Hearthstone Entertainment
25 Strictly Political
POLLY AND HARVEY stayed for a little while to talk to Elaine, Hannah, April, and me. I introduced them to my producer and Maggie was very gracious. Polly wanted to know if Maggie could arrange to have Heaven on The Homemakers’ Hour at some point. A lot of information was exchanged.
As a principal investor in Young Cooking, Harvey wanted more detail about what we were doing and when I was going to expand to a daily show. A year ago—even a month ago—I would have panicked over the thought. But four weeks spent doing daily shows in our studio had gotten me used to the concept. Or numbed me to it. I’m not sure which. We agreed that it was a good goal, but that there were a lot of issues to be dealt with before we moved to that, including me finishing school. Harvey also worked with Hannah on our order for camera equipment. He had a catalogue from a company in Chicago and suggested that as soon as we could get free we should all drive up there and take a look at what they had.
It was a great reunion, but it was nine o’clock before we heard the bell ring to announce that all guests had left the ranch.
I looked around at all my hearthmates and the other clan members who were still in the house. I didn’t bother to undress, but when Jennifer’s panties hit the floor, I was overwhelmed by lust. I took her hand and led her upstairs.
“I want my little Girl Scout,” I said.
“Oh yeah. But you want the fourteen-year-old little Girl Scout,” Jen whispered. She pushed me back onto the bed and I undressed as I watched her. “Having all those teeny boppers rubbing up against you today got your engines running.” She grabbed a couple ponytail ties and pulled her hair back in loose pigtails. All I could do was watch her transform. “You were thinking, ‘Oh, what I’d do if she crawled naked into my sleeping bag.’ You’d probably have to check to see if you liked best her puffy little titties that were just pushing out of her chest, or her round little ass that was pressed back against your cock.” Jennifer had a tube of lipstick and began applying it sloppily. There was always girl stuff laying around the bedroom. Hair ties, makeup, tampons. And there was probably a mirror on every available wall surface in the room. Jen was ignoring the mirrors.
“This little Girl Scout wants to reward her rescuer. He’s so strong and handsome. And a TV star. She wonders if he’ll want to put his big cock between her red lips or if he’ll plunge straight into her wet, tight, virgin pussy.” Jen grabbed some cherry lip gloss and started rubbing it onto her very erect nipples. “Will he suck on her tiny titties? Will he put his tongue in her mouth? Oh God! Will he kiss her down there?” Jen came to the bed and made a show of inching toward me a little at a time before we touched. “The only way a little fourteen-year-old Girl Scout could ever find out, is if she opened his door and quietly crawled into his sleeping bag naked. Giving herself to him. Letting him have his way with her. Kissing him…”
That was the end of the narration. It was as if Jen had just crawled into my sleeping bag when we were fourteen and this time, I was going to find out all I’d missed that night at the dude ranch. Jennifer is loud when she comes, but I wasn’t much quieter.
Any of the times.
“I was pretty bad last night,” Jennifer said as she rode me to another climax in the morning. “I was a naughty little Girl Scout. So bad. Somebody should take me in hand and spank me.” That was the last word on the subject until she’d woken up everyone else in the room announcing her orgasm. She collapsed on top of me as I continued to spurt in her pussy. I began petting her bottom and she shivered. “Brian, my cónyuge,” she whispered, “I give you my explicit permission to give me one hard smack on my bare bottom while I lie across your naked lap rubbing against your cock, dripping on your legs. One hard smack while you make me come. When you decide it’s time.” Her pussy spasmed again.
I’ll let this build a while.
I guess we were becoming inured to having famous or almost famous people around. Elaine’s show drew some pretty big names, even though it hadn’t aired publicly yet. Hannah had the double show of Heaven cut together as an hour-long pilot that she distributed to television stations around the country. She also used it to recruit new guests. The mayor of Chicago, the Colts’ cheerleading squad, a woman governor from Kansas, the new director of the Ohio Department of Mental Health, a hospice nurse, an actress, a news anchorwoman. We saw them all. There was an emphasis on women being interviewed, but men were on the guest list as well. Elaine continued to be witty and charming, but the strain of two shows a day was showing.
“Who the fuck is on this afternoon?” she asked on Friday a week later. “Can we please get it over with?”
