Foolish Wisdom
27 Always
I PARKED in visitor parking at UIndy and followed the map Elaine sent me to Krannert Residence Hall. I paused outside and looked at the imposing structure. Shit! I’m a sixteen-year-old high school sophomore walking into a university women’s dormitory to pick up my date for the big dance. At least it isn’t raining now. I had no idea how she’d prepared things, so I went up the steps and entered the dorm lobby. There was a receptionist and since Elaine didn’t give me a room number to come to, I figured I’d better ask at the desk.
“May I help you?” the coed at the desk asked. Holy shit! Were all college girls this pretty?
“I’m here to pick up Elaine Frost for the winter ball.”
“And you are?”
“Uh… Brian Frost.”
“Oh! Are you her brother? She said her boyfriend was coming.” I swear, I don’t know what made me do it, but it was out before I could stop myself.
“I’m her husband.” The coed’s eyes got big around. She fumbled at a card looking for Elaine’s room number and then dialed a house phone. I could hear Elaine answer.
“Elaine, um… your husband is here. Brian?”
“My… my baby is here!” Elaine squealed. I took the phone from the receptionist.
“Sweetheart, it’s me.” I swear they could turn the volume down on that handset. I think everyone in the lobby could hear her scream.
“I’m almost ready, darling. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Take your time, my love. I want you to pack an overnight bag. We aren’t coming back tonight.” The receptionist dropped her pen behind the desk.
“Really? Oh, darling, I can’t wait to be in your arms. It will only take a minute!” Hmm. Elaine was being very vocal and I had a feeling that she had an audience on both ends of the phone.
“Waiting is a pain my heart endures until you are in my arms again, my love,” I said. I knew that this time there were several squeals on the other end and a few sighs on this end. I handed the phone back to the receptionist who just held it, staring at me. I reached over the desk and guided the phone to its cradle. Then I went to the other side of the lobby and sat down. I noticed a few other guys and their dates looking at me. They were all dressed in suits and long gowns. Well, the guys were the ones in the suits… I thought my double-breasted pin-stripe was pretty sharp. I didn’t have long to wait.
Elaine came through the doors at the end of the hall with an entire entourage in her wake. I stood and she dropped the little overnight bag she was carrying and ran into my arms. The kiss she gave me might have been staged, but it and my reaction were sincere. I inhaled, prepared to play this any way she took it.
“Darling!” she said as we parted. “You’re out of uniform!”
“I only have twenty-four hours leave, baby. I thought you’d like to see me in civvies.”
“You always look so handsome in your uniform. But I love you, anyway. Are we really going away tonight?”
“I want to use every one of those twenty-four hours giving you as much pleasure as I can, my darling.”
“You’ve already started,” she said, winking at me.
“Let’s take your bag to the car and then let me dance my darling around this ball of yours.” Elaine retrieved her bag and I offered her my arm. At the door, she turned back to the other girls who had come down with her.
“If I don’t show up at the ball, don’t worry. I won’t be back tonight,” she called.
We headed down the steps and were ten steps away when we both started laughing.
“My husband?” she crowed.
“She thought I was your brother. I couldn’t let that go. And what branch of the military am I supposed to be in?”
“You’d make a handsome marine.”
“I’m only five-seven!” When I think of Marines, I always picture Coach Hancock at six-five.
“Okay. Then let’s say you’re in a military academy. We’ll make one up.”
“Danville.”
“Where’s that?”
“Over near Chicago, I think. I heard there was a veterans’ home there.”
“No wait. There’re only three college level military academies. Maybe four. Does the Coast Guard have an academy? Let’s make it ROTC. At… uh…”
“Might as well be IU. I at least know what that campus looks like.”
“I love you, Brian!”
“I love you, Elaine.”
We didn’t skip the dance. In fact, I don’t think we ever left the dancefloor once we arrived. Having eight to seventeen girlfriends had really built up my endurance for dancing non-stop. I was pretty good, too. I’m not saying I was a real ballroom dancer, but I could keep the rhythm and spin my lady around the floor. We even held each other during the fast numbers and Elaine spun away from me and back. We took a short break to get something to drink and I reached down to wipe a bit of a spill with a napkin. I started laughing.
“And what’s so funny, husband?” Elaine asked.
