El Rancho del Corazón
Part VI: Professionals
65 Family Meeting
I LOOKED AROUND the table at my cónyuge, gathered for our family meeting. We held hands in the circle. I had Courtney’s hand on my left and Elaine’s on my right. Beyond us ranged Jennifer, Samantha, Hannah, Rose, Whitney, and Liz. We decided to hold the meeting at the table so none of us would get distracted, but none of us had a stitch of clothing on.
“I have some things prepared,” Hannah said at last, “but Brian asked me to call a family meeting, so I think he wants to start.” I smiled at her.
“You’re right,” I said. “I want to find out more about the whole plan for the summer so I can get behind it. But before we get to that, I wanted to tell you each something. You were all with me when I got kind of overloaded a week or so ago. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about that. This afternoon after Mary left, Rose helped me to see some things more clearly. I love you. I love each of you and I love all of you. I love all our casa and all our clan, but the people at this table are those with whom I have a special bond. I will always love you. I have pledged my life to you.” There was a chorus of ‘I love you’ around the table, some directed at me and some to each other.
“What Rose helped me see is my fatal flaw. When you all started calling me Patrón, it meant a lot to me. It meant something very different than being your cónyuge. I got this feeling that I was responsible for you. For everything. I don’t know why. Up to that time, I always left everything up to all of you to decide. You even told me who my first lover would be.” I looked at Whitney and smiled at her. “And you were so right. But this spring, with the pressure of moving, and the house burning, and rebuilding the barn, and starting school, and the show… I started acting as though that was all my responsibility. In a way, it was. But I didn’t enlist you to help me like I should have. I didn’t even recognize that the clan wanted to help until it was practically forced on me.”
“We’re not pushovers, Brian,” Elaine said.
“Oh, so true! You are all strong-willed women. Maybe my fragile male ego feels threatened by you.” We laughed and I got a good-natured slug in the arm from both Courtney and Elaine. “The thing that came clear is that every time I hear of a problem, or a situation, or a project, I automatically jump to the conclusion that I’m responsible. The first thing I said when Hannah mentioned the summer project was ‘I can’t do all that!’ Maybe my ego isn’t so fragile after all. Rose pointed out that you are all working on things and often don’t tell me until you have everything planned. You do that so I don’t have to worry about it and instead, as soon as I find out, I worry about it. So, I wanted to tell you while we are all together that I trust you. I might still jump to conclusions at times, but I’ll stop automatically assuming that I’m responsible. I don’t want to be the guy who just shoots things down every time they are suggested. You don’t have to convince me of things. I accept.”
It was Elaine who turned my head to face her and after a moment of looking in my eyes she kissed me with an intensity that almost broke up the meeting.
“I just wanted you to know how important it was that we hear that from you,” she whispered. “How can we help?”
“I guess, just keep me informed,” I said. “A lot of my reaction is based on being surprised, I think. I attend a lecture that Hannah does and find out there is a five-year and a ten-year plan for our production business. I hadn’t even realized our production business was bigger than my cooking show. Lonnie springs on me a six-week summer production intensive that he wants to hold here. Mary, Lexi, and Judy want me to take their virginities. I automatically jump back and say, ‘I can’t do that.’ Then you explain things to me and show me what it all means. Then I relax and say, ‘Oh. Okay.’ Usually. So, in return for me not jumping to my six-shooter and trying to target your ideas, what I’d ask is that you let me know earlier. You’ve always thought that I would try to talk you out of anything that wasn’t already set. I promise, I won’t. I’m asking you to promise to let me know what you are thinking sooner. I won’t try to take the idea over and I won’t try to automatically shoot it down. Is that fair?”
My cónyuge looked around the table at each other. I’d often seen my mother and father look at each other and know what the other was thinking. I was witnessing it on a much bigger scale. The girls all pushed their chairs back and stood to gather around me. They pulled me out of my chair and all hugged me.
“We promise, cónyuge,” Rose said. “Thank you.”
“I asked Hannah to fill us all in on the plans for the summer. Everything so far has been a surprise to me. What’s really on the table?” I said.
When Hannah laid out the full plan for the summer, I choked back the words ‘We can’t do that!’ Holy shit! I had no idea how much work she’d already put into this. And it made sense. It turned our home into a complete television studio for six weeks. In return, we would have a series of shows that could be broadcast every weekday for thirty weeks—exactly what our stations were requesting. We’d also have a number of specials, including one on Doreen’s pregnancy. The special—or miniseries—would follow her entire pregnancy from finding out she was pregnant to delivery of our son. That one had just begun and they were already planning weekly filming of Doreen’s progress with interviews of her obstetrician and others. Awesome!
