Double Tears
Chapter 142
“Loneliness becomes an acid that eats away at you.”
—Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
“UM… RACHEL?” I turned to see my girlfriend stepping away.
“See you later, baby. Liv and I have a huge biz management project due this week. I’m off to work with her.” She was gone that quick and I was left facing Celia.
“Wow! Hi, Celia. Um… Give me a minute to get over the shock so I can greet you properly?”
“Sure. I didn’t mean to blindside you. I talked to Rachel and she said she’d prep you but I guess we have different ideas of what that means.” Celia looked so tiny huddled against the door of my truck. I stepped back a step just in case she felt crowded. “I mean, I really need a guy and you said you’d help us until we left for service and… and Bernie hooked up with someone up in Alaska and I’m lonely and afraid.” That did it. I opened my arms and she collapsed in them, sobbing.
“You want to get back at him?” I asked. Having her brother/lover hook up with someone else must have been devastating.
“No. I’m not like that. I’m happy he found some comfort. We were all afraid he was going to have celibacy enforced on him when he was sent to the forestry service in Alaska. There are only ten or twelve of them on station and it’s still frozen up there. But I miss him and I’m afraid he won’t come back to us, even though he says that’s guaranteed and maybe he’ll bring Heather back with him because we’ll all like her.” I opened the door and Celia crawled in from my side of the truck and stopped in the middle.
“How’s the rest of your pod taking it?” I asked. “I see Adrienne isn’t with you for this.”
“No. Adrienne is fine. She had a good time with us at Christmas but she’s really mostly into girls. She’s about licked a blister on my clit,” Celia giggled. “And I’ve even gotten some help for her sometimes, so she doesn’t mind if I need a dick.”
“And the other two?”
“Rosie is trying on every man in service. She said the National Service had made it possible for her to try one of everything—race, color, religion, size, condition. Only I think she’s about five times through her list by now. She added hair color and eye color, tall and short, skinny and fat. It will take her a while. And she’s got a good crew to select from. They’re finally cleaning up the water in Flint, Michigan. You’d think that would have been one of the first things the service tackled, but I guess interstate highways was a higher priority.”
“And Leslie?”
“She’s depressed. She did her NSO training in California and when the emergency was declared, she was sent straight to the fields. They finally held a protest a month ago.”
“Good. They’re out of the fields?”
“No. They just all quit working at the end of an eight-hour day. They’d been kept in the fields from sunrise to sunset as if they were Mexican laborers. They finally all just walked out of the field after eight hours and refused to go back until the next morning. It was a mess for a while but the service finally had to cave in because that’s what they’d promised. Now they go to the field, work eight hours, return to the dorms, get high, and go to sleep. She says everyone is too tired for sex at the end of the day and wonders how Mexicans reproduce so much. She also says she’s likely to be a doddering idiot when she returns from service and we’ll have to change her diapers for her.”
“God! That’s awful.”
“So that leaves me… sad, lonely, and craving a dick. Please?”
“Of course, Celia. I’m just trying to think where.”
“If you know someplace where we can park, I put sheets on the bed in the back of your pickup,” she said impishly. I laughed.
“You came prepared. I know a place behind a certain cemetery that might be available.” Livy had shown me the drive behind the hill of a little family cemetery west of town. Before we knew we could just take each other home and screw in our beds, I’d used the location with Rachel, Livy, and Brittany on occasion.
“Do you mind if… um… would it make a difference if I was pretending you were Bernie?” she asked as we slipped beneath the sheets. She had a T-shirt on and I had my boxers on. We knew what we were there for.
“No, I don’t mind. Do you mind if I pretend you’re my sister?”
“That would be perfect, Bernie. Just call me Sissy. I always call Bernie Bru-bru.”
“Okay, Sissy. Now let me kiss you.” She closed her eyes and turned her head to me. Our lips meshed together and even though it took a little to get started, we finally relaxed and got into it a little. Still, I didn’t think this was going to get either of us turned on enough get to making love. I didn’t have lube in the back of the truck and I wasn’t going to fuck her raw. I needed to come up with something.
