El Rancho del Corazón
55 Repair
MORNING WAS LOW KEY. Everyone was still in our room. Doreen and I made love in the sleepy hours of the morning. Eventually we got up, showered, and all went down to have breakfast.
“You don’t need to stay with me all day, Brian,” Doreen said as she kissed me. “We’ve got all week. We don’t have to be joined at the hip. Just at the cock and pussy,” she laughed. The other casas left and I looked around at my lovers.
Something was wrong.
“Where’s Hannah?” I asked after I’d gone to the office to check.
“Didn’t she come down with us?” Rose asked.
“Maybe she’s with the horses,” Sam suggested. “Funny, she didn’t say anything.”
“We were just out to check on the horses,” Court said. “She wasn’t out there.” I scarcely heard what she said. I ran for the stairs.
I didn’t see her at first—might not have at all if I hadn’t heard the sniffling. She was wadded up in a sheet in the corner of the nursery bedroom. I had no idea what to say, so I just stayed quiet and went to cuddle her. She stiffened, so I didn’t hold her. I just lay there with her while she cried. I saw Rose at the top of the stairs and nodded. She immediately stripped off the T-shirt she’d put on and settled on the other side of Hannah. She offered my newest cónyuge her breast. Neither of us were prepared for her response.
“No!” she cried pushing Rose away. “I can’t. I don’t have any right.”
“Hannah, honey, what do you mean?” I asked softly. “You don’t need a right. It’s a gift.”
“I don’t deserve it. I can’t… I can’t…”
“Can’t what, baby?”
“Baby! I can’t ever have your baby. I can’t ever be a mommy.”
“That doesn’t make a difference, honey.”
“It does! It does,” she whimpered. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. She pushed at both Rose and me. “You should never have brought me back. You should have let me die. You should have let Tommy take me and use me. I’m not a woman. I’m nothing. Nothing.” The three of us sat on the bed and cried. I saw Elaine at the head of the stairs before she disappeared again. I didn’t know what she’d heard or where she’d gone. I just wanted to do something. Anything. I thought everyone was a part of our love and joy last night. To Hannah, we were all just rubbing it in. I should have taken Doreen off alone. Or better yet, have just admitted it was a bad idea. Dr. McCall’s words kept coming back to me. ‘You can’t fix it.’ Apparently, I could make it worse. An hour ago, we’d all been so happy. Or so I thought.
“Hannah.” I looked up. Doreen was standing in front of us. She had a long T-shirt on. At least she wasn’t flaunting her voluptuous, fertile body in front of Hannah. She settled down in front of us and reached for Hannah’s hands.
“I’m sorry, Doreen. It’s not because of you. I’m happy for you. Really, I am. I can’t. I threw it all away. I killed our baby.”
“Hannah, listen to me. You don’t understand,” Doreen said softly. “You are going to be a mother. I know it. We’ve all known it on one level or another. My baby is going to have two fathers. She’ll have two mothers, too. And not just little baby Swift. You will be mother to every child Brian sires. Even to every child born into our clan. Every baby, Hannah. Every baby in the Clan of the Heart will be Hannah’s baby. They will all call you Mommy. And you will be such a good mommy. To all of our babies.”
“Really?” Hannah whimpered.
“Do you think I couldn’t see Brian’s love for you in his eyes when we made love last night?” Doreen said. “I know he was making your baby with me as much as mine.” She hugged Hannah and Hannah squeezed her so tightly Doreen had to hold her breath.
“I’ll be a good mommy, Doreen. I’ll be a good mommy for all the babies, Patrón. For all the babies, Matrón. I promise.” With that Hannah collapsed against Rose and sucked in her nipple with such force that Rose gasped and grabbed my hand. In seconds, Hannah was asleep and Rose’s grip relaxed. I pulled Doreen to me.
“Thank you, Doreen. I didn’t think it would be like that.” I kissed her tenderly.
“Why don’t you hang out with her today and come visit me after dinner tonight. I have a surprise for you,” Doreen whispered. She kissed me again and gave my cock a squeeze. Then she left.
Rose and I settled next to Hannah and took a nap with her. She looked at me over Hannah’s head and smiled.
“We need a new word.”
Words would wait, but spending the day with Hannah wouldn’t. When we woke up and cuddled together for a while, I suggested a ride. Hannah agreed and we went out to get Jingo and Silk ready. The three horses had already been out with Courtney, Jennifer, and Samantha, but for a few carrots and some extra brushing, they were ready to go again. I’d never actually shown the girls the gates through the neighboring properties, though I thought they’d found them. We rode at a gentle trot out to the woods and through the greening underbrush.