“Oh, I was just looking at my shoes and saying thanks to Mr. Graves for pounding into my head that they always had to be shined.”
“Graves? Fifth grade history?”
“Yeah. I can’t tell you how many times he scowled at me and said, ‘I want to see my reflection in those shoes tomorrow, Frost.’ It was like he thought he was a general or something.”
“You know why they don’t fight wars in the nude?”
“I can think of a bunch of good reasons. Why?”
“You can’t tell the general from the privates.” We laughed and headed back to the dancefloor. Every so often, a friend of Elaine’s would approach us and ask to swap partners for a dance, but Elaine simply shook her head. “I have so little time with my man I’m not sharing him tonight. Ask us next time. It’s not that I’m opposed to sharing.”
“Elaine, are you having fun, darling?”
“Oh, so much fun, Brian. Thank you for coming to the Winter Ball. I know you were really busy when the Fall Cotillion came around, but I really wanted to show you off. I miss you. I miss all my girlfriends, too.”
“We’ll all be together over the holiday. Hannah and Sarah are having another New Year’s Eve Party. You’ll be there, won’t you?”
“I wouldn’t miss it. Do you really have a room in a hotel tonight or are we camping in the back seat of your car? God knows that Chevy wagon is big enough.”
“Dad gave me some cash for expenses and booked a room for me because he didn’t want me driving home in the weather up north. It’s pretty ugly.”
“Remind me to give your dad a big sloppy kiss.”
“Not on your life.”
The room was in a kind of cheesy Holiday Inn south of the freeway, but it had a bed and that was all that really mattered to Elaine and me when we got there.
“Brian? Did you bring something to sleep in?” she asked shyly.
“Uh… well, my underwear.”
“That will do to start. Let’s brush our teeth.” We did that shared task and while Elaine went to get her pajamas, I used the toilet. Then I shaved again. Well, I shaved before the dance and I was pretty sure nothing had grown, but Dad’s message about the difference between old men and young men stuck with me. I’d always shave before bed.
“I’ll be right out,” Elaine said as she pushed past me into the bathroom. I pulled the covers back and got into bed. I had a T-shirt and my briefs on. When Elaine finally emerged, she had a beautiful full-length shiny gown on with a kind of lacy robe over it. While it didn’t expose her, it really showed what a beautiful girl I’d been holding in my arms all evening. I stood up.
“May I hold my beautiful girlfriend/sister/wife in my arms again?” I asked. She flowed into my arms and I danced her around the hotel room in our bare feet. Elaine was only maybe an inch taller than Rose and really fit comfortably into my embrace.
“Let’s go to bed, darling. I want to talk to you and hold you in my arms all night.” Even if it was just a night of talking, that was okay with me. This was Elaine, who had changed her name and taken my last name for her own. In some ways, that made her closer to me than any other girlfriend. I realized how much I missed the funny girl since she came to college.
I turned off the light and we cuddled in bed. I breathed deeply of the fresh scent of her hair that I’d been inhaling all evening. It was well after one and I’d been up since four-thirty, but I knew I’d sleep in tomorrow.
“I love you, Elaine,” I whispered.
“I love you, too, Brian,” she answered. “That’s what I wanted to talk about.”
“It’s too hard like this, isn’t it,” I said.
“It is hard. I’ve been asked out a few times. I’ve gone out a few times. I haven’t even bothered to show the guys the agreement because they were so going nowhere. So please don’t think I want to talk to you about needing more freedom or having found someone new. I don’t and I haven’t.” I have to admit, I relaxed a little. I hadn’t even realized I was so tense.
“What is it then, love? You know you can talk to me any time. We can even have more calls if we can arrange times.”
“I’d love to talk to you more often, but I talk to the other girls, too. Not all of them, but Rose and Sarah. I was so mad at the school board I was ready to come back home and join the strike. But you handled it great, darling.”
“That’s not it, though, is it?”
