Romancing the Clown
5
Jokers to the Right
WE HAD A SPLENDID MEAL and some spontaneous singing and dancing. Legs acquitted herself nicely and even her uncle was making catcalls at her. I used my canes to do a dance with her and the Duke’s senior officers and their women were, judging by their laughter, highly entertained. I noticed that although Legs sat at the Duke’s left during dinner, Guardian sat at his right. It seemed as though inviting his niece to visit was primarily a way of getting her guardian to attend.
I was curious about the appearance of royalty in the society. In general, there were Lords of Manors and both Sid and Malcolm had organized Kingdoms. There was the Rider Clan with its unique style of leadership, but there was very little hierarchy regarding titles. I suspected that the Duke had simply established dominance over an area and created a title for himself. His domain was still rather austere, though it undoubtedly did a great deal to add to the stability of the region.
After dinner, we put the children to bed and told them not to go wandering about. Then Lees and I returned to join Niccolò, Guardian, and Legs in his private chamber for a beer. I would have to be careful with this. Beer here tended to have a higher alcohol content than the Earth brew. Niccolò’s chamber was elegant with layered rugs to mitigate the cold of the stone floors. Tapestries hung from the walls and soft leather furniture surrounded the fireplace. When we had been served, the Duke dismissed his servant.
“Now,” he said, “tell me who you are seeking, Hero Lincoln. I will do my best to assist you.” I was stunned. I was aware, of course, that there were people on Chaos who knew of heroes and damsels, though I had never encountered one. Still, to have a native be so bold as to inquire who I was going to rescue was a little disconcerting.
“I will not try to hide my secret identity,” I said, “though I ask that you not let word of it spread.” I looked at Legs, whose eyes had gone wide. Guardian wore a smirk. “Before going into details of my quest, might I ask how you became aware of heroes?” The Duke chuckled.
“Fair is fair. I know I have taken you by surprise and have shocked my dear niece. She has known of heroes only as legends and had no idea she was dancing for one. You may wish to bar your door tonight if you do not wish to sleep with her.” Legs huffed, but also blushed and sank into her chair to nurse her beer. “My father. You see my sister Carlotta and I are the product of an unholy union of a hero and a Chaos native. They met, fell in love, and propagated. He would disappear for months as he returned to Earth, and then make every return to Chaos via my mother’s farm. When I was about the size of your young protégé, I started traveling on his adventures with him, filling my time between adventures with training. He identified an area between the south and central lands that leaked brigands like a sieve. A damsel that he was to rescue was taken into the south. That would eventually become an area that Danny Sun operated in until his untimely death in the Slaver War. But my father gained incredible wealth and quite an army on that mission. His damsel was also unique. She insisted that he stay after her rescue and fortify the crossings of the Risk River. It took two years to build this citadel and leave me in charge of it.”
“I thought heroes were not allowed to have relations with Chaosians,” I said. “That was certainly the impression I got.”
“It seems to be frowned upon. However, when a man is stuck in a war for years with no comforts of home, it is inevitable that he form certain liaisons that are more than temporary. And so it was with my parents. Though not common, offspring of heroes and Chaosians are not unheard of. There are enough, in fact, that my sister managed to find and marry one. Sadly, I have not been so fortunate, but I admit that I haven’t looked all that hard.” He put a protective arm around Guardian. “So, we watch and observe. Tell me who you are seeking and I’ll gather intelligence while you are performing here. However, we watch and observe only. We do not take an active part in rescuing a damsel.”
“Well, that being the best I can hope for, I am seeking a damsel called Cathy Temp. She has had a very uneven sojourn on Chaos for nearly three years. Most recently, our information was that she was in Mule Crossing. Her rescue was prompted by reports that she had been injured and needs to return to Crossroads or possibly die of her injuries,” I said.
“Hmm. Mule Crossing is a foul place. The most pleasant thing about it is its name. I hadn’t heard of a damsel in that part, but if she was in the hands of the manor lord or one of the merchants, I’m sure she was not having a good time of it. Mule Crossing is a day’s hard ride from here. I’ll send a scout in the morning and have him gather information as to her location and condition. You are sure she is still alive?”
“I would be recalled to Crossroads if she were not,” I said. “Then we will have information for you in three days. I hope you will be able to entertain all the troops in that time.” I left part of a glass of beer, as did Lees. Legs rose to leave with us and was obviously tipsy.
