The Rock
Part III: Recovery
14 Invalid
I WENT TO SEE Coach Hancock as soon as my third period class was out. He wasn’t happy.
“I’ll work at it, Coach, but I can’t stretch without pain. It’s just a cracked rib so it should heal quickly if I’m careful.”
“A cracked rib. An eye that still shows the remnants of being blackened. And bandages and stitches all over your face. Did you have to be a rock, Brian? There’s water, too,” he said shaking his head. “I didn’t teach you anything.”
“You did, Coach. It was being water that cut my ear. It saved my life since the knife was headed for my eye.” Coach looked at me.
“Fuck, Brian. Please tell me it was worth it.”
“Coach, it’s worth it.”
“Don’t show up for practice until the stitches are out and your doctor has said it’s okay to play,” he said, getting back to business. “We need you on the team, but we need you healthy. There’s twelve weeks of the season left and you’ll be healthy for at least half of them. And Brian. You know I’ll find out the whole story eventually. You can come and tell me any time.”
Whitney, of course, had to leave for class at PHS, but IUSB classes didn’t start for another two weeks so I finished lunch with the rest of the crew. Of course, everyone wanted to know how Hannah was doing. There wasn’t much new to report other than we were talking a little more now that Sarah was gone. When everyone headed for their next class, I headed for my car. Liz tagged along right behind me.
“What’s up, Red?” I teased. “Don’t you have class this afternoon?”
“Cutting class. At least one, maybe all afternoon.”
“Oh really? Why?” There could only be one answer to that question.
“Sex. You took off during our clan party on the twenty-first and we didn’t get together again until New Year’s Eve. Then we all left. Well, I thought we all left. This morning I find out you nailed Rose, Jennifer, Courtney, and Samantha that night. And Sarah in the morning. I feel neglected. My pussy feels really neglected.”
“I don’t know about going to my place in the middle of the day, sweetie,” I said as I opened her door.
“Just drive someplace where we can park. You still have the bed we made up in the back.” I glanced in the back. Sarah and I slept back there for a few hours the night we drove down and Hannah slept there part of the way home. It was a little mussed but was probably cleaner than my bed at the moment. I drove out into the country and chose a farm lane. One nice thing about this truck was it was high enough to go through some pretty deep snow and had rugged tires. As soon as I was in the shelter of a woodlot, we pulled off our shoes and crawled into the back of the Suburban. Liz was practically tearing her clothes off. I hurried to catch up and we snuggled under the blanket. It was below freezing out and the interior would cool off quickly if we didn’t do something to warm it up.
That wasn’t a problem with Liz. Just holding her firm little tits against my chest and feeling her rub her pussy against my cock as we kissed had the windows fogged over in a few minutes. Liz, as usual, was zero to sixty in seconds.
“Shit! I don’t have a condom!” I said.
“I’d take you bareback, you know,” she said. “I know. We all agreed. Well, it just so happens that your girlfriends packed a box of condoms back here before you left for Evansville. They’re between the seats.”
“That wouldn’t have done me much good since I didn’t know about them,” I laughed.
“Sarah knew.”
That was that. Liz unwrapped the condom and popped it in her mouth. What the hell? Her, too? The girls must get together and practice these things! She grinned at me and slid down my torso to capture the head of my cock between her lips and after a few seconds managed to use her mouth to roll the condom on. Damn, that was sexy! She bobbed a few times on my cock and then crawled back up and lay on her back. She spread her legs wide and positioned me at her entrance. I tried to push in slowly, but Liz thrust her hips up at me and I sank to my balls. She wrapped her legs around my butt and clutched me to her as she shuddered through her first orgasm.
“Wow! You were really on a hair-trigger,” I laughed as I kissed her again.
“I can’t help it, Brian. I love you so much and I get so horny I can’t even think. I just want to live with your cock in my pussy. Move in me, lover. Oh, Brian, I know I’m voracious and like to fuck, but make love to me. I missed you so much.” There was something almost desperate about the way she made love. It was different than her usual I-need-cock-now-thank-you-goodbye. There was a sense of need and fear that drove her to peak after peak. She’d come three more times before I unleashed and that sent her over the top again. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” she chanted in my ear, kissing me and holding me tightly.