“Going to make me get to what’s on my mind, aren’t you? How did I come to fall in love with a boy three years younger than me after hardly having met him?” she sighed. “I’m learning a lot being here. A lot of what I’m learning isn’t taught in the classes. I realize that I’ve chosen a career that is going to keep us apart. I know what you went through with Heaven, Bri, and I don’t want to put you through that with me. I don’t know what to do. I’ll probably only ever get to be a commercial actress and maybe do industrial films. If I’m lucky I’ll get a season in a regional theatre company. But I could be sent anywhere. If I get cast in regional open auditions, they could send me to Ashland, Oregon. Which would be a great career move. That Asian Shakespearean actor who’s there is amazing. But it’s two thousand miles away. How can I ever keep from hurting you, Brian? Please tell me.”
I held Elaine in my arms, just hugging her to me. How could I answer a question like this? She’d been with me and our dating group for sixteen months. We’d had so many laughs it made me smile just to think of them. She’d been the one I called when I needed help with a recipe or a quick bread. I’d spent literally hours massaging every part of her body it was legal for me to touch. She’d changed her name to mine, even though there was no legal connection between us. Our first words this evening were so in sync that it seemed like we’d never been apart. How could her leaving ever possibly not hurt?
“I love you, Elaine. No matter what we do and when we do it, parting will hurt. It’s part of love. I don’t know how to unlove you—and I don’t think I would if I could. I can’t even unlove Heaven. She’ll always be a part of me. You brought so much into my life. I know how hard it’s been since you came down here and I can only guess how difficult it will get when one of us moves farther away. But I will always love you.” I kissed Elaine with as much feeling as I could put in the act. It wasn’t so much the passion or the tongue battle, but my desire to let her know that my words were true. I knew they were. I would always love her. Somehow, her nightgown crept up above her breasts and when we came up for air, she pulled it over her head.
“I want to make love to you, Brian,” she whispered, pulling my T-shirt off.
“Um… You’re eighteen, honey, but I’m still only sixteen.”
“I reset my age to sixteen, remember? I mean, make love within our sixteen-year-old guidelines,” she laughed. “You cannot tell me that you went to Kokomo at Thanksgiving and didn’t make love to those two horny young women who are so far gone over you they can’t think straight. And don’t answer. I already know.”
“We still haven’t exactly defined the boundaries of what it means, but I certainly want to touch you and bring you as much pleasure as I can.”
“Your seventeen girlfriends have established the definitions.”
“What? When?”
“We met over the summer. Even Jennifer and Courtney came to the meeting.”
“You did? Why didn’t I know about it?”
“The women decided that we would keep the resolution to ourselves until each of us wanted to proceed with our boyfriend and that we would swear the boyfriend to secrecy so that it doesn’t spoil the surprise for any of the others,” she grinned. Her face was nuzzling my chest and she licked a nipple.
“Um… are you planning to tell me or is this just to get me worked up and surprise me at the right moment?”
“This is the surprise. I’m going to tell you and then ask you. We have determined that the ‘no penetration’ clause shall mean the insertion of any body part or object into any orifice below the waist.”
“Okay,” I was still working this out. I’d figured out with Courtney that pushing into her bottom hole would be penetration.
“You should be happy. That means I can’t stick a carrot up your butt.” My entire ass clenched up.
“Gah!”
“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Some people, both male and female have very sensitive assholes.” Oh yeah! I know that. I still couldn’t believe the orgasm that Courtney had. “What it opens up, though—and this was pretty much the entire subject of our debate—is that oral sex is not forbidden.”
“Oral? You mean…”
“Brian, would you give me the honor of being the one to give you your first blowjob? I would really like to give this gift to you.”
“Wow! I mean… I’d love it, obviously. I just didn’t think about it—well, not explicitly—just conceptually. Sweetheart, I really would love it, but I don’t know what to do. I mean, I understand pretty much what to do with my fingers and what to look for, but as much as I want to lick you, I’m afraid I’ll just be a klutz and you won’t like it.”
“Brian! You didn’t listen to me. I didn’t ask you to reciprocate. In fact, I specifically ask you not to attempt to give me cunnilingus—and I’m sure you know that’s the Latin term for licking my snatch.”
“But… I’d feel… like I was just using you if I couldn’t give you pleasure, too.”
“Oh, lover. I want you to give me pleasure, too. I want to finally feel your fingers soaking in my juices without that thin little pair of panties between us. I want skin-to-skin genital contact with you. I just don’t want you to eat me. I want you to think carefully about whom you want to be the first you give that gift to, and I think you already know. Remember the massage you gave me before I left for school.”
