Deadly Chemistry
24 Understanding
I WAS SURPRISED that it didn’t make headlines. There hadn’t even been a mention of it in the news until Tuesday. I wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t been hanging around the break area when the local news writers came in.
“Why aren’t they giving us more information about this?”
“They say it relates to an on-going investigation and that the facts are just too bizarre to report at the moment.”
“How do you get an accidental suicide?”
“Do you think we should put our own investigative crew on it?”
“We’d have to get independent sources. The police haven’t even released the identity of the body yet.”
“We’ll report it the way they’ve given it, then. But let’s keep an open file on this one. Sounds like it could be more than they’ve let on.”
That was all of the conversation I caught. It sent shivers down my spine. The news blurb was repeated almost verbatim in the two local newspapers the next day.
Police are investigating what they refer to as the accidental suicide of a Mishawaka man this weekend. Details and the identity of the victim have not been released pending notification of the man’s relatives. Police say the body was discovered in Grasslawn Cemetery on Saturday. We’ll let you know the details as they are released.
We didn’t hear anything else about it that week. It was like there was an event that was lost in the universe somewhere and would never be heard of again. Accidental suicide. So that’s what they call it when you choke to death on your own prick.
Miss Polly: Good morning, Rose. It’s so nice to have you back with Brian this morning.
Rose: Thank you, Miss Polly. It’s always nice to be with Brian. She smiled a megawatt smile at me and I was pretty sure the cameras were zoomed in on her.
Miss P: We celebrated your seventeenth birthday on our Christmas special. What are we celebrating this week?
Me: We’re celebrating the best foods of summer, Miss Polly. [I’d donned my chef’s hat and jacket complete with the neckerchief.]
Rose: Did you know that Brian and I had our first date at the St. Joseph County 4-H Fair the week that you met him?
Miss P: And you got to be girlfriend number…?
Rose: We’ve decided that I was officially number one that week. I was there on Sunday and he didn’t have all five until after the 4-H rodeo on Thursday.
Miss P: Well, what are we fixing?
Rose: My favorite fair-food as of that day. It was the first time Brian fed me an elephant ear.
Miss P: Brian, we’ve all seen elephant ears at the fair. I thought you needed special equipment.
Me: Well, for the traditional huge ears that you get at the fair, you need a pretty big deep fat fryer. But you can make miniature fried dough in your own kitchen with a minimum of effort. And I guarantee they are just as good.
Miss Polly remembered to let me do my traditional sign-off after the segment. Harvey had emphasized that the ‘Young Cooking’ should look as much like what we’d established during the first half of the year as possible. He paid Rose her fifty dollars, even though my participation was included in my contract as Miss Polly’s assistant for the summer. I found out, though, that Harvey was planning a compilation of ‘Young Cooking’ video tapes on which I would receive a royalty. That was cool.
It was even better when Miss Polly left at noon and Harvey came by and told me to take the rest of the weekend off because I’d have to work a half day on the Holiday next week. Rose was thrilled that I’d have the rest of the day to spend with her and she didn’t have to wait until three o’clock for me to get off work.
“What would you like to do, sweetheart?” I asked as we left the studio.
“I’m getting awfully close to calling your house and telling those Kokomo girls to vacate the premises because I’m going to make love to my man,” she sighed. “But I know you have already had one new experience this week and I’m not going to be second.” How did she know I’d had a new experience? Oh yeah. She was a girl. They talk. All the time. “I want to run away with you and cuddle. Take me to my house and we’ll get the boat.”
Hmm. I’d written her a story about that once, but she’d already told me today wasn’t the day. And the boat was nothing like I’d written about in my story.
“You made it sound like a luxury yacht,” she laughed when I actually saw the little pontoon boat. It only had one fixed seat at the wheel and a little canopy over the back to keep the driver out of the sun. It was an open railing around an aluminum deck with a few folding lawn chairs.
“It doesn’t quite look like the nice comfortable and private deck that I’d imagined,” I said. “But you never actually showed it to me before. All I had to go on was other people’s descriptions.”
“Well, it is fun. Mostly, we girls just take it out and sunbathe when we find a nice spot. We can only go down river about half a mile before we hit the restricted area before the dam. We can go almost all the way to Elkhart upstream, though.”
