Heaven’s Gate
30 Wet Nurse
“Oh, my goodness. Dawn, I hate to ask this, but you didn’t fudge these numbers at all, did you?” Dr. Jan said when she came out Tuesday afternoon.
“No, doctor. You would not have believed it. In fact, I told everyone that no one would believe it. Both babies cleared the passage at exactly the same time. They are exactly the same length and exactly the same weight. We all cross-checked it. And they aren’t related in any way.”
“Well they are both healthy as little ponies. Let’s keep them that way. Have you both begun to nurse?” Jan asked.
“James likes my nipples almost as much as his father does,” Rhiannon giggled. “It’s a little thin, but Dawn said that was colostrum and the milk would come in pretty quickly. Is it possible that I can feel it? I mean feel my breasts changing as the milk starts?”
“It’s very possible,” Dr. Jan said. “You are certainly equipped to feed a monster. I mean that kindly. You will probably have more milk than he can consume. Now, Liz. Why are you crying, honey?”
“She sucks but nothing comes out. Rhiannon has colostrum, but I don’t even have that. It’s just, nothing. She’ll starve!” Liz cried.
“Don’t panic, honey. You are a very small-breasted woman. You might not have as much production capacity as your friend. It’s not your fault and does not reflect on whether you will be a good mother. You’ll just have to supplement a little. She’s probably a little hungry. Dani, do you still have goat’s milk?”
“We can get some in a few minutes. I’ll call Maribelle.”
“Now, Liz,” Jan dropped her voice so only Liz and Rhiannon and I could hear her. “You know Dani couldn’t produce enough milk for Xan and she dried up quite quickly. The goat’s milk is a fine alternative. But there is one other.”
“What?”
“It appears that Rhiannon is going to overproduce. It’s entirely up to the two of you, but there is nothing wrong with Rhiannon nursing two babies. I know you are the best of friends, but that might be too much to ask of either of you. If you do decide that, I would strongly suggest that you both care for both babies as much as possible. That way both children will bond with both of you. You should think this over carefully before you decide,” Jan said. “For now, I pronounce all four of you healthy and unless I hear from you otherwise, I’ll be out in two weeks to check up. Now where are my little girls, Xan and C-Rae?”
“Um… Rhiannon? What do you think?” Liz asked as they lay in bed with their babies and the fathers. “I feel so inadequate. You even let me borrow Doug and now I want to borrow your breasts.”
“Liz, you’ve always been my best friend. I’ve known you would do anything for me. Right from that time you beat up Phil Bishop.”
“Wait!” Doug and I both said at the same time.
“I watched Liz beat up Phil and cheered for her. I thought he’d said something to her,” I said.
“He trapped me in the cloakroom and kissed me,” Rhiannon said. “He wouldn’t let go and the next day I kind of hid behind Liz. When Phil came up she pulverized him. She’s my hero.”
“It wasn’t that big a deal. I got suspended for a week,” Liz laughed. “But, Rhiannon…”
“Liz, I would be so honored to nurse Céleste for you. And I want you to be Mama Liz to James. Please let me do this for you.” The two girls hugged. Liz reached over to take Céleste from my arms. I was reluctant to let go, but understood. Liz placed Céleste on Rhiannon’s chest and our baby latched onto a nipple and started sucking greedily. James fussed and Doug laid him beside Céleste on the other side.
“Oh, God!” Rhiannon said. “Doug, kiss me! When I come, I want to think it’s from you!”
The day had arrived. None of us had really slept Sunday night. Elaine was ready to rock and roll at five, even though she wouldn’t be taping in Indianapolis until eleven. She and Nikki took off as soon as they’d had a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll. Hannah grabbed hers on the way out the door and went straight to the studio in the barn. She’d be looking for another director for Young Cooking, I was sure, but it was great that she was taking the helm for the first couple weeks of Reese’s show. I didn’t have to worry about going in until after noon, so I planned to use most of the morning working on my thesis. First, though, I thought I’d slip over to the studio and watch the new season premiere.
REESE: Good morning, boyfriends. I feel so honored that you got up so early just to come to my house. [Eight guys are sitting at the counter. It’s only seven-thirty in the morning.] Let me see. You four wanted coffee. There’s cream and sugar on the counter. You two wanted hot chocolate. No problem. Dan and Lonnie, Coke for breakfast? Really? I better do the announcement for the camera. You know we’re all live, right?
