Becoming the Storm
38 With Child
“DANI? ARE YOU TELLING ME…?” She was nodding her head. The right side of her mouth curled up in a smile. I suppose it was pretty hard to work the left side of her mouth with the stitches, bandages, and wiring.
“I’m with child,” she said through her teeth. If I didn’t know she was wired shut, I’d have been worried about her saying that through her teeth that way. But I still needed to make sure.
“Is it… Is it okay, sweetheart? Can I… Can I be happy about it?” I said. She was still holding my hands against her stomach. Her womb. My second child was growing here and Dani was nodding.
“No one knows yet. I just found out last night.” She opened the small bag she was carrying and showed me the EPT stick. “I hid it. I want you there with me.”
“I will be there, Dani. I will never leave you. You just made my life worth living again.”
Dani was the only one of my hearthmates who had been unable to visit me in the brief time before I banned visitors. She’d been transferred to Indianapolis for the surgery and was in the hospital there. Samantha would be going into surgery next week. It was like my head was clearing the closer to the ranch that we got. Perhaps I’d been a fool to keep them away. I missed them so much. I held Dani’s hand as she drove us home. My leg was working all right, but I didn’t trust it to operate a brake and gas pedal.
Stairs were still a bit of a challenge and I slowly made my way up to the deck and then to the back door. Who was I kidding. I could have gone faster, but I was scared. I didn’t know how they’d respond to me after the way I’d treated them. When Dani opened the door, the house was quiet. No one greeted me. There was no one there. Oh God! Please don’t let them all jump out and yell surprise! Nothing. Dani led me to the big chair by the fireplace and began undressing me. I shook my head.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to get naked, love,” I said. “I haven’t seen anyone in… a long time. They won’t want to see me naked.” She pointed at the chair. My red gi was neatly folded on the arm. She continued to undress me. I shook myself and helped, reaching for the jacket before my pants were off. Before I could get it closed, Dani traced the scars on my abdomen, even turning me around so she could see my back. When she allowed me to close the jacket, I saw tears streaking down her face. She helped me pull the pants on and then straightened to face me. She bent forward and softly touched my lips with her own. That was all the kiss we could really have but I swore that I would kiss her a lot when she was better. She stripped quickly and her own red gi was on the other arm of the chair. She carefully guided me into the chair and then tested my lap to see where she could safely sit without causing pain.
We napped there, holding each other and with my hand on our child growing inside her.
I woke up when the door closed. I don’t know how long we’d slept, but I couldn’t remember dreaming at all. Soft footfalls announced Hannah’s approach. She also wore her red gi. She was barefoot.
“Hannah, I’m so sorry that I’ve kept you away…” I began.
“Shh. We thought it would be easier on you if we came in one at a time instead of all at once. That way you don’t have to try to relate to all of us at one time. I know you like to focus on us as individuals. I got to be first—after Dani. She got the privilege because she’s the only one who hadn’t seen you at all to verify that you are all right. And she was the only one who had the guts to march into that place and drag you out.”
Hannah perched on the arm of the chair on my right and I hugged her. Dani didn’t move, apparently still asleep.
“I haven’t been able to talk to you,” I said. “I just couldn’t put things in words. I always felt close to you in the morning, though. Our special time. That’s when I could get a couple hours of sleep.”
“That’s because I was talking to you,” Hannah said. “The absence of your little tickles in the morning was a sign to me. I knew you would be talking to me if you could. Since you couldn’t, I talked to you. I started the day you were shot. I’ve never stopped.”
“You are so faithful to me,” I said in awe.
“I have always believed in you. At one point or another, everyone in the casa has given me a foot rub.”
“Everyone…?”
“It wasn’t sexual. Always.” She held her foot carefully against Dani’s leg. She traced the words. ‘No matter what, I know he still loves me.’ “They all needed to hear you say it. We all wanted to say it to you. No matter what, Brian, I still love you.”
With each of my hearthmates coming in to spend ten or fifteen minutes with me, it took most of the day. Dani stayed in my arms asleep, or pretending to be asleep. No one hugged me or kissed me without also reaching out to touch Dani. At one point, it got too tiring and I nodded off for a while. When I was awake again, the procession continued.
“You know, she hasn’t been with us since the shooting, either,” Rose whispered to me late in the afternoon. “After her last surgery, she went home to recover with her parents and sisters watching over her. I don’t blame her. Samantha spent a couple weeks with her parents. So did Courtney and Jennifer. Some of the younger clan went home as soon as their last final was over. Addison took incompletes in her classes and flew home as soon as she was released from the hospital. Some of them might not be returning, Brian.”
