Double Tears
Chapter 143
“Shadows and light deceived us, but sounds we followed true.”
—David Bowles, The Deepest Green
WITHIN AN HOUR of all of us arriving at Donna’s farmhouse, there wasn’t much clothing to be seen. Who needed to see what people were wearing anyway? Well, I did notice that Cindy had a matching lavender bra and panty set on. I looked at her little butt cheeks that weren’t really covered by the panties and wondered if her mother even knew she owned that set.
I didn’t dwell on it unless she happened to cross my line of vision during the afternoon and evening. Mostly, we all cuddled and petted. Yes, I slipped off for a while with the unusual combination of Rachel and Beca. I love every one of my pod mates and would make love to each of them whenever I can, but there is something special about Rachel and Beca. It’s like they know me inside and out. When we’d made love, we took a shower and joined the others for dinner. We watched a movie with all the lights turned down and I held Donna in my lap. The feel of her skin rubbing against mine was intense but instead of her bed, I found myself making love to Sophie and Brittany before falling into deeply relaxed sleep.
Sunday morning, I was up for a long run with Livy and Nanette. We ran about six miles on the roads and then another mile through the woods. And while we were in the woods, we found a way for all three of us to make love before we walked back to the house without bothering to put our clothes back on. I was greeted at the door by Desi who took me back to a shower and had her way with me. I guess it was my way, too.
“You know I don’t have much time left before I start rehearsals. Auditions were this week and I’m cast as Toffee. Rehearsals start this week and we’re supposed to be off book by the end of spring break,” Desi said.
“Is Toffee the lead? She sounds like a piece of candy.” I said.
“Sweet. The ingenue. She breaks up with Jonny because her parents say he’s bad. He commits suicide by jumping in a bin of nuclear waste. She mourns her lost love, declaring she will always love him.
“Whoa! That sounds a bit heavy.”
“Yeah, but then he calls to her from her locker and she opens the door to find he’s returned as a zombie because he heard her declaration. The principal is the heavy and enforces the ‘no zombies in school’ rule. Toffee breaks up with him again. There’s a huge student protest and Jonny is interviewed on television, stating his undying love for Toffee because she called him back to life. A guy shows up to try to convince the principal Jonny should be allowed back in school. He sings a duet with the principal and reveals they were high school lovers. Toffee finally agrees to take Jonny back just before the prom. There’s a big blow-up at the prom because a zombie is there and the principal cancels it. In waltzes her high school lover and reveals Jonny is really their love child. Everyone dances at the prom happily ever after.”
“What’s this called?”
“Zombie Prom”
“Wow!”
It was only a four-day school week and we were all ready for it to be over before it started. We continued to rehearse the sextet and I had a lesson every day on the viol. By the end of the week, I was really starting to enjoy the interesting fingering and bow work I had to do. In fact, I was regretting not being able to practice with it during spring break. Ah, well.
The important thing was that Friday afternoon, Pey and I picked Em up at the airport and went out for a super sundae at King Arthur’s Ice Cream Camelot. Pey was as excited to see Em as I was and even though I wanted to rush her home to bed, we both wanted to spend time with our little sister.
“I miss you so much!” Pey said as she hung on Em’s arm.
“What? Too quiet in your room? I’ll have to come and snore in it so you can get some rest.”
“Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and think, ‘It’s quiet. Too quiet.’ Then I remember you’re in Kansas. If I join the service now can I come and work with you?” Pey asked.
“You want to drive my truck?” Em asked our bouncy little sister.
“Yeah. That would be cool.”
“Hmm. I was thinking of something. You know I only have fifteen weeks left! How about if you and J drive out on the Fourth of July. You can help me pack and I’ll let you ride with me on all my routes that week. Then I’ll get released from the corps and we can make J drive back alone while you and I drive back together singing all those Disney songs you love at the top of our lungs,” Em said.
“Yeah!” Pey joined in. “But it’s not fair to make J drive back alone. Maybe he should bring Sister B and they can ride back together.”
“Makes sense to me. Is Beca being a good big sister?”
“Yeah. Did you know her sister is in the army?”
“No, I didn’t know that,” Em said. “How long?”
“Six years, I think,” I said. It was the first thing I’d been able to say in a long time. “She’s a Lieutenant now but I don’t know what one.”
“If she’s been in six years and did the service thing as her entry, she’s probably at least a first lieutenant or maybe a captain. Good for her. Personally, I’m glad to be out in two,” Em said.
“Are we having a cookout tonight?” Pey asked.
“Yeah. We invited all the families out to the farm like we did for Thanksgiving. Joan will be back, too.”
“It will be so nice to have all the pod together and our families, too,” Em sighed. “I miss everyone so much!”
“I’m so glad we get a second chance at Thanksgiving!” Joan shouted as she rushed to greet Em. Parents, pod mates, siblings, all shouted agreement. We had a real celebration Friday night.
“We’re celebrating the first day of your vacations this time,” Dad said. “Never put off being together. Never delay loving. Never stop being present.” That was a lot for Dad to say and I had a feeling he’d practiced it for a toast. This was close enough.
