Triptych Interviews
Beth
Saturday, July 16 (After Chapter 21 of Diva)
BETH: Hello?
aroslav: Hi Beth. This is aroslav. Is this a good time to talk?
BETH: Oh. Yeah. Tony said you’d call. I’ve got a few minutes.
aroslav: Sorry we have to do this by phone. It must be eight o’clock there in Nebraska, right?
BETH: Yeah. What time is it there?
aroslav: 1968.
BETH: Funny.
aroslav: We’re two hours different. It six here.
BETH: So what did you want to know?
aroslav: Well, I’m interviewing the people who are important to Tony and just trying to get to know them better. We could start with your full name.
BETH: Elizabeth Ann Carpenter. Tony calls me Dumpling, but absolutely nobody else does.
aroslav: Birthday?
BETH: Veterans Day. I’ll be 20 this year.
aroslav: Ever get confused about that? I understand that Veterans Day is still a pretty big deal in Nebraska.
BETH: I have great honor and respect for those who have served our country in the Armed Forces. I might not politically agree with the reason they are sent to war, or even that war is an appropriate response to any political situation, but the men and women who serve their country honestly and bravely deserve every thanks that we can give them. I’m proud that my birthday is a day dedicated to honoring those who have served.
aroslav: It sounds like you’ve given that speech before.
BETH: Anytime an asshole asks me the question.
aroslav: Point taken. You are really my only contact Tony’s age that grew up with him. I know you are living in the Boston area during the school year, but can you tell me a little about growing up in Nebraska?
BETH: Well, Fremont isn’t a big city like Omaha, but it isn’t Podunk, either. We’ve got pretty much everything that everyplace else in America has. Walmart, YMCA, the Mall. We’re the antique capital of the Midwest, which might not sound like much, but there are some pretty amazing old things in those stores.
aroslav: So what did you do as a kid?
BETH: Stayed inside and read books. Um...it’s not like there’s nothing to do, but I wasn’t exactly Miss Social when I was growing up. I was always overweight and knowing it didn’t help. Seemed like there was no reason to shape up because no one liked me anyway. In high school I reshaped my image, if not my body. I forced myself to be social, was on every committee I could get on, was on the student council...you know. Everything except dating. Except once or twice, you know.
aroslav: What about Tony?
BETH: Oh sure. There were several of us who were on the outside looking in. Kent, Wayne, Catherine...we all hung around each other when no one else would. But don’t get me wrong. I did lots of stuff in school. I edited the yearbook, was in Future Teachers of America, was in charge of decorating for the prom, sang in the church choir. Whenever someone needed something done, I was the one they called on. I was even class president one year.
But I was still isolated. I was valedictorian, but that just made it harder to let people know I wanted to go out. People figured I was smart because I didn't have anything else to do. I didn’t really date much in high school.
aroslav: Not even the prom?
BETH: A bunch of us went together. We had a big table, but no one was with anyone else. It was fun. It was best when Tony and I decided to try kissing, just so we’d have the experience. He’s a much better kisser now than he was then, by the way. But I was giggling when I came back in and Marlene wanted to know what was up, so I went out with her to tell her what we’d done. She was going on about how she could never do that with a boy and she was so envious. So I said, “Here, I’ll show you,” and I kissed her. I don’t know which of us was more surprised, but when we pulled away from that first kiss, she dove in and kissed me back.
I don’t know if that woke anything up in her, but it sure lit a fire in me. I went to sleep a lot of nights comparing the memory of those kisses. Marlene and I are in way different worlds and there is nothing that would ever develop between us. I hear she’s engaged and living in Omaha. But the sweet taste of a girl on my lips was all I needed to know; there was a future for me.
aroslav: So you lost weight.
BETH: I started. I’d dropped ten pounds before I got to Wellesley. Nobody noticed. It’s hard to break habits when you are still in the same environment. Tony and I were both excited about college, but whenever we talked, we were eating a burger. I don’t know why he never gained weight. I guess his dad kept him physically active and his mom always cooked the best, healthy meals. It was after I got to college that I was able to focus on dropping the weight. Barbara helped.
aroslav: Your girlfriend?
