The Agreement
27 Trial Date
“I KNOW EVERYONE goes riding with you,” Sarah said, “but there’s a new movie with Bette Midler and Shelley Long that finally got to Indiana. I absolutely love Bette Midler. Are you okay with that?”
“Sure,” I said. “Uh… did you want anyone else to go with us?” Sarah shook her head. Right behind her I saw Hannah shaking her head no as well. “I’ll check the movie time and ask my parents to drive us.”
“I have a license,” Sarah smiled. “I’ll pick you up.”
After a little negotiating, Sarah and I decided on a seven-thirty showing on Saturday. This was cool. I suddenly realized that nearly all my dates this school-year were on Friday night for school events or on Saturday afternoon so that no parents would have to stay up late to bring us home by midnight. The fact that Sarah was seventeen and could drive us meant that we could have an almost-adult date on Saturday night. Sarah came to the door and met the parents. Of course, our families knew each other so well by this time that it wasn’t more than saying hi and then we were off.
“Do your parents think this is weird?” Sarah asked.
“Going out on Saturday night?”
“No. That you are going out with your girlfriend’s sister.” That shocked me a little. Yes, in some ways it was weird, no matter how my head thought. My heart was always Hannah’s. But I had to do something drastic to get Sarah into the here and now.
“Are you okay with it?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah. I know we’re on a fig and not a date. I even talked it over with Hannah and the little devil is so proud that she finally got her sister to go out with someone.”
“What’s a fig?”
“That’s a date, but it’s just with a friend.”
“Sarah, maybe we should go back and skip the movie.”
“What? Brian…” She pulled off the road and into a shopping center parking lot and parked the car. She turned to look at me and I could see water in her eyes. “What did I do? Please don’t break our date.”
“Sarah, it’s no secret that Hannah and I have a special relationship. I love her and she loves me. I happen to have several girlfriends, all of whom I adore. That includes you, Sarah. I’m not going out with you because Hannah was clever or because I feel sorry for you. I’m out with you because you are my girlfriend. You don’t even have to qualify that and say ‘one of my girlfriends.’ Tonight, you are the only one here and the only one who counts. This is a special time for me to be with my girlfriend. If it was just a couple friends going to see a movie—which would be all right—I wouldn’t have voted to have you sign the agreement. The names on that list are more than friends. Sarah, you are my girlfriend and if you don’t think that’s right or it makes you uncomfortable or embarrasses you, then we shouldn’t go out.” A tear escaped from her eye and I just wanted to pull her into my arms and dry it with my kisses.
“Really?” she asked.
“Really.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been on a real date. I’ve just done things with friends. Sometimes even with people I didn’t like that much. Are we really on a date because I’m your girlfriend?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then can we please go on to the movie? I really want to see this.” We both laughed and she drove on to the theater. We got good seats, as in seats near the middle where we had a good view of the screen. When we came to see the Tom Cruise movie, Samantha wanted to sit near the back. She wasn’t that interested in the movie, though. I felt really good about going to this movie with Sarah because it was something she really wanted to see and it was funny as hell.
“Brian,” she whispered to me during a quiet part of the film, “I give you explicit permission to hold my hand during the movie. If you want to.” I took her offered hand and we leaned toward each other, pressing our shoulders together. Then we kept laughing at the hilarious antics of these two actresses. When Midler and Long went in to see the body and then came out to declare the body wasn’t that of their joint boyfriend, one of them said, ‘Does the term pencil-dick mean anything to you?’ I remembered the first dance of the school year when Renee announced to our table that Chad had a pencil-dick. I about split my gut and as soon as the show was over I had to explain what it was all about to Sarah.
“It’s only ten o’clock,” I said. “I don’t have curfew until midnight if you’d like to do something else.”
“Let’s go to the White Spot and get a malt,” she suggested brightly. Then she sobered a little. “I think there are still some things we planned to talk about.” I nodded. We had mentioned the fact that we wanted to talk about our mutual friend and by not going out until evening it put a hard stop on when we had to end the date. It was going to be way too short.
We got a seat in a booth and discussed the merits of each flavor shake, finally deciding to share a strawberry malt.
“Will that be two glasses?” the waitress asked.
“No.” I said before Sarah could answer. “One glass and two straws.” The waitress grinned and went to put the order in. “Sarah, may I sit next to you to share our malt instead of across the table?”
“Yes. Then maybe we could continue to hold hands like we did at the movie. Okay?” Very okay. I slid around to the other side of the booth next to her and took her hand.
“I’m really looking forward to the prom,” I said. “Mom is taking me down on Monday to get measured for a tux at the rental shop.”
“Oh, please… just get a black one, okay? I know a lot of guys are getting pastel colored ones and ruffled shirts and red bowties and stuff. But I’d really prefer it if you just were dressed in black. I’d sort of like to look prettier than my date.” We both laughed and the waitress set our glass, straws, and the can in front of us.
“Are there any other tips that I should know about? What kind of flower would you like?”
“I’m going downtown this week to pick out my formal. I’ll tell you what color it is and you can surprise me with a flower.”
“Cool.”
