The Rock
6 To Be or Not to Be
I HAD THE TRUCK LOADED as full as I could get it and Elaine had packed all her clothes in her car. Good heavens, she had a lot of clothes! She had a new apartment this year, but the same roommates. As strange as it seemed, the apartment was over a Styrofoam peanut factory near Fountain Square. It was about four miles from campus, but the three girls all had cars. It was kind of an industrial area and a lot of the buildings were going to get torn down soon when they put the new freeway around downtown.
I followed Elaine and we got there about noon on Saturday. The other two girls helped move her stuff in. At one time the plant manager or owner had an apartment above the factory. What was really weird was that there was a door that opened out into the production area. Only the stairs from inside had been removed so the door was about fifteen feet above the floor and an iron grate had been put over the opening on the factory side. I guess you could open the door and watch them make those little packing peanuts if you were bored.
“Okay, girls,” Elaine said as we chowed down on pizza after everything was moved. “I’m not saying you can’t come back at all, but this is Brian’s and my honeymoon weekend. If you come back without calling, you will find us naked and you might find us making love on any surface in the apartment—except your rooms, of course. And we won’t stop just because you are there.”
“Almost sounds like an invitation,” Gail said. She laughed.
“Actually, you can use my room and my bed if you want,” Linda added. “Just… uh… don’t change the sheets afterward. I haven’t had that smell in my bed for way too long.”
“You are a pervert, Linda,” Gail laughed. “You kids have fun. We’ll try not to disturb you.” They left.
“Where are they going for the weekend?” I asked. “I feel bad about kicking them out of their apartment.”
“You needn’t. We talked about it this summer and everyone was fine with it. I paid for a hotel room for them and a nice dinner tonight. We won’t be disturbed,” Elaine said as she came into my arms to kiss me.
“You are such a dish, Elaine. I love you.”
“We wouldn’t be in this position if you didn’t and if I didn’t feel the same way.”
“You know, you can still… date and stuff this year. I’m never going to put a restriction on you. I love you and it’s not fair for me to be with all our girlfriends—or most of them—and you to be stuck by yourself. I don’t want you to feel… like you need to be… like, faithful. I mean like celibate.”
“Take your clothes off,” she demanded. I automatically started to comply but I wasn’t quick enough and Elaine started helping. We were still in the living room and no matter what she said about her roommates being gone for the weekend, I was still a little self-conscious. As soon as I was naked, she led me to one of the bedroom doors. Trust girls. There were full-length mirrors on every door.
“Look at yourself, Brian. Let me tell you something. What you are seeing is what I’ve been waiting for. It didn’t make any difference that I was away at college or off in New Jersey doing summer stock. It didn’t make any difference if I was out with a gang from the theater or if I was dating some guy from my history class. We signed an agreement on September fifth three years ago. I have abstained from sexual intercourse from that day until last night. I admit that I’ve dated a few guys and Lionel and I made out like bandits after the prom. But, Brian, this is what I’ve been waiting for—what you see in the mirror. You’ve filled my mind. You’ve filled my fantasies. It started slowly, but this cock has become the only one I want in my pussy. After waiting three years, do you think I’ll be unable to wait a couple months between injections?”
I turned Elaine in my arms and kissed her. There was nothing I could say to that declaration. But there was something I could do. And we did.
We left the apartment Sunday afternoon to get more condoms.
We couldn’t bang all the time. Seriously. We tried. But in between times, I still had homework over the weekend. I was a little afraid of Ms. Hammer and didn’t want to come to her class Monday morning without having finished the assignment. Elaine took me to the college library for an hour to do the research. She was also happy to read Hamlet with me. Between acts, we made love. Theaters should consider that for intermission!
“How many of you got started on Hamlet this weekend?” I raised my hand with about half the kids in the class. “Good. Remember that it is due on Friday. We will be discussing the play all week and it would be good if you were reading ahead of the discussion. However, I gave you another bit of homework. The answers to the questions that I asked on Wednesday should have been readily available to you in the library or even in a good encyclopedia. You have had one week to get these answers.” She picked up a grade book and pointed to Bill Williams in the front row. “Did you complete the homework in the spirit it was intended?” He held up a notebook with a bunch of numbers on it.
“It’s here.”