“It’s too bad we can’t go into Mishawaka to watch the fireworks on the Fourth.” The pontoon boat offered absolutely no privacy, but Rose anchored in a little cove at about the county line and wiggled herself into my lap on one of the reclining lawn chairs. Apparently, that was where all the girls laid out since the deck was both hard and hot in the sun. With Rose in her bikini and me in shorts, we had a lot of very sweaty, slippery skin touching each other. Tomorrow was the first of July and the weather was heating up like it would be a scorcher of a summer. Rose gave me a long and easy kiss as I held her in my lap.
“Rose, honey? I feel bad that you think you are competing with the other girls. I want us to be special. Do you want me to be exclusive with you? I love you like crazy.” Rose looked at me with such surprise that she burst out in tears. I wasn’t sure how to interpret them—girls cry over almost anything—so I just held her to me until she’d cried herself out.
“You’d do that, wouldn’t you?” she whispered at last. “That makes me feel so special, Brian.”
“Rose, you are special. Some days I think this group thing—as much as I love all our girlfriends—is too much. We’ll never make it work and we should stop before people get hurt.”
“And do you think that becoming exclusive with me wouldn’t hurt Whitney and Samantha and Jennifer and Courtney and Liz and Sora and Brenda and…?”
“Okay. I understand. There’s no way to change what we have without people getting hurt. Still…”
“Brian do you love all of us?”
“Yes.”
“Do you love each of us?”
“Yes, Rose. I love each of our girlfriends.”
“Do you love me?”
“There’s no question about that in my mind. I love you.”
“Then that’s all I’m asking. My time is coming. Soon. I know that when we make love, I’ll be the only person you are thinking of. You won’t be regretting losing someone else in order to be with me. You won’t be wishing you were with someone else. I’m absolutely loving being your girlfriend, Brian. Especially since I was the first one.”
“As I recall it, you told me that day that you couldn’t be my girlfriend.”
“I said I couldn’t be your exclusive girlfriend. That still goes.”
The afternoon got really hot on the water and we decided to take the boat in before we burned to a crisp.
I had to work all morning on the Fourth of July with a parade of guests who all had to say how much they loved America and did their patriotic best to keep a clean house or some such nonsense. I’m patriotic, too, but that doesn’t involve being blind and stupid about what is going on in the world. We aren’t perfect and keeping a clean house doesn’t make the country perfect. I got through the morning, handling all the set clean-up myself as both Miss Polly and Harvey took off as soon as the show was over. Of course, it would be my ass on the line tomorrow morning if everything wasn’t ready to set by seven-thirty tomorrow morning.
I got home about one o’clock and just wanted to go take a nap. The girls all wanted to go swimming. Nap? Or play in the water with half a dozen bikini-clad teenagers? I grabbed my trunks and we loaded an ice chest with pop and sandwich makings. We stopped at the IGA to pick up chips and headed to Crystal Lake. The beach was crowded for the holiday. We still managed to stake out a small area where our group continued to gather. By four o’clock, nearly everyone was there. I recognized a bunch of kids from our school who had staked out another portion of the beach. The guys were playing Frisbee and the girls just laid in the sun. What a difference from when our crew hit the beach or the pool. Nobody stayed on the sand. We were all in the water and playing all our usual games. Not the least of which was loving all over each other.
“Why do you guys always have so much fun?”
I looked up to find Robyn Koontz in the water next to me. Brenda slid off my back and gave me a kiss.
“Later, baby,” she said and winked at Robyn.
“We like to have fun,” I said. “Would you like to join us?” She glanced over at the girls on the beach. The guys had disappeared.
“What do I have to do?” she whispered.
“We’re playing chicken. You climb up on my shoulders and we attack other couples and try to pull them or push them into the water. If we get dunked, the other pair gets to decide if they want to switch partners.”
“So, I could end up on any guy’s shoulders?”
“Or any girl’s. Or if you are bigger than her, a girl might want to ride on your shoulders.”
“They won’t, like, grab my tits, will they?”
“Not intentionally. We try to keep the games pretty PG when there are others around.”
“Okay.”
“Climb aboard.” In a couple seconds, Robyn was on my shoulders and we were engaging Doug and Cassie. It was a stalemate until Louise came charging in on Lionel’s shoulders and all four of us went down. Lionel claimed Cassie. Louise claimed me. Robyn slid away from me, with a worried look on her face.
“Hi. I’m Doug. I’ve been in your class for about ten years. It’s nice to meet you, Robyn.”
“Is this okay?” she asked.
“Depends,” Doug answered. “You want on my shoulders, or do you want me on yours?”