“Are you okay, Red?” I asked. “You know I love you and you can tell me anything. What is it, baby?”
“I’m so afraid you’ll leave us. Now that Hannah is back and I know you’ve always wanted her. Will you still have room in your heart for me? For us?” I rocked her back and forth, my cock wilting out of her pussy as I held her.
“Sweetheart, you are my cónyuge. We’re in this for the long haul. Intimately committed,” I said. “Liz, I will not leave you for Hannah. I will not leave you for Rose or Whitney or Elaine or Samantha or Jennifer or Courtney. You are cónyuge. You can depend on me.”
I was going to have to make sure each of my girls knew how much I loved them and I needed to do it whether Hannah was in the house or not.
After Liz was satisfied, we dressed and I ran the car heater and defroster for several minutes while we kissed to clean the frost off the inside of the windows. Water was dripping off the windshield when I managed to get turned around and out of the woodlot. Liz decided to go back to school for her last two classes of the day. She kissed me again and ran to the school. I drove home.
It seemed like the place was deserted. I wondered where everyone went.
“Hello?” I didn’t get an answer so I headed for my room. As I passed the downstairs bathroom, I heard crying.
“Hannah? Is that you? Are you okay, baby?”
“No. Help me.” The bathroom door was locked, but it’s one of those push-button locks and we keep a paperclip over the door. It took me a second to pop the lock out and open the door. She was sitting in her panties on the toilet. Her camisole was partially off and her left breast was exposed. The strap was caught on her cast and her left hand was caught in a strap.
“Honey, how can I help you? Let’s get your camisole on.”
“No. Off.”
“What is it, sweetheart?”
“I hurt. And I smell. And my hair is greasy. And I’m dirty. And I can’t even wash myself.”
“Oh, honey. Did you go without a shower all last week?”
“Sarah helped me.”
“Jennifer and Courtney would help you. We got pretty good at it when Jennifer was in a cast. Where are they?”
“They went for Jen’s PT appointment. I… told them I was going to sleep. But I stink.” I’d managed to extract her hand from her camisole and get it over her head and then down her cast. She sat in front of me in just her panties. “Will you help me take a shower, Brian? Please?”
“Of course, I will if you want me to,” I said. “We’ll need a plastic bag to wrap your cast.”
“I had one but I ripped it trying to get my shirt off.” I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a small garbage bag then slid it over her cast and tied it tightly enough that water couldn’t get in too easily. Hannah stood up and started to pull at her panties.
“Are you sure you want to do that with me here, honey?”
“I stink. And you might as well strip, too, if you’re going to wash my hair. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before only now there’s a lot more of it. I’m so gross!” She’d probably gained twenty pounds since the last time I’d seen her. She was never all that big, so I could imagine that she might feel uncomfortable. She was a long way from fat, though. I started the water and took off my clothes down to my underwear. She looked at me and frowned with determination that I’d seldom seen before. I was worried. The last time Hannah and I had been naked together, I’d gotten her pregnant. “I’ve seen it before. You have to get in and wash my hair. Please, Brian? Don’t make this any harder.” I pulled down my pants. I was only partially hard from helping her undress.
I carefully helped Hannah into the shower and got in behind her. She leaned into the water and sighed. As soon as her head was good and wet, I grabbed the shampoo and started working it into her hair. I also started looking her over. There were huge bruises, still livid on her sides, where he’d broken her ribs. I wondered if he hit her or kicked her. I was thinking about driving back to Evansville to finish the job. But her back and her legs bore orange marks of slowly healing bruises, as did her stomach and even her unbroken arm.
“Hannah, honey, I had no idea how badly he beat you up beyond what they said about your ribs and arm. How could he do this to you?”
“I deserved it.”
“Bullshit.”
“Besides, they weren’t all from that time. Some of them are from the time before.”
