Not This Time
7
Shopping Around
I GOT MY FIRST COMMISSION check just in time. Freshman orientation was the next day and I had books to buy. My carefully rationed out money was nearly gone. I’d managed to live three months on $2,200. My commission check was for nearly $2,500. I’d made the first hurdle. I also got word from Jim that my new apartment would be ready to move into on Labor Day, the second. I was going to have a home with more than a mattress on the floor and a few kitchen items. I picked up four boxes from the convenience store on the corner and got ready to pack my meager belongings.
Lily, my admissions counselor, managed to get me a tuition waiver. It was odd. There were no scholarships or grants available by the time I’d applied and even student loans were at a premium because of the high default rate. Twelve percent interest. And that was government subsidized! My tuition waiver was good for one term and renewable at the discretion of the provost. Lily advised me that I should start saving for tuition for second term because there was no guarantee that the waiver would be renewed. It would depend not only on my need and performance, but on the needs of other students that came to the attention of the provost.
We’d met frequently during the summer and she asked how my work was going and whether I was earning any money. She’d actually come to freshman orientation intending to front me the money for my textbooks.
“I got paid!” I screamed when I saw her. I’d brought in seven listings for the company over the summer and the first one closed the day before orientation. Lily was impressed.
“You really did it! I’m so proud of you! After orientation, we’ll celebrate with a pizza and a beer.”
“Oh, I can’t drink beer,” I said. She looked at me. I’d had no alcohol since the night I got knocked up.
“I forgot. When I was a student, we could drink 3.2 beer at 19. I was thinking of picking up the pizza and a six-pack and going to my place. You can crash there so you don’t appear in public. I’ll limit you.”
“I… uh… actually don’t drink. I’d love pizza and a Coke, though.” Fuck! Coke was probably just as bad for the baby as alcohol. But I hadn’t had a soft drink in three months. I couldn’t afford it.
“Okay. I’m not a pusher. I know half the students in orientation will be soused by midnight. Things get a little crazy the first week of school,” Lily said. She looked at me a little strangely and then sent me on ahead to my first session.
I attended every session religiously. I didn’t want to get tripped up by some rule or activity I didn’t know about. Over half the sessions were irrelevant. Things like the importance of paying your student loans, how to get a parking permit, student housing, and what gate to use at the football stadium. There were as many parents in the sessions as there were students. I guess they wanted to make sure their kids attended. Most of the kids looked pretty irresponsible. And I guess there were sessions just for parents because precious little junior was eighteen now and parents would not be receiving report cards. Some of them were pissed off.
On the other hand, some sessions were vitally important. Like student healthcare. All I had to do was show up at the student clinic. I hadn’t had a prenatal appointment at all. The only doctor who knew I was pregnant was the guy who examined me and pronounced me pregnant and healthy at the abortion clinic. I was five months now and even dressing in a baggy U of M jersey I bought on sale, I was beginning to show.
If I went to Lily’s house for the night tonight, she was going to figure it out. There was also a good session on campus safety. It scared me. The University of Minnesota main campus is pretty huge. It sprawled on both sides of the Mississippi River and I had classes on both banks. They reminded us that there were predators in every town and to guard ourselves by acting responsibly. There was also a dire threat implied to any potential predator that was in the orientation.
At least there was no rule against going to college while I was pregnant. They’d have thrown me out of high school. I’d be headed for that clinic on Monday right after my last class. I’d have the form with me that allowed me to get coverage for my dependents at almost no cost.
I kept an eye out during the orientation to try to find a roommate. I didn’t want to advertise. I needed to find someone who could use free room in exchange for sharing the cleaning duties in the apartment building when I got too pregnant to haul the vacuum around. I was hoping I’d find someone who would also contribute to childcare. It wasn’t the kind of person who’d just answer an ad for a roommate. I spotted one or two, and chatted them up during breaks like I would a sales associate at a Realtor’s meeting. I always hated the schmoozing part of real estate. I was basically a shy person. Maybe not shy, but private. The person I was looking for was going to be unique. I’d have to share parts of myself I could never share with anyone else.
“Hey, isn’t this sweet?” a guy said, sidling up to me with a soft drink in his hand at break. “No more parents looking over our shoulders. I met some guys who have a place for a big party tonight. Keg and all. And I’ve got a baggie. Want to come with me?”
I stared at him with my eyes reduced to slits. He was in his own world.
“My brother told me what to look for when I came to college. He said the girls in baggy clothes hid killer bodies. I’d like to get to know yours.”
“How about you get lost, instead.”
“Hey! No reason to get all defensive. We’re all here for the same reason, right?”
“To get an education.”
“Yeah. Right. Good luck, bitch,” he sneered and walked away. Guys were such jerks.
“Hi. That dude was pretty clueless.”
“And you?” I said to the next guy who walked up to me.