“Um, I’ll ride, thanks.” Just that fast, Robyn was on Doug and we were all attacking Sugar and Rose. I kept glancing toward Robyn and she looked like she was really having fun. The next time I looked, Sora was on her shoulders. We’d done a lot of switching around and Sam had her silky legs wrapped around me in her favorite position. Her left leg was down my front, her butt on my shoulders, and her right leg wrapped around my face with my mouth at the back of her knee. Samantha turned me toward deeper water and then slid around to my front and slowly slid down my torso.
“Will you kiss me, boyfriend?” I was more than happy and Samantha pulled one of my hands down between her legs. “Touch me, lover. I’m ready for you. I mean I’m ready, Brian. Not here in the lake, but I want you. I want you to make love to me. Is that okay? Is it okay to want you to be my lover?”
“Samantha, you know how much I love you. Are you okay with it? I know how much you miss Hannah.”
“As much as you do,” she answered. “I’m not going to wait for happiness when it is right here in my hand.” She squeezed my cock.
“Let’s go out this weekend—just the two of us—and plan when and where we are going to make love, cutie. I want to look into your eyes when you tell me exactly when you want to make love to me and give me your explicit permission to put my Jack in your little Jill.”
“Oh yes. I’ll miss you tonight, lover.”
“Miss me?”
“You’re going to be busy. The three of us who basically live at your house are spending the night with Rose. We all have plans to make.”
Hmm. I wondered who was going to be at my house.
When the party broke up at the lake, it looked like I was going home alone. Robyn came by to give me a hug and said that she’d caught a ride home with Sora and Geoff. The group she’d come with had just left her when she started playing with us. She didn’t care. I picked up my things to go to the car and Brenda linked her arm in mine.
“Brian, I need you. Tonight. Will you make love to me tonight? Please.”
“Brenda? Isn’t this kind of sudden?”
“Maybe a little. Here come Carl and Louise.”
“Hey man. Can we come to your place for a while?” Carl asked.
“You know I’d never keep you away. You guys are all in on this, aren’t you?”
“You’d better believe it,” Louise said. “Would it be really bad form if we all spent the night?”
“You’re part of our… household,” Carl said. “We agreed that we weren’t keeping anything from you. We three broke the barrier this weekend.”
“You mean you all three had sex?”
“And it was great,” Louise said. “Did you know they waited for me? I didn’t turn seventeen until the day school got out. Did you know that? Brenda and Carl could have had sex back in November, but they waited for me. Then they spent three beautiful weeks pouring all their affection and love out on me. And then this weekend, they made love—no, we made love together. I love these two people with all my heart.”
“I think that’s wonderful, Louise. I can’t imagine you wanting to be anyplace but with them now. You too, Brenda. Why do you want to be with me tonight?”
“I’ve always wanted to be with you, Brian. You know that. And Carl and Louise agreed.”
“And it’s not an agreement that we grudgingly give,” Carl added. “This is really who we are. I want Brenda to be happy and she will be happy if you make love to her.”
“I’m already happy, lover,” Brenda said, kissing Carl. “It’s more like it will be complete.”
“It makes no difference, darling. We’ve known all year that it would happen. That’s why we’re here, Brian.”
“We don’t want to wait too long. We don’t want to get into the feeling that we have what we have and we can’t have more,” Louise said. “I want my pretty Brenda to love the ones she loves. We have our own unwritten rules.”
“Louise has a one-cock rule. The only one she wants is Carl’s.”
“For the time being, I’m kind of one-pussy, too,” Louise laughed. “I only want Brenda’s. But I know that could change.”
“For me, I want both you and Carl and Louise. And maybe Rose if she’s willing. We do so much together. But I want you to be part of us from the beginning. I don’t want to establish the three of us and then add you in sometime later. Brian, do you still love me?”
“You know I do, Brenda.”
“Then can we three spend the night with you? Understanding that Louise and Carl will be with us, but you and I will be together tonight. Really together,” Brenda said.
“Louise, I’ve really gotten to know you and I like you a lot,” I said. “Carl, you’ve been one of my best friends for years. I’m asking the two of you. May I have your explicit permission to make love to your girlfriend Brenda?”
“Hell, yes. That’s what we’ve been saying!” Carl laughed.
“Make her very happy, okay?” Louise added.
“Brenda, may I make love to you tonight?”
“Yes, Brian. May my girlfriend Louise and my boyfriend Carl stay with us?”
“Anything you want, sweetheart.”
Well, it was still awkward. A little. We all took showers to rinse the lake off of us. Brenda and Louise showered together, but Carl and I elected to shower separately. Still, when we were done, none of us was wearing more than a towel and those didn’t stay attached for long.
