What Were They Thinking?
30 Learning About My Daughters
LILY WAS PREOCCUPIED with the mothers and I was shocked to find she agreed to let the four girls and Brian sleep in the same cabin that weekend. Even more shocked when she said she’d given Samantha permission to spend the night at a sleepover on Halloween that would include all the signers of the agreement. It wasn’t easy to win Lily over on things like this, so I agreed.
But I was worried about my other little girl. Alexandra was developing physically faster than Samantha had. She’d had the hair treatments the girls used since fifth grade and had none of Samantha’s harassment when she hit puberty. And she was a social maven—a cheerleader in seventh grade with aspirations to become the head cheerleader in high school. And she had her own little group that seemed to orbit her shining star.
“We need an outing,” I said.
“Where to?” Lexi asked. “I’ll get Mom and Sammy.”
“No. Just you and me.” She looked at me with her mouth open.
“Did I do something wrong, Daddy?”
“No, honey. I just haven’t spent enough time with you and you are changing so fast that I feel lost. You have become a lovely young woman and I suddenly feel like I don’t know you and maybe you don’t know me,” I said.
“Okay. Where are we going?”
“Be ready at five tomorrow morning. We’ll catch the train into Chicago and come back tomorrow night.”
“Chicago? Wow! Will you take me shopping?”
“I’m sure there will be shopping involved. Just be ready at five.”
“Yes, Daddy.”
The girls knew their grandmothers, of course. My mother and Little Joe’s mother made a trip out to see us a couple of times a year. My sister came to visit a few times but stopped bringing my namesake. He’d become a bully and his father was in the process of taking him down a few notches. Little Joe was a stern disciplinarian when it came to honorable behavior and had let Little Sly stand for himself in a schoolyard fracas without the usual bodyguard interference. He found out what it was like to stand alone. It was going to be a slow learning process.
The train trip was exciting for Lexi and I sat with her in the commuter car most of the two hours. We picked up a sweet roll and milk for her and coffee for me as I pointed out some of the attractions along the way. That amounted to the flaming stacks at the refineries in Michigan City and Gary and the occasional glimpse of Lake Michigan.
My usual car and driver met us at Millennium Station. Alexandra was impressed.
“Dad? You have a car waiting for you at the train station? It’s, like, eight o’clock in the morning.”
“Honey, I work in Chicago when I leave home. We’re going to stop for a quick visit with Grandma Sofia and Aunt Isabella. They’re dying to see you. I hope Grandma Maria will be there, too. That way we don’t have to make an extra stop. Then we’ll stop at Uncle Joe’s office so you can meet him.”
“Who is Uncle Joe?”
“That is Aunt Isabella’s husband and my best friend in this world,” I said. “He will be your friend, too. Lexi, I want you to see what I do for a living.”
“Is this like ‘take your daughter to work’ day?” she giggled.
“In a way. I want it to be ‘learn about your dad’ day. And I want to learn about my daughter, as well.”
“Things are a lot calmer now than they were in the sixties and early seventies,” I said as we walked along the waterfront. “Things changed when containers were standardized and shipping was deregulated a few years ago. Back when Joe’s and my fathers were working out here, loading and unloading a ship was a masterpiece for puzzlers. Think of it as a massive three-dimensional picture puzzle. All the pieces had to fit and be loaded and unloaded in a particular order. Now, all the containers are about the same size. The most popular are eight feet wide, nine-and-a-half feet tall, and fifty-three feet long. All the loading and unloading is done by crane operators.”
“It sounds like a weird measurement.”
“It was based on what was already standard in trucking and rail traffic. The big ships that come up the St. Lawrence and terminate here in Chicago were mostly custom-built to fit the canals and the container sizes.”
“What gets shipped here?” I was pleased that my daughter was expressing an interest. I was afraid we’d have to rush to the Loop for shopping.
“Grain, automobiles, construction materials, tires, steel, cement, food, oil, furniture, clothing, livestock. When we talk shipping today, we’re not just talking about the big ships that come in from the lake, but also the railroad and truck lines that intersect here.”
“So, you work in shipping? I thought you said security.”
“That’s why we’re going up there,” I said, pointing to an office that overlooked the docks.
“Sly! You made it with no difficulty?”
“Everyone has been very polite,” I said. “Don Joseph, may I have the honor of presenting my youngest daughter, Donna Alexandra di Corti Cortales. Alexandra, this is your uncle, Don Joseph Cortelli.”
Joe got out around his desk to face my daughter in record time. He’d put on some weight since our army days but still looked strong and healthy. He snapped a bow to Lexi that would have made a Renaissance courtier proud. I was surprised that Alexandra managed a respectable curtsey. Her mother must have coached her.
“A delight, my dear niece. I regret that it has taken so many years for us to meet face-to-face and hope in the future we might have more occasions for family reunions. How may I be of service to you today?”
“Wow.” Well, she was only thirteen.
“Joe, I’ve been showing Lexi a little about what we do out here. Since you’re my boss, I wanted her to get your impression of our work.”