I’m Chef Reese and this is Young Cooking. We are almost live this morning, broadcasting from Hearthstone Studios in lovely Corazón, Indiana. That means I’m cooking at seven-thirty and we’re broadcasting at nine o’clock. Maybe when I get better at television, we’ll go one hundred percent live. This morning, I’ve invited some of my favorite guys from the Senior class at West Monroe High School to be my guests. I’m glad you guys could join me.
We’re going to start a week of things you can do with your girlfriend. That her parents won’t object to. In fact, girls, watch closely because you’ll want to be sure they do this stuff right. No sense having a guy over for breakfast and then going to school disappointed. Right?
Reese did a great job. She was a lot more flirtatious on the new show than she’d been on Chick Chat, but Elaine’s audience was bigger and far more mixed. Our concept for the new Young Cooking was all small audiences that Reese could actually chat with while she was cooking. Barbara had limited the audience to eight tickets and the first four days had been sold to the four high schools in the county. If I understood correctly, all programs this week would be Reese teaching guys how to impress their girlfriends. It was a good intro.
I left the studio and got a couple hours in working on my thesis before I showered and dressed for my show. Cassie, Liz, and Céleste loaded in the car with me. We checked to be sure we had all the baby gear. It was my new season premiere as well. By this time, Elaine was well into her show and I’d get to the studio about the time she finished. Chuck and Frankie were meeting me at the studio. They would have gone through all the day’s headlines and we’d fit what was interesting into the monologue for tonight’s show. We’d start taping at six for our nine o’clock broadcast.
We’d been in the studio several times over the past few weeks as we got things ready to roll. The big addition for my show was a band to provide musical bridges. We’d rehearsed a few times, but the guy who led the four-man band was even weirder than me. I never knew when he was going to put a stab of music in. We had a keyboard, drums, guitar, and bass guitar. I thought they were a group we found, but I later discovered that Warren had auditioned musicians specifically for the stage band. They’d never had a gig before our show. We had to come up with a name for them. Warren finally named them SOLE. None of us knew why, but that’s what they became. They had a little bit of a punk edge to them when they got wound up, but they provided good bridges as we worked through the show.
ME: Good evening! I’m Brian Frost. It’s September eleven and we’re ready for a new season of XX/XY. I know none of you are as excited about that as I am. You know, I don’t remember my first show last January at all. I was so scared that all I could think was ‘Chevy Chase lasted two weeks. I can get through tonight.’ I remember the second show clearly. I showed up at Theta House on the IU campus where we recorded the show and was met at the door by a cute coed whose name I have intentionally forgotten. She said, ‘May I help you?’ I turned on the charm and suavely said, ‘I think you’re expecting me. I’m Brian Frost and I’m here to do XX/XY.’ Her eyes popped wide open and she said, ‘Oh my God! After last night’s show we didn’t think you’d show up!’
I’m happy my writers have improved since then. I don’t make this crap up!
We have a nice audience here tonight. I know some of you bought tickets just to see if I’d show up after last season. But we have a few students from Garfield High here. Happy to see a group from Butler University. Go Bulldogs! A group of… is this right? Does FHA still exist? Someone help me. [Volunteer is pushed forward.] Hi. You got volunteered. What’s your name?
RITA: Rita Larson.
ME: One of my best friends is a Larson. We’ll find out later if you are related. Rita, when I was in high school, and it wasn’t that long ago, I was refused admission to take high school home economics because I was a guy. Even when I got to participate in 4-H foods and started Young Cooking as a segment on The Homemakers’ Hour with Miss Polly, I was told that the Future Homemakers of America club had been disbanded. But the brief I got said you are from the Greater Indianapolis FHA.
RITA: Future Homemakers of America was formed in 1945 and has been an active high school level women’s organization for fifty years. We have certainly had slack times, especially during the feminist movement of the sixties and seventies. A movement, by the way, which we do not find to be contrary to our organization’s mission. If all people, men and women, are to be treated equally and fairly, then we must recognize that no two people fit the exact same mold. We are not all cut out to be corporate executives, sales people, or scientists. Some of us actually prefer to think of ourselves in more traditional roles as home economists. We recently merged with the organization known as HERO, Home Economics Related Occupations and we have associated clubs in fifty states.
ME: Did you memorize all that?
RITA: Yes.
ME: What is your goal in life that makes membership in this organization appropriate for you?