No matter what I thought about Brenda’s motives, it was soon apparent that she wasn’t there to tease Carl and Louise or to switch back and forth between us. Carl and Louise made love on the bed next to us but Brenda and I were focused on each other, the way lovers should be.
I knew from the first time Brenda kissed me at homecoming back in seventh grade that there was a spark between us, but neither of us had explored it out of respect for Carl until Brenda started changing the game freshman year. We were friends. We liked physical contact. She’d humped me in the lake freshman year before we signed the agreement. She’d invited me to hold her breasts on the fan bus. She’d kissed me on numerous occasions. And then there was the spring when she invited me over and was completely naked while we made out. Brenda had made her intentions completely clear for a long time. She wanted me but she wasn’t going to give up Carl, even when Louise came along.
It was me with my male viewpoint that had been reluctant. You know. Don’t mess around with your buddy’s girlfriend. This herd of females is mine. That herd is yours. You can’t have two alpha males in the same pack. Whatever the fuck excuse you want to make for one male with multiple females. I bought into all of them. But Brenda—Brenda, Carl, and Louise were making me rewrite my programming. The first time she whispered, “I love you,” I jerked my head toward Carl and Louise to see if I was going to get killed. They were busy.
Brenda made pretty damned sure I wasn’t distracted by the other couple any more. She put both hands on my face and pulled me in for a kiss that wrapped all her emotions into one act. She pulled us back onto the bed next to Carl and Louise, spreading her legs and inviting me into her. I didn’t rush it. I knew how Brenda liked to be eaten and I started there. I didn’t do a lot of teasing. I went straight for the joy button and pushed two fingers up inside her as I licked her to a screaming orgasm. I heard Louise go off, too, and as I worked my way up Brenda’s tummy to her tits, I saw that she and Louise were holding hands.
The sheer weight of Brenda’s breasts caused them to flatten when she was on her back with the nipples moving a little farther to the side. She’d had big and getting bigger breasts since fifth grade and they attracted a lot of attention—sometimes unwelcome. I gave them some very welcome attention as I paused to hold and kiss them as Brenda recovered from her orgasm. By the time I was working my way back to her neck and lips, she had a condom on me and was pulling my cock to her center. This time I went with it. She rubbed the head up and down her slit and then positioned it so I could push in. Oh God, yes! Even with a condom on—a rule I’d insisted on—there was nothing I’d felt like the hot, tight channel that pulsed around me.
“At last,” she sighed. “We’re really doing it, Brian. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
“I love you, Brenda. Honest to God, I couldn’t do this if I didn’t.”
“Then do it. Don’t just make love to me, be my lover.” Brenda’s incredibly flexible legs spread so wide that I sank another inch into her and we drove each other into an ecstasy of come that lasted most of the night.
We’d tried a lot of different positions—some that I really didn’t have much experience with. I have to say that it was pretty cool when she mounted me facing my feet and I could watch her buns moving up and down as my cock disappeared into her. It got hotter, though, when Carl’s feet ended up beside me a foot away. Louise mounted him in the same position so she was facing Brenda and me. As she rode Carl and Brenda rode me, the two girls kissed and fondled each other. I wondered how many of those videos of Carl’s brother’s the three of them had watched together.
I woke up at 4:30 and slipped out of bed before the others woke up. I crept downstairs and picked up the phone. She’d said I couldn’t visit, but she didn’t say I couldn’t call. It rang. By the end of the second ring, I hung up. If she’d been there waiting it wouldn’t have made it to the second ring. “Happy birthday, love,” I whispered.
When I slipped back into bed, Louise was kissing Brenda and Carl was asleep on the far side. Louise smiled at me.
“Help me,” she whispered. The only help I could give her was to join her in kissing Brenda which got all three of our tongues together. I found Louise’s fingers in Brenda’s pussy when I got there with mine. “Brian,” Louise said, looking at me, “with the exception of putting your cock in any of my holes, I give you full and explicit permission to touch me and kiss me while we make love to our girlfriend.” Louise had said before that we’d probably make contact while pleasuring Brenda, but I didn’t expect that kind of permission. “She’s waiting for your cock to fill her again. Give me a condom.” I reached to the bedside table and grabbed a condom, reminding myself to replenish the supply. Louise tore open the envelope and stroked my cock a couple times to make sure I was good and hard. Hell! How could I not be hard? She rolled the condom on and guided me between Brenda’s legs.
“Are you going to give me something, lover?” Brenda whispered. I was about to answer.
“I’m going to give you your lover and a whole mouthful of pussy,” Louise giggled.