“That’s not what I asked. Did you complete it in the spirit it was intended? In other words, to learn something.”
“No.”
“That’s a zero. Do better on the next assignment.”
“But I have the answers.”
“Life is not about answers. I have a binary grading system. If you did the assignment in the spirit in which it was intended, you get a one. If not, you get a zero.” She moved to Cassie and asked the same question.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Good job.” Next girl. There were twenty-six in our class and she taught four sections. It wasn’t a required class, but those who were college bound knew that it was supposed to show how good they were. It was Amanda Drysdale. I still didn’t know all the names of the kids in my grade. There were about 350 of us.
“Why don’t you just look at our papers and check them off?” Amanda said.
“How would that answer my question? Did you give your homework the time and respect it deserved to teach you something?”
“But I could just lie.”
“Yes, you could. Did you do the homework in the spirit it was intended?”
“No.” Amanda was almost in tears. That took guts.
“Why didn’t you lie?”
“I couldn’t. I’d rather have a zero than lie to you.”
“Do better with the next assignment.”
Shit! I had never had a class like this. Not only was I afraid of Ms. Hammer, I was in awe. A little over half of us had done the assignment and claimed it was in the spirit intended. I had a feeling that one or two had lied.
“Mr. Frost, please go to the board and write your answers so we all have a common point of reference.” I took my sheet of numbers and wrote on the board as Ms. Hammer asked the questions. I wrote my answers on the board and then people argued numbers back and forth before we agreed on a single number. “How old is the universe?”
“About twelve billion years,” I said as I wrote out the number.
“Six thousand years,” Cassie spoke up. “That’s what the Bible says. The first day of creation was in 4004 B.C.” Ms. Hammer looked at her sternly.
“Hold on to your belief, Miss Clinton,” Ms. Hammer said. “In our classroom we will use only answers that are ascertainable through the tools of science, not the tools of religion. You may discover that faith is what allows you to get to the next day; in class you cannot use an answer unless it is supported by scientific methods of investigation and observation. How old is the earth?”
“Four billion years.” I wrote answers and she asked questions. Of course, everyone’s birthday was different. Ms. Hammer pulled down a map of the United States. It was pretty old and I wasn’t positive the country still looked like the crinkled map hanging above the white board. “You will find a stack of atlases that are a little more current than the map here. There are also rulers since I can’t expect any of you to have a ruler in English class. Now, how many of you have calculators in your bags? Get them out. Anyone who does not have a calculator, team up with someone who does. You’ll need a calculator, ruler, and atlas in each group. We are going to create a timeline.”
We scrambled around and started putting our teams together. Of course, I had a calculator. I wouldn’t survive calculus and mathematical modeling without one. Nikki pulled up a chair next to me and muttered something about what the fuck was going on and why did we need geography and math for English?
“Let’s say that Seattle is the beginning of the universe. I’ve heard it said that they believe so.” There were a few chuckles. Ms. Hammer and humor were hard to reconcile, but she was trying to make a point, I guess. “Right here in this classroom—right here in the middle of your desk where you are huddled over an atlas—is now. Figure out the ratio of the numbers above to the distance between Seattle and here. Use your fancy calculators, don’t bother with highways. The universe is about twelve billion years old, compare that to the roughly two thousand miles from Seattle to St. Joe Valley High School. Where did the earth begin?”
“Um… Somewhere around Sioux Falls, South Dakota,” Doc Phillips said. Everybody called him Doc because he was a mathematical brain. I felt sorry for him. I was called Brain Trust because I did well in my classes, but the only thing Doc ever did was his classes. Having Coke-bottle glasses didn’t help him any. The guy was practically blind and had his face about two inches from the atlas.
“And when did the earliest life form?”
“Just this side of Chicago, it looks like,” Janice Stierwalt replied. People were jumping ahead to compute different parts of the timeline just so they could participate.
“Dinosaurs?”
“LaPorte.”
“Homo sapiens?”
“Potawatami High Cavemen!” someone shouted.
“Civilization?”
“Here,” I said. “Just down the hall somewhere near the cafeteria.”
“Hungry?” Ms. Hammer asked. There were more chuckles. We’d all gotten into this and were actually having fun.
“Not after realizing how old the food is,” I said.