BETH: Yeah. We found each other the first week of school. It was interesting having a new best friend who was a girl. Most of the girls I knew in high school only hung around me to make themselves look more appealing to the boys. Tony was my best friend and we had always been there for each other in high school.
Barbara was concerned about her weight. Not that she needed to be. She’s trim and beautiful. But she helped me get into an exercise routine and I started to drop the pounds. We didn’t realize we were more than friends until November. By that time, the text messaging with Tony had dropped off. He didn’t send me a birthday wish, the fuck. Well, we were both really busy in school, even though Tony complained a lot. He was getting a little depressing.
Then, suddenly I realized Barbara and I were holding hands when we walked to class and kissing when we said goodnight. By Christmas we were lovers and I was giving and getting more sex than I thought possible. We switched things around when we got back for Winter Session and roomed together. We stayed that way until they kicked us out of the dorms on Memorial Day.
Barbara said she thought I was a College Lesbian and that I’d go back to boys now that my body image was better. She broke up with me at the airport.
aroslav: Was she right?
BETH: I don’t know. I don’t think so. I like girls. In fact, I’d have to say I mostly like girls. I’m not repulsed by boys, though. It certainly didn’t bother me any to kiss Tony this summer or when he...um...touched me. And I’ve had things...in me...before. Having the thing attached to a boy instead of a girl doesn’t turn me off. But given the opportunity to bury my face in a hot, wet...I think I still prefer girls.
aroslav: Are you getting back together with Barbara?
BETH: She’s not coming back to school this fall. I haven’t talked to her since we left for summer. She sent me an email that said she was taking a year off to go explore the world. It went to a distribution list. But, you know what? There’s other people in the world.
aroslav: Speaking of the world, your major is International Relations, right?
BETH: Yes. I’d like to work at the UN or perhaps the State Department.
aroslav: Why?
BETH: There’s really only one reason. Tony and I had this discussion maybe when we were in eighth grade. It all started out with us having a mutual bitch session at our favorite meeting place.
aroslav: The stream with the rock in it?
BETH: Okay, make that our favorite winter meeting place. It’s too damn cold to hike to a frozen stream in the middle of winter. My sister is a horse-nut. She convinced my parents to buy her an Arabian mare. No ordinary quarter horses for her. Of course, to have a horse, you have to have a barn and hay and all kinds of stuff. We had the barn, but with a horse in it—and then two—the hayloft was kept well-stocked and it was surprisingly warm since we couldn’t just leave the horses in the cold. Of course, they generate a lot of heat, especially when you add two or three more that we boarded. So by the time we were in eighth grade, the favorite meeting place was the hayloft above my sister’s horses.
aroslav: Okay. We were actually talking about why you wanted to work at the UN or State Department.
BETH: Right. Tony had been teased a lot that day. I don’t remember what it was this time. He was skinny. An artist. They thought he was gay. He was just easy to pick on. I found out that someone had said something really rotten to him and he’d run home. I didn’t need to call him. I just waited until 4:00 and went to the hayloft. That was our meeting time. He was there already. He was sitting near the trapdoor where we tossed hay down to the horses and sketching what they looked like from up above. You know, horses look a lot different when you are up above them than they do when you are looking at them straight on. I never realized that until I saw the picture he drew.
I guess that’s not the point.
The point is that we had a whole list of things that are wrong with the world. There’s war. There’s discrimination. Yeah—discrimination was real high on our list since we felt we were discriminated against. There’s poverty. There’s sickness. And there’s a whole lot of just plain ugly in the world.
And Tony—he has a way of just putting it simply and making you think—Tony said “What’re we going to do about it?”
aroslav: Did you solve the problems of the world and come up with a master plan?
BETH: Yeah. In a way, we did. We both agreed that somehow we’d make the world a better place.
aroslav: Sounds daunting.