“Oh, I’m going to like this!” Brenda sighed.
“So am I!” Louise answered. She pulled me into line with Brenda’s pussy and I sank into the channel I’d used so well all night long. Then Louise straddled Brenda’s face and settled her pussy onto her girlfriend’s mouth. “Oh, yeah,” Louise moaned. She leaned toward me and began kissing me as I stroked in and out of Brenda’s furnace. When I wasn’t bold enough, Louise pulled one of my hands away from Brenda’s boob and put it on her own. “I like them pulled and pinched,” she panted. I obliged. With as many times as we’d had sex during the night, there wasn’t much chance that I was going to pop off soon if at all this morning but Brenda was rising fast. Louise put her hand between us and felt for Brenda’s button, making plenty of contact with my cock in the process. Brenda’s scream was muffled by Louise’s pussy. Louise whined out her orgasm into my mouth. Carl moaned beside me.
“So fucking hot,” he said. I glanced over. He was lying on his back and his cock was pointing straight up in the air.
“Oh. My ride’s here. Help me mount up, Brian.” I was not going to grab Carl’s cock and put it in her! That wasn’t what she meant, though. She just needed a hand to keep her balance while she got off Brenda’s mouth and shifted to Carl’s cock. Both of them moaned as she sank down on it and I guess I did, too. It was hot to watch his cock part her pussy lips and disappear up inside her. My movements increased and Brenda pulled me down to her face for a kiss.
Her face was covered in Louise’s juices. And tasted pretty good. After a little tongue battle, I carefully cleaned her face with my tongue.
“Your girlfriend leaves a lot of good tasting stuff on your face,” I chuckled.
“Yeah. She kinda squirts. Tastes great, doesn’t it?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Pound me, Brian. I’m open and I’m yours. Fill my pussy.”
That seemed to set the rhythm pretty well for all four of us. Louise kept pace pounding Carl as I slammed into Brenda. As we all neared our climax, Louise turned and kissed me again as Brenda turned and kissed Carl. His hand cupped Brenda’s tit as mine found its way to Louise’s. And all four of us groaned out one last orgasm.
Brenda joined me in the shower, but I had to focus on getting ready to go to work.
“Will your folks mind if we go back to sleep for a while?” she asked.
“They leave for work about the same time I do. Don’t forget Anna is down there, too, and be respectful.”
“We will. It’s so cool that your parents and Anna are together. It helps me to feel like I’m not totally abnormal in my relationships. No matter what I’ve read, there’s nothing like actually putting it in action. Are you okay, lover?”
“Yeah. I feel pretty good about it now. I’m not expecting Carl or Louise to put a knife in me.”
“They won’t always be with us when we make love,” Brenda said, hugging me to her big breasts. “It was important this time that we all know that we are all in it together, but I’m looking forward to some one-on-one time with you, too. Nights like last night would kill us all if they happened often.”
Samantha, Jennifer, and Courtney joined me on the show Friday. We’d practiced Thursday night and even Mom and Dad and Anna got in on the act. We were laughing non-stop. It carried over to the Friday morning show. Miss Polly, Harvey, and even the cameraman laughed so hard by the end that we weren’t sure the camera was actually pointed at what we were doing.
Miss Polly: Chef Brian! What is this mess you’ve made of my kitchen?
Me: I promise we’ll clean it up, Miss Polly. There just isn’t any way to make saltwater taffy without making a mess.
Miss P: Saltwater taffy? I thought that was a specialty of places like Atlantic City.
Me: You might think so, but a few years ago—the year we met, in fact—I was wandering around the fair early on Monday morning after getting my picture taken. Nothing was open but when I passed Mike and Adelaide Burns’ Saltwater Taffy stand, their back door was open and I watched their big machine pulling the taffy. Mike reached in and pinched off a bit and stuffed it in my mouth. He asked if it tasted okay. I spent the whole morning with them and they showed me all about how taffy is made. I didn’t understand it all at the time, but I’ve had a repeat lecture at each County Fair since then and last year they consented to give me a recipe to make at home.
Miss P: Who are your partners in crime this morning? They have so much sugar and butter on them that I can’t make them out.
Me: Samantha was the first girlfriend to do a show with me when we thought we were just doing a screen test. She’ll also be showing our horse Rika at the fair this year in the senior division. Jennifer and Courtney are the ones we’ve always called the girls from Kokomo. We’re really proud of them because they both graduated from Kokomo High this year and are spending the summer with us before heading to IU this fall.