“It’s that young governor,” Nikki said. “Come on, now honey. You need to practice the ‘glass ceiling’ monologue again.”
“What is he? Like twenty?”
“They don’t make governors that young. He was in his thirties when he was elected. And don’t think he’s a hick. In spite of where he’s from, he’s a smart guy and was a Rhodes Scholar. You need to be sharp,” Nikki admonished. I’d seen something taking place this summer that amazed me. Hannah and Samantha handled all the production details and recruited guests. They’d both been working their butts off. Hannah directed Elaine’s show and they really clicked. The way she handled the cameras and the editing was phenomenal. But Nikki had become not only Elaine’s writer for the monologues, but her programming consultant, preparing her for her guests and briefing her on what to expect for each show. I wondered what they called that in the industry. It was like Nikki knew everything.
“Why the ‘glass ceiling’ monologue for him?” Elaine asked as she read through the script. She paced around on her little portion of the stage. I’d just finished cleaning up the kitchen and Sora was deep into her routine with Rose and Brenda. Hannah was carefully monitoring Elaine’s progress as she went through the script, noting on her clipboard where the host was turning to what camera. Elaine started miming being pressed into the floor and Hannah immediately looked up.
“He wants to be president.”
“Those dudes should start a club. How many does this make? We’re still more than a year away from the election,” Elaine said. “Can I use that? ‘The Old White Guys Running for President Club’? What’s the acronym for that?”
“How about ‘I Coulda Been a Contender Club’?” Nikki laughed. “Sure, use it. But focus on the role of women in government. Ask him to name the top three female contenders for the position of Vice President in his administration.”
“Who’s our audience?”
“The Women’s Democratic Coalition. I went out to meet with the chairwoman last week and explain the show. I have to tell you, they don’t have a sense of humor,” Hannah said. “I think I’ll put a camera in the sky for the end of your monologue. How do you squash your face like that?”
“A skyhook?” Lonnie asked.
“I was thinking a ladder. Can we get Jason stable enough on it with the handheld?” Hannah asked.
“Let’s test it.”
Lonnie organized Josh and one of the crew guys to quietly get a ladder in position. Jason climbed it and looked down. The guys held the ladder steady. Lonnie handed Jason the camera. Jason teetered a little, but kept his balance. He came down.
“Can I be closer to the post? I know that’s going to make April’s opening shot harder.”
“Let’s bring Elaine in from the audience instead of the curtain, then. Think creative, people. I understand the Governor’s bus has arrived and they are being held in the lot until the T&A show is over,” Hannah said. It sounded demeaning, but Sora, Rose, and Brenda had adopted the term to describe their exercise show because the guys who tuned in would only be interested in their tits and asses. Well, I had to concur. Their exercise routine was too exhausting for me, though some of the guys had been following it when they were free.
We finally managed to get the ladder set, determine when the cuts would be made so we could move the audience, and establish the angles and order of entry. Then the Governor came in with his security. He shook hands with Hannah and Elaine as Adam and Whitney stood nearby. Of course, the Governor had a couple pet reporters with him and a secretary, just like when we had Senator Remington on. They were given stools at the kitchen counter and told to sit and stay. They would have an opportunity for photos after the show, but would be evicted if they snapped a picture while we were recording. Hannah was fine with the camera cuts she’d done during the Senator’s interview, but she didn’t want to make a habit of it.
The two security guys wanted to inspect everything, look behind the curtains, and even check the prep kitchen. They opened every door to the stalls and started upstairs. Whitney blocked them.
“Upstairs is private living quarters. No one is invited up there.”
“We don’t need an invitation. We need to check for security.”
“The answer is no. No one goes into our private living space.”
“Look, little girl. You might think you are security, but we check every corner,” he said. He reached to push Whitney out of the way. Bad mistake. He was face down on the stairs with his hands locked behind his back. Adam and Tim both stepped up beside the other security guy as he started to reach for his gun. Hannah stepped between them.
“Governor!” she snapped. “Collect your so-called security and get the fuck out of my studio. You received the briefing in advance. Get the hell out!”
The Governor stuck his head through the curtains to the dressing room and assessed the situation.