“Well, now. What about us? You. Where on our timeline map did you pop out of the womb and become the bright and shining stars that you are?” We were all still tapping on the calculators. Nothing seemed to fit and I started writing out numbers on a sheet of paper. This could take all day.
“Ms. Hammer, according to my calculator, I don’t exist. We’re just too small,” Rose said. She was sitting with Amanda.
“And how does this make you feel?” Ms. Hammer asked. “Someone begin. I’ll wait.” We all looked around at each other.
“Small,” said one person.
“Creepy. Like I don’t matter at all.”
“Like we’re all worthless in the eyes of the universe,” Cassie said.
“Believing the universe is only six thousand years old helps, doesn’t it?” Ms. Hammer winked at Cassie. “Does anyone feel the opposite?”
“Empowered,” Josh said. I looked at him. “Like even after all that, I’m still here. I should just go for it.”
“Go for what?”
“Go for everything. Live life.”
“Or just kill yourself,” Nikki shot back.
“To be or not to be,” Ms. Hammer quoted. “That is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or…”
Shit! This had all been about Hamlet!
Coach Mitchell had left after last season to take a job someplace in Fort Wayne. We found out that Coach Hancock had been promoted to varsity basketball coach. Everybody was pretty excited, but I wasn’t looking forward to my conversation with him. I’d put it off until Thursday, but I headed for his office instead of lunch at noon.
“Brian, are you still keeping up with your training? How is Whitney? I haven’t seen her yet at all.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Coach. Whitney’s doing great and we’re training every day. We’re trying to keep it out of the school this year.”
“Well, at your level, I’d rather you were in a dojo that knows what you are doing.”
“We’ll work on that. But you know Whitney leaves at noon to go to PHS. I just wanted to let you know that I leave at the same time. I’m taking two classes at IUSB this fall. I… uh… don’t get out until three-thirty and I guess that means I won’t be able to play basketball this year. I wouldn’t be able to make practice until at least four o’clock. I guess none of us thought about that part of the schedule until school had already started.”
“We’ll miss you on the team, Brian,” Coach said. He was shaking his head. I had a feeling he expected me to be there, but basketball wasn’t my life. “I’d like you to come to tryouts. I know you won’t be there at the beginning, but it will do the younger guys good to see that you are still supporting the team. Do that for me, will you?”
“Sure, Coach. I’ll help the team any way I can.” Man, I was glad that conversation was over.
I really missed our lunch-time conversations and realized what Whitney had been going through the past year. We had only twenty minutes with the crew at lunch before we had to run to her car and head to PHS. On the other hand, I was really enjoying my two college classes. It was different than it had been the past year when Nikki and I went to English Comp in the evening. Evening classes have a lot of older students who are either going back to school or just picking up something they couldn’t work into a normal schedule. Our day classes were just normal college classes with normal college students. It was mostly guys, of course. Math and Chem don’t exactly draw a huge number of girls. There were a couple of cuties, but they were way more interested in older guys. They made that real clear. The only thing that really bugged me was that Jen and Court’s class started at the same time as mine and was in a different building so I couldn’t help them to class. I sure hoped Jen was up and walking before the snow started flying.
Saturday, though, everybody was in my room studying. We’d all gone to the football game Friday night and celebrated our first victory of the season at the dance. I was really proud of Rose for having made varsity cheerleader. She and Brenda were the only seniors. There were two juniors and Samantha’s sister Lexi had made varsity as a sophomore. She was turning into quite the fox. It seemed like she and Judy and Ross and Monte were always together and it was a mix and match sort of thing. I wasn’t sure what Carl’s brother Rich was doing. I only had three classes at the high school. Still, I could do my other work while my friends and lovers were studying together. By four o’clock we were all winding down and thinking about dates. That, of course, was when the conversation turned to the upcoming wedding.
“So, what does it mean to have this ritual?” Doreen asked. She’d come over just to hang out, she said. Of course, everyone knew I was taking Doreen and Rhiannon out tonight. I wasn’t sure everyone knew Doug was taking Liz out.
“It means that Brian and I are committing to a long-term intimate relationship with each other,” Sam explained.
“So how is that different from what he and, say, Rose have?”