“How could I forget that? It was the coolest thing I’ve ever done. I loved exploring you and touching you without being in a rush to do anything. I wanted to kiss every one of your freckles. I wanted to look at you and watch your nipples harden as I got closer and closer to them. I wanted you to have the most wonderful and pleasurable experience of your life.”
“And you succeeded. After three hours, I had an orgasm so intense—after having a dozen little ones just because you were being so sensual and attentive—that I went straight to sleep afterward without ever getting you off. I was blissful. I felt so loved and appreciated that I’d give anything to you. And that’s what I want to do. It’s not tit for tat. You can have my tits just about any time you want them. Here. See how the pink tips are all hard and wanting your tongue to just touch them a little?” she asked. I obliged and Elaine spasmed a little before she pulled her nipple from my mouth. “I want to do that for you,” she whispered. “I want to give you a dozen little orgasms and then take you in my mouth until you have the biggest orgasm of your life and I swallow all your come just before you pass out.”
“I don’t know that I can have a dozen little orgasms,” I laughed.
“It’s not about the orgasms. It’s about me loving you in every way that I can. It’s about me giving myself to you. About…” Elaine was crying and I held her, just rocking. My stupid body was going to betray me and I was going to blast my load as soon as she touched me and then go to sleep. But something else was bothering me.
“Elaine? Sweetheart? You once warned me—all of us—that oral sex was really sex. And I truly believe that what Heaven told me is true. Sex is a promise. I will never break a promise, but Heaven also showed me that the promise was different to different people. She didn’t tell me she was leaving before she offered to have sex with me. Elaine? Are you leaving me?”
“Oh, my love! NO! No. This is my promise. Brian Frost, my lover, brother, and friend, I promise you with all my heart that I will always love you. I know that even though I’m two years older than you we are still young. We might not always be lovers. But I promise to always love you. And I know what a promise means to you. Let me love you, Brian. Please let me love you.”
“Though we might not always be lovers,” I repeated, “I will always love you, Elaine Frost. Thank you for this precious gift.”
It’s one thing to say you are just going to lie back and let a girl you love take control and pleasure you. It’s really something else to do it. I couldn’t, quite. I thought she was just going to pull my pants off and go down on me. Guys have such a limited notion about this stuff.
Elaine and I kissed and loved each other all night. What did I care? Checkout wasn’t until one o’clock on Sunday. We both lost the rest of our underwear. Our hands fully explored each other and we both came on each other’s fingers. Well, my come was kind of all over us. We went to the shower and gently washed each other. We both came again—Elaine on my fingers and me, splashing my semen all over her back as I slid between her cheeks. Elaine had her after-shower body lotion that I’d used on her once before. I covered her thoroughly with it, though, perhaps not as slowly. We returned to the bed and held each other under the blanket, kissing and drifting between an erotic wakefulness and a blissful sleep. Elaine kissed along my jaw and my collar bone as I drifted in and out of reality. I felt her tongue on my nipples and reached for her. She shifted her body so I could reach her hot liquid core, spreading her juices along her clit and up her crack. I know she shuddered through another orgasm as she spread kisses along my chest and abdomen.
I felt her hair brush across my cock and her kisses on my thighs. She nudged me with her cheek and moved me with her hand and I was lost in sensations I’d never felt before as her tongue licked me from my scrotum to the tip of my cock and back. She repeated this over and over. It was nothing like what I’d imagined a blowjob to be. It was dreamy, with my penis a kind of pole on which she would raise the flag of her tongue repeatedly. And then, I was in her mouth.
Her lips had surrounded me and her tongue continued to flick around my opening. Though she pushed against it with her tongue, I knew it was too small to call this penetration. Yet, I felt she was inside me, drawing my essence from somewhere deep down. I was sure I would come and on one occasion my entire body had tensed for ejaculation before relaxing again. This feeling—being engulfed in Elaine’s mouth—was overwhelming. Whitney had taught me the essence of meditation as we exercised and I found myself sinking into that altered state—not where I was separate from my body, but where I was truly one with my body. I was one with myself as Elaine coaxed me and sucked me until there was only her mouth and the ecstatic release of all my being into it.
It was nearly dawn when we slept.
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