“I don’t blame them. I’m glad I’m out of school. I don’t know that I’ll go back for grad school,” I said.
“You will. This morning, Dani and her sisters showed up. She walked in and announced that she was going to go bring you home. She suggested we figure out how to greet you and then left. We were pretty stunned. Debbie and Dolly said she didn’t want to talk much, but they had a plan. So far, it has worked,” Rose said. “She’s so beautiful, lying in your arms. We’ve missed you both.”
“We’re home,” I said. “Rose, I’m still frightened. I haven’t been able to sleep at night until nearly dawn. Then, before I wake up, the nightmares come. Sometimes I wake up screaming. Sometimes I’m lashing out at an invisible enemy. I’m so afraid I’ll hurt someone.”
“We have a solution to that, too, Brian,” Rose assured me. “You and Dani will have the master suite. One or two of us at a time might want to share it if you’ll let us. We won’t force ourselves on you, but… Let’s just say that Josh has really had his hands and mouth full for the past month. Cassie and Mary have been kind enough to share that much. You know that Whitney, Liz, Angela, and Nikki aren’t into other girls. They really needed a loving touch.”
“I don’t know, Rose. The nightmares.”
“You’ve slept peacefully twice today,” Rose answered. She petted Dani. Dani opened her eyes and pulled Rose close so our three heads were together.
“I’m pregnant,” Dani whispered.
I’ve never seen Rose speechless before.
She slid off the arm of the chair and onto my lap to hug Dani. I ignored the pain of pressure on my right leg. I knew she wasn’t damaging it. I’d deal with a little discomfort just to have the two girls in my arms. Mom, Dad, and Anna came in the back door for their time with me. They’d been very patient, but they’d also been the only ones I’d let visit me in the hospital.
“I don’t think we should tell the ’rents yet,” I whispered. “I want the rest of our cónyuge to know first.”
“We never got your red thread wrapped, either,” Rose said. “We need a discussion about that. Later tonight. For now, you can talk to your parents.” Rose kissed Dani gently and me a little more vigorously then let my parents get close.
“Well, this looks encouraging,” Anna said as she looked at Dani in my lap.
“We are so glad you are back home, Danielle,” Mom said. “We were very surprised to hear that you’d gone to pick up Brian.” She turned to me. “And you, young man. Can we finally agree that you are going to stay out of harm’s way once and for all?” I shrugged.
“I’ll try, Mom,” I said. Dad was going to get his two cents in, too, but I held up a hand while I kept looking at Mom. “But Mom, if it will save one of my family, I will be between them and harm. I’m only sorry that I didn’t stop him sooner, even if it killed me.” I knew it was true. I didn’t stop to think about my response to the shooter. I wouldn’t stop to think if it ever happened again. I would simply do whatever was necessary.
It was a struggle, but Mom kept the tears back and reached over to softly pet Dani. She jumped back almost as if she’d been shocked and started to speak. She looked at each of us and closed her mouth. Dad stepped in.
“Do you still think you need convalescent time up north?” he asked. “It looks to me as if you will heal faster if you stay among those who can help you.”
“I think I’ll stay here, Dad. I need to get active and exercise my legs. There is a lot to do here on the ranch. My bones have knitted together, but I’m still weak. I haven’t been eating very well and I want to start fixing things for Danielle that are healthy, even if they have to be strained.” She grinned and put her head back on my shoulder.
“Well, your garden is already full of good things to eat,” Dad said. “Angela took me out there last weekend. I thought she just wanted to show me things. That slave-driver had me pulling weeds.”
“Papa Hayden,” Angela’s voice came from the kitchen. “You make that sound like it was a bad thing! I distinctly remember you saying how good it was to be out working in the sun. I set up a whole list of things for you to do this weekend.” Dad groaned.
“Between that young woman and her mother, my heart might not last much longer,” Dad said. I raised an eyebrow.
“We didn’t want to infringe on your casa the past few weeks,” Mom said. “John and Bea offered to have us stay with them, but they were going to have Anna and me in separate rooms. Dinita came to our rescue and we’ve been staying there.”
“Having her running around naked all the time can be inspirational,” Anna giggled. “And we didn’t want her to be uncomfortable because we were dressed. That’s fifty percent more T and A than your father is used to.” Dad groaned. Mom and Anna both giggled like teenagers.
“Dad, your heart’s not giving you problems again, is it?” I asked.
“Haven’t had a skipped beat in four years. Except when I heard you were in the hospital. I could stand not to have that kind of shock again,” he said.
