Not This Time
9
Emily Christine
LILY MADE IT CLEAR that she wasn’t always going to greet me with a hot meal when I got home. Not that I ever expected that. She worked a full-time job and the spaghetti had just about exhausted her kitchen skills. I wasn’t much better, but we both figured that we could eat better, healthier, and cheaper if we bought real food and cooked it than if we bought instant noodles. My schoolwork was almost all reading, though I had a paper due for my English Comp class this week. I was spending most of my ‘spare’ time knocking on doors to try to get listings. And three times a week, I was dragging the vacuum cleaner up and down the stairs to keep the entryways clean. Two more of the fourplexes were opening by the end of the month and it turned out that I was cleaning up a lot of construction mess. The apartments were all given a deep professional cleaning before they were leased, but the weather had turned wet by the end of September and mud got ground into the hall carpets during the moves and final stage of construction.
By the end of September, I had two more closings and was beginning to breathe easier about my financial health.
And my health in general.
I went to the University Clinic and got an obstetrics exam, met a pediatrician, and got myself slated for delivery. The doctor said I was in good health and the baby sounded strong, but that I should watch my diet more carefully. That was no news. We’d already started eating sensible meals. We even packed each other lunches in the morning. They wanted me to attend birth classes and I asked Lily if she’d join me.
“Really? You’d really want me with you for something so… intimate.”
“Lily, you’ve learned more of my secrets than I knew I had. I don’t even understand… Well, Lily, why haven’t you made a move on me? I’m pretty sure I’ve shown that I’m open to it. But every time we get close, you back away. What am I doing wrong?”
“I’m scared.”
“Scared? But you’re the one who has experience and knows what’s going on. I’m the one who’s scared,” I said. We sat at the dining room table next to each other while we ate a baked chicken breast (skinless), brown rice, and steamed vegetables. I decided I needed to get more herbs.
“That’s it. Experience,” she said as if that explained everything. “I… I want to be intimate with you because I’ve discovered I have deep feelings for you. No, wait. Don’t tell me right now. Please. I know you like me and that we are good friends. The best of friends. And I will attend every birth class with you and I’ll help you through the delivery and be there for you every step of the way. But… You are interested in… being with me… sexually… because you are curious. You don’t know if you’ll like it. You want to know if you are really bi or if you’ll be disgusted when it comes down to it. And I’m scared that you’ll be disgusted. I’m afraid that we’ll get together and you’ll say, ‘well that was interesting, but I’m not really into it.’ And I’d be devastated.”
Tears were leaking out of Lily’s eyes and I used my napkin to gently wipe them away. I guess I understood. I was curious. I got all tingly when Lily and I kissed. We’d even touched each other’s breasts while we kissed goodnight a few days ago. But I had to admit that I shuddered a little when I thought about putting my face between her legs. I got plenty wet when I thought about her doing it, but if we went all the way, it couldn’t be one-sided.
“I understand. I won’t push until I know. I never want to hurt you, Lily. You really are my best friend. Please say you’ll help me with birth classes, though. Okay?”
“Okay,” she sniffled.
I wished I could tell her I’d been through this birth stuff before and it was painful and lonely. My baby had been born on December 29 and I was alone. Jesse got a huge bonus for staying in the oil fields during the holiday. My mother dropped me off at the hospital when I went into labor and didn’t come back. Jesse’s mother showed up in time to fill out the birth certificate and name my baby while I was still in recovery. They brought Willa to me three times a day so I could give her a bottle and bond, and then they took her back to the nursery so I could regain my strength. After three days, they handed her to me and rolled me out the front door where my mother met me to take me back home.
I wept for days. I didn’t make a conscious decision not to breast feed. They just handed me bottles with formula in them when they brought her to me. I was completely unprepared for having a child or a husband or in-laws.
This time, my daughter would be mine.
I read every pamphlet the La Leche League provided. Lily and I went to every Lamaze class together. And I’d been through raising my daughter. I knew a little about how her mind would work and how to relate to her. We had bonded, in spite of all the interference.
“I don’t know how I’m going to react to seeing you breastfeeding a baby,” Lily sighed. “I think I’m going to be envious.”
“Of me or the baby?” I asked. Lily blushed and nodded.
We’d just come from the class that talked about the hours after birth and how to care for the newborn. One of the other women in the class went into labor during the lecture. Thanksgiving was next week and we were all supposed to be within a month of our due dates, but this one decided to make an early appearance. It was pretty exciting.
“Would you put some of that cream on my belly?” I asked. “I’m beginning to feel the stretching. I’ll never be able to wear a bikini again.”