“Other than we aren’t going to be naked during our ritual?” Sam laughed. “The only thing different is that I want my Mom and Dad and sister to see me making a public commitment. I know that Rose feels the same way about Brian that I do. I know that Jennifer and Courtney are gaga over him. I know that Whitney believes he walks on water, even though she can punch him from here to Sunday. And I know that Liz would shrivel up and die if she didn’t have Brian.” That was news to me. But maybe not that surprising. “I honestly think this is the only wedding that I’ll ever have,” Sam continued. “I never thought about it when we were just fooling around, but I love him and as long as he will have me, I will be with him.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t, you know, go out tonight,” Rhiannon sighed.
“No way!” Sam exploded. “It doesn’t mean that Brian isn’t with anyone else. It doesn’t even mean that I don’t go down on Jennifer and Courtney or that I wouldn’t part your lower lips with my tongue, dear Rhiannon. I’ve kind of always wondered what you tasted like.” Holy shit! Sam was really laying it on now. Rhiannon was blushing but frankly assessing Samantha.
“We need a word,” Rose announced. “Rhiannon, you took Spanish. So did you, Sugar. Courtney? We need a word for a person who is associated with one casa but is involved with someone from another casa. Or even within a casa for someone who is intimate with another hearthmate but doesn’t have a long-term commitment.”
“We’ve kind of made all the words mean what we want them to,” Sugar said. “Just chose one and say that’s what it means.”
“But it’s special,” Brenda said. “I know that my long-term commitment is to Louise and Carl. But I really can’t do without Brian.”
“How about amiga?” Rhiannon asked. “It’s not like we need to use the words for just friends. Or for members of the clan. We have ‘cousins’ for that. Brenda and Brian are amiga.”
“I like that. It doesn’t affect our relationship to our own cónyuge,” Louise said. I didn’t figure it was going to make a difference with her. She was definitely a one-dick girl. Although, I supposed it could mean two girls who had fun with each other, too. I wondered if Louise had her eye on any of the other girls in the clan.
“I’d like to suggest something,” Doug said, softly. Liz had already started to lean against him just as somehow Doreen and Rhiannon were flanking me this afternoon. “You guys are more advanced than the rest of us, probably since there are so many of you that you want to keep things straight. You’ve even named your casa.”
“Casa del Fuego,” Rose supplied. “House of Fire.”
“Can we have a clan meeting or ritual that establishes each of our casa and names them?” Doug asked.
“What a great idea, lover!” Rhiannon beamed at him. “None of the rest of us have had any kind of ritual or recognition. I’m even willing to go naked for the ritual if you can all stand it.”
“Who couldn’t stand to have you naked, Rhiannon?” I asked. “We’d all love to have you naked.”
“I mean with all of us naked. I don’t think it needs to be a requirement, but I’m willing.”
“Well, I don’t know about the going naked part,” Lionel said. “But I’d kind of like a ritual, too. We haven’t talked with everybody about it, but Sugar and I want to form a casa with Lamar and Renee. We are… uh… planning to move in with them next summer.”
“Cool!”
“I think we can refer to our casa any way we want to,” Rose said. She and Brenda had probably put more thought into how our clan actually worked than any of the rest of us. “But like Samantha’s handfasting ritual, we should actually plan a time when the most people possible can be there. A clan gathering. That means that we’d need to have the college kids home if they can make it.”
“And Hannah,” Samantha said. “I’m not giving up on her.”
“You sent her an invite to our handfasting?” I asked.
“Yeah. She sent her regrets. Sarah is going to be here, though.”
“That’s wonderful!”
Doug and Carl had carried Jennifer up to my room and after our study time, they carried her back downstairs. I kissed each of my girlfriends and took Doreen and Rhiannon out to dinner. Liz went with Doug. We ended up at the same table at Antonio’s Italian Restaurant. Surprisingly, it wasn’t strained. At all. Places kept getting changed so frequently that I wasn’t even sure if we were sitting in front of the food we ordered. I almost wanted us to all go home together and to be together, like Carl, Louise, Brenda and I had been. When we left the restaurant, though, Doreen and Rhiannon were with me and Liz was with Doug.
I really wasn’t sure how to get started when I took the girls to my room but they apparently had a plan. We were no more than upstairs when they began to kiss me from either side as they removed my clothes. By the time I was undressed, I realized they were, too.
“Bathe us, my amiga,” Rhiannon said. “We want to get used to touching and being touched by you.”