“This is supposed to be a mixer. I thought I’d try mixing with someone who could protect me if I got in trouble.”
“What?”
“You look like you know a million ways to kill a man with your bare hands.”
I looked at him as frankly as he’d assessed me. Not roommate material. Still a lot of bravado and the fact that his line was more original didn’t mean he wasn’t another predator.
“I do,” I said flatly. “But I’m young. I’ve only used about fifteen of them. You know how it is when you get a favorite.”
“Well, I’m not going to give you the opportunity to try out another,” he said, edging away. “But if you get in a pinch, give me a sign. I’d be happy to help.”
I didn’t think he’d be a danger and I was going to need friends in this life. Wish I’d gotten his name.
“Nice place!” I said. Lily lived in a really nice apartment. Really nice. It was a big loft and though sparsely furnished, it looked out over the city skyline.
“Yeah. It was.”
“Was?”
“I’ve got a month to get out. My roommate decided not to be my roommate any longer. The lease was in her name. I can’t afford a place like this alone. I couldn’t afford a place like this to share on my salary. Nancy just rented me a room. Or a space in her bed. Life sucks sometimes.”
“Tell me about it. I’m eighteen and out alone in the big cruel world,” I laughed.
“And preggers,” Lily said. I caught my breath. “Are you going to be okay with school and a job and your apartment and a baby?”
“Am I showing that much?” I asked.
“I’ve been meeting with you regularly for three months, honey. I know you haven’t been eating that well.”
“You know what they say about the freshman fifteen,” I laughed. The silence was awkward. “Five months,” I sighed.
“Your parents don’t even know, do they,” she stated flatly. “I’ll bet the father doesn’t either.” I just shook my head. Lily moved over to the couch beside me and put her arm around me. I lay my head on her shoulder. It was so comfortable. She had truly become a friend. I relaxed and drifted as she petted my hair. So nice.
“It’ll be okay,” she whispered.
“I should go home,” I sighed.
“Why not just spend the night. I’ll take you in for day two of orientation tomorrow on my way to work.”
“I didn’t really bring anything.”
“I have a toothbrush for you and if you need fresh clothes tomorrow, I’ll run you home on the way to school. We won’t need to leave much earlier. I have to be there the same time you do.”
“Okay,” I sighed. I really didn’t want to move at all. Her embrace was so warm and loving. Her fingers trailed from my hair to my chin causing a little shiver up my spine. She lifted my chin and her lips softly brushed mine.
Oh my!
The only other time I’d ever kissed a girl was that desk clerk just before I died. I was so drunk I didn’t really remember it well. She had her face buried in my pussy as soon as we got to my room. Up to that moment, I’d never even contemplated the idea of being with another woman. But Lily’s lips were so soft and so persistent that I gave myself over to the sensation. Completely.
Lily was ten years older than me. Experienced. She knew what she wanted. I didn’t know what I wanted. Sure, I wanted to be loved, but by a woman? It flew in the face of my rigid Baptist upbringing. I’d been told my entire life that homosexuality was a sin. Even in my first life, I paid lip service to marriage equality and gay rights, but secretly thought there was something abnormal about gays and lesbians. I had absolutely no experience with it. And it wasn’t that what Lily was doing didn’t feel good. Oh, God! It felt good. I was just so confused.
“I don’t know what to do, Lily,” I whispered. “I never considered this before. I just don’t know what to do.”
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I’m not going to push you. I never should have kissed you. I’m sorry. I’m just so irrationally attracted to you. Especially now that I know there’s a little baby growing in here. It makes me feel all protective. But I know you aren’t ready for lesbian sex. You might never be. But I’ll still be here and be your friend,” she said. “Let’s clean up and get ready for bed. I’d love to hold you tonight if you’re okay with that.”
Hold me? Okay? Hell yes! Allen was the only person who had ever held me all night. I was definitely ready for this.
“Lily? Where are you going to live?”
“Oh, I’m apartment shopping. I’ll find something.”
“I’m shopping for a roommate. Are you interested?”
“In moving in with you?”
“Well, maybe not like you think. I looked at the apartment I’m moving to. It’s a one-bedroom, but there’s a small sun room in front. I almost considered using it for my bedroom, but I need a place where I can have the baby with me. But if you want… I mean maybe just for the school year… I’m going to need help. I might not be able to do all the cleaning when I’m really close. And the rent would be free. I just… Lily, I’ve never asked anyone for help before.”
“You don’t have to ask again. When can we see the place?”
“I’m moving in next weekend.”
“I’ll help. If it looks like I could survive there for a while, I could stand to build up my bank account a little. And I don’t mind a little cleaning. I could even watch the baby sometimes. I mean, if you’d like. Even if you aren’t my girlfriend, I could still be your friend, girl.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend before, Lily.”
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