The Prodigal
Part IV
Forty
THE BELL RANG at the studio. I’d finished painting over an hour ago and was staring at it while I tried to compose the story that revealed the picture. Kate was at the door.
“I asked if I could come and collect you for dinner,” she said simply. “May I come in?”
“Don’t you have a key?” I asked.
“It’s not my studio anymore.”
“It will be. When you are ready.”
“Melody said when you disappear like this it means you are in your zone and something wonderful would come. May I see it?”
“I don’t know how wonderful it is, but it’s the first thing I’ve painted in two-and-a-half months. Since I got your note.”
“I’m sorry, Tony…”
“No. Don’t go there. Look.”
Kate stared at the painting. She looked at it from different angles—from near and far. She walked around it like an art critic. I turned my back so I didn’t have to watch her looking into what I felt. My shame.
“You understand,” she whispered. I felt her hand on my shoulder and turned to face her tear-streaked face. I sank to my knees.
“I’m sorry, Kate. I’m so sorry. I hope one day you will forgive me.”
“You need to hear the rest of the story,” she said. She pulled me up and led me to the chair and sat in my lap. “I was struggling. Doc was pushing me in new directions. The shows were a disappointment and I hated everything I’d done. That spilled over on you and Melody and Lissa and even Wendy. I felt like I could do a better job alone than with all the so-called help I was getting. I became angry.”
It sounded so much like what I’d been feeling.
“When I saw the painting you did, I was so shocked that it knocked me over the edge. Neil’s commentary about how great it was, thinking I’d painted it, just snapped my whole world view. For a month and a half, I just wandered. I had money. Everything I owned was in my car except my art and I’d turned my back on that. I drove from place to place. I’d find something to draw. I couldn’t paint when I was living in my car, but I could draw. Instead of getting bigger, my vision kept getting smaller. I’d spend an hour drawing a person’s eye or trying to capture the shape of smoke as it rose from the tip of a cigarette. Every time I drew, I sank a little further into myself.
“I tried to pull myself together. I decided that I’d go visit your parents and try to get my head back on straight. They weren’t home, but as I drove through the mighty town of Fremont displaying its patriotic banners, I realized it was the day before Independence Day. I realized what day that was.”
“The wedding,” I said.
“I was supposed to be here. I was supposed to stand with you and Wendy to witness the most important event of our lives and I was fifteen hundred miles away. I got the first flight I could and had to get a taxi to get me to the church. When I got there, Melody and Lissa were walking up the aisle. I just stood in the lobby and looked through the window at all I’d left behind. I couldn’t come in. I’d ruin their day. And when you turned to come down the aisle, I was afraid you’d seen me and I ran back to the cab. I went to the house and I left you all a note. He took me to the studio. I was going to pick up some supplies, but you’d kindly crated all my paintings and sent them to the vault. I was so glad. I went back to the airport and caught the next flight to Omaha.”
“We all wished you’d stayed. Your mom and the Trips were sad.”
“What card did she pull?”
“She had the deck sitting on the card you left. I cut it and drew the five of hearts.” Kate gripped me so tightly I thought I might bruise. “What happened then?”
“On the plane back, I figured out what I had to do. I was so fucking smart.” The bitterness in her voice was something I’d never heard there before. “I called Neil.” I shuddered. “I thought if that was the way the art world works, I’d play that game. I would hire him to do some publicity for me and show the world what I was made of. I decided to take the new drawings and do an exhibition of just drawings. There’s a gallery in Philadelphia that specializes in that kind of thing. Neil said I shouldn’t contact them directly. By the time I got there two weeks later, there was a show arranged and publicity had been sent out. I mounted what I wanted to show and the gallery had an opening. Neil gave me the papers I needed to sign in order to have the show and a bill. I didn’t realize how expensive he was, but I paid it and signed the papers.”
“Did you read them?” Kate dropped her head.
“He’d already met his end of the deal. I had the show and the publicity. I was comfortable that it was just a standard contract.”
“This gives me a bad feeling, Kate.”
“I signed over the publishing rights for anything new I create. That was the deal. Anything, Tony. If I draw a picture, he has the right to publish it. If I paint, he gets to produce it. He’s taken six of the drawings I exhibited and produced crappy prints of them. I was so smart I signed away my life, Tony. The only way I can keep him from having anything more from me is to never draw again.”
“There has to be a way…”
“I’m not done, Tony. He told me to come to New York. I still hadn’t figured out what was in the contract, but he said he had an idea for another exhibition. I hadn’t made much off the one in Philly, but it was only drawings. I was excited about getting back to work, even thinking I’d come home triumphant and be able to stand on my own. I went to his apartment in New Jersey. I was a big girl could act independently.”
She was trembling. So was I. Rage. I could see the colors begin to form in my mind and banished them. No time now. I fought off my anger at Kate and focused it on Neil. Allison’s “Slimy Dick” comment came to mind unbidden.