“Have you ever worn a bikini?” she laughed. I shook my head. Oh well. “Then let’s make sure you get the opportunity. Why don’t you take your shower and get comfy? I know you have an open house tomorrow. I can pamper you a little tonight.”
I was more than willing to be pampered and the shower felt nice. Really nice. I took a few minutes to use the detachable shower massage where it would do the most good. Lily had insisted that we have a plastic stool in the shower so that I could sit and not risk slipping in the tub. I thought it was silly until I had the shower massage beating up between my legs. Allen still held the honor of being the only other person who had ever given me an orgasm in this life, but it wasn’t like I neglected myself. At nearly eight months, though, it was getting hard for me to reach around the baby to put my fingers to use. The shower massage gave me blessed relief. And I was thankful for the stool. By the time I’d finished abusing my clit with the pulsing stream of water, I couldn’t have stayed standing. I tried to stifle my moans, but at one point I was pretty sure that if Lily was in any part of the apartment other than her room, she’d hear me. It took a few minutes to recover.
I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and with a towel wrapped around my head.
“Feel better now?” Lily asked. She didn’t quite snicker.
“Um… Yes.”
“Well, lie down and let’s put some of this cream on your stretched-out tummy. I’d like to say hi to the little baby inside. Have you decided what to name her?”
“Not Willa.”
“God! I hope not!” she laughed. I lay on the bed and Lilly tugged the towel apart. She caught her breath.
“You’re… um… naked.”
“I didn’t have any clean panties to put on and my bra’s been killing me all day. I need to go shopping for something that will hold the new queen-sized boobs.”
“This is going to be hard.”
“You’re a girl. Do you have some equipment I don’t know about?”
“Are you teasing me?” she asked as she rubbed the soothing cream into my belly. She bent forward and kissed it lightly. The baby kicked. “I felt that!”
“Me, too. I think she likes you.” Lily continued to rub the cream onto me. Just her gentle touch felt so good. Not only was I relaxing, I could feel my juices moving. And talk about getting hard. My nipples were straining toward the ceiling. She covered the underside of my belly and brushed against my mound. I moaned.
“If you are ever going to wear a bikini, we’re going to have to trim your bush a little. Do you want to do it before the doctor gets between your legs to welcome the squirt?”
“Is it bad? I haven’t seen my pubic hair in three months.”
“Not bad. Just abundant.” She plucked a little at the short hairs and I moaned again.
“Lily?” She moved up to lie beside me, still cradling my stomach in her hand. I looked into her eyes and saw the painful desire there. I kissed her lips while she continued to move her hand, brushing the short hairs just above my slit. My mouth opened slightly and my tongue met hers. She was so sweet. I knew what I wanted. I wanted her hand to move down. I wanted her lips to move down. I wanted to make love to her, but I wasn’t sure that I could roll over and get between her legs. I wanted…
I think she read my mind.
“Before long, your breasts will fill with milk. Your baby will take her first meal from these beautiful nipples,” she whispered. She lowered her lips to my left breast and gently sucked on my nipple.
“Oh, God!” I moaned. I hugged her to my breast, begging her to suck on me. I could feel her hand against my slit and opened my legs for her. I couldn’t believe how horny I was. Lily got the message and slid up and down between my lower lips as she tongued and sucked at my nipples, moving to first one and then the other. I got a hand far enough around her slender frame to touch her breast. She looked up at me and I tugged at her shirt. She lifted it over her head and off, then returned to touching and sucking me. I felt her bare breasts against mine and stroked her back as I came.
She kissed me as I recovered from my orgasm and I pushed at her jeans, wedging my hand under the waist band onto her butt.
“This time’s just for you. Remember?” she said. “I’m the one doing the pampering. I think you needed that.”
“I want to touch you, too,” I whispered. “I want to show you that I’m not afraid. That I care for you.”
“You will,” Lily said. “Just relax and enjoy.”
“Will you… sleep with me, Lily?”
“Yes. Yes, I will.”
I’d been positive about when my baby would be born. She was born December 29 in the first life. There was no reason to think that it would be any different this time.
No reason at all, except waking up Christmas morning with Lily’s tongue on my clit and an orgasm that wouldn’t stop. Not until the cramps started. And didn’t stop. I was in labor!
Lily got me dressed and we headed for the University Hospital. Lily had been sleeping with me every night since that first night and I loved holding her naked body against mine. I’d even managed to touch her between the legs while I kissed her sweet nipples. I just couldn’t get my face down there between her legs and she refused to straddle me and ride my face. She said I needed to be the active one when it came to that, not her.
