty years old.
“With all the changes happening in the Big House now that Brian is recovering, why don’t you move over with me?” Dinita asked. “I’ve got this lovely new home and plenty of room. I know that once Angela starts med school she’ll need a retreat where she can study and rest undisturbed but until then, I’m just rattling around in here alone.”
“I do feel like we’ve been inhibiting the casa a bit since we’ve been staying there. Especially with Hayden there. Now that he’s had to go back to work, I’ve been thinking we should move to a hotel or something,” Marilyn sighed. “I’d hate to become the same burden to you, Dinita. I just can’t go home until I know Brian is recovering.”
“I don’t think it will be a burden and the person who could inhibit me hasn’t been born yet,” she laughed. “As long as you understand that I run around naked in my home, you are welcome to stay.”
“Dinita, you’re a treasure. Thank you,” I said. “I tend to run around naked a lot as well and it embarrasses the kids.”
“They’re envious,” Marilyn laughed.
We moved. Dinita kept her house warm enough that by the second day both Marilyn and I had joined her in nudity. Of course, we all dressed when we were going out of the house. Marilyn and I were still rotating our presence in Brian’s room. Dinita worked in the emergency room at the hospital. But once we walked through her door, our clothes just fell off.
We didn’t consider how that would affect Hayden when he arrived Friday night.
“Just come in, Hayden,” Dinita said. “There’s no need to knock while you’re staying here. We have dinner just about ready. Or breakfast. I just got up and will be leaving for work in an hour or so.”
Hayden stumbled walking into the room. I was almost certain he’d seen Dinita nude before but apparently it was a little much to see his wives in the altogether as well. We gave him a hug and he gripped our asses firmly.
“This is going to be hard,” he said.
“Oh, I hope so,” I laughed as we kissed.
“Do we need to take you to the bedroom before dinner?” Marilyn teased.
“I… um… wasn’t really prepared for this. Do I need to… you know?”
“When in Rome, Hayden,” Marilyn replied. “Come to the bedroom and get undressed. We need to hurry so Dinita can get to work.”
It didn’t really take long to get Hayden settled down. The atmosphere at Dinita’s house had let us completely ignore the nudity. Hayden was a mature man, and after the initial shock and a few sidelong glances at Dinita, settled in comfortably.
Of course, after Dinita left for work, we ravished our man. By the time she returned the next day, we were all at the hospital to visit Brian.
The next few weeks were difficult at best. Brian blamed himself for Lexi’s death and the injuries to the others. That terrible article about him didn’t help. He refused to let any of his clan visit him and tried to limit our visits as well. Marilyn and I took turns spending a couple of days each week in Mishawaka with Hayden. The stress was making us all weary.
Through it all, even with her ridiculous work schedule, Dinita was a huge comfort and good friend. Even Hayden found that he could relax into her hugs without embarrassing himself. Though even with the occasional reaction, there was nothing to be ashamed of. We were in our forties and still sexually very active. I think sometimes Dinita craved the physical attention as well.
That became apparent the weekend Brian finally came home and Dani… We were certain she was pregnant, even though they refused to confirm it. Finding the two of them curled together in his chair, his hand lying on her stomach… even with her jaw still wired closed and bandages on her face, they were beautiful.
I don’t know if it was relief, joy, celebration, or just acknowledging that our son was alive and a new spirit was entering the world, but our weekend took an unexpected turn. The four of us sat with a glass of wine after dinner. Marilyn curled up on Hayden’s lap in a reflection of the way we’d seen Brian and Dani. I held out my arms and after hesitating a moment, Dinita curled up with me. We hadn’t really talked about what we were doing but it seemed so natural to all lean in together and share the warmth and intimacy of the moment. When Hayden and I kissed, Marilyn reached over and kissed Dinita. Her arm around my shoulders squeezed more tightly. She simply progressed from Marilyn to Hayden and then to me. The kiss was sweet and open. Her hand brushed my breast and Marilyn pushed it more firmly toward me. I opened to her lips and tongue more fully. My hand dropped between Marilyn and Hayden and I felt him harden. Marilyn caressed Dinita and claimed her lips from me.
We might have made love right there on the sofa but we are adults. We sought the comfort of a bed. Before the night was over we had tasted her nether lips as well and Hayden’s penis had been in her mouth. We didn’t progress straight to intercourse but by the end of the weekend we were all sated and relieved. And Sunday night we three returned to Mishawaka, promising Dinita that we would be back the next weekend and would love to stay with her.
I could give all kinds of explanations for why we let Dinita so casually into our relationship. It was obvious to all of us that she was not going to marry us but that we shared a certain bond that went deeper than just running around her house naked.