“Do you remember the first time we got together?” I asked. I’d been thinking of Beca getting her engine running in the hotel and then Adrienne jumping on board. The way she answered, though, put us on a very different track.
“How could I forget. It was late at night and I had premenstrual cramps. They were always terrible before we got the implants. I know I had tears in my eyes and you asked what was wrong. I said my tummy hurt and I wanted you to rub it. It was true. It did hurt. I did want you to rub it. But I also knew you slept naked and all I had on was a T-shirt. I knew what I really wanted.”
“You were a vixen,” I said. “Coming into my room and seducing me.” She rolled away from me and I spooned behind her.
“I pulled my shirt up almost to my breasts to make sure there was nothing between your hand and my tummy,” Celia continued, lost in the fantasy. I put my arm around her and placed my hand on her bare tummy. “I held your hand and rubbed it around. I know you felt my pubic hair when I pushed your hand down low. I could feel your breath catch. I said, ‘My breasts always get so sore when I’m near my period. Rub them, too.’ I got your other hand into the action by pulling it over my shoulder and down to my boob. And I paused the action just long enough to strip off the pesky shirt so we were both lying there naked and you palmed my breast. I taught you all about how I wanted to be touched there.”
“And all the time, I never said a word,” I whispered.
“You just did what I told you to. But you couldn’t hide your reaction. I could feel every catch in your breathing and your hard length cradled between my butt cheeks. I said, ‘Sometimes when it’s really bad like this, I masturbate and a come helps the cramps.’ I pushed the hand on my tummy down until I knew you could feel my short hairs. Once you got that far, it seems you were able to figure out what to do next, especially when I raised my leg a little to make sure your fingers could get between them.”
All this time, she was directing my hands to replicate the actions in her story. When I finally got a finger near her opening, I could feel it getting moist but not near ready for an intrusion. Still, my cock caught between her cheeks and my shuddering breath must have been a lot like what Bernie experienced. I thought about the sweet young girl cuddled in front of me. She came to me for comfort, presumably so innocent, but guided my hands and my body in exactly the way she wanted to proceed.
“I’d never felt anything quite like this,” I whispered. “I was overwhelmed and intoxicated by your boldness. I couldn’t believe you wanted what it felt like you wanted. Least of all from me. I just wanted to be anything you needed me to be.”
“Yes. I could feel your love, not just your penis near my sacred place. I turned my head so I could kiss you. I didn’t want my first time making love to just be a piston and cylinder. I wanted your lips. I wanted your hands. I wanted your love.” She turned her head toward me and this time the kiss felt strong and natural. As we kissed, I felt more lubrication gather and swept my finger through it so I could rub her clit. She moaned into my mouth.
“I’d never tasted love before,” I said. “I’d never known what it was like to have the most precious being in my life offer me her love.”
“I think it would really help relieve my cramps if you pushed into me,” she gasped. I pushed my finger into her depths and swirled it around, retracting it and rubbing her clit again. Then I pressed in again and felt her vagina walls fluttering against my finger in a small orgasm. “Almost,” she whispered. “That almost cured them. Maybe they would go all the way away if we went all the way.” She pulled at me by the cock and as I moved over her, she rolled to her back and spread her legs.
“You have me, Sissy. You have all of me—my body, mind, spirit. You have all my love forever.”
“Push into me, Bru-bru. Make me all yours. I love you.” We coupled and in the midst of our kissing as I slid into her, whatever dialog might have ensued was lost. I was her first and she was giving herself to the only man she trusted with her love. We slid together and apart, knowing that our impending climax would mark the first of many we would enjoy together.
When the moment arrived, I placed my lips beside her ear and whispered, “I love you, Sissy. Now and forever. I love you.”
