Heaven’s Gate
58 Minnesota Twins
ME: My grandpa turned ninety years old this week. Yeah. Isn’t that amazing. My dad isn’t really old. He’s only fifty. I asked him why it took Grandpa so long before he had any children. Dad looked at me as if I was crazy. He just said, “He had a farm to run.” Wow! Like that made sense.
I’m sad to say that Grandpa isn’t all there anymore. Have you heard about oldtimer’s disease? He’s got that. I remember going up to visit him in the nursing home in Mishawaka, a few weeks ago, because I wanted to introduce his great granddaughter to him and he didn’t really know who I was. It was really sad. I thought, I might end up this way.
I love him though. There wasn’t much of a conversation to be had when he stopped to ask who I was about every five minutes. But just as I was carrying my daughter and picking up her diaper bag to leave, Grandpa motioned me over really close. I was thinking, ‘He has one last pearl of wisdom for me.’ I got close and he whispered, “They won’t let me have Windows 98.”
I said, “Grandpa, why do you need Windows 98?”
“Everyone needs Windows 98. They say so on TV. Get me started.”
I left. It was driving me crazy. I’d seen the television ads. Yeah. Everyone needs Windows 98. Did you ever see that ad? Images flashing all over everywhere. Exciting. Mesmerizing. Please understand that I don’t mean any disrespect, but I went out and bought my grandpa a teleidoscope. I cut a Windows logo out of a magazine and pasted it on the side and gave it to him. He was happy! Get me started.
Do you play games on your computer?
Did you notice how I asked that question? With the fundamental assumption that you have a computer? Our parents still don’t understand the question. We take it for granted. We have a computer at home. It has megs and ram and bits. I don’t understand any of that. But games. I understand games. When I got my very first computer, it came with a game called Brickle. It was rows and rows of bricks and a little ball that bounced up and down. You moved a paddle with your mouse and the ball had to hit it in order to bounce up and knock out a brick, then bounce back. Over and over. I played all night one night when I got my computer. I saw that ball bouncing in front of my eyes the entire next day. Since then, I haven’t played any games.
Let me correct that. Most of you in the audience tonight are Indiana homegrown beef. Like me, you probably learned to play euchre before you could walk. We’ve taught all the kids on the ranch to play, and all the adults play now and then. If we are feeling very grown up, we play pinochle. Or Scrabble. Except nobody wants to play Scrabble with Nikki. “I played all my letters, including the Q, the Z, and the X with two double letter scores and a triple word score. That’s 588 points. Your turn.” I concede.
But now, I see all kinds of games for computers that go way beyond the brick games that were around when I got my computer. And tonight, I’ve got a couple characters on the show who are going to tell us about their new game. I call these guys characters because I’ve known them since high school and they were always playing a character. Please help me welcome the Minnesota twins, Brent and Trent Carson.
I hadn’t been too sure about having the twins on the show. They’d been geeks and jerks in high school. They’d taken Lexi’s virginity. Well, she kind of gave it to them. The whole time I knew them they were playing some game or another where they were elves or dwarfs or some other fantasy creature. They’d accosted Rose in the hall one day and she’d knocked them over by flashing them. But Courtney explained to me that they had developed a pretty cool online game and we were broadcasting this week from the Crystal Court in Minneapolis, so I agreed to have them on.
And they were great. Not that I’d actually invite them to be my best friends, but they’d turned out pretty decent.
BRENT (or TRENT): We’re not offering you royalties or anything, Brian, but in a way, you inspired the game.
TWIN2: Well, we didn’t really know you that well other than to play on the same basketball team for a few games at the end of the season. You were two years ahead of us in school.
TWIN1: It was really our mutual friend Lexi Cortales who inspired the game.
ME: Wait. Lexi inspired you to write a computer game?
TWIN1: Yeah, and before we continue, I want to tell you how much hearing about her death shook us up. Lexi was an incredible woman who we remember fondly. For all you did that day to stop the shooter at IU, we want to say thank you.
ME: I’m only sorry I couldn’t do anything for Lexi. But let’s not get too maudlin about it. Tell me how Lexi inspired your online game.
TWIN2: We were always bugging her to date us. Either of us. Well, just about every guy on the basketball, football, or track team wanted to date Lexi. And she was always kind when she turned us down. You know better than most that we were a little strange in high school. We’ve always kind of been into our games.
TWIN1: We wanted to have more social interaction, but we were—and still are, in a way—socially inept. Teenage girls can be pretty cruel when they turn a guy down for a date. But not Lexi. We never felt like we were unworthy of her attention, just that we didn’t fit together. At the time.
TWIN2: What she did, though, was give us a slip of paper with some rules on it. We understand that you originated the rules and Lexi and her group modified them some. Like most guys, we read them and sort of laughed about it. You know, agreeing up front that you aren’t going to make a pass at a girl unless she tells you it’s okay sounds crazy.
TWIN1: It wasn’t until after Lexi passed away that we went back to that agreement and looked it over carefully.
TWIN2: And we got it. By being stubborn about not wanting to give up what we had always understood as the male prerogative of trying to make a pass, whether a girl wanted it or not, we had given up the opportunity to get to know and date a pretty cool girl. In fact, several of them.
TWIN1: We started applying the rules to our own lives when we were juniors in college and found out that the women we were interested in responded well. Did you know we’re both married now?
ME: No. Congratulations.
TWIN2: To twins.
ME: The world is not safe.
TWIN1: We developed an online dating game based on the rules of the agreement. And dang if it isn’t fun!
We had a demo of the game and it actually was fun and reasonably faithful to our concepts. The guys had matured a lot for a couple of twenty-four-year-olds. I had a feeling they’d be rolling in dough when this game really took off. The whole idea of meeting someone on the computer was still a little strange to me. I used the computer to check my email and my database. Courtney used hers to make complex software that allowed us to edit video. The Carsons used their computers to play games and to date. To each his own, I guess.
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