The Prodigal
Part II
Fifteen
I WAS TOO ANGRY to inflict myself on anyone else. I couldn’t go to my room because Melody and Lissa were having a special time. And here I was, standing in the hall naked. I knocked lightly on the Trips’ door. When it opened, I asked Willow if I could borrow a pair of pants and a shirt. Well, that was easy enough. None of the three of them were wearing anything. Our house is a nudist colony.
“Are you guys okay?” Sunday asked as Willow handed me socks, underwear, jeans, and a T-shirt. I dressed in the doorway as we talked.
“There’s a little problem,” I said. “Don’t worry.”
“We could hear you shouting,” Rainbow said. She walked over and gave me a hug, pressing her lithe naked body against me. That girl was getting dangerous. Or maybe it was all just innocence because we made an open and accepting environment in our home. That’s what I thought we were doing, anyway.
“I just need to go out and get some air so I don’t flip out again,” I said. “Say, could I borrow a cell phone, too? Just in case I need to call someone. Mine’s with my clothes.” Sunday handed me her phone and I headed up to the garage. My keys and shoes were by the door. I took off, not even thinking about the fact that I had no money and no ID.
I started driving aimlessly. I ended up over by the SCU campus. I was only over here a couple times a week lately to run with Coach Fredrickson or to use the sports therapy room. I did most of my training at the club. Not that I’d been doing much since Opens. There hadn’t been time. I wasn’t getting enough physical exercise and I was ready to explode. I parked and walked toward the athletic pavilion, not even thinking that SCU was already out on winter break.
That’s when I also realized exactly where I was. Straight ahead of me was the vast mural of Tent City on the wall of the AP. The school had installed lights so that the mural was always lit. It stood there, a silent testimony to what had happened—damn!—almost exactly a year ago. I could still hear the screaming. I could still see Paulie’s body sprawled out in front of me. I could still feel Wendy rush into my arms with her hair on fire. How hoarse I was for days after from the screaming I’d done. How I’d become Wendy’s hero—a poor title if you asked me. Even worse than being called her master. And now Kate…
The tears still wouldn’t come. I stood there in front of all that tragedy and all that hope, the Te Deum still ringing in my ears from the dedication last spring, and nothing came. I turned my back and headed to the studio.
I didn’t bother sketching anything on the new canvas before I started applying paint. Red. Black. Purple. White. Wet blends of earth tones as my anger and frustration began to dissipate into the silence that surrounded me. I didn’t use a brush, but a palette knife, scooping gobs of oil paint directly onto the canvas and using that as my mixing palette as I painted. Not until the teal eyes, did I realize the face taking shape out of the darkness and anger was my own.
It didn’t take long as paintings go and when it was finished, I was finished. I’d never again touch those thick coats of paint again. It came from something deep inside that I couldn’t control or even understand.
I also knew I could never show it to anyone.
Sunday’s phone chimed a cute ringtone and I hunted around for where I’d put it.
“Tony.”
“Sweetheart,” Lissa said, “it’s time to come home now. Your family needs you.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” I answered.
It would take a good two weeks for this piece to dry enough that I could put it in the vault. I moved the easel to a corner and arranged a tent of drapery over it. I put a sign on it that said “Wet paint curing. Please don’t disturb.”
I went to face my family.
Kate and Wendy weren’t in Wendy’s room when I got there. I turned away from the door to see Sunday standing in the hall. I gave her the phone she loaned me and she gave me a kiss on the cheek before pointing upstairs. I nodded and went to the master bedroom. I took a deep breath and walked in.
My four queens were sitting in bed waiting for me, huddled together as if they needed each other for warmth. I could see from puffy eyes and streaks there had been a lot of tears shed. That stung.
“Tony…” Lissa began. I shook my head and held a finger to my lips. I had to say this and get it done.
“Family, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I blew up at you, Kate. You didn’t deserve that kind of reaction to a misunderstanding. Wendy, I’m sorry you heard what I said. I know I hurt you as much as anyone else. Wives, I’m sorry I’m not a very good husband or lover… or master,” I whispered. “I’m sorry that I’ve failed all of you and I know that no amount of being sorry will make up for the anger and discord I brought out tonight or for the way I’ve hurt each of you. I’m just so sorry.”
The damn finally burst and tears started streaming from my eyes. I just stood there at the foot of the bed and willed myself not to make any noise. I didn’t know what I expected or even what I wanted to happen or to have them say. I simply knew that I didn’t deserve any one of the four incredible women whose lives I shared.
“Tony, come to bed, love,” Lissa said. I guess that wasn’t what I was expecting. I looked at the borrowed clothes I was wearing and Lissa nodded. I stripped and they parted so that I had space in the middle of the bed between Lissa and Kate. “We love you, husband. We will always love you.”
“You took all my faults and tried to take credit for them,” Kate whispered. “You made my apology, word-for-word. You don’t have a corner on failure, baby. I rank right up there with the worst of them. Please forgive me like Wendy has, Tony. You are the love of my life and I can’t go to San Francisco if we aren’t together tonight.”
I kissed Kate and felt the hands of all four of my queens touching and stroking my head and arms.
“God, I love you, Kate,” I said. I looked across her at Wendy. Her hand was pulling my own around Kate and holding it tightly. “I’m sorry, Tiger,” I said. “I love you.”
“I did this to you,” she said. “I did it to all of you. You welcomed me and I brought all my baggage with me. I made you be my master, Tony. You are the only man I’ve ever trusted. You’ve never failed me. I’ll try to get better. I want to love you—I do love you—but without setting you on a pedestal. If you hadn’t felt this way, you wouldn’t be the man I trusted.”
“Shit happens,” Melody said. “Get used to it. You’ve certainly borne my bitchiness on more than one occasion. And as far as I’m concerned, you have all week to make it up to me.” All five of us laughed, finally breaking the ice and pulling together into a group hug. I looked at Lissa and she must have seen the question.
“If you don’t know what I think, you haven’t been paying attention,” she said as she kissed me. “And with three of us heading south and two heading east tomorrow morning, there’s an awful lot of loving to be done yet tonight.”
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