Things I Never Told My Wife
True confessions of a Shakespearean actor
Chapter 1
I MET MY SOULMATE when I was sixteen years old.
Of course, I never told my wife about that.
“Jessie, I was wondering if you’d like to go see the new movie Being There with Peter Sellers over the break.” Jessie furrowed her brow at me. “With me. I mean, I’d like to take you out.” I’d practiced this and still messed it up.
“Oh! You know, for a minute there I thought you were suggesting I should go out with Peter Sellers. I mean, yes. I’d love to go see a movie with you.”
“I hear it’s a really sophisticated comedy. I think the review said, ‘offbeat humor and gentle satire.’ I thought maybe you’d be interested in it since I know you liked Sellers in the Pink Panther movies. I’ve heard you mention…” Jessie put her finger up to my lips. Her touch was so electrifying I was shocked to silence.
“Terry, I already said yes. When were you going to take me to see this offbeat humor and gentle satire movie? We have to get to biology.”
“Um… Would Saturday be okay? I mean, I know it’s getting close to Christmas but…”
“Saturday would be great. Look up the show times and let me know what time you’ll pick me up.”
“Wow! Yes. I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
The idea of picking up a girl for a date, of course, depended entirely on my parents. I didn’t have a driver’s license. But they were generally supportive and said they thought they’d go out for a late dinner. Mom told me I’d better warn my date that my sister, Lisa, would be sharing the back seat with us. Jessie had younger siblings, too, and understood. She thought Lisa was cute and would be happy there was someone there to ‘chaperone’ us wild teens.
Really? Like we need more chaperones than Mom and Dad in the front seat? Well, it’s not like I was planning a make out session with Jessie. Though once I thought of it, I liked the idea. Jessie was cute. No, she wasn’t the most glamorous girl in our class. Carol probably won that distinction, though everyone agreed Sharon was a close second. But Jessie… There was something about her that made her one of the most approachable girls in school. Of course, a lot of guys approached her, but until recently she hadn’t gone out at all. I knew exactly when she turned sixteen and her parents would allow her to date. She had brown hair and brown eyes, a nose that turned up at the end a little, and lips that I’d dreamt of kissing more than once. Not that I’d ever kissed anyone. I knew enough to know it was supposed to be great, though.
I lived in a small town in Ohio called Prairie. There were ninety-five students in my sophomore class. Seventy-five when I graduated. I guess that kind of indicates what direction the population was headed. Our town had boasted almost ten thousand when I was in grade school. We were down to a little over six thousand by the time I graduated. Dad had a pretty good job in Lima, though, and decided we could afford to stay in the small town and he’d drive fifteen miles each day to work. Lima was also where the movie theater was.
My parents weren’t overly protective of us kids or even too involved in our lives, I think. But I always found them willing to drive me on my dates. I guess that willingness is one of the things that slowed me down in getting my driver’s license. I didn’t bother until I was eighteen. I mean, drive the car with my date and me strapped in seatbelts on opposite sides of the front seat or sit next to her in the back where we could hold hands and even steal a kiss or two. No brainer.
We got to the movie theater in plenty of time to get tickets for the seven-thirty show. The ride there was actually kind of fun. I was glad I got along with my sister. Lisa could have been a real brat. I think maybe the way Jessie talked to her right away and asked how school was going now that she was in sixth grade contributed to her good behavior. Lisa was off and running on that topic and we hardly noticed the drive.
I bought popcorn and we went in and found seats in almost the very center of the theater. We’d have the best view in the house.
You might be wondering how I was paying for all this stuff. Jobs for teens were hard to come by in Prairie and I couldn’t exactly drive to Lima for work. It was Mom who pointed out how many old ladies lived in town. I knew a lot of them from church so I started just volunteering to do odd jobs for old ladies. Put that on your business card. “Odd Jobs for Old Ladies.” But it was cool that not one of them would let me go without giving me ‘a little something’ to thank me for my help. I never set a price. Everyone knew I was doing this out of the goodness of my heart. And I think they all wanted to reward me for that. Anyway, doing odd jobs for old ladies gave me enough cash each week to have one date—two if one of them was a school dance or event.
So, we were giggling about the previews for Airplane and The Blues Brothers. And we were eating the popcorn, which was almost gone before the feature started. When the lights went down, I was holding the almost empty popcorn box in my right hand so she could reach it. She took it from me and replaced it with her hand in mine. I don’t know about her, but I could feel my temperature rising. At that time, holding her hand was the most sexual thing I’d ever done—with another person. And we stayed that way for the whole two hours plus of the movie. I was scared to move for fear she’d pull her hand away but she never did. Until the lights started coming up during the credits. Then she looked at me and kind of dropped her head a little as she pulled her hand away. She smiled at me as I led her out of our row and joined the crowd leaving the theater.
I spotted our car right away and led Jessie to it and held the door open. Dad was driving. “Where’s Mom and Lisa?”
“Oh, Lisa just got too tired to go on so I took them home. She thinks she can stay up till ten but by nine o’clock she can’t keep her eyes open.”
“Gosh, Dad. I’m sorry you had to make two trips.”
“Oh, it’s okay. You kids buckled up? I make this trip so often I could do it with my eyes closed.” Jessie looked at me with startled eyes wide open and we started giggling again.
“If it’s okay, Dad, we’d prefer you keep them open. And on the road.” We started giggling again and Dad headed out of town. Suddenly, Jessie’s hand was in mine again and we settled down with her kind of leaning against me all the way to her house.
I think that might have been the best date of my life.
Jessie and I started going steady. There wasn’t really any way to show that at our age. We didn’t have class rings we could exchange yet. But as long as we were dating, no one asked her out and I didn’t ask anyone else. We were acknowledged as a couple. During basketball season, we never missed a home game, often including a dance after. Our friends started to expect that we’d be holding hands and a few would roll their eyes when they saw it. Holding hands with Jessie meant the world to me.
Whatever you’ve read about teenage hormones and high school kids getting to sex when they’re sixteen or before, forget it. You’ve been reading too much fantasy erotica. It wasn’t just that there was never an opportunity. We’d never think to do that. Well, fantasies aside. I had more than one wet dream. But we’d been dating pretty regularly for three months before I kissed her on the cheek. And she kissed me back on the cheek. And then our lips touched. And then she went inside her house and I walked back to the car.
I was in the spring play at school. I don’t even remember what it was called but for me, it was the start of my acting career. Some comedy that was deemed ‘appropriate’ for young actors. What I do remember was that Jessie volunteered backstage so we walked home from school each evening holding hands. I felt like a king.
We didn’t have a prom at Jackson High School. Like I said, graduating class was about seventy-five and it seemed silly to decorate the whole gym for just them. So, we had a spring ‘formal’ the last weekend in April, and all high school students could attend. By formal, I mean guys had to wear ties and jackets and girls had to wear dresses. I took Jessie. She was beautiful. We danced to almost every slow song. We held each other close.
When I took her home that night, we French kissed for the first time and she held me tight. “I think I love you, Terry,” she whispered. “It makes me very sad.”
“I love you, Jessie. It makes me very happy.”
“I guess that shows how different we are.” She kissed me again and went inside.
School was out the third weekend in May. Jessie and her family moved away before Memorial Day. Her dad found a job in Pittsburgh. We kept in touch for a while, but the letters became fewer and fewer. Someplace along the line we just quit trying. I guess loving Jessie made me sad, too.
I kept all her letters in a dresser drawer and sometimes I’d pull them out and just hold them. I didn’t try to reread them. It was too hard. I’d lost my soulmate.
Of course, I never told my wife about that.
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