BETH: Could be. In fact, I guess I had to convince Tony that he could do something. God! He’s an artist. He’s not going to go out and march on Washington or sit-in at the UN, or try to occupy Wall Street. Tony is going to be Tony.
aroslav: So what are you going to do?
BETH: We’re going to leave the world a better place than we found it. That’s all it really takes. We’ll be nice to people. We’ll be helpful in some way. He’ll paint something beautiful and moving. I’ll campaign for human rights. We will do what we can to leave the world a better place for our having been here.
aroslav: That sounds deep for a couple of eighth graders.
BETH: It wasn’t as well developed that afternoon in the hayloft. I would be surprised if Tony even remembers it. But I know that because of who he is and the kind of person he is, he’ll live up to his end of the bargain. I’ve chosen where I’m going to work. But I’ll tell you something. If I negotiate a peace treaty between two warring nations and save the world from a nuclear holocaust, it will only come close to even with one painting that Tony does. He’ll leave the world a much more beautiful place.
aroslav: You have a lot of respect for Tony’s art.
BETH: Have you actually seen any of it? His art is something that...how do I say this? He’s a savant. Tony doesn’t have any idea what his art does to people. He just paints because he’s creating something beautiful.
Do you know he used to leave me secret messages in drawings he did? I’d find a sketch slipped through the vents in my locker, you know. He’d have drawn a flower or a picture of Mrs. Albertson, the principal, something that totally had nothing to do with anything we’d ever discussed. It had no meaning. Then I’d look at it and see a puppy-dog face in her cleavage or a beggar with a tin cup in the petals of the flower. Sometimes, I’d see myself, or other people we knew. And it was all so simple, yet hidden.
aroslav: It’s not just his art. You’re passionate about Tony, aren’t you?
BETH: Get this straight. Tony was my best friend for ten years and we almost lost it when we went away to school. We both set our paths and went in opposite directions. I will never let that happen again. Tony is my best friend. Seeing him again this summer just made me realize that more. We’ve got different lives and loves. God! Have you seen his girlfriends? They are so hot! But I’ll never let him get so far from me again that I can’t just jot off a text to him or call him up and talk. We really screwed that up last year. I know Tony’s partly to blame for it, but I could have done something.
Now there’s three times as many reasons to keep in touch.
aroslav: What are you going to do?
BETH: I'm planning to visit this fall. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get my courage up a little.
aroslav: Beth, with all your feelings about...what can I call it?...social justice?...the question still remains as to why you’d choose to work at the UN or the State Department. Why not run for public office? I think I’d vote for you.
BETH: Bullshit. If you did, I’d question the intelligence of the nation even more than I do now. Politicians are self-serving egomaniacs who have no more desire to serve than to become a monk. We can talk all we want about the principles that a candidate or incumbent has. It doesn’t make a difference. They don’t serve—at least past the first term—in order to act on their principles. Think about it. There isn’t a single member of the Senate, House of Republicans, Presidency, or Supreme Court who needs the salary he or she is drawing. Yet congress continues to vote itself raises because to them it’s just like any other job or career. You try to climb as high as you can.
I’ll run for public office when there is no income associated with it. When congressional representatives are forbidden to spend millions on campaigns for jobs that pay thousands. When holding public office is something people volunteer for instead of get paid for. When representatives are selected based on the population they represent rather than the dollars they raise. Then I’ll consider running for public office. I will not engage in politics in any form.
aroslav: Yet, even the jobs you are contemplating are full of politics.
BETH: I completely admit to holes in my logic. But politics and religion are the two greatest evils the world has ever known.
aroslav: I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me, Beth. Your comments have been insightful.
BETH: No problem. I think you give them too much credence. But would you do me a favor?
aroslav: What’s that?
BETH: Next time you see Tony, tell him I’m thinking of him. We all need to hear that sometimes.
aroslav: I’m pretty sure he’s thinking of you, too, Beth.
BETH: ’Bye.
aroslav: ’Bye.
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