“We are pretty sure we can get several college personalities,” Elaine said. “Everyone would love to have Bobby Knight in for an interview. But it shouldn’t focus on just IU. We’ll have Courtney’s parents come down and maybe even do a quick kitchen demo. Nothing as extensive as Brian’s. Oh! Brian, if it isn’t too much trouble, we could film a series of one-minute tips for the kitchen that you give to keep the connection with Young Cooking. The theater director at UIndy has already agreed to do an interview. And I got to know a newscaster in Indy pretty well last year in one of my classes.”
Elaine was so excited, it was contagious. She’d also do a five-minute comic monologue at the beginning of each show. We talked about recording them separately so Hannah could focus on the camera technique as one of the players. If it turned out anything like the clip of Elaine we’d seen that the camerawoman Hannah mentored shot, it would be its own series one day.
“The first problem is getting a really high-powered guest for the launch. And, of course, a really high-powered guest would want to appear on a show that is already established, not one that is recorded for broadcast in three to six months,” Elaine said. “I’m thinking of trying to find a politician that has a strong hope for next year’s presidential race. The show would broadcast at about the time of the primaries, though, so we could get caught in that whole equal time thing. Is that still an issue? Politics is such a hassle.”
“Heaven,” I said. There was silence. Everybody turned and looked at me. I didn’t know why I’d said it, but it seemed like the most logical thing in the world to me. “She knows us. She likes us. We are remote and could offer a break from the pressure of her job. Hell, we even have one of her bodyguards living here part of the time. And… and…”
“And she loves you,” Samantha supplied. “Elaine, it’s a beautiful idea.”
I felt like a wuss, limiting my participation to one half-hour cooking show each day that would supply a year of broadcasts for our weekly schedule. Elaine was committed to two half-hour talk shows per day and I was really surprised to find that Sora, Brenda, and Rose had committed to leading two fitness half-hours a day. That meant that while I was filming a single cooking episode each day during our six-week camp, Elaine and the fitness trio would need to record two a day, each. The additional work that would round out our production schedule was miniseries and specials. I was relieved to know that Hannah would not be the only producer working. She would be executive producer, but there would be other student producers focused on different shows.
It was no wonder that everyone in the clan was getting enthused. By the end of our meeting, I was getting enthused, too!
The next day, Hannah, Samantha, and Courtney started polling all our clan members. By Wednesday night, we had 100% agreement. I was still feeling pressured, but I realized part of it was just keeping up with classes and, to some extent, the letdown from no longer preparing for taping on Saturday. The season was finished. I kept fighting the desire to get in and micromanage everything. I found myself wandering around outside more and more. It wasn’t until Thursday night, when I was considering all the things I needed to do in my life to function properly with my family, that I decided what I needed. And if it wasn’t tonight, it would wait until after the weekend. It was just the close family at the dinner table that night. My cónyuge minus Elaine. She wouldn’t make it home until after we went to see her show on Saturday night.
“Family,” I said, “please don’t jump to any conclusions, but I need to spend some time alone tonight. I think I’ll sleep in the guest room—actually, in stall five, since that’s where my things are. Do you understand?”
“Is everything all right, Brian?” Rose asked. I could see varying degrees of concern on the girls’ faces.
“I’ve lost something,” I said. “It might even have to do with some of the things we were talking about on Sunday night. I’ve forgotten how to live with myself. I need to do some reconnecting.”
“Do you not want to be with us anymore, Brian?” Jennifer asked. Her brow was furrowed tightly.
“Oh! Don’t think that, sweetheart! I definitely want to be with you more. And more and more. In fact, I’m thinking that I need to reconnect with each of you individually, too. I look at each of you and the first thing I think is how much I love you and how much I’m looking forward to making love with you soon.”
“I want to make love with you soon,” Samantha said. “Real soon.”
“I’m not going to deny that, honey,” I laughed. “Look. I’m a guy…”
“Yay!”
“All right. I’m a guy, so it is probably a little different with me than it is with you. I’m ecstatic to crawl in bed under a pussy pile. But I want you to look around the table and imagine that everyone you see is a male except you. Not only are they men, but you are deeply in love with each and every one of them. And all seven of them are looking forward to going to bed with you tonight. And every night. Each time you look at them, you can’t help but think about how hard their cocks are, how they kiss, what they like to do. And you know that even though they won’t all put their dicks in your pussy tonight, a couple will. And you might suck another one off. And another will want to kiss while he touches your nipples or tries to get you off with his fingers. And another might want to eat you. And there will be shuffling during the night, so if you go to sleep looking into the eyes of one, you will wake up looking into the eyes of another.”
“Oh, shit!” Hannah said. She was shaking. I reached for her to comfort her and she folded against me.
