Becoming the Storm
57 Touching the Sun
IT WAS HARD TO BELIEVE I could get up on Monday morning and not have to rush to the studio to prep the morning show. Our week off. After forms, I went straight to the silo and stripped. The more involved I was with the studio and studies, the more frequently I was working out. If I didn’t warm up carefully, I could still cause a lot of pain in my back where the scar tissue pulled against my muscles. The doctor had said I minimized the damage by being so devoted to my physical therapy. Unfortunately, I’d been in a coma for three weeks after the wound and a bunch of scarring built up internally before I started PT.
You can minimize external scar tissue with the cream I was rubbing on Dani and Samantha each day. In fact, they treated the scars on my stomach and back the same way. But once scar tissue builds up internally, it’s very difficult to reduce it. I hated to admit that it was almost a burden to get to my weekly massage on Friday afternoons. My muscles were compensating for the scars, flexing around the damaged tissue and building a few new pathways. Each day was a challenge to keep the muscles limber.
“Master, will you spar with me?” I turned to look at the diminutive woman facing me. I shuddered. The only person I’d sparred with since the shooting was Whitney. She was the only one in the clan I wasn’t afraid of hurting. I knew she could take care of herself. I’d seen Judy spar with Whitney, though. I knew she was good. But did I dare actually spar with her?
“I don’t think you should call me master,” I said, diverting the conversation. “Whitney is the only master here. Except maybe Amy. Amy is just scary.”
“No kidding,” Judy laughed. “She about tore me apart when we sparred.” She calmly removed her clothes and left them with mine by the door.
“You sparred with Amy? I thought Whitney was the only one who had sparred with Amy. And she ended up bruised.”
“Yeah. But Whitney said the only way anyone could spar with you was if they could stand up to Amy. I did it,” Judy said.
“Ah. Things have progressed beyond where I am. I’m out of the loop. Why would anyone want to face Amy in order to face me?” Judy looked at me with a puzzled expression.
“You’re the best,” she said simply. “Even Master Xi said so.”
“Master Xi could pick me apart with ease.”
“He doesn’t think so. He says you are the first enlightened master he has ever met.”
“Enlightened!” I barked. “Ha! That’s a good one. I’m not enlightened. I’m not even a master. Look at me! I’m a twenty-two-year-old runt with more self-doubt than confidence. I have nightmares, for God’s sake.” Something broke within me. It all came out in a flood. “I’m self-centered and dangerous to the people I love. I have responsibility I don’t know how to handle. I question everything. I don’t believe in a God and don’t believe in an afterlife. I died. There was nothing there. This is it, Judy. This is all we have. If you sacrifice yourself, that is your reward. If you are selfish and harm others, that is also your reward. How we are remembered—that’s all we are in the long run. Enlightened people go out and teach others. They ponder great questions. Fuck! They meditate while levitating three feet off the floor. I’m not enlightened. I’m just me. With all the flaws. With all that I love people. With all that I care about. I’m just me.”
Judy’s attack surprised me. All I had time to do was anchor myself while I received the blow. I was a rock. She hit me twice more before I started blocking her. Flowing around her. Touching her to send her off balance and onto the floor. She rolled and bounced right back to press me again. And then I lost all sense of the action and movement. I was simply in the flow. I could see her moves before they manifested and counter them. I didn’t need to hurt her. She was testing. I let her test and foiled her attempts to capitalize on perceived weaknesses. I felt that I occupied the entire silo. It was my sacred space. I could see everything within it. Amy, Whitney, Adam, and Master Xi stationed themselves around the circle, but none held a whistle to stop the match. I didn’t need to turn with Judy or to face her. I could simply not be where she was striking and let her motions carry her away from me, wearing her out. Or I could anchor myself to the floor and let her energy bounce off me. I was rock. I was water. I was air.
And I was a wall of fire.
She attacked, striking with both feet and screamed. Suddenly, I was catching her as she fell, lowering her gently to the floor as she gasped for breath. She looked into my eyes with what I could see was a mixture of awe and adoration.
“My feet have touched the sun,” she whispered. Then she passed out.
Whitney, Amy, Adam, and Master Xi were next to me, checking on Judy. It wasn’t necessary. I could see she’d just exhausted herself. In a minute she moaned and started to sit up. Whitney and Adam helped her. Amy and Master Xi stood facing me. I was naked, as I usually was when I worked out in the silo. Judy had met me in the same condition.
“If I hadn’t witnessed that, I would not have believed it,” Amy said. “Even though Whitney told me.”
All five stood in front of me and as one, they clasped their hands in front of them and bowed.
“Thank you for the lesson, Master Brian,” Xi said. They bowed again and stepped toward the door of the silo. Judy stopped to pick up her gi.
“Brian? Will you make love to me now? You would not believe how horny I am.” I grinned and walked back to the big house holding her hand.