“You mean this wasn’t the first time he beat you up? Honey, why did you stay with him? Why didn’t you tell him to get lost?”
“That sounds easy, doesn’t it? And if I tell you again, you’ll just say bullshit again.”
“Nobody deserves to be abused.”
“Well you know what a stupid girl I am, then. I stayed and I took it. I’m ugly and gross and stupid.”
“You know I don’t believe that at all.”
“Then you’re stupid, too. Just look. I’m letting you—begging you—to wash my ugly rolls of fat.”
“Hannah, listen up,” I said sharply. I’d finished washing her armpits and back. “If you needed my help, I’d wipe the shit out of your ass. You got that?” She looked at me with her lip quivering. There’d been tears, but she’d cried them under the running water.
“You could… you could… wash it. Please? And my hair down there? I’m so dirty. I’ll never be clean.”
“Hannah, I will wash you every day for the rest of your life if you need. Even if you don’t need me to. If you want me to.” I started to use a washcloth to protect her modesty and then thought ‘hell with it.’ She needed to feel and know that I was not afraid to touch her with my hands. I was not disgusted with her. I didn’t make it sexy, but I lathered my hands and washed her breasts, her stomach, her pussy, her ass, her legs and right down to her toes. I traced the lines of her tattoo. My words. I was gentle and thorough. I rinsed her and then turned off the shower and helped her out. I dried her as carefully and thoroughly as I’d washed her, avoiding putting pressure on her bruises. I didn’t bother to get her dressed in the bathroom but led her to her bedroom and sat her on the bed.
“I’m going to get some arnica cream and tend to your bruises,” I said. “Don’t move.” When I got back from my room with the cream, she was in exactly the position I left her in. I carefully spread the cream on her back, her stomach, her breasts, and her legs. The freshest bruises were where her ribs were broken and her stomach. I touched especially lightly. She winced just the same. I spread the cream around her eyes and cheeks where her broken nose had bruised. I silently berated myself for not doing this a week ago. “Now, what would you like to wear? Do you want to dress or just put on a robe?”
“You can fuck me now.”
“I can what?”
“I know you always wanted to. Might as well get it over with.” God damn it! Now that pissed me off.
“You can pick at me all you want to, Hannah. You can keep pretending to be a badass and not care about anything. You can keep belittling yourself until you’re blue in the face. But you’d better understand right now. I will not be fucking you. I don’t know—I don’t even want to know—how you’ve been used for the past two years. I’m not that guy. I’m not going to participate in your self-immolation. You might need or want my help bathing or dressing or cutting up your food and feeding it to you, but you sure don’t need any help tearing yourself down. Now answer my question. What do you want to wear?” She glared at me. This wasn’t going well. I just stood there and waited. Her eyes softened slightly.
“Robe,” she whispered.
I went to the kitchen to start putting dinner together. I was a little angry with Jen, Court, and Anna. Sure, Jen had to go to PT, but certainly one of them could have stayed home with Hannah. One thing was for sure; if I was going to shower and wash Hannah again, I was getting her a new robe. The ratty old cotton thing I gave her to put on was so threadbare she might as well not have been wearing anything. I was slamming things together and decided to make Swiss steak for dinner. That let me pound away at a round steak with a mallet for a while to work out my frustrations. I know everyone knew I was angry at dinner. Hardly anyone said anything even though Mom asked about everyone’s day. Hannah sat next to me but never looked at me. After I cleared up the dishes I went to my room. Finals were next week and I needed to review all the stuff for Physics and Senior English Lit. Advanced Life Science: Foods proved to be a bust so far. I think both Nolan and Sullivan were out of their depth. All we’d really learned so far was how to read the nutrition labels on canned goods. Plus, I had menus to plan for my show. We would resume taping this Saturday. I’d talked to Harvey about my injuries but he thought they could shoot from my ‘good side.’ Right.
I quit about ten and turned out my light to sleep. That was a wasted effort. At ten-fifteen, I heard footsteps on the stairs.