“Young lady,” Guardian snapped. “Minstrel Lincoln and Master Lees may escort you to your door, but they will not enter, nor will you progress farther. Do I need to accompany you?”
“No, ma’am,” Legs sighed. “It’s not fair. You get a lover. Why can’t I?”
“When you know what you are getting into and I have doubled my troops so my sister cannot attack me for your honor, I’m sure you will get your lover,” the Duke said. “For now, thank you for bringing my love to me.” He kissed Legs on both cheeks and showed us out. Legs gripped my arm in both her hands, partly to stabilize her walking and partly to press her breasts into my side. It was a pleasant feeling. I bent to kiss her on the cheek at her door and she latched onto my mouth with her own as if she would suck my brains out.
“Mmm. I will dance for you tomorrow,” she said suggestively. When her door closed, I sagged against Lees.
“Do you suppose we can find a separate room for the children?” I asked.
The three days passed quickly. We did three shows a day in the courtyard where soldiers, merchants, families, and children gathered to laugh at our antics and enjoy Legs’ dancing. And we proved once again that humor translates across amazing cultural barriers.
“Duke, I’m here to deliver your message to the field,” Saul piped up to me. We had silly costumes and pretended to be Duke Niccolò and his page.
“Fine. These are dispatches to the officers. Who’s the General.”
“That’s what I need to know.”
“So, deliver this dispatch to Who.”
“I don’t know.”
“He’s a Lieutenant. Who’s a General.”
“That’s what I want to know.”
“What’s a Captain.”
“An officer in charge of a company.”
“So, this dispatch goes to Who.”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s the Lieutenant.”
Saul demonstrated a real talent for comic timing. I’m not sure the Duke appreciated our humor.
“Minstrel Lincoln,” he said when I was called into his chamber. “My rider has returned from Mule Crossing and I have bad news.”
“She’s not dead.”
“No. She’s been traded south.”
“Traded? South?”
“It seems her master in Mule Crossing had no use for a crippled damsel, so he traded her to a circus for a donkey.”
“Niccolò, please tell me you are making a joke at my expense.”
“After your routine with the officers, I sincerely wish I was. Unfortunately, I am deadly serious. It seems that Cathy Temp was indentured to a local merchant and he sold her papers to a southern circus. This happened about three weeks ago.”
“Before we even got out of Rock Canyon City. Do we know where they were headed?”
“They headed back into the South. I don’t believe you should follow them. It’s not a safe place to travel.”
“I have to follow them. You know enough about heroes to know that I have to go rescue the damsel,” I complained.
“Wander around the North until she dies and then go back home,” Niccolò commanded. I looked at him in wonder. He sighed. “I didn’t think that would work. The problem is that I cannot support you once you cross the Risk River. My father invaded there once, and while he came back a rich man, we had to build this citadel in order to keep the retaliation under control. It is all I can do to maintain a large enough force that the horde doesn’t cross to this side of the river.”
“But they have entertainment. A circus, you say. We have circus acts,” I said.
“You’d better. They won’t understand your humor nor most of your songs. Their language is distorted,” he said.
“Great. What kind of circus acts do they have?”
“Lots of acrobatics. Some clowns. Mystics.”
“Where is the nearest crossing? We need to get started as soon as possible.”
“Mule Crossing will be the best. You can get your wagon across there. I’ll send one guard with you. I know your man Lees is as good as any I’ve trained, and I’ve heard about how the two of you defeated five men trained here.”
“Sorry about that,” I said.
“No loss,” Niccolò said. “They’d been dismissed from our training program. They were skilled enough, but were essentially thugs. You did everyone a service. But the guard that accompanied my niece wishes to attach himself to your service if you will have him. He has convinced me that Master Lees can teach him things that our soldiers should know.”
“So, we take your guardsman and train him so you can have better soldiers.”
“And you get the added protection on the road. It is the best I can offer.”
I thought about the offer and the situation. We could use the extra man if it came to a fight. I hoped it did not. I would have to retrain the kids and take the emphasis off our verbal humor. If the language created a problem, we would have to depend on the more physical types of humor. One thing was certain. We needed to leave in the morning. I nodded.
“We will continue his training and move as quickly as we can to intercept the circus. Tell me more about the people we are about to encounter and we will be gone in the morning.”