I’d known Doreen as Betts’ best friend for at least ten years. Then, the week Betts got married, she became my girlfriend. I assumed she’d just go on with her life after the wedding since she was already out of school. But instead, she had become an integral part of our clan. She and Doug had admitted they loved each other and it was obvious that she loved Rhiannon. But she’d told me once that she wasn’t going all the way with Doug. They loved each other but they weren’t going to cross the incest line. Instead, Rhiannon had become their lover. She was the second person to take one of my fairy loops—even though she later gave hers to Whitney—and we’d dated a few times, including the past Valentine’s Day dance when she’d told me she wanted to make love with me. But it was obvious that she was way in love with Doug and had been since sixth grade. I didn’t get it. I still enjoyed gently washing both girls in my shower as they paid attention to every detail in getting me all-over clean.
“Um… is there anything special I should know before we go to bed?” I asked. I wasn’t really sure that I knew what they expected.
“We want you to love us,” Doreen said. “Brian, I’ve been waiting over two years for this. If the agreement hadn’t been in place when Betts got married, I’d have made love to you then. I mean, that, Brian. I’ve been waiting. My maidenhead has probably regrown it’s been so long.”
“Oooh, I don’t think so,” Rhiannon laughed. “I’ve given that strap-on a pretty good workout.”
“From both ends,” Doreen laughed back at her. “I hope we’re not shocking you too much, Brian.”
“I have girlfriends who are lovers,” I shrugged. “You might have to tell me more about the dildo thing, though. I’m thinking Christmas presents.”
“If they’ve got regular access to this, they might not care,” Rhiannon said, stroking my cock. She leaned over and kissed me deeply. I cupped her breast in my hand as she continued to rub me. Then I felt Doreen nibbling on my ear and turned to kiss her. The depth of her passion almost overwhelmed me.
“She can warm you up but I get to go first,” Doreen said.
“I love you both. I think you know that. There isn’t a girl in our clan that I don’t feel a special connection with. Doreen, I understand sort of where you are coming from. It must be very difficult to be in love with your brother and not feel like you can… express it fully.”
“We’re just not going to cross that line, no matter how much we love each other. We kiss. We fondle. Sometimes one of us has an orgasm. But mostly, we avoid each other’s genitals. Rhiannon, on the other hand, is also my cónyuge and I have no qualms about messing her genitals up at all. Just not my brother. Not all the way. No matter how much I love him.”
“Rhiannon, why do you want to make love with me? You’ve been in love with Doug for years and now with Doreen, too. I’m sure you don’t have any qualms about making love with him, do you?”
“Hardly. And yes, it’s wonderful and we do it every chance we get. Doug and I have probably made love to each other far more than you have with any one of your lovers. There’s a big advantage when you’ve got the only hole your lover has access to. Of course, that’s changing. Once your hot red-headed cónyuge gets through with him I might have to come to you just to get some attention.”
“But why now? Why do you want me at all?”
“Oh, Brian. Must you? I know. You must.” She sighed and pushed her face against my armpit. “I still want to be your princess,” she whispered. “I don’t want to be the only one of the five of us you rejected.” There was hot moisture running onto my shoulder. Rhiannon was crying.
“Rhiannon, honey. You know I would never reject you. Never, sweetheart. Never.” Doreen wrapped an arm around both of us and held us as I petted Rhiannon’s hair. “You know I’m not really a prince, don’t you?”
“That’s just the enchantment that keeps you from knowing who you really are. I know it’s a fairy tale, Brian. Heaven did a great job on us little fifth grade girls. There’s never been a doubt in any of our minds that one day we would each be your lover, your princess. I know I’m committed to Doug for the long haul. I love him to pieces and I want to have his babies. Yep, you heard that right. I don’t even care that much about college. Oh, I’ll go and get my degree and become an architect, but as soon as I can get Doug to marry me and plant some seeds, I want to pop out babies and just be a mommy to our children. I want to have dinner ready for Doug and Doreen when they come home from work and tell them all about how our little babies have grown and learned to crawl and say Dada. And one day, one of those little babies is going to be a prince or a princess because I’ll ask you to be the father. We’ll have to invent a new word when that one comes along, because I think the hot lady who’s got your cock in her mouth now is going to want a baby, too. Since she won’t do the deed with Doug, guess who’s next in line to be father.”