“Not tonight,” I said sharply.
“Well, if that tone of voice wouldn’t chase away your lovers, nothing would.” Anna came into my room and came to sit on my bed next to me. I just looked at her. “Okay, spill it. What happened today?”
“You all left Hannah alone this afternoon.”
“Jen had PT.”
“And it took all three of you?”
“Brian, why does this have you so upset? Hannah said she was napping.”
“When I came home she was sitting in the bathroom crying with her underwear tied in knots because she couldn’t get it off to take a shower.”
“Oh, fuck!” I’d only rarely heard Anna swear. “I’m sorry, Brian. She said she was taking a nap and we figured you would be home shortly. I didn’t see a problem with leaving her alone. It won’t happen again. Now tell me what else happened.”
When she’d finally dragged the whole story out of me we were both exhausted. I didn’t tell her about the ‘fuck me’ incident.
“She’ll get better,” Anna said. “But for now—at least until classes start in two weeks—we’ll make sure she’s not left alone and someone will bathe her every day.”
“I’ve got that covered,” I said. “I did it today and I’ll keep doing it. Somehow she’s going to figure out that I’m not repulsed by her.”
“Don’t push it too hard, Brian,” Anna cautioned. “You have more responsibility now than any man twice your age. How did your coach put it last year? Share the pain.”
“It’s really hard, Anna. She’s so… damaged. I wish I’d killed the bastard.”
“Shh. Shh. Here now, honey.” She hugged me and I was stupidly, teenaged, aware of the soft, unfettered boobs she pressed my face against. “Dr. McCall is going to visit with her tomorrow. I have a feeling that the real damage wasn’t caused by the bastard boyfriend.”
“What do you mean?”
“Think of all you know about Hannah. Brian, you were closer to her than any other person on earth. Why would she let herself be used and abused by a man like that?”
I had a lot to think about. Why would she let herself stay in that position? Why would she keep saying that she deserved it? I guess I was still thinking when I went to sleep.
Somewhere around midnight, I felt the bed shift. I didn’t feel like making love with one of the girls. I was tired and emotionally spent. I just lay there with my eyes closed. Whoever it was must have got the message because she just lay beside me with a hand on my side as I went back to sleep. When I woke up at four-thirty, she was gone.
I did not bathe Hannah on Wednesday. Anna had taken her to see George’s mother, Dr. McCall. When I got home, Elaine was waiting for me. She was just sitting at the kitchen table reading. I went immediately to her and kissed her.
“Mmm. I love that, cónyuge,” she whispered into my mouth as I kissed her again. “Brian, if you aren’t ready for anything else, I’m okay. I just wanted to spend some time with you before I have to think about going back to school. You don’t have to feel obligated.”
“Elaine, my cónyuge, please come to bed and make love to me. I’ve missed you so much and I don’t want our winter break to go by without tasting your lips and your sweet juices. I’m not doing this out of obligation. I want you. I want you as a man wants a woman who has given herself to him. Will you make love to me?”
“Brian, at least try to get my clothes off before you make me come.”
I made love to Elaine all afternoon. I heard the girls come home, but I didn’t stop. I heard Mom and Dad come home for dinner, but I was buried in Elaine’s sweet pussy for the third time by then. My sheets were soaked with our mixed fluids and sweat. And when I’d come the third time in her pussy, I stripped off my condom and we sixty-nined until she’d come again. I was feeling hard and strong. I tossed her a long T-shirt that I had on hand in case Whitney needed something and we finally went downstairs late for dinner. We got plates and helped ourselves to food as we sat with the rest of the family. Jen and Court were staring at us in amazement and Mom looked worried. It was Hannah’s giggles that started the whole table laughing. Elaine didn’t go home.
I thought I felt the bed shift and a hand on my shoulder in the middle of the night. I was spooned tightly behind Elaine breathing in the scent of her hair. When I got up at four-thirty, I kissed Elaine and left her alone in bed.