There were tearful goodbyes. Legs clung to me and then to the children. When we actually went with the Duke to load into the wagon, she ran off in tears. I finally had a name for Bodyguard. He entered our service as Thorin. He and Lees rode beside the wagon and we camped for the night long before we reached Mule Crossing. I had no desire to actually go into the town or to meet the merchant who sold Cathy’s indenture.
That, of course, was the moment of unveiling. When we opened the wagon, Legs stepped out. The twins were giggling.
“Oh, no,” I moaned.
“Minstrel Lincoln, I must protest,” Thorin stated. “I cannot be a party to the kidnapping of the Duke’s niece. I must take you into custody.”
“Please do,” I said. “Better yet, take her into custody and go back to High Castle.” Legs stomped her foot.
“That’s a poor welcome after all the work I went to in order to get here. Stand down, Thorin. I have not been kidnapped and I am not going back,” she declared.
“Nor were you invited to go with us,” I said.
“Yes, she was,” Melody and Harmony chimed in. “We like her.”
“Saul, were you a part of this, too?” I asked.
“No, sir! I knew nothing of my sisters’ treachery!”
“Way to throw ’em under the bus, kid,” I muttered. “Nonetheless, the Duke will be furious. I have no wish to be on his bad side.”
“Oh, rubbish!” Legs exclaimed. “Have we been overtaken by the Duke’s guards? Do you think we have traveled so swiftly that they couldn’t catch us after he read the letter I left him this morning? It’s a day trip to Mule Crossing and we are still five miles away.”
“You mean the Duke knows you ran away to join the circus?” I asked. “And he is okay with this?”
“He might not be okay with it, but he won’t interfere. Georgia, my guardian, won’t let him. I want to be here with you. I would make everyone miserable if I were not allowed,” Legs said smugly. Lees walked over, grabbed the young woman by the ear and dragged her off into the woods. Thorin moved to intercept them and found me blocking his way.
“Let them go,” I said firmly. “Lees will not rape her and if he paddles her ass it will simply mean I won’t have to.” Thorin glanced after them and then back to me. Slowly, a grin broke out on his face.
“I would pay a pinch to see that,” he laughed. “I think the journey might be different than what she expected.” We turned back to the wagon and horses. The children had already moved to make the camp, including getting a fire started and unpacking the tents. They were studiously engaged in their tasks and no doubt contemplating their own punishment for deceiving me. I’d let them stew on that for a while.
It was nearly an hour before Lees and Legs returned to camp. Legs’ eyes were puffy and it was obvious she had been crying. Lees gave her a rough shove in my direction and she fell on her knees before me.
“Master Lincoln, minstrel and hero,” she began. “I apologize for my deception and for putting you in a position that you did not wish to be in. I acknowledge that I am a willful child in your eyes and I willingly offer you my service. I pledge to do all in my power to assist you in your mission. I willingly submit myself to your rule and will bow to whatever you command me to do.” She looked up at me through her heavy eyes. “Anything you desire is yours,” she whispered. Oh, Lees. What have you done?
“And if I desire that you return to High Castle?” I asked. She stifled a sob, her lips quivering as she nodded.
“I… will go,” she squeaked. “Please do not send me away, Master Lincoln.”
I sighed.
“Let’s eat,” I said. Lees winked at me.
“We had words,” Lisa whispered to me late at night. Legs and the girls slept in the wagon. Saul was receiving instruction from Thorin on standing watch. Lisa was taking the opportunity to satisfy our needs in the tent we erected. I was so close. She rubbed her wet pussy up and down my shaft, never letting me penetrate. The stimulation on my cock and her clit was intense.
“You exposed yourself to her?” I asked. We’d been so careful to maintain the secrecy of her identity. Not even the children knew that she could talk, nor that she was a woman.
“Quite literally,” Lisa giggled. She bore down and caught her breath as her climax wracked her body. I slid through her wet fold again and my stomach contracted. Lisa dove down on me and captured my sperm in her mouth as I shook with my release. She crawled up next to me and I held her tightly.
“Even when she heard my voice, she did not believe I was a woman. I had to show her. Then I simply explained that mine was the only pussy your cock would touch until we returned to Crossroads with our damsel. If she was good, though, either one or both of our tongues might find their way between her thighs and she might find ways to pleasure both of us. I emphasized that if she wished to stay with us, that would be at our discretion, not hers. I… uh… drove home the point by turning her bare butt red with my hand. By the time I was done and had relieved some of her built-up pressure, she was quite amenable to becoming whatever you wished.”