She screeched out her orgasm as I emptied myself into her willing womanhood. And before we had completely come down, she thrust against me and cried, “Again. Make love to me again!” This time we pounded against each other with more vigor and if our climaxes weren’t as powerful, they were even more draining. I held the perfect girl in my arms, forgetting for a moment that this wasn’t who I imagined nor was I the lover she wanted.
“I promise not to make a nuisance of myself, but that was really wonderful. Thank you for being such a kind and imaginative lover,” Celia said as I pulled up in front of her house. “It was just what I needed. Thank you so much!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been thanked by someone for having sex with her, but thank you, too, Celia. Your fantasy helped me relieve some of my own. You are very special to me and if you need to call me again, I’ll be here.”
“We’re only sticking around until graduation,” she said. “Then we’re entering service right away. Like Joan did. At least that way there will only be nine months difference in our end dates. It just seems like forever, you know?”
“I know. Fortunately, Em is coming home for spring break. Her service doesn’t end until July. It will seem strange, though, to be with her for a year and then be gone myself. We’ll see it through. Somehow. I hope your pod makes it through, too. Lean on us if you need anything.”
“Thank you, Jacob. See you around school!” She hopped out of the truck and ran to her door. Before she got there, it was flung open and Adrienne ran down the steps to meet her. She waved before the two turned and went inside.
Tuesday at lunch, Beca pulled me aside and rubbed my arm and shoulder. I was a little tense from having made love to Celia the previous day. Of course, I blamed it on learning the new position to hold an instrument and sawing back and forth with a bow.
“It’s okay, you know,” Beca said as she pulled me down so my ear was near her mouth. “We all talked about it and agreed we’d probably do the same thing. Not randomly, probably, but if a friend was missing her lover in service, we’d do whatever we could to comfort her. We know that’s what you did. I’m glad you showed you could do that and still come back to us.”
“It still feels strange, Beca. My head agrees with you. My body certainly had no difficulty. My old man, though… This kind of relationship didn’t exist in my other world. It’s still hard to get my head around the idea that I wasn’t cheating on you, my girlfriends.”
“Well, the way things are shaping up for these last two weeks before spring break, any or all your girlfriends might be calling on you for similar help. In fact, I think we should have an orgy this weekend. We haven’t had one in a long time.”
“We have Cindy to consider.”
“Cindy has found ways to entertain herself until she’s ready for someone else to entertain her. And when she’s ready, you know who that someone else is going to be.” I groaned. Only yesterday afternoon, I’d fantasized about what that would be like.
“You know, we’ll have to repeat it again the following weekend when Em and Joan are home on vacation.”
“It will be a miracle if we don’t repeat it every day of spring break!”
I was committed to spending an hour after school practicing the viol but Tuesdays and Thursdays, I had double rehearsals. The sextet met those days. And LeBlanc had taken an interest this week in reviewing how we were progressing. We warmed up and then ran our piece straight through. He watched Carol get us tuned and bring us in to begin the piece. Then he led us through it again, shouting out instructions as we played—as if we couldn’t see him right in front of us, waving his baton.
It was hard work but we improved.
Thursday, he stuck around after our rehearsal and watched me practice the viol. And even though my playing was pretty rudimentary, he gave me some tips Herr Richter hadn’t covered.
Each night I rushed home and did chemistry or wrote another paper or practiced Latin. All those other classes didn’t stop just because I was spending all my time in the music room.
I’d get to sleep around eleven or midnight, usually after a call to Em. We’d reached a point where we talked almost every night these days. We talked about what I did with Celia and she was good with it. She said she was looking forward to being home for a week because she was incredibly horny and there was no one at the dorms she was interested in for even a little fun. Most had great plains and Texas attitudes, which focused more on getting drunk than getting laid. At least, getting laid by anything with less than four feet.
“I’ve seen a couple of pretty attractive dogs,” she joked. “They just want their bellies rubbed.”
“When you get home, you’ll find I want a belly rub, too. But I’m happy to rub back.”
“I love you, Jacob.”