Monday night we went to the arena and watched Whitney in the second pre-season exhibition for the Lady Hoosiers. It was traditional to play an international team in the pre-season, but I honestly don’t know how they dredge these teams up. Where the heck is Moldova? It’s a tiny little land-locked country between Romania and the Ukraine. I think every eligible woman in the country was on their team. Or a chaperone. Eastern Europe was still waking up from the Communist Era and I’m pretty sure there was a chaperone for every woman on the team and for every coach. They played with a lot of heart, but they didn’t have either the height or the skills that IU had.
Sometimes Whitney comes home feeling bad about beating a team like that, but she’d only played two quarters as Coach Casey rotated everyone on the team into the game. It was exactly what it was supposed to be: a training experience for both teams.
“It’s going to be real,” Jessica said. She held my hand as we looked at the foundation for her new home in the village. It was at the end of the street between Dinita’s house and the water tower. Just beyond the water tower was where the new fire station would be built. The foundations had been staked out. The township had voted for construction of the fire station in April, but in the November balloting, we approved the bond for it. We’d had a big celebration last weekend and folks came out to see the location. It wouldn’t be huge, but it would house two tanker trucks with 2,000-gallon capacity and heavy duty pumps, and a medical assist vehicle. Actual construction would begin after the first of the year under Arnie’s guidance. Using student crews from the high school not only cut the labor cost, but enabled us to get a huge grant to cover the materials. Jessica’s house, though, was different.
“When do you think you’ll move in?” I asked.
“I don’t know. It’s not a manufactured home, so construction won’t go as fast as the others. I expect it should be ready sometime in the spring or summer. Projects tend to fill whatever time is allowed. I have no idea when I’ll move in.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m really excited about having my own home and being next door to the ranch,” she sighed. “But face it, I’m still not going to be here any more often than what I have been in the past two years. I have an apartment in New York and one in Paris. I’m not letting them go. We don’t even tape Redress here. So not only is my modeling away, so is the television show. I love having the house here, but it seems such a waste to only be in it a few weeks a year. It will be so big and empty.”
I nodded. I had kind of been hoping that having her build a house here would mean that she’d actually be living here. I should have known better. She was Heaven. The village council had a long discussion about putting a house the size that she wanted in the village. None of the houses were particularly small, but Heaven wanted a McMansion. Rhiannon had gone to work to design a house that had all the features Jessica wanted, but had a lower profile and didn’t stand out so much from the other houses in the village.
“You don’t have to stay in it when you come back. As long as the dorms are still active, you have a place there. Even if everyone moves out of the dorms, you can stay with us,” I said.
“Now that would be silly, wouldn’t it? Build my dream house and then sleep in a dormitory when I come back? Don’t worry. It’s my retirement home. Before long, I won’t be able to do the same level of work I am now. I won’t be young and fresh and pretty. I’m twenty-three. The career is almost over. Then I’ll move here. Heaven, the former model. The house won’t actually be empty until then. I’ll have a caretaker family living there and keeping everything neat and ready for me.” I was a little nervous about that. We’d done a good job controlling who bought lots and who lived in the community. If Jessica brought someone in who we didn’t know to be her caretakers, who knew what would happen. Still, there was only so much control we could exercise. I fully expected that there would come a day when we were renting out the bunkhouse. That would be tough. But people in other casa weren’t going to want to live in small college quarters after they had jobs and were stable. I could imagine Carl, Brenda, Louise, and Cathy moving away. I even wondered if all my casa would stay together in the big house.
“I love you, Jessica. You know I just want you to be happy.”
“You sound like my father, just before he divorced my mother.”
“I thought they were back together.”
“They are. Sort of. I will never understand parents. My father doesn’t want to leave the house in Mishawaka. It’s not that great a house, but he’s got his successful career. Mother is there about as frequently as I’m here. She got a taste for Paris and doesn’t want to leave her apartment. Frankly, I think they both have lovers.”
“I’m sure they’re staying together for the sake of the children,” I laughed. Jessica was nearly twenty-four and her brother, Drew, was dead. We wandered around the house foundation and then headed back toward the ranch.
“Me too,” she said softly. I looked at her trying to figure out what she was talking about. “I love you.”
Oh.
“Hold me, Brian?”
“Of course, honey. Come cuddle up.” It was the night before Thanksgiving. Nikki had just arrived, stripped off her clothes and dragged me to the big chair. I love this time of year because we can have a fire in the fireplace and everyone in the casa gathers on the chairs and pillows. Having my former goth, now blonde bombshell, naked in my arms was a wonderful plus. I leaned toward her and laid a gentle kiss on her rose tattoo. She wrapped both arms around my neck and sobbed into my shoulder. Shit! This must be a really hard year for her.
“I was so fucked up!”
“What is it, honey? What has you so upset?”
“My novel. It’s so hard to write,” she said. I breathed a sigh of relief. I could think of so many things that could have been worse.
“Tell me about it.” She pushed away slightly and pointed to the tattoo I’d just kissed.
“This is the book,” she whispered. “It’s not my autobiography. If you ever read it, don’t go thinking ‘Oh, that’s how she felt.’ It’s a story. But…” Her lip quivered and it took a few minutes for her to continue. “It’s not like I write about my life, but what I experienced—what I imagined—they inform what I write. It was always like that when I wrote poetry. I’d just let words tumble out of my mouth that felt like what I wanted to get across. It’s even like that when I write comedy. It’s why there’s so much edge to the stuff I write for Elaine.”