“He showed me the prints he’d made and I refused to sign them. He put more and more pressure on me and made no secret that he wanted me for more than my art. In a perverse way, it felt good to be wanted again. I missed that. I flirted. I’d just charm him out of my contract. I could stop any time. I wasn’t going to sleep with him. It wasn’t going any further. But… but when I said, ‘no,’ he… he didn’t stop. He… he took me anyway. Please don’t hate me, Tony. I don’t deserve to be with any of you. I was sure I could stop him, but I let him.”
“Kate that’s rape!”
“I went there willingly. He didn’t get me drunk or drug me. Who would believe that I even said no? I can’t imagine you even believe it. I hated you, Tony. I hated you because I believed you acted the way people all acted. That he’d respect me. That when I said no, he’d back off like you did. I hated you for making me trust you—and trust anyone.”
I was shaking so hard I was afraid I’d drop her. It was all my fault. Kate was crying in my arms. I was so shocked I couldn’t think of anything but “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, Tony. I don’t hate you. I hate myself. I was so fucking smart. I was so proud and confident. I ruined all our lives. Now you’ll hate me. Wendy will hate me. I’ll never be able to look Melody or Lissa in the eye. I’ll leave if you want me to.”
“I failed you, Kate,” I said. “I failed you then, but I won’t fail you again. Don’t leave again. Please give us a chance to earn your trust again. Help me find a way to never fail you again. Kate, you had the courage to come back. Please find a way to forgive us. Forgive me.”
It was a long night. Kate was exhausted and having another emotional confession was too much for her. I told her I had to talk to the rest of the family. She said I could tell them everything, but that she would tell everyone as well when she was awake.
“That son of a bitch!” Wendy yelled. “Where does he live? I will eviscerate him. I’ll kill him.” She was almost to the stairs to ask Kate where Neil lived, before I jumped up and caught her.
“Wait! Wendy, please. Will you let us all help and do this right? Please, Tiger? We all need to be a part of this.”
“He raped her! I’ll kill him! I’ll cut off his balls and choke him with them!” She struggled against me as I held her and then collapsed in my arms crying. Melody and Lissa weren’t in much better shape.
“Poor Kate,” Melody whispered. “What will we do?”
“She thought all guys in the world were like Tony,” Lissa sighed. “Have you talked to Clarice?”
“Uh… no. Should I?”
“One of the reasons you have and agent is to protect you. You need to talk to her as soon as possible. I know I wasn’t her greatest fan when you started out, but that was personal and childish. She’s a good agent and has enough experience to know what to do. Call her now.”
“It’s too late now. Kate should be with me when we make that call. We’ll do it in the morning,” I said.
“I hate him and I’ll kill him, but right now we need to deal with Kate,” Wendy said. She’d managed to pull herself together. She was truly amazing. So submissive, yet when she took control, everyone followed. “Kate believes this is all her fault and she doesn’t deserve us.”
“It’s not her fault,” I said.
“Yes, it is,” Wendy answered. “She made choices and she’s suffering the consequences. The question is, ‘How do we respond to her?’ Believe me, we can’t just say it’s not your fault. She knows it is. It’s true we let her down. But we can’t dismiss her responsibility.”
“You’re not saying we should punish her, are you?” Melody asked. “We never did that to you, Wendy. By this logic we could say that being beaten by Rafe was your fault.”
“It was. That’s the point. When I came here, I was damaged so badly I thought I’d kill myself. But you accepted me. You made it possible for me to put my life together. You welcomed me to bed, but didn’t think twice about it if I stayed in my room. We have to accept Kate for who she has become. Tony, you took me as your slave, even though you didn’t want to. You found what I needed and, in your kindness and love, you gave it to me. Kate doesn’t need a master. She needs to see that we love her—not that we pity her.”
“Tiger, you’re going to make a great therapist,” I said. “It makes sense, but it’s going to be hard to not walk on eggshells around her or fawn over her. I just want to hold her and comfort her.”
“I’m not saying act like nothing happened. Let her take responsibility for what she did while we take responsibility for what we did.”
“Wendy, you are amazing,” Lissa said. “You really are a tiger.”
“Grrr rawr rawr,” Wendy said. She turned on Lissa and I swear I heard a growl deep in her throat. She stalked across the living room, never taking her eyes off Lissa who pulled her feet up on the sofa as if that could save her. When Wendy pounced, Lissa was a goner. The kiss nearly lit the sofa on fire. Lissa’s moan was so sensual that I locked eyes with Melody and she flew into my arms. We kissed with passion that left us wondering where our concern for Kate had gone so quickly.
Well, it was right there, waiting for us to pause so it, too, could pounce from the darkness. But we defended ourselves with love and passion. With strength I didn’t know she possessed, Wendy picked Lissa up and headed to the bedroom with her prey. Melody and I followed, letting their passion fuel our own.
