What Were They Thinking?
36 Wade in the River
ROSE AND LARRY came to see us. I assumed Rose wanted to see Samantha and was about to excuse myself when she called for Lily’s and my attention.
“Mama Lil and Papa Sly,” she said. “We love you. Everyone on the ranch loves you. And we all loved… love Lexi. We want her here with us always.”
“We thought we might scatter her ashes here if it’s okay with you and Brian and the clan.”
“It’s okay. We investigated creating a village cemetery, but it is beyond our ability. The legal complications are… complicated.” Rose hesitated and glanced at Larry, the ranch manager.
“There’s a spot out at the edge of the woods where we thought we might create a kind of memorial garden,” he said.
“You see, we don’t plan to leave here,” Rose added. “Lexi showed us that life is fragile and we’re all going to die one day. We want to stay here. With her.”
“You mean, have your ashes scattered on the ranch, too?” I asked.
“In our memorial garden. And we want to invite our parents and siblings to consider this as their home, too. Would it be too much to ask to have a memorial service when everyone gets here for the summer and to place Lexi’s ashes in our garden?” Rose was near tears, sparkling in her eyes. I looked over her shoulder and saw Sam and Hannah holding each other and nodding as tears streamed down their cheeks.
“Of course,” Lily said. “Sly, it would be perfect. I can imagine looking forward to a day when I knew I would lie next to my daughter. Don’t you think?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
“Since Lexi would be the first laid to rest there, would you mind helping us plan it?”
Rhiannon joined Larry and me and brought along Del Swanson when we went out to survey the area they thought should be the memorial garden. It was actually in the woods and there were trees around which they would have to work.
“The idea of a garden in the woods is lovely,” Del said. He was a forester by profession and he looked at the kinds of trees, distances between them, and other aspects that I would never have considered. “The overstory is dense. I don’t think you would get the kind of plant life you want to be sustainable here. Grass would be patchy at best. The ground is uneven and it would be difficult to mow. To do annual flowers out here would be as big a challenge as the ranch garden. And keeping them watered would mean hauling water during the hot months.”
“You mean we’d have to cut trees?” Larry asked. I was glad he asked the question because even though I liked the area, I had no idea how to create a garden.
“No! We don’t want to lose any trees. At least none of the major trees that are creating the big problems,” Rhiannon said. “The thing that attracted us to this area was the kind of serpentine layout so it wasn’t like having a rectangle with rows and plots.”
“You could certainly lose some of the saplings out of this area. They’re struggling anyway. We might find one or two worth transplanting, but we could cut most of the small trees and brush without missing it.”
“Stones,” Rhiannon said.
“What?”
“Let me do some research. But here’s what I’m thinking. There’s a little Zen garden in the Arboretum at the U. It doesn’t grow anything, but it has a peaceful beauty that is entrancing. Let me study it and see what it takes. Del? Would we lose anything vital to the old trees if we removed everything else from between and around them and put in gravel?”
“Doesn’t sound very pretty to me, but no, I can’t say you’d lose anything from that. It might even force the roots deeper to get their water if it wasn’t being held at the surface by mulch and soil.”
“I’ll be back with an idea tomorrow,” she said. The girl took off at a dead run. When she got an idea in her head, she couldn’t rest until it was a reality. Larry and Del turned to go as well and then stopped to look at me.
“Go ahead,” I said. “It’s nice and peaceful here. I’d like to sit and listen to the birds for a bit.”
“I like this place, Daddy.” I looked around but no one was there. Still, I could hear my daughter’s voice.
“Are you here, little Lexi?”
“I’m always near, Daddy. I know what Rhiannon has in mind. I’ll be in a place where my family and my clan will visit often.”
“I miss you so much, angel.”
“One day, you’ll join me out here. But don’t hurry, okay? Just visit me sometimes.”
“Every day.”
“Mmm. That could get morbid.”
“I…” I looked around again. I was talking to myself. I didn’t even have Lexi’s ashes with me and I could still hear her as if she were standing beside me. “I don’t know what to do any longer. I’m lost.”
“Mama needs you. Sammie needs you. Hannah needs you. My friends… my whole clan needs you, Daddy. Help them. Help them be all they can be and protect them as much as you can.”
“I promise you, my darling little angel. I will do whatever is necessary.”
“Now you sound like Brian.” Giggles in the rustling leaves of the trees. “Don’t forget to do what is necessary for you, Daddy. Not just for us. Go home and make love to Mommy. She misses you.”
That was the last time my daughter spoke to me… or that I imagined she spoke to me.
Rhiannon’s plan was beautiful. The reality of having all the boys… the young men of the clan working together under Larry’s and Del’s guidance turned it into something even more beautiful and special than her sketches and drawing could depict.
The order of the day was everyone in white gis with clan, tribe, or casa belts. Leonard and his crew had been busy and I even found the clan gis to be comfortable in the July warmth. We gathered at the firepit where wood was laid but unlit. We just leaned on each other and held on. I carried Lexi’s ashes, holding my precious daughter for the last time.