Perhaps it was the fact she’d been in the emergency room when Brian was brought in. That her hands had staunched the blood while doctors worked feverishly to save his life. That she believed he was as much her son as he was ours. That bond held us together and let us share the healing with each other. The celebration of life.
We tried to get down to the ranch once or twice a month, always staying with Dinita. And life was pleasant. We could do without the excitement of the past spring. I got a new job as secretary at the elementary school. Marilyn was finally made circulation manager when her friend Cary moved on to a big newspaper in Fort Wayne. Hayden was secure in his job but it seemed like it was becoming more stressful as much of the company’s production was moved overseas and the South Bend facility became strictly sales.
The trips south became more and more therapeutic and the birth of Brian and Dani’s daughter, Xan, on New Year’s morning did incredible things for all of us. She was the sweetest little girl I’d ever seen, even though she was a tiny baby and stayed small. Just holding that little girl gave a sense of blissful peace to any of us who had the privilege. Of course, by that time, Doreen was obviously pregnant and we began to wonder how many children would populate the earth fathered by Brian. It was a year and a half before Liz and Rhiannon both popped out babies at the same second. Celeste Rose Frost and James Kenneth Swift were inseparable. It was obvious to everyone that Doug’s family and Brian’s family were intertwined.
But that September of 1995 was also when trouble started back in Mishawaka. I was working as the principal’s secretary when a woman I didn’t know walked past my desk and muttered ‘Whore’ at me. It was too quiet for anyone else to hear but it shocked me so that I sat stunned to silence. I wondered who this young woman was and why she had cursed at me.
It didn’t take long for me to find out generally who she was. Miss Lancaster was a new second grade teacher. I shuddered to think of impressionable minds in her classroom. She was blonde and slightly overweight. Perhaps a couple of years older than Brian’s group.
There was no question, however, that she felt I was the scum of the earth. I had no idea why.
I just kept my head down and did my job.
Then the whispers started. I caught more than one curious glance my direction. The disdain on the blonde second grade teacher’s face when she looked at me could be felt across the playground.
Then a parent lodged a complaint. I didn’t know who it was. Principal Mackey called me into his office.
“Anna, have you been hanging around bus stops when school is out for the day?”
“Mr. Mackey! I don’t even leave here until four. By then the buses have all finished their rounds.” What the hell was going on? I had an instant flash of the blonde teacher calling me a slut after school the previous week.
“I’m going to get to the bottom of this,” he growled. “One of our second graders’ parents came to me with a complaint that you were a dangerous influence on our children and were just lying in wait until you could trap one.”
“That’s a lie! I scarcely have any contact with the children at all other than to comfort the few that get sent in here to meet with the scary principal.” At least he chuckled at that. “Mr. Mackey, I don’t know what is going on. All this school year I’ve had a feeling that people were whispering about me. Calling me names. I don’t understand.”
“Why did you not report this to me when it first happened?” he demanded.
“Report what? That I heard someone call me a bad name? That I thought people were looking at me? What could you do about a complaint like that?”
“Nothing,” he sighed. “Anna, this is a quiet country school. We have the occasional problem with a child bullying another but we try to take care of it right away and in an appropriate manner for the problem. I haven’t had to deal with an employee problem since the school board of ’88 was voted out of office. And that issue scarcely touched the elementary schools. An accusation like this is something I have to take seriously. I’m going to continue to investigate the allegations and find out what is going on but you should be aware that we are watching you as well.”
“That is unfair. I want the accusers brought in to face me. Someone is spreading lies and I want to know who!”
“It might come to that. But I can’t ignore it. I’d be crucified if I ignored an accusation of child stalking and it proved to be true. I’m sorry, Anna. I’m placing you on probation.”
I was so furious I was ill.
The people who had become our closest friends over the years had moved to Bloomington already. Sly and Lily. John and Bea. Dinita was in Bloomington. Even Doris Hamm had moved there as soon as Leonard graduated from high school. Rex and Maria had their own problems to deal with when their eldest ran away from her abusive husband and brought her baby home to live with them.
And how could I say anything about this to Hayden? He would charge into the principal’s office and demand a reckoning. Marilyn’s reaction would be even scarier. I wanted my lovers to hold me. I wanted to hold our children and grandchildren. By the time of the holiday break, I was a wreck. We ran off to Bloomington for a full two week vacation and Dinita welcomed us into her home, even though Angela was living there almost full-time. We were circumspect and tried to make sure we didn’t disturb her. I had no idea how stressful medical school was. She was doing clinical rotations and working in Ob/Gyn over the holiday. At least, so far as I knew, no one on the ranch was expecting a baby over this holiday.