“Brian, there is something else, though. Proms can be expensive. Just listen to what we’ve said already. You are renting a tux and I’m buying a formal. You want to get me a flower. I’m buying you a flower, too, but a boutonnière doesn’t cost near as much as a corsage. I just want you to know that we should split any other expenses.”
“Um, I think our parents have already been talking about taking us out to dinner before the prom,” I said. “They are probably as excited as we are.”
“We have to figure out transportation, too.”
“Oh, geez! I don’t want you to have to drive. I mean, tonight is more than okay. It’s cool to actually go out with a girl on a Saturday night and to have her drive. Renee and Candace have both picked me up, but that was always for a school thing. It would suck for you to have to drive in a formal.”
“Do you really want our parents to drive us to the prom?”
“Uh, let’s put that on hold for right now. I’ll find out what the other guys are doing. Would you be okay with a double or triple date if, like, Lamar drove?”
“Maybe. Let’s think about it.”
We slurped some more of our malt and eventually we were quiet. We both knew what we needed to talk about and I was dreading it.
“Sarah…”
“Brian…” Why does it always work that way? I nodded to her. I could already see tears in her eyes and knew that I wouldn’t be far behind.
“I miss her, Brian.” There came the tears. Oh shit. Mine, too.
“I miss her, too, Sarah. I never thought she’d just leave like that. And then…”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what I was putting you through. And I didn’t know she was just leaving afterward. I didn’t even get a chance to see her. We just talked on the phone that morning. We were all so busy getting ready for the party, I couldn’t leave. And I thought that you’d be with her and then… fuck! What kind of a fairy tale ends with us all living happily ever after?” I’d never heard either of the Gordon girls utter any kind of expletive and Sarah’s outburst left me speechless. Us all???
“I don’t know what to say, Sarah. When she said she was leaving, I felt so… betrayed. She came to dangle ‘happily ever after’ in front of our faces and then snatch it away. How could she think that I’d just want to fuck her once before she left? I thought she understood how I felt. I thought she felt the same way.”
“When I found out I’d sent you into a trap, I thought I’d die. I was so ashamed of what I did to you. When I realized what you’d done… how committed you were to the trust of the dating group, I just wanted to be a part of it. But it’s been so hard and I’ve been so lonely without her.”
“I thought she was my best friend and my true love,” I whispered. “That’s not to say that I don’t think… Sometimes I don’t understand how I can love two people so deeply and seventeen others almost as deeply. I know, though, that when I look at you, I see a woman that I love and respect. When I look at Candace, I see a woman that makes me laugh and I’d do anything for. When I look at Brenda and Rose, I see two incredibly sexy and smart girls that I know care for me as deeply as I care for them. How can that be, Sarah? How can I be so heart-wrenchingly in love with your sister and still sit next to you and know I love you far more deeply than just as my girlfriend’s sister? You are my girlfriend.”
“Thank you, Brian. When I came here to St. Joe Valley as a freshman, Jessica adopted me the first day. She was so sweet and caring. She introduced me to people, invited me to things. It was like she’d just been waiting for me to show up so she could live. That’s what it felt like. You want to know how you can love so many girls. How can I love another girl so much? It’s not like I want to sleep with her. It’s just that I miss her so terribly when she’s gone. The first summer she left was hard, but I knew she’d be back in the fall and as soon as she arrived we were right back together. She pointed you out at the lake. I don’t think you even knew I was there. She said you’d be perfect for Hannah and were ready for a girlfriend. So, I told Hannah that she needed to make the first move and talk to you.”
“I was so amazed when I looked up from my lunch and this cute girl I’d never seen—or at least never noticed—before was asking if she could sit with me. By the end of the weekend—hell, by the end of the night—we were boyfriend and girlfriend. When your dad took Jessica and me home that night, she turned and winked at me before she got out of the car. It was like she was saying, I did this for you because I can never date you.”
“Is Hannah just a substitute for Jessica?” Sarah asked. I could tell from her voice that she was worried about her sister. Maybe she was still worried that I’d run off with Jessica if she called.
“No, Sarah. I love Jessica. There’s no question in my mind that no matter what we did or didn’t do that night, we still love each other. But it’s a sad love. Whenever I look at Hannah, my heart skips a beat. Love is supposed to be happy like that. I never have a question with Hannah. I know, every time I look at her, that I love her.”
“I was so worried about her,” Sarah whispered. “You don’t know what it’s like getting picked up and moved every four years whether you want to or not. The sweet sister that I loved was becoming more and more withdrawn. Even Dad was worried, I could tell. I don’t think Hannah made a single friend here the first year. And then you came into her life and her world changed. It changed for all of us. Still, she’s always walking that edge. She wants so desperately to be in love and be your girlfriend in all the ways, but she’s so afraid that if she does, she’ll just end up getting dragged away.”
“You talk about it?”
“When we can. We’ve always been more than sisters. I guess to her I was a little like Jessica was to you. I’d talk to her, protect her, give her advice, just love her. Brian, it’s more than the fact that you are a nice guy. It’s your faithfulness. It’s the trust that everyone puts in you. It’s the fact that sitting here with you, even I want to kiss you.”
It turned out that Sarah wasn’t a whole lot more experienced in kissing than her sister, but she was enthusiastic. We were definitely going to have fun at the prom.
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