Since we were all committed to pretty much blowing off our study session Saturday, none of us went out Friday night. I got caught up on my reading and writing and about ten-thirty, I pulled out my guitar and flopped down in my beanbag chair to just pluck and improvise.
I hadn’t been at it more than a couple of minutes when Pey padded into the room in her flannel nightgown and settled down beside me. She leaned against my arm, got herself comfortable, and went to sleep while I played. A little after eleven, I set the guitar aside and picked my baby sister up to carry her to bed. As I watched that precious angel sleep, I thanked whatever powers there were that I’d had a chance to correct my relationship with my sisters. They were precious beyond anything on earth to me.
I rehearsed with Cindy at her house Saturday morning and we decided on a new piece we could use for a patron performance. We’d about decided that we liked doing the live stream to our patrons and then releasing it on YouTube two weeks later. The key element was finding an interesting place to do the performance. We wanted to do more costumed productions like the Masque and GBU, but those were only going to come along every four months or so. Live streaming, though, like we did with the holiday concert and the intimate concert three weeks ago, got a huge response from our patrons. All we needed to do was get our production crew on board and they seemed more than willing to do any show we wanted for a hundred bucks apiece.
“I was thinking,” I said.
“That’s dangerous. Are you going to have us play in someplace like Mammoth Cave?” Cindy laughed as we got into the pickup to go to Donna’s.
“I hadn’t thought of that location. Good thinking. I’ll put it on the list.”
“I should keep my big mouth shut.”
“No, I was thinking about our sunrise service coming up. We have you down to play ‘Syrinx’ as the sun rises and the stained glass is lit, then let the choir take over. But for some reason, what you played on the Shakuhachi last week… I was going to say something sooner, but it’s just been on my mind a lot. How would you feel about playing that for Easter?”
“Oh. Um… You know, that wasn’t a piece of music. Things I play on the Shakuhachi are meant to just be personal meditations. I’ve never studied the instrument. I just heard it once and loved it. Mom and Dad have never hesitated to buy me any kind of flute. That’s why I carry around a bag full of them.”
“I think that’s what attracted me about it as well,” I said. “It was pure meditation. I wasn’t sitting back thinking, ‘Oh she’s playing Debussy or Mozart.’ I felt it from the heart. That’s why I think it would be good for sunrise.”
“I guess so. I’ve never thought of performing on it.”
“Don’t. Like you said, just meditate with it. We’re supposed to meet with Reverend Albrecht tomorrow afternoon to go over the program. Why don’t we float it by him?”
“Okay.” She was quiet as we got nearer to Donna’s. I really didn’t know how she was going to handle a bunch of us being naked and disappearing periodically to have sex. “Do you ever think about having sex with me?” she asked out of the blue. Shit! If she knew what I was fantasizing when I was with Celia this week. Damn!
“Um… I’m a guy, you know? Guys think of having sex with every woman they see.”
“Really?”
“Well, maybe some are above that. It always crosses my mind.”
“So, you do think about it?” She wasn’t going to drop the subject. But before I could answer, she continued. “I think about it. I think it will be really nice. Not that I’m ready for it right now, you know. I’ll probably be thirty before I’m ready for anything but my bullet. But that’s just to get me off so I can relax and stop stressing about everything. When I actually stop to think about having sex, you always seem to be in the picture. And that’s always really satisfying, you know? It’s better than just coming so I can finally get to sleep. There’s something more to it.”
“I… um… hope you find that’s true, whether it’s with me or someone else. Being with someone you really care about is much better than just getting off.”
“Oh, it will be with you. I’m pretty sure of that. Though Beca is a close second. I just know we have this connection that could take us much further. I feel it when we play some things. If our clothes could just fall off while we’re playing, we’d probably make love without our fingers ever leaving our instruments.”
“That’s pretty heavy, Cindy,” I said, shifting my legs as I made the turn into Donna’s driveway.
“I’m glad you get turned on when I talk like that. Yeah. I might show you my tiddies again this afternoon,” she giggled. “But no touching.”
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