Miss P: Now tell me what we’re doing.
Me: The secret to saltwater taffy is that it has to be repeatedly stretched and compressed to get the soft chewy texture we love so much. But, as you’ve pointed out, it is a sticky mess. We don’t have a big pulling machine like the Burns do, so we have to pull it by hand. Have a little butter so your fingers don’t stick to the taffy and we’ll take this batch I’ve prepared with peppermint and start pulling it.
Sam: Brian, my nose itches. It’s driving me crazy!
Me: We all have candy on our hands, Samantha.
Sam: What am I going to do?
Me: Harvey, could you come over and scratch Samantha’s nose for her?
Last night after we’d finished testing our taffy pulling, all four of us headed straight for the shower together. Mom, Dad, and Anna headed for theirs, too. By the time we were finished with the live demo, the four of us, Miss Polly, and Harvey were all sticky and laughing. I managed to get my hands free enough to roll and slice the taffy and hand big trays of it to the audience and crew. It was one of our most successful shows ever.
Me: Just remember, girlfriend. No matter what, I still love you.
Cleanup was a bitch. The girls each earned their fifty dollars with the way they pitched in and scrubbed the pans and the counter. We had to be quiet during the half-hour live noon news, but we were still on-set. And listened as the news was read.
Police have released details of the bizarre accidental suicide of a Mishawaka man two weeks ago. At the same time, they have made arrests in the murder of St. Joe Valley High School student Denise Raymond and the beating of her boyfriend, Josh Whitaker. DNA samples taken from the body of Lester Hawkins match samples taken from the deceased girl in May. Hawkins was found—can we actually say this on-air? Viewers, I won’t continue this story without giving you a warning. Police have included a graphic description of the crime and suicide that may be disturbing to our viewers. Please mute or turn your channel if this is too much.
Hawkins’s body was found by cemetery caretakers, slumped against the newly placed headstone of the murdered teen. He had been… auto-fellating… on her grave when he apparently lost his balance and struck his head on the stone. The blow caused the man to sever his own penis with his teeth and while unconscious he choked to death on it. Police have revealed that Miss Raymond was choked to death while being orally raped by the same appendage. Two additional arrests have been made in connection with the rape, murder, and assault based on information police gathered during the investigation. Charges have been filed.
This report is deeply disturbing on many levels. WBBT extends again its condolences to the family and friends of Denise Raymond and to Josh Whitaker. We pray that at least this bizarre and inhuman conclusion to the story gives you peace in the knowledge that justice was served on the perpetrator of this ghastly act.
Samantha, Jennifer, and Courtney were clutching me as we listened to the newscast and sank to our knees, crying. The gorge in my stomach rose, but I forced it back. I’d vomited enough over this. I’d never be able to tell anyone that the fucking mad dog hadn’t actually lost his balance and was already unconscious when I slammed his head down on his own cock.
All of us were together Friday night. All the boyfriends and girlfriends and parents except Elaine, Whitney, Sarah, and Hannah, who were all too far away to make it back. And Denise. Dad built a bonfire in the fire pit. We hadn’t lit one in years, but there was plenty of dry wood. It just seemed appropriate for all of us to gather around the fire.
We held each other. Our parents held us. Our parents held each other. We wept. Some prayed. We all stayed by the fire until there was nothing left to burn, and in the smoke, we gave our final prayers for the peace of Denise and Mr. Raymond and each other.
I’m not sure that I actually slept. I was awake at four-thirty and in the kitchen getting ready to start bread. I was making a traditional recipe this morning, just so I could knead the dough and punch it down. I’d slept alone. We found comfort in each other at the fire, but we each needed time to grieve alone as well. I knew people would start arriving again later this morning.
I almost dropped the flour when the phone rang. I snatched it out of the cradle before it could ring a second time.
“Hello?” Silence. There was only one person who would call at this hour. “Hannah.” There was a sniff.
“Hello, Brian.”
“How are you, sweetheart? I called to wish you happy birthday. You heard the news?”
“I heard. I heard the phone ring but I couldn’t answer it. I couldn’t. Listen. I hear what you say after every broadcast. But now you understand.”
“What do you mean?”
“Now you understand what it means. It isn’t a choice. It changes us forever. We can never be innocent again. We’re different from other people, Brian. None of them truly understand what it means to do whatever is necessary. I’m still doing what is necessary. God bless you, Brian. I love you.”
The phone went dead.
“I love you,” I said to the empty space.
But did I truly understand?
The End
Continued in
Living Next Door to Heaven #5: The Rock
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