“Lisa, that sounds so cold and coercive. I am not going to order her to satisfy my needs against her will.”
“Oh, believe me, she wills it. The little minx actually suggested that I should use a firm hand with her and dropped her drawers.”
“This could be difficult.”
“Hard,” Lisa said as she stroked me back to full mast. “Linc, I’m so sorry I can’t give you more than my mouth for you to love. But I give you that willingly.” She lowered herself to me and I pulled her around so I could feast on her honeyed slit as she drank from my pulsing fount.
At daybreak, I roused the camp from my watch. We ate a cold breakfast, broke camp and set off. Arriving in Mule Crossing, I sent Legs and Saul to get us bread and hot sausages in the market as we got in line to cross the river. The ford was manmade, backing up the river with a shallow dam over which the water flowed. The path was wide enough for only single file traffic and a town guard halted traffic from one direction as carts came across the river from the other. These guys could get jobs working for the state highway crews back home. Legs and Saul had plenty of time to rejoin us before our turn came to cross the river.
And then we were in new territory. Aside from the crossing guards, there was no influence of the North on this side of the river. We were out of reach of the Duke’s soldiers. That meant we were also out of their protection. The road south was a well-traveled caravan route. In fact, we were called upon to entertain where we camped that night as several wagons made camp together and we all contributed to the night’s watch.
I’m an interstellar traveler, going from Earth to Crossroads to Chaos and back by simply walking through my wardrobe door. But I’ve never been in an airport. Still, camping with the caravan was a little like what I imagined international travel to be like. There was a different variety of people than what I’d encountered in the cities. I’d seen people of Asian extraction on Chaos rarely, but the mix in the caravan was about 50/50. We were all bound together by a common destination—or at least a common direction—and there was greater safety traveling in greater numbers. Most of the thirty or forty people in the caravan were merchants, servants, and guards. There were few family members.
I found out that indenture contracts worked a little differently in the South than in the North. By and large, the indentures were for seven years and were traded around like baseball players. There were actually drafts in some of the larger cities of the South in which servants were rated by their skills and bid upon. Once a potential servant accepted a bid, he or she became indentured to the bidder. However, the bidder might turn right around and trade the contract for two goats and you’d end up working on a farm. Apparently, that was what had happened to Cathy Temp. She had been traded to the merchant in Mule Crossing but had then had her accident and was unable to do the work she’d been contracted for. The merchant had traded her for a donkey. She didn’t have a choice regarding where she was going once the contract had been signed.
What a zoo!
Nonetheless, our audiences as we traveled with the caravan were smaller and more intimate than those at High Castle, so we were able to use a lot more of our magic and singing material. Of course, Legs was popular and I even received a bid for her contract. Instead of protesting that she was not indentured, I simply declined the offer. I felt that was safer for her in the long run.
It was in the first major town that we approached that I found how different the culture was. In the first place, we were suddenly a racial minority. In fact, outside of the market we were a racial oddity. And people were far more guarded around us. Merchants and traders are more cosmopolitan than those who stay at home. There was an instant distrust on the part of the people who did not travel and see many foreigners. This increased the farther we ventured.
The food was different. While the basic language was the same, the accent became thicker as we went. The items sold in the market were different. Most of the traders who had come South carried wood, pottery, woolens, and linens. Grain and fruit came in caravans devoted to foodstuffs. Northbound caravans carried ceramics, silks, spices, paper goods, and embroidery. I noticed that there was no traffic in weapons between North and South, each preferring to retain their own unique defenses.
The sword I carried was straight, double edged, and about thirty inches long. While the cutting edges were maintained at a reasonable sharpness, harming someone with the swung blade was a matter of brute force and not finesse. On the other hand, the point could pierce even doubled leather when thrust. Of course, I had a number of different swords stored in the secret compartment of the wagon, including a nice rapier and dagger set that was unlikely to ever be useful. It had cutting edges, but was light weight and long, meant primarily to parry and thrust. Since most iron on chaos was bog iron, the steel in most swords was considerably inferior to what, on Earth, we knew as Damascus steel. Therefore, swords were heavier to keep them from breaking.