“All I can say is that by starting June first, my service is now ten months complete. Emily has fifteen weeks, I have fourteen months,” Joan said.
“And we have a year yet to get ready,” Desi said.
“Ha!” Livy scoffed. “They’ve already told me that if I want in the athletic program, I need to start service by June 14. Eleven weeks from now.”
“Is that what you’ll do?” Ray asked. It was nice that he and Debbie had come down for the family celebration. They seemed to be getting along fine with Sharon and the young guy she’d hooked up with last winter. That was definitely lasting longer than anyone expected.
“Yes. After all the coaching we did and the sample tests, it came out the way I wanted it to. There’s no sense turning my back on what I worked hard to accomplish. It sucks that the emphasis will be on winter games for the 2022 Olympics, but there are a lot of international summer competitions. It remains to be seen whether I strictly run or if they see something in my basketball skills.”
“You won’t stay in extra to participate in the Summer Olympics, will you?”
“National Service isn’t the only path into international competition,” Livy said. “If I’m doing well by the end of my service, I’ll get picked up by one of the training orgs.”
“What about you, Rachel? Planning to go in at the same time?” Randall asked. Livy’s father was so used to seeing the two girls doing everything together that he assumed they’d go in together.
“Well, they seem to have no interest in keeping people together who go in together,” Rachel said. “So, I’m targeting July 19 as my start date. That will let me be home to celebrate Em finishing her service and our youngest pod mate turning sixteen.”
We had a lot more discussion around service and plans and eventually the after dinner conversations turned to what experiences Joan and Em had that would help Livy and Rachel.
“Just shut up and do what you’re told,” Joan said. “I think the number one thing they drilled into us in basic was nothing was open for discussion. You know like public service is mandatory for traffic violations? If you have violations of certain rules in basic, they add a day to your service. One guy in my basic was such a smart ass that he ended up with a month extension to his service before he finally wised up and shut up.”
“Harsh,” Beca said. “I’m not looking forward to it. My sister Brenda said the military was worse. Orders are inviolable. She loves it and is planning on a full career.”
“What’s the toughest thing you’ve had to deal with in service, Emily?” Betty asked. She’d been intrigued by the fact that for a small woman, Emily had taken on a big physical job as a truck driver.
“Well, a few months ago, after I moved to Kansas, I had a load of corn to deliver to a feedlot in Oklahoma. The interstates have been all resurfaced and speed limits are higher than they used to be, but truck traffic is still regulated the same as it’s been for years. Even National Service trucks have to stop at weigh stations and we have to have our log books checked. Well, I pulled into a station like usual and the guys were real hard asses. They said my front axles weighed too heavy and my load needed to be redistributed. I was told to pull over and shift corn from the front of the trailer to the back. I could either wait for a service truck to get there with a backhoe to move the grain or I could use a scoop shovel.”
“Gosh! How much did you have to shovel?” I asked.
“One and a half tons. And get this, my violation was worth a day of community service, too. It took me six hours to redistribute my load. But the guys at the station were impressed, I guess. They were reading the riot act to another trucker who had a violation and pointed at me. ‘That little girl shoveled 3,000 pounds of corn to make her load right. Don’t tell us you can’t do anything about yours.’ We reweighed my truck to confirm the balance and they wrote a paid ticket on my community service. Apparently, doing the work of shoveling instead of waiting for help counted as my one day fine.”
“On the other hand, the field workers out in California essentially went on strike,” I said. I told about how Leslie and her crew had left the fields after eight hours when they were being pushed to put in ten or more.
“I’m glad they did it,” Em said. “But it’s a dangerous thing. There are lawyers hanging around out there who have practically memorized the rules and regs. If it wasn’t clearly stated that no one would be required to put in more than 40 hours a week, they’d have had the time added to their service.”
“During the emergency, we were specifically told the extra time we put in would be paid in time off,” Joan said. “That’s why I’ve got this extra week off. We worked almost around the clock for the first two weeks.”
“Well, time is the only thing we all have the same amount of,” Mark said. “It makes everyone equal.”
I wandered around the house, making sure people had drinks or dessert. I played a game of foosball with the kids and got to laughing about how the girls seemed to be kicking the boys’ butts on a regular basis. When I passed a girlfriend as we played hosts to our families, we’d have a little kiss or hug. We never got too demonstrative, but anyone could see that we all had a loving relationship. The girls did the same as they passed each other or helped with various tasks.
As people wandered around, I realized Donna’s house in the country had become our de facto home as a pod. Not that we didn’t still go to Nanette’s in various combinations, or that we weren’t welcome in our parents’ homes, even if sleeping and making love to one of our mates. Even the Adamses had resigned themselves to Sophie and Brittany entertaining me or our girlfriends. But when the whole pod gathered—there were twelve of us now—it was at Donna’s house. It must have seemed a little strange to the families to have twelve people sharing four bedrooms! There was a futon in the game room over the garage and the basement was only partially finished. We could expand sleeping spaces if we needed to.
“Where do you sleep when you stay over?” Betty asked Cindy as they toured the house together.