“When you want to tell us the story, you can, Kate,” Melody said. “But don’t feel like you have to go through everything at once. We know you’ll tell us when it’s right for you, like you did with Tony. We’ve always had one rule: No pressure. That rule still holds.”
“Thank you, Melody. I want to tell you all, but I’d rather not have to make a speech.”
“Now Tony, the no pressure rule doesn’t apply to you,” Lissa said. “What are you doing for your final project?”
“What final project?” Kate asked.
“Mmm, sorry. You weren’t here at the time. I took three classes over the summer and I’m on schedule to graduate in the spring if I can come up with a final project that my joint jury from the two schools can approve. School has started on both campuses, but I still don’t have an idea of what to do. I was supposed to have it submitted today, but I filed for an extension. I’ve got two weeks to get it filed and approved or I wait until next year.”
“Oh, shit,” Kate whispered. “And I come and make things harder.”
“Don’t go there, Kate,” I said. “I’ve felt my muse was missing and now you’re back. Something will come to me when it settles down.”
We talked around the breakfast table for a little longer. Wendy had a Friday morning meeting with her advisor and took off. Lissa took Melody to PCAD and reminded us that the boys would be home and with us this evening. That left Kate and me facing each other.
“Let’s go walk around the SCU campus,” Kate said. “It’s so old and elegant. And I’d like to look at the wall again.”
That was fine with me.
“We need to call Clarice first,” I suggested. “You’ve got a problem and your agent should be informed.”
“Four months away and I completely forgot I had an agent,” Kate said, shaking her head. “I’m such a fuck-up, Tony.”
“I’ll make the call, but you’ll have to talk to her.”
Clarice was already at Carmine’s and insisted we come to see her before we went for our walk. Neither of us was enthused but we had responsibilities. Kate owed Clarice an explanation. Part of Clarice’s income was based on Kate continuing to paint.
When we walked in, we went straight to the table where Clarice was sitting with a man neither of us recognized.
“Tony, get your coffee and get Kate a hot chocolate then I’ll introduce you,” Clarice said, summarily dismissing me. While I was gone, I could see that Clarice was wasting no time getting into the discussion with Kate. When I got to the table, Clarice was nodding her head.
“Okay,” she said. “I want you to meet Paul Armstrong, attorney at law. Kate, you paid a fee to Paul for work he did last winter. He recovered all artwork and funds that were missing after your exhibition. By the way, you cleared $60,000 on that give or take estimated taxes.”
“I did? I guess I should thank you.”
“Kate, you haven’t been looking at your bank balance, have you?”
“No. I kind of forgot my log-in. I’ve just been careful not to spend much and hoped that I wouldn’t overdraw my account.”
“Well, that’s not likely. I’ve deposited close to half a million dollars in your account the past six months.”
“You’ve what?” Kate exclaimed.
“What you missed this summer is your artwork taking off and selling in every major market around the country,” Clarice said.
“And I’ve thrown it all away!” Kate wailed.
“That’s where Paul comes in.”
“You see, Ms. Mirela, signing a contract of any sort with Mr. Stedman was not strictly legal.”
“So, I’m in trouble with you?” Kate asked Clarice.
“We’re not pursuing that angle,” Clarice answered. “Just listen.”
“Mr. Stedman knew you were under contract. Now agent’s contracts are for a limited period of time and if you turned to Clarice in good faith and said you weren’t happy, she’d ask me to work something out that was fair. But for another agent to interfere in that contract is damaging to C. Bortelli Agency and to Clarice personally. For example, how much did you make from your exhibition in Philadelphia?”
“Not as much as I thought. By the time I paid Neil, I got $3,000.”
“As your agent, Clarice is entitled to ten percent of that. But Mr. Stedman did not send a check to Clarice. He paid you directly, correct?”
“Yes, um… in cash. He said he wanted to be sure there were no bounced checks. I thought he was protecting me.”
“He was concealing money,” Paul said. “And how much has he paid you for the prints he is selling under your name?”
“Nothing! He’s selling my prints? I refused to sign them. They were crappy. What am I going to do? I thought an exhibition would show that I was a big girl and could make decisions for myself. I’ll pay you.”
“Thank you, dear, but that isn’t what this is about. Ordinarily, I’d applaud your initiative. I’d hope you’d think of me to help promote what you are doing, though. What I’m most concerned with is getting Neil Stedman out of your life for good—unless you want me to release you from your contract. If you do, say the word and I’ll have Paul draft a letter of agreement that says our relationship is at an end.”
Kate’s lip was quivering and her eyes were glistening. Whatever the family had agreed to last night, Kate wasn’t backing down from taking responsibility for her decisions. She looked straight at Clarice.
“Will you continue to represent me, Miss Bortelli?” she asked.
“If you want, yes.”
“I want, yes.” Kate said.
“Then we are going to have a show. A well-advertised showing of the new works of Katarina Mirela. Get everything together, and for God’s sake, start painting. I’ll want to see what you have on Monday.”
“Yes ma’am.”
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