“You know, what Coach said to me when I told him I couldn’t play?” I said. I was mixing bread ingredients. I was just talking to Hannah like I normally would in the morning, only now I was talking out loud instead of in my head. “He looked at my bruises and my stitches and said, ‘I hope it was worth it.’ How do you answer something like that? I would do it all again in an instant. There are times that I wish I’d done more damage. But, coach didn’t know the damage I did… we did. He only saw the damage that was done to me. Was whatever I did worth getting beaten and cut for? Yeah. It was. And then before I left he said that he’d know the whole story eventually, so any time I wanted to tell him, I could. What do you think of that? Should I just go to his office at lunch and tell him what I did and why? I’m pretty sure your answer is ‘no.’ I mean, if it was ‘yes’ you’d be telling me everything that happened. I’m going to find out eventually. You can just tell me any time. Well, I guess that’s why we really go to counseling. Maybe it’s less scary to tell someone you don’t know than it is to tell someone who loves you. I won’t push, but you know, you can tell me.” I heard a chair scuff along the floor behind me and turned. I just caught sight of the tail of Hannah’s bathrobe as she disappeared down the hall.
“What are they waiting for?” Ms. Hammer demanded of us. We all sighed. Finals were next week and were hoping we’d just review things this week.
“Will this be on the test?” Amanda asked plaintively.
“Test? Tests merely reflect what you have learned. Have you learned anything this term?” Oh, shit. Amanda nodded and bent her head back to the notes.
“What are they waiting for?” Ms. Hammer repeated. We’d just finished reading Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. It was worse than when we studied The Skin of Our Teeth last year with Ms. Streeter. Ms. Hammer just stood there waiting. Hmm. Like Estragon and Vladimir. We knew from experience that she would just stand there and wait until someone answered her question. It struck me as funny and I did a really good Jennifer impression when I snorted trying to keep my laughter in. It hurt my ribs enough that I gasped in some air.
“Mr. Frost? Your observation?”
“It seems that like you, they are waiting for an answer.” It might have been the most smart-assed thing I’d ever said in school. Certainly in Ms. Hammer’s class. Me and my big mouth. I was going to get shredded for that.
“An answer to what? I have asked a specific question. What is the question being asked by Vladimir and Estragon?” She took that seriously? Shit!
“Where is God?” Bill chimed in. I needed to thank him for rescuing me.
“Is that because of the name? Godot equals God?” Ms. Hammer asked. “Or because of the scriptural references in the text?”
“Well, the messenger says that he and his brother attend Godot’s sheep and goats. That makes it pretty obvious, doesn’t it?” Bill asked.
“I don’t think so,” Cassie said. “It’s not a religious play. In the notes at the end, there’s a quote from Beckett that says… Just a minute.” Cassie was turning to the back of the text. “Here it is. ‘Christianity is a mythology with which I am perfectly familiar so I naturally use it.’ It doesn’t mean that he’s promoting any religious point of view.”
“I don’t think it’s about any of that,” Nikki added.
“And instead?” Ms. Hammer prompted.
“I think they are waiting for meaning. I mean, the meaning of life. At the end of each act, they haven’t found it or it hasn’t come to them, so they contemplate suicide. They don’t even have the internal drive to do that, though.”
“Let’s talk about that some more,” Ms. Hammer suggested. “Would anyone like to respond to Nicolette’s assertion?”
“But it’s so futile,” June said. She was a kind of mousy girl with big round glasses that seemed to magnify her eyes when you looked at her. She was always friendly but a little shy. We’d never really connected. “I mean they’re just waiting for meaning to come to them. They don’t do anything. They aren’t even seeking for meaning. How are they ever going to find it?”
“That’s like Hamlet was,” Josh said. “Always talking and never doing until something forces him. How are you ever going to find something if you don’t go looking for it?”
“But even searching doesn’t mean you’ll ever find it,” Amanda finally joined in again. “I think they are like those Hindu ascetics who go off onto a mountain to meditate until they are enlightened.”