RITA: I would like to create a successful family partnership in which I can love my husband, provide a healthy and active environment in which we can grow together, and raise our children to be successful and happy citizens of our great country.
ME: Thank you, Rita. That was well-said and I wish you and the rest of your club great success.
And that brings me to what’s happening in the world today. Not much. Nothing ever happens the week after Labor Day. But this week, the United Nations is sponsoring the Fourth World Conference on Women in Beijing. That’s right. Over 4,000 women from 180 countries are participating. If we’ve figured it correctly, that includes a representative from every major country in the world. Except China, of course. But they are kind enough to host it.
Co-President Hillary Clinton is speaking there this week. I remember how disappointed Elaine Frost was a few years ago on Chick Chat. It was her first season and Hillary had to cancel and send her husband. We were all so disappointed.
But the president has had a tough time of it lately. As of a week ago, we started bombing runs in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Apparently, the Serbs weren’t doing a good enough job and we have to show them how it’s done.
Isn’t that the way of the world? It seems like the only way we have of stopping people from hurting others is to hurt them. But I want to take a different tack from that tonight. We’re going to talk about new life and giving life. I’m going to introduce you to the newest member of the Frost family. We’ll be right back! First, here’s SOLE.
I left the stage as SOLE took over with some music. I made sure my mike was disconnected and went to the bathroom. I had to breathe deeply a few times. I was afraid my comments about today’s news had gone over the heads of my audiences and was worried that they were too young for what we had planned. But I went to the green room and hugged Liz. She handed Céleste to me and together we walked out on stage as the band wound up their interlude.
After a lot of work and research, we decided on a half-round table for the show. I had a seat in the middle after I’d walked around in front of the audience showing off the baby.
ME: This is the newest member of the Frost family. Just a week old. Say hello to Céleste Rose. [Applause.] Her first television credit. Next year she’ll probably replace me as host. Beside me is my delectable, delicious, fiery, redheaded cónyuge, Liz, also known as Mommy. [We get settled in our chairs.] Liz, why don’t you take over the show while I gaze at our precious daughter.
LIZ: I’ll arm-wrestle you for her.
ME: I’m still recovering from the last time.
LIZ: Yes, but you know what happened last time. We ended up with a baby!
ME: Absolutely the most precious thing in the world. Liz, one of our guests, Rita, said she wanted to raise her children to be happy and successful citizens of our country. Do you have goals like that for Céleste?
LIZ: My first goal is that she grows up. You know, I first thought about children on our first date when we were fourteen, Brian.
ME: I didn’t know that.
LIZ: And my goals then were different. All I could think about was holding and singing lullabies to my precious baby. Then I saw her giving me grandchildren that I could sing lullabies to. There really wasn’t anything in between.
ME: You sound like something changed.
LIZ: I did. You did. Our other cónyuge did. All of you understand, Céleste is my first child, but Brian’s fourth. And I absolutely love and adore the mothers of the other three. But here’s the thing. Over the past nine years, we’ve all grown and changed and had different experiences. We’ve chosen career paths. We’ve had adventures. We’ve made friends. And we’ve lost friends. We’ve seen in just this short time—I’m only twenty-three—that life isn’t guaranteed. Right now, I’m focused on making sure my daughter grows up and is loved every moment of her life. We’ll deal with the happy and successful part somewhere along the line.
We chatted for several minutes before I got the sign from April that it was time to go to commercial again. I turned it over to the band and Céleste woke up. Liz took her off stage to a huge round of applause.
ME: I’m happy to welcome back to the show tonight a person who has become a colleague and a friend over the past few years. Please welcome the editor-in-chief of XX/XY Woman/Man magazine, Roz Knightly.
Between Roz and a pet trainer, we got through the rest of the show. In the editing room, Joyce and Fran were working their magic with digital editing to prepare the show for broadcast at nine o’clock. I was amazed that we finished everything by eight o’clock. By ten, Cassie had us home and a hungry Céleste attacked Rhiannon’s breast while James danced around the room with Liz and burped. When Liz got Céleste ready for bed, we took her to the master suite. It pretty much belonged to mommies and babies at the moment. Tonight, was going to be all women as the moms got in the middle of the bed. Doreen slipped in beside Liz and held her while Sandy held Rhiannon. Doug and I watched them as they settled in and all went to sleep.
“Um… I’m not sure where I’m sleeping,” Doug said.
“In the big room,” I answered. “No one will molest you brother, but there’s no reason for you to sleep alone. Come on.”
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