“I’m sorry. That was pretty traumatic to imagine, wasn’t it?” Her head nodded. “That’s where it’s different for a guy. Nearly any guy you posed that question to would start grinning. I do. I can’t wait to find out if Rose will be sucking me when I wake up in the morning. Or to bury my cock in Whitney at night. Or to have Samantha lowering her pussy on my face while Hannah starts riding me. And Liz. And Courtney. And Jennifer. And Elaine. And then there are Doreen, Rhiannon, Brenda, Sora, Sarah, Mary, Cassie. They might not be with me every night, but I’m still looking forward to pleasing and touching and making love with each of them. It’s just that… I haven’t slept alone in a year. One night… maybe once a month… I think I should try to reconnect with myself and see if I still like me. I’m not always sure I do.”
“We can all back off a little,” Jennifer said.
“No, my little Girl Scout,” I laughed. “That is not your responsibility. I don’t want you suddenly staying away from me or not teasing or not hugging me and cuddling in the big chair with me. This is my problem. You can’t have it!” I said that with enough force that Jennifer’s eyes popped wide open. “Honey, lovers, my cónyuge, it is my responsibility to tell you when I need a little space or private time. It isn’t your responsibility to guess about it. That could only possibly lead to us getting further and further apart. Unless I say I need a little space for a while, you should always assume that I am happy to see you, and to play with you, to hug and kiss, to sit and talk, to go for a walk or a ride. All I ask is that when I do say, ‘I need to be alone tonight,’ that you let me. I’ll be back with you in the morning. Maybe even before the night is through!”
“That’s good advice for all of us,” Whitney said. “We can’t be expected to know what everyone needs all the time. I don’t think that even works when there are only two people in a relationship. We’ve talked about letting people know when we need them or need time with them. We’ve even pushed Brian to tell us when he wants us for anything. We shouldn’t slip into the pattern of expecting him—or each other—to know what we want or need. We should all ask more frequently.”
“Like I’d like to cuddle Hannah tonight,” Courtney said. “Not to make love or anything, but I’ve really missed her lately and I just want to be next to her and whisper about things and giggle before we go to sleep.”
“What are you going to do about that, Courtney?” I asked. She looked at me, puzzled. Then the light came on.
“Hannah, would you cuddle me in bed tonight?” Courtney asked. Hannah looked up at me and then at Courtney. She grinned.
“Yeah. I’d like that,” she said.
“Anything else we should all do?” Samantha asked.
“Well, one other thing,” I sighed. “The thing about asking is something we should all do and communicate to the rest of the casa so our hearthmates all know that we are trying to be explicit about what we want. That’s really just an expansion on our understanding of the whole explicit permission thing. But there is something special that I want with just my cónyuge. I know it won’t come anywhere near often enough, but once a week, I’d like to have a date with one of my cónyuge. You know, we used to do stuff. Sometimes we went for a ride. Sometimes we went skating or to a movie or to a dance. The fact that we all live together means that we aren’t dating anymore and I miss it. I want to take Rose out and see if we can find a good parking spot—maybe over by the quarry. I want to go riding double and bareback with Liz, or maybe into Indy to see a movie that isn’t playing out here yet. I want to take Whitney to see fireworks. I want to go hiking with Jennifer or shopping in Nashville with Courtney. I want to find something to do as a date with each of you. Granted, we’ll only get one every couple of months, but I think we should all do that, and not just with our closest partners. Sam, maybe you and Liz would want to spend a day at a spa together. Whitney, I’ve heard you and Hannah talk about the waterslide in Greenwood. Each week with someone different. I want to know so much about my cónyuge that they fill my thoughts all day long.”
Rose stood and walked around the table toward me. Hannah immediately pulled away to give her room to get to me. Rose crawled into my lap and wrapped her arms around me, giving me one of her most searing kisses.
“I love you, cónyuge,” she said. “That’s all I wanted to say. I think I’ll get ready for bed now.”
Hannah kissed me and stood by while Courtney tenderly caressed my lips with her own. Then the two girls joined hands and headed for the stairs. One by one, my cónyuge kissed me and headed for bed. I went upstairs and grabbed my toothbrush and shaver, and went back to the downstairs bath. I showered and shaved, brushed my teeth and went into the library where we’d set up a bed for Sora and Tim. I settled in and stared at the ceiling.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I missed each of my girls. I missed the laughter and the cuddling that I knew was going on upstairs. I sighed. I wanted to go up and be with them. I was lonely down here. But that’s what it was all about. I’d forgotten how to live with myself.
I looked through the most recent package of photos and magazines I’d received from Heaven. There was a beautiful shot that showed her back while she was looking in a mirror. She was topless, but it was clever how her hands were positioned so that, even in the mirror, her breasts were not exposed. Of course, I knew what they looked like. I remembered the day I got home from the hospital when she’d pulled my hand under her shirt to hold her breast and swear on her heart.
For the first time in a year, I masturbated.
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