“We wanted to create a family cemetery here at El Rancho del Corazón,” Rose said. “There are a lot of them out in the country and we thought it would be a simple thing. It turns out that it isn’t. You have to go through a huge approval process and put aside maintenance funds in perpetuity in order to have a cemetery approved, even as part of an Indiana community or town. However, in conducting our investigation, we discovered that either burying or scattering ashes on a family plot is not restricted. We have established a plot where we can scatter the ashes of our loved ones. Larry, Del, Josh, Doug, and others from the community have worked diligently over the past few weeks to create our own peace garden. It is to that garden that we will now proceed.” Rose led the way and we all fell in behind her.
It was so beautiful. I’d been out here almost every day to help as had most of the community. It was a huge Zen garden. It wasn’t square or rectangular, but wandered. A hedge surrounded the area. Smooth gravel filled the inner area with rocks carefully placed to break the flow as if it was a river.
“Take off your shoes and join us in the river,” Rose said. The smooth stones gave way enough beneath our feet that they didn’t hurt even the most tender soles. Lily and Samantha stood with me next to Rose. I kissed the box and Lil bent to kiss it and caress it before we gave the ashes to Samantha. Hannah and Brian joined her in front of Rose. “These are the ashes of our friend, lover, cousin, sister, daughter, Donna Alexandra di Corti Cortales,” Rose continued. “She has gone before us and is the first of our tribe to bless this garden of peace. We may all come to sit with her from time to time. You might not know this, but Lexi loved the horses—especially Silk. Do you see Silk on the other side of the hedge? As much as she loved the horses, she never rode. But she would fill her pockets with carrots and come out to the pasture. The horses would gather around, happy to have the treats, and like many of us, Lexi would talk to them about how she felt or what was new in her life. Now, she’ll be out here with them forever.”
Samantha turned and opened the box, letting the ashes slip from the bag within it as she walked along the path of the winding garden. We all lined the path she walked and Rose took a wooden rake and raked the beginning of the trail into the gravel. She handed the rake to me. Lily and I raked a little portion of the trail, letting the ashes slip down between the stones. We handed the rake to Hannah and Brian and they raked a bit of the path before handing the rake on. Down the entire trail of ashes, the rake was passed. At the end, where Samantha stood with an empty box, there were three more rakes. Clan members and parents shared the rakes, handing them on others as we retreated to the opening in the hedge. When we were all outside the gravel river, there was no trace of Lexi or of our footsteps.
“This is where we will all come one day,” Rose said. “We will join our ashes together as we have joined our lives. This is our home. Our land. There is a stone in the river with Lexi’s name and dates engraved on it. Even though we couldn’t get their ashes, there are also stones for Denise and Jack Raymond. They were every bit a part of our tribe and it is right that they should be memorialized here. Lexi, we will go on with our lives. That’s the fate of those who remain behind. But we will always remember you and we will always miss you. Go in peace to the River of Life.”
We turned and walked back to the firepit.
Life slowly returned to normal… as normal as it could be when a piece of your heart is missing. I went out to the River often and often met and held Lexi’s friends. After the vandalism and television blitz that Brian did, it became a place of pilgrimage. Hundreds came to see her that summer and fall. Everyone left more at peace than when they’d arrived. My daughter was giving a gift to each one who visited.
We’d had a quiet New Year’s celebration in the family room of the Big House, as the casa called their home. A little after midnight, Samantha called for us to come up to the master suite where Dani had just given birth. We’d talked and knew what was coming but tears had already formed on our cheeks when Dani summoned Rose to one side of the bed and Hannah to the other.
“La Madrina. Matrón,” Dani said formally. “Brian and I would like to introduce to you and our casa, our daughter: Alexandra Delight Frost.” Samantha hugged us. I wrapped my daughter and wife in my arms as we listened. The circle of life continued. This tiny baby had been conceived the night before the shooting nine months ago.
“Alexandra Delight Frost,” Rose said softly. “Welcome to Casa del Fuego, the Clan of the Heart, and the Tribe of Delight. We all promise to nurture you, love you, and do whatever is necessary to protect and support you. We all love you. We each love you. The River of Life flows on.”
Melanie was a challenge. She was basically a good kid but had a lot of bad habits to break. When I heard about her sister and home life, I called Joe and asked him to investigate. He set people on it immediately and we moved quickly to bring Stephanie to live with us, too. I was surprised, though, when he kept me on the phone.
“Sylvestro is out of prison,” he said. “He’s changed.”
“Prison changes people,” I said. It was rare that it was for the better.
“My son wants to become a priest.”
“Joe? Are you serious?”
“He managed to get his college degree this year. A priest from the seminary picked him up from the prison and after a short visit with us, took him there to become a resident student of divinity.”
“God works in strange ways,” I breathed. My nephew and namesake. Father Sylvestro? I had to chuckle. Why not? I was Papa Sly to all the kids in the community.
Lil and I adopted Melanie and Stephanie. Two more daughters. Melanie still asks me to join her in California whenever she has a new show to work on just to have me at her back when she meets the director and cast. She’s doing well but will never settle down, no matter how many times she gets married. Stephanie married her high school sweetheart and they occupy all the house that we thought would be for Samantha and Lexi. With three grandchildren tearing things up, I’m pretty busy.
Liliana succumbed to cancer and at long last we raked her ashes into the River to be with our daughter. And Doug and Hayden. Marshall and Martha. The ashes of Angela’s stillborn baby and Whitney’s three miscarriages. And someday, my ashes will join them, too. But not right now. I have children and grandchildren and a tribe that need me.
End Part V
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