6/2/24
Getting to They
This is number sixty-four in the blog series, “My Life in Erotica.” I encourage you to join my Patreon community to support my writing.
A CALL FROM A FRIEND got me thinking about the use of ‘they/them’ pronouns for a person. He’s a pretty open and I might even say liberal screenwriter, so his confusion on the subject puzzled me. In a 40-minute phone call, we seemed to have reached an understanding.
But I hear the question more than I like to admit in this ‘age of enlightenment.’
I heard a comedian recently who said, “I’m a comedian and my pronouns are he-he-he.” Yeah, it was very funny. Maybe you had to be there.
I think the confusion is less significant than alarmists want to think. We authors have been using ‘they’ as a singular pronoun for a person of unknown gender for more than a hundred years. The use of singular ‘they’ emerged in the 14th century! It wasn’t even criticized by rigid grammarians until the mid-19th century. In the 21st century, most writing style guides accept it as a singular personal pronoun.
“But it’s so confusing that a guy wants to be called ‘they’ when he’s obviously a ‘he.’” Really? When did they tell you they were a guy? It’s not that confusing if you’re minding your own business.
However, it is equally inappropriate to use ‘they’ when you know the gender and your audience knows the gender. It is used strictly for a person of unknown or non-conforming gender.
I think that some of the confusion originates in the acronym LGBTQIA+: Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transgender or Transsexual, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual or Androgynous, and (+) any other non-conforming identity, gender, or sexuality. In this acronym, we conflate sex (transsexual, intersex, and asexual), gender (Transgender, Queer, Androgynous), and sexual preference (lesbian, gay, bi)—all three of which are remarkably different. But we lump them all together largely for the convenience of white cisgender heterosexual males.
Don’t get upset about the term ‘cis.’ It’s not an insult. In Latin, it is the opposite prefix of trans and is not an acronym. So, a cisgender male identifies as a man. A transgender male identifies as a woman. Cis=on the same side as birth assigned sex. Trans=on the opposite side of birth assigned sex.
Back to the use of ‘they’ as a singular pronoun. Like I said, we’ve been using it that way for hundreds of years. For example:
“Someone left their backpack in the office. Will they please return to claim it.”
No English speaker would think twice about this construction. We know exactly what it means. We don’t know either the sex or gender of the person who left the backpack. They are needed in the office.
So, that covers the first use. Sex or gender unknown, use ‘they.’
The second use is for a person who is known, but whose sex or gender is non-binary. If you simply make an assumption due to observable characteristics, you have an equal possibility of being right, wrong, or just offensive. Typically, people self-identify. That’s why a common question in today’s polite society is “What are your pronouns?” When a person does not fit in with either birth assigned gender or observable behavior, they will likely identify with ‘they/them’ pronouns.
When I released Devon Layne’s Double Take, the first of the five Transmogrification of Jacob Hopkins series, it started setting personal records for readership of all my stories with nearly 10,000 active readers. In chapter 45, I revealed that the cute petite girl claiming Jacob as her boyfriend was transsexual.
I lost over 3,000 readers that day and endured an incredible amount of vitriol from those parting. None of them were actually missed that much.
“God created two sexes. Democrats created all the rest,” was one comment.
Wow! Democrats must be the oldest political party in the world. I had no idea they were so influential to the ancient Greeks where we find transgender, pansexual, hermaphrodites, and asexual persons among both men and gods! Not to mention hetero, lesbian, gay, bi, bestiality, and possible intergalactic cross-breeding. This is nothing new!
The entire five-book Transmogrification of Jacob Hopkins series including Double Take, is available on Bookapy as a collection or individual volumes.
I hear the sarcastic questions in my head. “So, you must believe in men going into women’s restrooms.” “You must be all for transgender athletes unfairly competing against women in sports.” “You must…”
No, I don’t must. First off, these are two completely different issues. The first is covered by all manner of existing laws that prohibit public indecency in restrooms as well as other public places. Remember that transgender means displaying the characteristics and behaviors of the opposite gender from birth assigned sex. If a person identifies with the opposite gender to the extent of hormones for secondary sexual characteristics and behavior patterns of the opposite gender, then yes, they should be allowed into the restroom of the gender they identify with.
“NO! They have to go the restroom of their birth sex.”
I love that one because I always pull up a photo of a friend of mine. He’s a little overweight, but has a nice beard, dresses sharply, is employed in social services, has a lovely wife, and has two great sons.
“So, this is the person you want going into the women’s restroom?”
“No! That’s what we want to prevent!”
“But this person was born with the assigned sex of female.”
“It’s dangerous!”
The last time I checked, there had never been an assault initiated by a transgender person of either sex in a public restroom. Compare that to the number of cases against senators and congressmen.
Well, what about transgender athletes?
I say this is a different situation. This should not be a question of gender identity. There are physical biological differences that separate genetic men from genetic women in sports. Those differences are exactly what Title IX was set up to protect with equal opportunities for both. I have no difficulty with the transgender athlete referring to herself as a ‘she.’ As an athlete, however, there is a biological advantage to a trans female over a genetic female.
Yes, you could apply that to a lot of situations and I’m sure people will attempt to, even when it’s irrelevant.
Finally: It just sounds strange to use they for an individual. Like I’m supposed to say “They is going out tonight?” It sounds stupid!
And you would be stupid to attempt to use it that way. Substitute ‘you’ for ‘they.’ “You is going out tonight.” Yep, stupid. You see, we are quite accustomed to using a plural verb for a pronoun that could be singular or plural. (Or maybe you can go back far enough in time to separate the difference between ‘thee’ and ‘thou.’)
‘You’ is a pronoun that can be either singular or plural and we always use the plural verb with it. We have no problem with it at all! Like ‘you,’ ‘they’ takes the plural verb whether used as a plural or a singular pronoun.
The only thing standing between you and accepting ‘they’ is your own stubborn entitlement to make judgments about other people. Just stop it, okay?
This could go on for a dozen posts, but if you haven’t gotten the point yet, eleven more posts won’t help. Next week: “Just Being Fair.”
Please feel free to send comments to the author at devon@devonlayne.com.