“It depends,” Cindy casually remarked. “Usually I sleep in Donna’s big bed with her and sometimes Beca or one of the others.” She didn’t mention that I might be one of the others. “Sometimes, though, they want to be… um… amorous and I go to one of the other rooms or sleep on the sofa in the sunroom. That’s one of my favorite places to wake up.”
“You sleep with… all your pod mates?” Betty asked. “Cynthia…”
“I can sleep with any of my pod mates, Mother. And I’m perfectly safe with them. Even with Jacob. He would never try to convince me to do more than I want. But, Mommy, do you know how wonderful it is to feel the warmth of your best friends next to you in bed when you wake up in the morning and feel their love for you? I’m not ready to have sex with any of them, but to be held and cuddled and protected? I wouldn’t change my life for anyone’s!” Cindy squeezed her mother in an embrace so tight it forced the air out of Betty’s lungs.
“Yes, baby, I know that feeling. I’ve just tried to protect you from making the kind of mistakes I made when I was your age. Getting pregnant in high school was a shameful experience, especially when the father wanted nothing more to do with me. But then I met your father. Do you know he has never once asked who Keith’s real father was? I remember him holding me in his arms and saying, ‘He’s ours. Our son. And you will be my wife.’ I still know that feeling of absolute security when he holds and cuddles and protects me. That, precious daughter, is all I hope for you.”
I’d stood at the bedroom door for far too long, listening to a conversation that didn’t really concern me. I fought off the impulse to enter the room and hug both women, and instead backed down the hall.
Spring break in V1’s experience was never quite what the movies portrayed. And by the movies, I meant Where the Boys Are, which I’d seen at a drive-in in 1961 with Rebecca and our infant son. It was playing in a double feature with College Confidential and we were pleased that we were among the intellectual elite who could understand both movies. But spring break when I was in college was nothing more than time to work extra hours at a part time job to earn the money for the next term. I wondered whether the liberalism depicted in the movies even existed in real life.
Nonetheless, spring break with my pod was heaven. Of course, we all spent time at home with our families. Emily and I especially tried to spend time with Peyton, even though our little sister had plans of her own with her junior pod. We made it a siblings day one day and took Brittany with Lisa and Joyce, Livy with Donnie and Barb, Rachel with Richard, Cindy with Luke, and Em and me with Pey to the amusement park in the mall downtown. And we all had a blast.
But when we slipped out to Donna’s to spend the night, it was to a loving relaxed home where we played games, helped with the housework, talked about the big issues of life, and made love. We didn’t need the drunken orgies portrayed in the movies to have fun.
Cindy and I had to practice and rehearse. Our Thursday evening rehearsal was with the entire church choir and the organist. We went over all the music for the service Sunday and our video team got their camera angles lined up so they didn’t obstruct the sightlines of any of the congregation. Rev. Albrecht, the Minister of Music, was pleased with all the elements.
And that night was one of those nights where I slept on the sofa with Cindy lying mostly on top of me and I didn’t have too many impure thoughts.
Em and I spent Saturday night at home with the family. She was staying through the service in the morning and then had to head straight to the airport to go back to Kansas. We played games after dinner and generally had a good family evening. V1 couldn’t remember playing family games. I didn’t know if the family never did anything like that together or if I’d just been too self-absorbed to notice.
Em and I went to bed and made love again, whispering about our plans and how soon we’d be together. With uncanny accuracy, just when we were settling from our loving, Pey came into the room and slipped into bed with us. We all fell asleep cuddled in that oversize twin bed.
The church was dark. People shuffled into the sanctuary and found seats, maintaining the vow of silence given at the door. The six of us sat in the center of the chancel waiting with our instruments. Cindy sat with her shakuhachi, poised and waiting for the nod from Rev. Albrecht at the organ. At last it came and the first pure notes came from her instrument. The tones were slow and meditative and as she played, the sun touched the stained glass above us and the sanctuary was filled with light.
Rev. Albrecht was not a traditionalist and had chosen music from a variety of sources, including our sextet. As Cindy’s four minutes of music during sunrise faded, the bell choir took up a chiming melody and the choir began singing ‘Morning has broken’ as they marched in to take their places. The congregation stood and broke their silence, joining in the song.
Sunrise service is a little shorter than a full worship service, focused on meditation, so it was only about ten minutes later that we were called upon to play our ten-minute movement from Mozart. Cindy and I could see our connection as we played, but it was cool to feel that connection extend to the string quartet and I wondered if we could do other pieces with them before we scattered to the four winds for the summer. Maybe we could record the whole half-hour concerto. We’d done the first movement with the full orchestra in the winter.
A few minutes later, the congregation stood to sing ‘Christ the Lord Is Risen Today.’ It was a great way to end the service and people left the sanctuary in a joyous mood.
Em ran to me as I was putting away my guitar and kissed me firmly.
“Dad’s taking me to the airport now. I don’t expect there will be that many people flying on Easter morning, but who knows. They still say to be there two hours early. Like someone is going to hijack a plane from Fort Wayne to Kansas City. I love you. It’s only fourteen weeks now. We can make this.”
“I love you, Em. Call when you get in tonight, okay?”
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