Holy shit!
“Doreen, honey, I love what you are doing, but I want to finally do what I dreamed about all night long the first night you got in bed with me. Let’s get a rubber on that and do what we’ve both wanted to do. And then, Rhiannon, I’m going to love you royally!”
The rest of September pretty much flew by. The only other major thing that happened was dinner with my new in-laws. I’d met Sylvester and Lily Cortales on many occasions and they’d joined us for dinner with my folks and, of course, I knew Lexi pretty well.
But that was all before Samantha announced to her parents that she planned to have sex with me. Specifically, on Friday night, October 6th. And that there would be a ritual beforehand and she wanted her father to ‘give her away.’ And that she planned to spend the rest of the weekend with me and if they ever wanted to see their daughter married, this would be the best time to come to the celebration.
I know there was a lot more that went into that conversation, but Samantha had found a new determination when facing her parents. They could, of course, simply order her to stay home and stop seeing me. She was only seventeen. She’d ‘have’ to obey and I wouldn’t let her not obey. The rule I’d made for myself with Cassie, I applied to all my girlfriends. I did not encourage them to go against their parents’ wishes.
I guess the real knock-down drag-out battles between them had already happened. Lily and Sylvester were cordial if not enthusiastic. I knew they’d already spoken to my parents, too. I was never so thankful for my mom and dad. Lexi was excited to be her sister’s maid of honor or whatever they wanted to call it.
“So, Brian,” Sylvester said as we sat in the family room after dinner. “Are you prepared to care for my daughter and keep her in the manner to which she is accustomed? How do you plan to support your family?” I had to wonder if he was mocking me or if he was serious.
“Well, Mr. Cortales…”
“I understand there is a terminology that is in use. Since I’m to be your new father-in-law, you can call me Papa Sly.” Oh yes, he is.
“Papa Sly. I’m going to be blunt. The only thing that is changing in my relationship with your daughter is that we are going to have sex.” Sam’s mother practically fainted and Lexi was giggling. Sly actually rolled his eyes. Samantha’s fingers dug into my thigh. “In your family, I understand that might imply marriage and a financial contract to support her for the rest of her life. In our clan, every individual is responsible for him or herself. We enter into a loving contract to physically and emotionally support each other, but there is no legal or financial obligation between the partners. For example, I do not and will never have any claim against the trust you set up for Samantha when her grandfather died.”
“Well, the terms of that trust are very clear…”
“I don’t want to know about the terms of her trust,” I broke in. “They are of no interest to me. I have no claim against it, no matter what Samantha and I do together. Unless you intend to disassociate yourself from your daughter and cut her loose, Samantha will continue to live the life she has become accustomed to for as long as her relationship with you remains that of a loving daughter to her parents.”
Papa Sly looked at me long and hard. Despite sometimes looking and acting like a gangster, he was usually the sanest member of the family. He looked at his wife and I saw the corners of his mouth twitch. Then he belly-laughed. He laughed so hard he had tears running out his eyes. His wife acted the part of a martyred saint and Lexi just kept giggling.
“Sylvester!” Lilly cried out. “It’s not funny!”
“Yes. Yes, it is, my loving wife. Our daughter. Our virgin daughter has allowed us to be part of her new family. In spite of all the ways we have—you have—accused her of wantonness and sexual promiscuity, she has given us the opportunity to witness her handfasting to the boy she loves and to make us a part of her new family. My conscience screams at me to make this occasion one of joy for my daughter. We are done questioning her decision. From now on we will pray for her continued happiness with her cónyuge.” I realized at that point that Sly was of Spanish blood and knew exactly what he was calling us. He held out his arms to Samantha and she rushed to his lap, hugging her father.
“Daddy, thank you!” Samantha said.
“Brian, my son-in-law to be, you are right that you have no fiduciary responsibility for my daughter. But you have something much more important. You hold her heart in your hands. If ever that heart is broken, I will call on you and our conversation will not be so genial.”
My birthday was on Thursday. Our handfasting was to be Friday night. I was surprised Thursday to find Dad at home when Anna brought us home from IUSB.
“Hop in the truck, son. We have an errand to run before the birthday celebration tonight. Anna and the girls are making dinner. Mom will be home before we are.” I got in the truck and Dad took off.