“Please sit down and let’s have a chat.” Joe had a nice arrangement of comfortable chairs and tables that looked out over the shipyards. “Lexi, if it weren’t for your father, I’d be dead. He calls me his boss but he is my best friend and brother-in-law.”
“To be fair,” I interjected, “Uncle Joe saved my life repeatedly in the jungle.”
“You were really soldiers?” Lexi asked.
“Really. And when we got back from the war, we found a world that was changing faster than we were. I married your father’s sister the same day that he married my cousin and while we were all on our honeymoons, my father was murdered, right out there on the docks. That was followed by a wildcat stevedore strike and I sent your father and mother away so they would not be too near to the danger.”
“So, what do you ship?”
“Shipping is where our roots are. I have this office only so I can look out each day on what my father gave his life for. But times change. My father worked for the union. We have our own security company here and contract for many different jobs. Sometimes, your father goes out to assess a warehouse and recommend an alarm system. Sometimes he walks a step behind a politician to make sure there are no threats coming toward him or he is standing on a rooftop with binoculars searching for dangers at a rock concert or football game. Wherever there is a security need for the best, I send your father. And he also trains our new employees so they will understand how to spot a threat and neutralize it without disturbing the event.”
“Dad? You do all that?” I nodded. “Wow.”
After our talk with Joe, I took Lexi on the promised shopping trip to the Loop and spent far less than I expected. She was most happy that I would sit and comment as she tried on outfit after outfit and then choose just one.
“Just one?” I asked.
“Daddy, they are all lovely. But I’m still growing and there is no sense buying a bunch of stuff that I’ll only be able to wear once and then give away.”
“That is very mature for a thirteen-year-old. I’m impressed.”
“Thank you, Daddy. Um… Samantha has been coaching me.”
“Really? How?”
“Well, we sort of have a group in junior high, you know?”
“Excuse me, but you are too young to be dating. I’m still nervous about your older sister going to high school events.”
“That’s part of what it’s all about. We are kind of together at school and… Daddy, some of my friends aren’t very strong or popular. I need to protect them.”
“Lexi, let’s sit and you can tell me about your friends.” We went into the café at Marshall Field’s and ordered a late lunch. The Christmas shopping crowds were descending on the stores and we were lucky to get a table. “Now, tell me about your friends. I was under the impression that you are very popular and have popular friends. You are a junior high cheerleader, right?”
“Yes, and a couple of my friends are athletes. But Sam told me something just before school started this fall that changed everything.”
“What was that?”
“She said there was a girl in my class who was smaller than everyone else and was poor. She didn’t have nice clothes and she carried a bologna sandwich to school for lunch each day. She was picked on by other people in my class,” Lexi said. She kept her eyes fixed on the napkin in front of her.
“That’s very sad,” I offered.
“I was one of the kids who picked on her,” Lexi whispered. “I didn’t even realize it. Remember when Sam was so upset about being hairy and kids calling her names? I was being a bully just like they were to her.”
“Sam told you this?”
“No. She just told me that this girl needed a friend and asked me if a couple of my friends and I could look out for her. When I realized who it was, I… I cried all night. Now Judy has become my best friend and the guys who helped look out for her attracted a couple other people to our table and we eat together. It’s much more fun than when I was just sitting with the cheerleaders at lunch.”
“How many people are in your little group?”
“Mostly it’s just Judy, me, Monte, Ross, Rich, Susan, and Leonard. Theresa and Pam hang with us a lot and sometimes Nancy. There’s a couple eighth graders who are really nice to us, too.”
“And all these friends need your protection?”
“Oh, no. Some of them are protectors. Rich is really tall—at least compared to the rest of us. He plays basketball. Monte’s kind of big, too. Nobody’s ever going to mess with Theresa, she’d rip them up. But, you know, Leonard’s gay. He’s never made a secret about it and some of the guys harass him. And Pam—she’s as little as Judy. But it’s not being little that is a problem, she’s about the youngest in our class. She won’t be thirteen until August, just before we start eighth grade. It’s not like people pick on her. She just gets left behind a lot.”
“And what is… Lexi, it would be easy for a popular and pretty girl to take advantage of weak friends like this. You don’t, do you?”
“No! Daddy, when Sam pointed out Judy to me and I realized what a terrible person I was becoming, I promised I’d never be a bully or be mean to kids like that again. Then when Sam started her dating group, she showed me their agreement. We decided to write our own but mostly based it on theirs. It’s a lot more restrictive. But we’re a lot younger. I’m curious about some things and it’s tempting to get into the same kind of situation Sam did a couple of years ago. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to be kissing and making out like some of the other cheerleaders do with their boyfriends. Getting a hug when I see my friends is nice but I don’t need them slobbering on me,” she said ferociously.
“So, you and the boys protect the other girls?”
“We all protect each other. That was one of the things Sam told me about their agreement, too. They asked Brian to write it for them. He’s cute, but I guess in grade school he was like Judy. Sam’s group all adopted him and thought they were protecting him. Then it turned out he was protecting them, too. Anyway, Sam said their whole agreement was based on Brian’s Three Laws. Like he’s Moses or something.”