As we journeyed south, we saw more and more curved blades. They were light and long with a single edge. I had seen a fight near the ford in Mule Crossing and it was quite amazing to watch. These blades were not meant to be thrust, but swung. Nor did the combatants swing at body mass. Their strokes were meant to remove limbs and heads. In fact, one of the combatants lost his. I was glad the children had been shepherded inside the wagon by Legs. Lisa, Thorin, and I all saw and were equally disgusted. The victor stood over the body and challenged anyone to dispute his claim to all his opponent possessed. The wording was very formal, but no one stepped up to the challenge.
We entertained in taverns and inns at night. As I suspected, music and magic carried the night. Working a tavern is not unlike working a nightclub. The performance is much better if you use volunteers. The trick was to not make an ass of your volunteer unless you were prepared to defend yourself to the death. You had to make the volunteer complicit in the trick and reward him. Saul continued to collect the tips in our hat and we did quite well, especially when Legs danced. She had contrived an outfit of decorated pantaloons that she wore beneath a skirt. When she danced, she lifted the skirt so people could see her legs moving, but could not actually see the shape of them.
Which was a good thing. I’d seen them while we were rehearsing and they could incite a riot.
We all slept in the wagon that night with Thorin, Lees, and me taking turns on guard outside the door.
The next morning Thorin and I went to the market while Lees got the family breakfast in the tavern. I found an armorer and, after a long, tough round of negotiating, managed to trade the rapier and dagger for one of the elegant sabers I had seen. We also gleaned the news that a circus had been through three weeks before, performing for four nights, and leaving by way of the southeast gate. At least we were not losing ground, but we weren’t gaining, either. We greased our axles and checked the horses thoroughly, then headed out at a more rapid pace than the caravans leaving the city.
We covered more ground by moving only slightly faster than the caravan, but we were barely out of sight of it when we realized how vulnerable we were now that we were traveling alone. We heightened our awareness. I kept my eyes on the road, avoiding ruts that could cause a costly breakdown while Lees and Thorin scanned both sides and behind us.
“There is someone on the road ahead of us,” I called out. All I could see was a dust plume, not unlike what we were raising behind us. Thorin and Lees circled the wagon once more, making sure the plume ahead of us was the only one we saw.
“I think I should scout ahead,” Thorin said. “It doesn’t really look like it’s approaching.” I agreed and he took off at a gentle lope.
Mostly, the terrain was clear. There were scattered wooded areas, but none encroached on the roadway. At least we would see someone attacking if they came. It was late afternoon before Thorin returned. We could see him from at least a mile away.
“We are in luck. It is another caravan that we are overtaking,” Thorin said when he drew up beside us. “In two hours, we should reach where they are camping for the night.”
“Will we be welcome?” I asked.
“I suggested that there would be music and dancing when we arrived. They will greet us warmly.”
And they did. They had reserved a spot in their circle of wagons for us and after we had eaten, we entertained.
So life went. A week stretched to two and then three. We were gaining on the circus, but slowly. Each town gave us a new direction to follow, though generally the path continued to lie to the southeast. We gave up trying to push our horses and cart faster than the caravans. Instead, we gained because the circus spent four to seven days in each major town. We spent only a night. But coins were scarcer coming in, as well. The funds for entertainment had already been spent on another troupe of performers. We still gave performances and often left more money in exchange for food than we had earned for our acting.
We rolled into town the day after the circus had left. I spun a tale about having broken down and being left behind. In fact, we changed out an axle on the cart because one wheel was showing signs of wear. Fortunately, we’d thought ahead and equipped the cart with two spare axles before we left High Castle.
It took us three more days to catch up to the circus as they camped at the next large town along the river. We were quickly directed to the encampment where the troupe was already deep in their first show. We parked our wagon and went to case the area. We were charged a pinch each to get into the show area.
We did not leave.
Two very large, very black men suddenly stood beside us making it clear we were being escorted. I continued to shoot sidelong looks at the performers. They were heavy on acrobats, but there seemed to be no theme to the show. Performers did their parts and then waited until it was their turn again. It was pretty ho-hum.
We stopped in front of a painted wagon and the door opened. If there had not been four steps up to the door, I would have missed the person standing at the top. As it was, we met eye to eye.
“So, you are the vagabonds dogging our footsteps,” the dwarf said. “Now that you’ve caught us, what do you think you’re going to do?”
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