“Ah, fellas. Back off. Look around you. We’re fine here,” he drawled. “Sorry, Miss Gordon. They sometimes take themselves too seriously.” There was some unspoken communication going on and I moved a little closer as well. It was a tense moment, but the security guy with the gun relaxed and Whitney let the other one up. They didn’t say anything, but took up positions on either side of the stage. The Governor went back to have Liz finish his makeup and we let the audience in. Another of the Governor’s staff was standing outside the door with a metal detector that he passed over each of the offended women who entered.
ELAINE: My guy, Hercules, works eight hours a day in an office downtown. I’m so proud of him. He brings home a great paycheck, health insurance, and two weeks of vacation a year.
[Aside.] When he goes fishing.
Hercules gets eight paid holidays per year.
[Aside.] When he goes fishing.
When Hercules comes home at night, he mixes a drink and waits for dinner while he watches television.
A fishing show.
At exactly ten o’clock Hercules goes to bed and is asleep in seconds.
Dreaming about fishing.
Hercules is a good man and often tells me so. And I have a job. Look at me. I have a half-hour television show each day. Half an hour of work, after I get up at five o’clock to fix Hercules his breakfast and get him out the door, send the children to school, study my script, memorize my lines, get to the studio by seven so I can be in makeup and costume…
You don’t think I dress like this at home, do you?
I rehearse, the lights come on, and I work for half an hour. And it isn’t really work, I’m just talking. After I’ve finished working, I get my makeup off and change into my grungy jeans. I go to a production meeting, write the next script, get information on my next guest, and leave. I have to be gone by three o’clock to pick up the children from school, see that they do their homework, make dinner, serve Hercules his drink, and get the children to bed. Once Hercules settles in front of the TV after dinner, it’s ME time. I relax while doing dishes, checking homework, balancing the checkbook, and reminding Hercules that it’s almost ten o’clock so he should go to bed. Then I clean up around his chair, check the scripts for tomorrow’s show, make corrections, and get to bed around midnight.
I get paid two-thirds of what Hercules gets paid. Can you believe it? I get two-thirds of what he gets paid for a half-hour of work a day! I’ve got it made.
And you talk about an Equal Rights Amendment.
Can you believe we still haven’t passed that?
That women should only be equal to men. Equal pay for equal work. Break the glass ceiling! I don’t see a glass ceiling. I weigh 110 pounds. Honest to God! Hercules weighs 165. Pound for pound, I make exactly what Hercules makes. For half an hour of work!
[Bumps head on imaginary glass ceiling.] Ow! [Start ducking and then shrinking down.]
Like Alice in Wonderland, if we take the EAT ME currant cake, we’ll get too big for the house. If you think you’re… Ow! …hitting a glass ceiling, you should drink from the DRINK ME bottle. It is wonderful! It tastes of cherry tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast! There is no glass… Ow! …ceiling. Look up. Nothing! The roof is the same height for me as it is for Hercules.
[On floor looking up.]
I am a glass ceiling atheist! If you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
I just need the DRINK ME bottle, please.
ELAINE: Governor, thank you for being on Chick Chat today.
GOV: I’m happy to be here.
ELAINE: We were expecting your wife, but I’m glad you could fill in for her. Governor, who are the top three female candidates on your short list as a vice presidential running mate?
GOV: Well, Elaine, there is a long process that we have to go through before we start talking about running mates. I know that this is recorded and the timing will be different when it is aired, but so far, we haven’t had a primary or caucus to see who is a contender for the nomination, yet.
ELAINE: Could you speculate on when we will see a woman in the White House as something other than arm-candy? [Holds up photo of current president and his wife.] [Governor laughs. Audience, not so much.]
GOV: That is something that people should consider. You know, if I’m elected it will be like getting two presidents for the price of one. We’re that good a team. For example…
Elaine had him off-balance for the first two minutes of the interview and then he shifted into campaign mode. He made some good points regarding the economy, the war effort, the role of the United States as a global peace-keeper. Mostly, I agreed with what he said, but damn, he was sleazy.
ELAINE: Back to our topic, what do we need to do to get more women representing us in our government?
GOV: First of all, they have to run for office and you have to elect them. It is really very simple. Women can’t simply complain about not being elected to office if they don’t run for office. And, lest you think that I am dumping this on you, it is also incumbent upon men in office to make sure that women are represented equally with men. I want you to know, Elaine, that there will always be a position for smart young women like yourself on my staff.
ELAINE: [Aside. One eyebrow raised.] Did he say that?
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