“So here we are back at the same theme again,” Ms. Hammer said. “In each act, Vladimir and Estragon contemplate suicide because they can’t find meaning. ‘To be or not to be.’ Let’s take a look at some of the places where we find more evidence of that.”
Waiting for meaning. Is that what we all do? Is that what Hannah is doing?
I’d told Elaine what I needed and she promised to meet me right after class. I knew she’d get the right thing. I went straight home with my little surprise. Jen and Court met me at the door with a kiss and said that now that I was home they were going to go spend some time with the horses. Anna had gone to work. Hannah was in her room. I knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
“How you doing, honey?” I asked.
“’K. I didn’t get a shower yesterday, and…”
“Would you like one now?”
“Will you?”
“Of course I will. I’m sorry we didn’t get one yesterday. You were already at your appointment when I got home and I kind of got side-tracked,” I said.
“Is ‘side-tracked’ your new term for ‘getting laid?’” she asked innocently. I wasn’t sure how to respond, but I looked at her and she started to grin. It was her that started the giggling at the dinner table last night. “Brian, thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for giving me a place to live. Thank you for loving me. But don’t ever put me ahead of your real girlfriends. They love you and you love them. I’m not jealous. I’m not worth that.”
“Honey, let’s get your shower. I appreciate what you are saying, but please don’t qualify it with self-deprecation. It isn’t necessary and it doesn’t become you.” She stood quietly while I undressed her and helped her into the shower. I stripped off my clothes and joined her. The garbage bag on the cast trick worked pretty well, but she really couldn’t use the arm or hand at all. I turned her back to me and began to lather her hair. She sighed. She rinsed. I put conditioner in her hair and then began to soap and lather her body.
“You’re a little stubbly under your arms. Would you like me to shave the pits?”
“Would you?”
“And your legs if you want. I’ve watched Jennifer and Courtney do it enough times.”
“Never helped?” she asked.
“Once in a while. They are a lot more efficient than I am,” I laughed.
“Bet you get side-tracked.”
“Maybe. But I promise to stay focused with you.”
“You don’t even get an erection when you’re washing me. I’m not… very pretty, am I?”
“Honey, I don’t get an erection because I’m just focused on taking care of you. I’m not going to suddenly get all aggressive.”
“You’re even gentle when you are washing my… my pussy and my butt. Brian…” She turned toward me and collapsed against me crying. For every sob there was a gasp of pain. “I’m so dirty. I wash and I’m still not clean. I’ll never be clean again.” Fuck! The showers, washing, being smelly. It wasn’t about whether or not she was literally clean. She believed she was dirty. I’d read a book on disorders when I first started seeing Nikki regularly. Yeah. That made me an expert. This sounded like something obsessive-compulsive. I was definitely going to ask Dr. McCall when I had my appointment tomorrow.
“We’re going to make sure you are clean, honey. Now don’t cry. I know it hurts you.”
“But Brian, after what… what I let him do to me… how can I ever be clean again?”
“We’re going to work through this, Hannah. I don’t know how we’ll do it, but we’ll have help. I’ll help you get through it.” I really didn’t know what she meant by ‘let him do’ and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I got her calm enough that I could shave her armpits and we decided to save the legs until next time. Her ribs were really hurting after her crying jag.
“I hurt,” she said as I dried her.
“Have you had a painkiller this afternoon?”
“No. They really make me sleepy. Dr. McCall is having a physician go through all my meds. She thinks they might be interacting.”
“Did she tell you not to take any of them?”
“No.”
“Then let’s get you into your room and I’ll give you one of the pills and put arnica on your bruises. Then you can take a nap for a little while. Here. I got you something.” I pulled the fluffy white bathrobe off the door and wrapped it around her. Of course, she could only get one arm in a sleeve, but she snuffled against it and rubbed her cheek on the softness of the robe. Yeah. Elaine did good. It was warm and fluffy and came just below her knees. We didn’t want anything that she might trip on. I thought I could get her cast in the other sleeve, but right now I was just going to take it off of her again anyway.
“It’s so pretty. So pure.”