“We should spend an afternoon this week on trail maintenance,” I said off-handedly. A few of the bushes were growing out into the trail and scraping along our legs.
“Yes,” she responded. We really hadn’t gotten more than one-word responses from her since we got up.
“You know, if you want to talk, I’m here, honey. And if you don’t want to talk to me, you can always talk to Silk. She pretty much knows all your secrets anyway. We’re not going to say anything to anyone. We won’t even say anything to you if you don’t want us to. Well, I won’t. You’ll have to get Silk to agree to that.”
Hannah smiled just a little and blew out some air as if she almost laughed. I took it as a good sign and we rode through Mr. Jacobs’s land without saying anything else. I handed Jingo’s reins to her when I got down to open the next gate and she led the horses through. I fastened the gate and took the reins from her and remounted.
“I’m sorry, Brian,” Hannah whispered. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “I know that when I get like this, it brings everyone down. I appreciate your love and Rose’s love. I’m glad you care so much for me. I was really happy and excited last night. Everyone was participating with you and Doreen. It was so beautiful. But then everyone went to sleep and I stayed awake. I didn’t want to think about the fact that I would never have your child because of what I did—what an evil person I am. But once I started thinking that, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t sleep all night. When you made love again this morning, I started getting angry and then I got mad at myself for being angry,” she said. We stopped at the edge of the woods and let the horses graze a little on the fresh spring greens.
“I know Doreen was just being nice, but I will try to be a good auntie to all the children. I will not let them see me being depressed. And if I have to cry, I’ll hide it.”
“Hannah? Is it okay for me to say something? I’m not going to try to convince you of anything.” She nodded. “I’m not the only one who loves you, honey. I don’t really think you know how everyone feels about you. Doreen was being nice. She shocked the hell out of me. But in spite of that, she was telling the truth, too. Whether you want to be a mommy or an auntie doesn’t make a difference. Not to us, and not to the children, if we are fortunate enough to have them. We will all love you just the same. You’re right that we all want you to be happy and we are concerned when you become depressed. But that is part of the girl we all fell in love with. Please don’t hide from us. If you are sad, be sad with us,” I said. “Our children—your children—and all of us need to know and love you for all that you are. We don’t want to see a person that you make up to please us. Do you understand that?”
“I think so.”
“I know it will be hard sometimes, but we’ll muddle through. We’re all stronger than we seem. Even you.”
“I just don’t want to be a burden,” she said.
“Speaking of which…” I said. Hannah looked up at me with a crease in her brow. “What’s that, Jingo? Really?” I turned back to Hannah. “Jingo seems to think Silk is tired. She had Courtney on her this morning and you know how that girl wiggles around.” Hannah snorted a little. “Well, Jingo says he wouldn’t mind if we rode double—just to give Silk a break for a while. Would you mind coming over here and riding with me on Jingo for a little?”
Hannah smiled a little and rode up next to me. She held out her arms and I helped her switch. She landed on my lap spider-style, facing me. She managed to keep hold of the reins and we ponied Silk along beside us as we rode back to the ranch. Hannah lay her head against my chest and hugged me all the way back.
We were pretty scattered and low key the rest of the day. Elaine returned to Indy for her afternoon classes. Sora was with us and when we got back to the ranch, Whitney was home, too. We had lots of hugs and kisses all the way around and listened to Whit tell about the tournament. Liz took Rose out for a motorcycle ride for a couple of hours over to Brown County. Jennifer and Courtney claimed the kitchen to prepare dinner. Hannah was sleepy, but instead of putting her to bed, we took a shower and then I cuddled her in the big chair in front of the fire while she napped on my shoulder. I napped, too. Whatever Doreen’s surprise was, I was pretty sure I needed all the rest I could get.
The bedroom setting had been redone while we were out. Instead of the nursery setting, it was a little princess room. It was very girly.
“Cute setting for the bedroom,” I mentioned as we ate dinner. The girls had made coq au vin. We’d spent most of the meal talking about the recipe. It was so good.
“We’re having a slumber party tonight,” Rose announced. I laughed.
“Don’t we have a slumber party every night?” I asked.
“No! You can’t have boys at a slumber party!” Liz picked up. “It’s girls only.”
“What about me?”
“You’ve been invited to the neighbors’ tonight. You aren’t allowed back until morning. We’re all going to be in our girlie pajamas and we’ll sit up and tell secrets and paint our nails until we can’t stay awake any longer. You can come and lead forms in the morning,” Whitney said. We all laughed. Even Hannah was giggling. Okay. I can take a hint. No boys allowed. The girls chased me out of the house and I went to the bunkhouse.
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