We got to the hospital, an intern checked me out and had me admitted to a delivery room, and I settled in to wait. An obstetrics nurse came by to let me know that the doctor would be in later, but as long as my labor was progressing normally, they weren’t going to call her away from her family on Christmas. I understood. Right?
Well, the first time around, the baby was born four days later, so as far as I was concerned, my labor was not progressing normally. If I was going to be in labor for four days, I was probably going to kill someone. I tried to be calm, but I was panicking. It was the first time that I’d allowed myself to consider that things I knew positively from my first life might be different in this life. My God! What if the baby was a boy? What if Jesse wasn’t the absent and uncaring father he’d been in my other life? What if my parents really loved me and would have helped me through? Suddenly, everything was different. Right down to the gentle hand that held mine and talked softly to me to get me through the contractions.
The timing wasn’t the only thing different in this life. Memories of lying alone and unprepared in a hospital room while the labor pains wracked my body were vivid. I was alone and frightened. It was all too easy to imagine that I was still alone. Only Lily’s voice kept calling me back to my new reality.
“I’m here, baby,” she whispered. “Don’t worry. Okay now, breathe. Little puffs. It’s just starting. There. See? You got through that one just fine. Do you want some ice? Juice? We’ve got a few minutes now to just rest.” She was going to get me through this. This time I’d had Lamaze training and Lily had been there every step of the way with me. We knew what to expect and I wasn’t alone.
I wasn’t alone.
“I love you, Lily,” I whispered. “Thank you for being with me.”
About five o’clock my doctor arrived. My pains were regular and coming every four minutes. She gave me a quick examination and nodded her head.
“Are you ready to have a baby?” she asked.
“Ye-es,” I gasped.
“Then let’s get this show on the road. You are fully dilated and it’s time to give this little being a shove into the big wide world.”
My nurse came into the room and puttered around with equipment that I couldn’t recognize. Lily kept talking softly into my ear.
“Don’t worry about any of that stuff,” she said. “It’s just what they need to weigh and clean up the baby. Everything’s just fine. Are you ready? You need all your energy now. I know it hurts, but just think: we’re going to have a beautiful little baby in a few minutes. Are you ready?” I was ready. I could feel the contraction begin and the doctor said to push. I puffed and panted and pushed and nothing happened. A couple minutes later I did it all again.
I don’t know how long it took. My whole world centered on the pain, the breathing, Lily’s voice. She held me. She breathed with me. She told me what a good job I was doing.
“Look at this beautiful baby girl!” the doctor said. It was over. I still had a cramp. The doctor snipped the cord and the nurse took her.
“Where’s my baby? Don’t take my baby.”
“There, there. Don’t worry. We’re just taking some measurements and making sure her breathing passages are open. Here you go now,” the nurse said. She laid the little wrapped bundle in my arms.
“Push again,” the doctor said. But I had my baby. Not twins! I pushed and there was a sploosh of crap that exited my womb. Oh. Afterbirth. “And here’s her car keys,” the doctor joked. Yeah. It felt like the whole car.
“Are you going to try to breastfeed?” the nurse asked. She was holding a bottle.
“Yes,” I said.
“Well, she’s ready to start sucking. Let’s help her get a nice firm latch. You want to make sure her mouth is open wide enough so she gets the whole thing in. Nothing’s more painful than if she just gets the nipple. Well, nothing until she gets teeth, anyway.” Yeah. We’d read the pamphlet and Lily had demonstrated the right latch on my nipples several times. For that matter, I’d tried it several times on Lily and she seemed to like it, too. The nurse wiped my breast and helped my daughter get a good firm suction going. “Now when you are ready to switch sides, slip your finger up along your breast and into her mouth. That will break the vacuum and you can move her to the other breast. You don’t have much of anything flowing yet, so we’ll give her a little bottle in a few minutes to supplement. Don’t worry about it. Your milk will let down soon.”
It all sounded so normal. I wanted to unwrap my baby from the blankets and the hat and examine every part of her. Lily promised that we would do that as soon as she was cleaned up. What I could see now, though, was her intense blue eyes and a stray wisp of curly black hair peeking out from the knit cap. The eyes locked on mine and I breathed a sigh of relief. Some things didn’t change. I recognized those eyes. I knew my daughter.
“Don’t you dare say you are naming her Mary Christmas,” Lily laughed as she held me and cooed over our daughter. Our daughter?
“I was thinking Emily,” I said. “How about Emily Christine?”
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