“You must be going stir-crazy, sitting in the house all day. How about going to the game tonight?”
“What game? It’s Thursday.”
“Whitney’s team plays on Thursday nights usually. There’s a game at PHS tonight. We can watch her play,” I said.
“That sounds like fun. If I can wake up by then,” she said.
“Let’s get you to bed,” I whispered.
Watching Whitney play was awesome. The whole PHS girls’ basketball team was talented and they looked like a safe bet for another state championship. Like the St. Joe Valley varsity, Whitney’s team was undefeated so far. I figured I’d attend our game tomorrow night. I was supposed to get my stitches out on Monday and if the doctor gave me the okay, I’d start practice. I wasn’t sure about that, though. My side still hurt when I took a deep breath or moved suddenly. My extended play with Elaine yesterday taught me that my best position was currently flat on my back.
We got to the game late and left early. All of my casa was there and sat with us, but they had all begged off riding with me. It was Hannah’s and my ‘date.’ They wouldn’t have been happy about having to leave the game early anyway. An hour out and about was pretty much all Hannah could handle. She came home and went right to bed after kissing Moms and Dad goodnight and thanking them yet again for taking her in. I stopped in about an hour later and she was sound asleep. I went to bed. I was pretty sure Hannah never heard Whitney come in with Jen and Court. Whitney came up to my room for some gentle loving before we fell asleep. I was thankful Whitney was willing to be gentle tonight, but after her game, she was pretty knocked out, too.
We slowly undressed each other and showered. I was getting a lot of showers these days. After we were dry, she took my hand and led me to bed. Jen and Court had gone to their room to give Whitney and me time together. I needed to connect to each of my lovers. I needed it desperately. We sat on the bed facing each other. All the girls had figured out that I was more comfortable on my left than against the broken rib and cut ear on my right. Whitney scooted up next to me and we kissed. She was so gentle. My jaw wasn’t hurting as much anymore, but a really passionate kiss could start it up again. She plucked at my lips with hers and teased them with her tongue. We let our tongues play without mashing our mouths together. I took the same cue when I started moving down her body. I didn’t latch on and suck her little nipples. I licked and flicked at them, bringing them to attention. I just loved her athletic and hard body. I pushed her gently back on the bed and crawled between her legs. One of the things with only having limited time with each of my lovers was that we tended to get straight to the main event and didn’t spend enough time just loving each other.
I kissed and licked my way down her thin and tight tummy and across the curve of her hips. I loved the fact that even though Whitney is a hard-body, just when you reach her pubic hair, her mound swells and softens. She doesn’t shave or depilate everything like the cheerleaders and Samantha, but I think spending so much time in a locker room with other girls might have affected how carefully she trims her bush. I had no difficulty at all parting it to tongue her juices. I kept up the same technique, not really putting pressure on her clit or thrusting into her hole but teasing all around it with little flicks of my tongue, just minutely catching her clit as I passed over. It was the right thing to do. Whitney peaked and her legs flopped open as she relaxed. I flicked a couple more times before she pushed me back.
“Lie down, Brian,” she panted. “I want to be on top so you don’t get injured. Let me feel you in me like we both want so much. Touch me and kiss me. Let me bring you pleasure, my cónyuge.”
She rolled a condom on me and I had a pang of yearning for the days when we went bareback. Still, feeling her heat surround me as she sank onto my cock made me delirious. She took a page from my book and went very slowly, even when I was ready for her to start slamming down on me. She leaned forward and licked my lips before retreating again. She had to bend almost double, but succeeded in licking my nipples, too. Okay. I just figured out why guys have nipples. Call me a slow learner. It was torturous waiting for a climax that built so slowly, but when I came I nearly passed out with the intensity. I could feel Whitney join me a moment later as my sperm flooded the condom. We managed to stay connected for a while as we rolled to our sides but as I finally softened, I pulled the condom off and threw it away. I took the painkiller that was on my nightstand and faced her again, lying on my left side. We stayed facing each other and holding each other the rest of the night.