“We’re going to have such a beautiful daughter. I know it’s early—just six weeks—but already I can feel her. She has both the peace and calm of her mother and the strength and love of her father. She will be a blessing to this household and bind us all together in ways that nothing else could. She will heal us of pain and terror. I know that is a lot to lay on you, little one. You are barely stirring in the womb, but I will love you like no other. I will hold you in the bosom of family and nurture you in love.”
It had begun as just a tickling in the back of my mind as I rose from a deep and dreamless sleep. And then the words had reached my ears as Hannah whispered them. I held Dani in front of me and Hannah wrapped us both in her arms as she spooned against my back and talked to me. Like the many times I had talked to her in the morning, I’m sure she didn’t know if I could hear her or not. But the love in her voice washed over me. Our daughter. My little pixie girlfriend had already adopted Dani’s and my child as her own. My heart nearly burst with joy.
We’d all gathered in the big bedroom the night before so Dani and I could announce our news. Everyone wanted to hug and cuddle us. Samantha held onto me for a long time, quietly crying while I carefully avoided putting pressure on her new shoulder. Her left arm was never going to work correctly again. It was a miracle that the doctors had managed to save it. Reconstructing the bones and joint was the smallest of their tasks. They also had to reattach damaged tendons and muscles. There was nerve damage. Her healing would take longer than mine. As long as Dani’s.
“Her spirit still lives,” Samantha whispered. “Your news is such a gift to me. I will be the best auntie in the world. I will heal. I will live. Oh, thank you. Thank you both.”
I hadn’t realized how important the news of Dani’s pregnancy would be to the casa. A blessing. Out of this whole mess, a blessing.
After we had all cuddled and petted each other, I announced that I was going down to the master to sleep so I wouldn’t disturb anyone in the night. Dani did not let go of my hand as I went downstairs. When I turned to close the door, Hannah was with us.
“Hannah, it might not be safe. Dani, you know that staying with me is a big risk.” Hannah looked at Dani and nodded.
“We are willing to take the risk,” she said. “Everyone is, but for tonight, just the two of us. We will be here for you. We will comfort you and chase the night terrors away. Take a chance on us, Brian. You are not the only one who will do whatever is necessary.”
I was thankful for their presence when I awoke, shaking, in the middle of the night. Both girls were petting me and whispering words of assurance. They didn’t try to distract me with kisses or loving. They just held me as tears ran from my eyes until I went back to sleep.
When I woke up again, Hannah was gone but Danielle was still cuddled in my arms. For the first time since I came out of the coma, I had an erection, and Danielle was rubbing against it. It felt really good. She moaned a little and with a shift of her hips, I slid inside her. I don’t know how we did that. Sex while lying on my side had always involved a lot of shifting around, getting pointed correctly, and then ending up with a leg propped up and a lot of falling out. With Dani, it was just a matter of sliding together. I sprinkled kisses over her nose and lightly along her lips.
“Maybe we had better make certain,” I whispered. She giggled, nodded her head, and moved on me. There was nothing urgent in our coupling. It was as soft and gentle as the first time. When I came in her, it was the first time I’d had an orgasm since I had been with her last. But it wasn’t a screamer. For either of us. It was a long and trembling release as we looked into each other’s eyes. Instead of dramatic spurts and pulses, it felt like a drawn-out flow of my essence into her. Unable to open her mouth, Dani’s climax sounded like a huge sigh.
“I love you,” she whispered through her teeth. “Each of you and all of you.”
“Are you going to tell us now?” Mom demanded when they arrived after breakfast.
“It’s so early, Mom. Are you sure you want to get all excited so soon?” I teased.
“I think I will take Danielle home with me and pamper her for the next eight months,” Mom said. “If you want her, you will have to come and get her.”
“Well, since there will be at least fifteen of us, I guess we’ll have to move back into the upstairs bedroom,” I considered. “But you and Anna and Dad used to have the downstairs bedroom. I’m sure you can adjust to being there again.”
“Evil child,” Mom said. “Anna, I’m sure this is your son and not mine!” Anna laughed at Mom.
“I’m sure you are right,” Anna said. “When Jennifer gets pregnant, we’re likely to have a two-headed grandchild.”
Dad groaned at their sense of humor and simply held out his arms to Dani. She smiled with the right side of her mouth and crawled into his lap, almost in the position that she used when she cuddled in my lap.
“Since we can’t have the mother of our next grandchild in Mishawaka, I think we need a vacation home in the village,” Dad said. “I am going to want to hold my granddaughter and my daughter-in-law at least once every day.” I looked at Dad and he looked so completely relaxed that it was amazing. I wondered if that was what I looked like when I held Danielle.
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