I rose early on Saturday morning and slipped out of bed, leaving three sleeping lovers beneath the warmth of the blankets. I dressed—something we rarely do when staying with Dinita—and left the house, to wander around the village. I dreamed of the day when Hayden, Marilyn, and I would have our little retirement home next to our friends and our family. We were too young to actually retire, but Hayden had been in touch with a company in Bloomington about a job and I was sure I could find something. Doreen had already told Marilyn that she was sure she could come to work at the newspaper there.
I wandered down to the town square and then over to the Heartthrob Café. The girls had done such a good job with this little enterprise and farmers routinely came in from all over the area after morning chores were done. I sat at one of the little tables and stared out the window.
There was a little tug at my leg and I looked down to see Xan holding out her arms to me. Sometime while I was lost in my reverie a latte with chocolate sprinkles had appeared on my table. I picked up our granddaughter. She would be two years old in a week and we all knew she was incredibly smart, even though she never spoke. She signed ‘grandma’ to me. That was the thing. She made no distinctions among the older generation. We were all grandma or grandpa. I picked her up and she cuddled against me, holding me as tightly as her little arms could manage.
“Oh, Xan, my treasure. What am I going to do? Why do they hate me? I’m not an evil woman. I would never harm a child. They are all precious. Like you. You are my precious granddaughter.” I held her, petting her silky hair until I felt the pain drain from me and a feeling of peace creep over me. Such was the gift of our little girl. I reached for my cup of coffee and little Xan looked me in the eye.
“I take care of grandma,” she signed. Then she hugged me again before scampering off to greet the farmers who were filtering in for morning coffee.
“Okay, spill it,” Marilyn demanded. She had rather unceremoniously shoved Hayden into Dinita’s room and dragged me to the guest room. She sat me down on the bed and stood, staring at me. “Something has been bothering you for two months now. You’ve been shutting us out. Anna! I love you! Don’t close me out, dear.”
I burst out crying.
“They… He… I…” I didn’t even know where to start as I sobbed and my dear sweet Marilyn wrapped me in her arms. “I’m on probation,” I cried.
“What? At school? Who would do such a stupid thing?”
“P-Principal Mackey. He said a parent accused me of stalking children getting off the bus. I didn’t! I would never! And that awful teacher keeps whispering that I’m a slut and a whore. Marilyn, why are they doing this to me?”
“I thought that school district had already done all the boneheaded things they could do,” she shouted. “How could he ever believe such a thing?”
“I’ve been over and over it in my head. I don’t know. The only time I’ve even left school in time to see a school bus was when we were rushing on Friday a week ago to get down here and I got stuck behind one. I don’t usually even leave the office before all the children are home. It’s the schedule they asked for. I don’t know.”
Marilyn rushed me and held me. She petted my hair as I sobbed against her shoulder.
“How long has this been going on?”
“That… That new teacher in second grade. She started whispering that I was a slut and a whore back in September, just after our little Celeste was born. All of a sudden people started avoiding me. I see them staring and then this… parent… accused me of stalking children. They won’t even tell me who!”
“Someone has poisoned the well,” Marilyn fumed. “We’ll get to the bottom of this. Beloved, don’t ever keep things like this from us. We love you. You are ours and, as Brian has said so often, we will do whatever is necessary to protect and defend you. We’ll find out. We’ll find out, love.”
We did. Eventually. It was the first of February when I was called into Mr. Mackey’s office again.
“Anna, I’m sorry but we’re going to have to let you go.”
“Why? I haven’t done anything wrong!”
“I can’t put up with the parents any longer. For your sake, you need to leave and never come near the school grounds again. There are some who want you registered as a sex offender,” he said.
“On what grounds? I’ve raised a daughter as a single mother and been nanny to another. I have never done anything in the slightest that would classify me like that!”
“Do you deny that you are a nudist and have an unlawful carnal relationship with both a man and a woman of this community?” he demanded.
“I do not deny or admit to anything!” I shouted. “What business is my personal relationship of yours or anyone else’s?”
“Anna, I honestly don’t care. School policy is that no person employed by the school district will have a sexual relationship with a person they are not wedded to. We don’t even allow a teacher to live with a boyfriend or girlfriend if they are not married. We can do this politely or I can call the sheriff to have you escorted off school grounds.”
“Politely?”
“We’ll give you a favorable reference as a good worker and not mention any of this if you just go quietly. I don’t want the school dragged into some moral controversy that we have no control over. Take the good reference and leave.”
“No! I want it entered in my letter of reference that you dismissed me because someone that you refuse to name accused me of impropriety. I want the real reason for my dismissal entered into my record or you better believe that I will drag the school into court to defend its position. This isn’t the 1800s. I won’t be blackballed.”
“The result is going to be the same, Anna. You are employed at will. We don’t need any excuse to dismiss you. I’ll list it as a reduction in workforce. Now get off the school grounds before I call the sheriff.”
Comments
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