I felt the presence in bed early in the morning, but when I woke up, only Whitney was cuddled next to me. There was a warm spot on my other side, though.
On Friday, right after class, I came home and bathed Hannah again. She seemed about cried out regarding her cleanliness, but I was pretty sure it would crop up again. Jen and Court took her to the family room to watch TV while I went to my counseling appointment with Dr. McCall.
I’d only met George’s mom a few times. I was surprised when she ‘suggested’ that I meet with her as well. Mom, of course, was all over the suggestion and set the appointment on the spot. I guess my mental health was at risk, too.
“How are you holding up, Brian?” she asked when I sat on the sofa she pointed out. Her desk was under the window and she had a comfortable rocking chair where she sat facing me. It was a little like sitting to talk to your grandma, though Dr. McCall was no older than my parents.
“I’m not sure how to answer that,” I said. “I have pain in my side yet and my face and ear itch like crazy. I’m trying not to use too much of the painkillers they gave me. They really knock me out. I take one at night just before I go to sleep.”
“That’s all good information, but I’m pretty sure you know that wasn’t my question. You, Brian. Up here,” she touched my forehead. “Mentally. Emotionally. How are you doing?” I thought about it for a minute. She waited.
“I get pretty angry. I’m in control of it, mostly. But sometimes it’s all I can do to keep from getting in the car and driving to Evansville to finish the job. I should have killed him. He… what he did… unforgivable.” I could feel my lip working back and forth, but I refused to cry again. I was past that. I didn’t need to cry when I could use my fists.
“Hannah watched you beat her boyfriend—her ex-boyfriend. I understand you gave him the exact same injuries he’d given Hannah. Three broken ribs, broken arm, broken nose. Oh, and completely crushed testicles. I got the record from the police under confidentiality as Hannah’s counselor. I understand that the burst eardrum was her addition to the punishment. Now, I want to ask you to consider this. Would Hannah be better if you had killed him?” I shook my head. “Would you be better?” I thought of Hawk. Nothing made it better. I shook my head again. “She saw you in a way she’d never seen before. She might even be a little afraid of you. You beat the one who beat her. So, let’s start by recognizing that the desire to kill him is born of your frustration over helping Hannah and is not motivated by improving his punishment. Now I’m going back to my original question. How are you doing? Living with the damaged girl that you rescued, how are you doing?”
Fuck! I was torn up. I was frustrated because she was depressed and obsessive about being clean. To think that she might be afraid of me… Me, the monster. I wanted her to feel better. I wanted to have my old Hannah back. Once I got started down that line, I just kept talking. Dr. McCall hardly said another word until I’d run down.
“We made some good progress today, Brian,” she said. I glanced at the clock on her desk. It was nearly five. I’d been here an hour already. I felt like I’d hardly started. “There is one thing I’d like you to work on this week. You are doing a good job as a caretaker, but Hannah’s progress is not up to you. She is in a safe environment. She is receiving loving care. She seems to have everything she wanted two years ago. But Hannah is still depressed.”
“But why? Why—if she has everything to make her happy—why is she still depressed?”
“That is what I want you to work on this week.”
“Finding out why?” Good. Something I could set my mind to.
“No. To stop asking why. Brian, depression is a physical illness. You wouldn’t be asking ‘Why does she have a cold?’ You wouldn’t be asking ‘Why does she have cancer?’ Oh, we might be able to track down answers. She was exposed to germs. She was a lifetime smoker. She was genetically vulnerable. Whatever. But none of those would help cure the disease. Your first step, and the hardest thing you have to work on this week, is to stop asking ‘why’. Hannah can’t tell you why. You have to accept the fact that emotionally right now, she is an invalid, just like she is physically an invalid. You are willing to help her wash her hair and shower. That is probably as important to her emotional state as it is to her physical state. Just continue to help her as she genuinely needs it. There will come a time, let’s say when the cast comes off, that she will no longer need you to help her shower or wash her hair. But she might still want it. Might still need it emotionally. We’ll talk about that more as we progress. I’ll see you next week.”
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