“And what are those three laws?” This was giving me some insight into my older daughter’s relationships, too, and I was thinking a father-daughter date with each of my girls on a regular basis would be a good thing. Maybe I’d left too much of the childrearing up to Lily and hadn’t been pulling my part.
“First, always do whatever is necessary to protect and defend the ones you love. Second, always treat people with kindness and respect. Third, always keep your promises. Sam said that even though they don’t make a big deal about them in their group, that’s really what they all try to do. That’s what my group is trying to do as well.”
When it came down to it, for the past twenty years, that’s what Little Joe and I had tried to do.
“Daddy, can I get one more thing?” Lexi asked as we were heading out to meet my car for the ride back to the train station.
“I suppose so. What would you like?”
“I saw a really cute skirt and blouse over there.” She led me to the children’s section. She ran through the rack looking at the sizes on the clothes and pulled one out. It was a sweet schoolgirl outfit.
“I don’t think that will fit you, sweetheart,” I said. “It’s cute, but…”
“It’s not for me. It’s almost Christmas and Judy would look really cute in this.”
I was filled with a new pride in my little girl when we sat on the train back to South Bend. In both of my daughters. I was going to do this more often.
The changes came slowly over the next two years, but Lily and I noticed them. Lexi had told me that one of the boys in her group was homosexual and as I got to know both her group and Samantha’s, I began to suspect there was a lot more sexual fluidity than we realized. Hannah was a regular visitor and sometimes spent the night with Sam. There was nothing particularly unusual about teen girls having a sleepover. Lexi’s friends Judy and Theresa were also frequent overnight guests.
When Hannah moved to Evansville, though, Sam was devastated, far more so than merely having a best friend move away. She spent the summer at the Frosts’ house caring for the horses while Brian was doing a cooking internship in Kokomo. It was supposed to be a summer with Hannah but Sam was alone.
Alone until she invited Lexi and Judy to spend the summer with her and the horses. Lily and I had a long chat with Hayden and Marilyn to be sure this was something they were comfortable with and were relieved. They had a couple of extended trips planned for the summer, though, and invited Lily and me to stay at their house on occasion just to satisfy ourselves that the girls were all right.
What we found was a deep and lasting friendship with Marilyn and Hayden and, by extension, with Anna. Having no children at our house for the first time in sixteen years, we often took advantage of the Frosts’ hospitality and invited them to join us, as well. It didn’t take long to discover their relationship with Anna.
Lily was shocked. Had it not been for the deep friendship she had developed with both women, I’m not sure our connection would have survived.
Men don’t talk all that much. I raised an eyebrow at the thought of Hayden with those two beautiful women but from the moment I set eyes on her, Liliana was the only woman I was ever interested in. To each his own.
“Sly, I’m not typical,” he said to me. “But neither are our children. We first discovered it with Brian, Jennifer, and Courtney. Then we realized it was the same relationship they had with Samantha, Hannah, Whitney, and Rose. They love each other. Whenever you try to pair up two of them, the others are always right there as well. It’s never been stronger than since Hannah moved. Those girls are a force to be reckoned with. And my son is the one forced to do the reckoning. It might sound like he’s just building a harem but you know they all take their agreement seriously. I won’t say there’s no hanky-panky that goes on. They’re teenagers and it’s a much different world than either you or I grew up in. But they respect each other and they respect their boundaries. I think… Maybe you won’t understand this. It took the surprise of Marilyn and me welcoming Anna into our lives before I had any understanding. I think our kids are growing to love each other. All of them.”
“That will make it difficult. Polygamy is illegal in this country, though I saw signs of it in Vietnam and certainly I know it exists in other parts of the world. None of them will be able to get married.”
“They’ll probably have to create their own society. I know some of the men in their group are not entirely heterosexual. I don’t think we should limit ourselves to the idea of one man and several women. We’re facing a new age and a new way of thinking, Sly.”
“It’s strange. Intellectually, I can accept such things. It’s when I think of my daughter that my intellect goes out the window and I’m ready to reach for my gun.”
“Sly, you have to know one thing. If they ever do create that kind of society where they can live together and love each other, I’m going to support it. I’m not doing anything particularly to encourage it or its creation, but I’ve found something unique about our kids—all of them. They deserve a chance to be happy in their chosen life.”
I still reserved judgment. I’d started having a lunch date with each of my daughters at least every other week. And Lily and I saw the changes after that summer at the Frosts’. Both girls had always had chores they were required to do each week. They were supposed to clean their own rooms, but had often needed reminding. Suddenly, the house seemed almost to clean itself. Lily never had to remind them to vacuum the floor. Their rooms were always tidy. The laundry was always done. And, while Lily maintained a strict regimen when it came to preparing meals, the girls attacked the dishes and cleanup immediately after dinner.
“What is happening to our girls?” I asked one night as Lily and I lay snuggled together in bed. We still found sex as exciting as the first time and we’d both tried to stifle our moans enough so the girls wouldn’t hear them down the hall. “It seems like we have two small adults living with us instead of two teenage girls.”
“They are getting ready for marriage,” Lily sighed.
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