“It sounds like it will be awesome. What’s it called?”
“The Black Rose of Sharon. Sharon is the protagonist. She’s not me! But there are things in her fucked up life that I identify with. She describes the people in her high school and what she’d like to do to them. God! If anyone I know ever reads it, they’ll think I’m a homicidal maniac who was out to kill them but never had a chance,” she sniffed.
“Well, you’ll have to live with that. You even wanted to kill me,” I snorted.
“I didn’t really. But it is like there were little demons in me taunting me about what people thought of me.”
“Is it good?” She nodded. “As good as your poetry?” She nodded again.
“It’s like every word makes me want to laugh or cry. I have to add some filler so people will be able to catch their breath. But it’s so hard! It all dredges up the emotions and the uncertainty of what I went through. I was crazy! I still am, but thanks to the miracle of modern chemistry, I’m stable. It was all so real to me and writing about it drains me of emotions.”
“What happens?”
“What?”
“In the book. What happens?”
“Oh. Nothing really. It’s just like all inside her head. She draws a black rose on her wall each time she kills someone. You’re never actually sure if she killed them or just imagined it,” Nikki said.
Holy shit!
We had a full house, but it was still a comparatively sedate Thanksgiving dinner. In addition to our casa and Casa del Agua, we had Samantha’s parents with both Amber and Judy, my parents and Anna, Hannah’s parents, Cassie’s parents, Sheriff Donaldson, and Angela’s mother. Only thirty-three of us, so we could actually arrange seating for everyone around the tables we cobbled together.
We were having our dinner fairly early by most standards. Our turkey was out of the oven and we were eating by noon. That’s because so many of us had to be at other places as well. Hannah, Brighty, and Evelyn were invited to Casa del Sol to have a later Thanksgiving with Sarah and their new in-laws, plus Jessica and Amy. Dani and I, of course, were headed to the Woods’ house for a later dinner with her parents, sisters, George, and his parents. Mom, Dad, and Anna were taking Jennifer and Courtney up to Kokomo for dinner with Bill and Crystal. Of course, the sheriff would be on duty most of the afternoon and evening so at least one deputy could have time with his family. Rose was picking up Ross and they were driving to Fort Wayne for an evening dinner with her parents and older sister who was living with a guy there and wanted to be the hostess for the family dinner.
Let’s just say that logistics for getting all our families together for any given holiday were pretty crazy. Of course, several people would also be taking off on Friday to visit family back up in Mishawaka. The celebration of Sarah and Lamar’s wedding on Saturday in French Lick would mostly be our casa with Casa del Sol and the families of the couple. Of course, Jessica, Amy, Adam, and Warren would also be there.
We really relaxed around the table with just general chatting and an occasional word of thanks as people thought of things, but no big emotional speeches. We all worked on dishes and putting away leftovers and then relaxed before people had to start leaving for the next event. I glanced over and saw Dad in the big chair with both Dani and Doreen in his lap, cuddled against him. Tears were streaming down his face. Mom and Anna came up and hugged me from either side.
“He really likes being a grandpa,” Mom said. “Your kids are easier for him to get to and spoil than Betts’.” I guess that was true.
“Not to mention the fact that he loves your family,” Anna said. “He would hold any of your cónyuge in his lap as if they were the most precious beings in the world. That’s just one of the things I love about him.”
“How about you two? Do you want more grandchildren?” I looked at the two women and they looked at me.
“Oh, Brian,” Mom said. “I think Betts is done. It’s up to you to keep us supplied from now on!”
I escorted Sarah’s mom down the aisle Saturday and sat beside her. Adam escorted Mrs. Trane and did the same. Rich escorted Hannah and they took their places on either side of where Rose and Lamar stood. Lionel escorted Heaven to her place of honor and went to stand by his brother. We all stood up at Rose’s signal and turned to watch Sarah float down the aisle on her father’s arm. I swear her feet never touched the floor. Her smile was so radiant, it shone through her veil. I have never seen anyone who looked so completely whipped as Lamar standing there waiting for her. After placing Sarah’s hand in Lamar’s, Rev. Gordon stepped up onto the platform—I guess they call it the chancel—with Rose and she held his robe as he slipped into it. Then she turned to the congregation.
“Who presents this woman for holy matrimony?” Rose asked. Evelyn and I stood.
“Her parents and her Patrón,” I said. We sat back down. Sunshine then spoke.
“Who presents this man for holy matrimony?” he asked. Rose turned to him and Doris Trane stood.
“His mother and his Matrón,” Doris said. It was kind of a cool twist to giving away the bride. The rest of the service was pretty standard except that when they exchanged rings, Rose also wrapped a yellow thread around their wrists and gave them a blessing.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Brighty said after the ritual.
“We recognize you as cónyuge in Casa del Sol and the Clan of the Heart,” Rose responded. It didn’t require permission for them to get right into the kiss.
I’m sure that before they were finished, I heard Rose quietly say, “Live long and prosper.”
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