“What’s up, Dad?” I asked. He wasn’t usually so brusque about getting us to go somewhere. This must be important.
“You’ll see.” That’s all he said until we pulled into the lot of Gates OK Used Cars. “I told them we’d be here at four. We made it.”
“What do we need here?” Dense? Yeah.
“Your birthday present.”
“My… A car?”
“Well, if we can agree on something appropriate.” Shit! What’s appropriate for an 18-year-old senior in high school? I quickly scanned the lot for a Corvette. Any color. I didn’t care. “The way I see it—and feel free to disagree—is that you need something that will transport a girlfriend or two in comfort. Or three or ten.” What? A van? Dad waved at the lot manager coming out and he nodded toward us then went back inside. “See anything on the lot that you like?” Well, when I actually looked at it, the ’Vette didn’t look all that appealing. I just couldn’t see myself in a Nova or an Astro minivan. What was I going to do?
“I don’t know, Dad. Now that you put it that way, it would be pretty silly of me to get a small economy car. I don’t expect I’ll need to transport everyone at one time, but maybe an eight-passenger station wagon like we have at home wouldn’t be that bad an idea.”
“Really? Well, if that’s the way you want to go. What about the horses? Are you going to give them up when you go to college or will you want to haul them around sometimes?” Haul the horses? I was getting confused. Wouldn’t I need a truck to hitch the horse trailer to? Now that he mentioned it, I was worried about what to do about the horses. Dad thought about selling them when Betts went to college and I was going even farther away.
“I don’t know, Dad. Do you have a suggestion?” When in doubt, ask.
“Hmm. Let’s go in and see what the manager has to say. Maybe if we tell him what you need, he’ll have an idea about what to show us.”
Of course, Dad was way ahead of me and was teasing with the walk through the lot. The deal was already done. When we walked into the showroom, the perfect car was prepped and waiting on a revolving deck with a ribbon on it and a big sign that said “Happy birthday, Brian.” It was a red Suburban 2500. In a pinch, I was sure we could fit all of us inside and it had plenty of towing power to hitch the horse trailer to. It was four years old but only had 38,000 miles on it. It was cherry. The fact that it was red just made it ten times better.
When I got home in my new car, I was surprised to find that none of the girls were there. Anna had made dinner all right, and it would serve my three parents and my five ‘boyfriends.’ Carl, Doug, Lionel, Geoff, and Josh were sitting at the table and yelled ‘Surprise!’ when I walked in.
“What the…?”
“Happy birthday, Brian,” Carl said as he stood. “We couldn’t think of anything better than to throw you a bachelor party tonight.”
“A what?”
“Girls,” Lionel said. “We just do what they tell us to.”
“Which is?”
“That you are to have no contact with Samantha or any of the other girls until the ritual tomorrow night,” Doug said. “Man, I hope you are not setting some kind of precedent with this thing.”
“We, the men of your clan, are therefore gathered around you for this solemn night of bonding before you forever give up your balls to the women of your casa,” Josh laughed.
“Well hell. Why not?” I joined him. “Are we headed for a strip club?”
“Are you kidding? I don’t care if you lose your balls, but I’d like to keep mine,” Geoff said. I was glad he was there and joining in.
“So what’s going on?” I asked.
“Well, as I understand it, all the women of your casa are with Samantha at her house for a sleep-over. As if they’ll get any sleep. Rhiannon, Doreen, and Brenda asked to go with them and then they invited Louise and Sugar. So basically, all the members of the clan who are local are either at her house or here,” Carl said. There was a knock at the back door and when I answered it, Papa Sly was there.
“Brian, I know you aren’t related and you don’t have a fiduciary responsibility to my daughter, but you’ve got to save me. I can’t stay in that house tonight. Please let me use your guest room,” he said.
“Oh, Sly, don’t be so melodramatic,” Mom said coming up behind me. “Come in and join the boys. Anna made dinner, but we’re going to go join the girls. Hayden! Sly’s here.” When did my parents get on such close terms with the Cortaleses? Now I was getting really nervous. Mom gave me a kiss and headed for the garage. Anna was next and gave me a hug.
“Dinner’s on the table, guys,” she said. “See you tomorrow night.”
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