What Were They Thinking?
9 More Than a Kiss
ANNA AND I AGREED to make breakfast for the kids in the morning and she suggested a recipe for baked apple French toast. We ran out to the IGA at midnight to get what we needed while Hayden held down the fort. We had to get up fairly early to get it assembled and in the oven before the kids got up.
We’d gone upstairs quietly to peek in on the kids again. They all had their heads pointed to the center and were in various positions, some rather close to others, but they were all dressed and didn’t seem to be in the midst of an orgy. I was pretty sure that there would be a lot of scrambling going on in an hour when girls woke up and realized boys were seeing what they look like in the morning for the first time. I’d even spent ten minutes in the bathroom brushing my hair and putting on just a touch of makeup before I went to the kitchen to meet Anna.
We were chatting while Hayden read the newspaper and we all drank coffee. When Brian and Hannah came in from the barn, Anna was shocked to see them up so early and outside.
“Mom! You don’t have to be up cooking for us. I said I’d do it,” Brian said when he saw us making breakfast.
“Anna had this great recipe that she told me about for baked French toast. We went out right after we got back from the hayride and got bread and eggs. We cut up the rest of the apples. I’m sure you’ll love this. We are adult women and know how to cook.”
“Mom, I’m sorry. Do I take away from your enjoyment of the kitchen by cooking so much?”
“No, honeybunch, but sometimes a mother likes to surprise her son. Now go get your girlfriends and boyfriends up. I want to have them fed before their parents get here.”
“I’ll take him home with me,” Anna said. “If he cooks as much and as well as you say it doesn’t seem like sacrificing my daughter to him would be too big a problem.” We laughed, but I was thinking about what it would be like to all live together. Sacrificing my son wouldn’t be too big a problem.
When Anna took her girls home that afternoon, we shared a tight hug and I brushed my lips across her soft cheek. Hayden took my cue and gave her the same treatment. We watched them drive away and then rushed inside to make love.
I kept an eye on what the dating group was up to. The parents had mostly agreed that ‘dating’ was limited to school events and dates accompanied by at least one set of parents. I was impressed that it was Ken and Claudia Harris who double-dated with their daughter Rhiannon and Brian. The report I got was favorable deportment on all parts. Claudia’s sister was in a community theater production of a musical in Fort Wayne and it made for a great evening.
We found that three new members had been added to the group and were supplied with a fresh copy of the amended agreement. I think all the parents breathed a sigh of relief when the ‘no penetration’ clause was tightened to no skin to skin genital contact. I wanted something a little more restrictive than that, but Brian explained there was contact in everyday life—hugging and kissing—and they didn’t want to have to spell out all the circumstances in which a touch was or wasn’t appropriate. The clause was simple and did relieve most of the burden.
And I supposed that the older girls were used to a little more contact. Renee had joined the group and was Brian’s date to homecoming. She’s so pretty. They came home early and sat in the family room to ‘talk.’ I glanced in and saw that she was sitting on my son’s lap in the recliner as they kissed.
I rushed into the bedroom and crushed myself into Hayden’s chest. I couldn’t explain to him why I was crying. Soon after we got the recliner, I’d discovered that it was big enough for me to settle into Hayden’s lap. It was our favorite position for cuddle time. And our son was using it for the same thing. It made me feel… old.
Anna made me feel young. And she did so by suggesting we get together for coffee one afternoon. We decided on Rochester as being about halfway between her house and mine and I arranged my work schedule so I could take off early on Tuesday afternoon.
Two weeks and two days after the overnight party—but who’s counting?—Anna and I rushed into a hug with exactly the same enthusiasm as when we parted that Sunday afternoon. The corner restaurant where we met was between the lunch and dinner crowds, so they didn’t mind having a couple of women sitting in a corner booth with pie and coffee scarcely touched in front of them for two hours.
We caught up on all the happenings with our children and then with each other. As we talked, our hands touched more and more frequently—just feather-light touches as we made a point or asked a question. My entire arm was tingling.
“This was such a good idea, Anna,” I said. “We need to do this regularly.”
“Oh, would you, Marilyn? We might want to check out some other places to meet, too, but I would love to see you more often.”
“Well, this was about halfway between our houses, but we don’t need to be exact. And we don’t need to drink coffee in order to be together. Perhaps there are also some parks or walking trails we could find.”
“Maybe we should take up riding and go to Starbridge,” Anna laughed. “It seemed to work for our children. Um… Not that we’re trying to make something work… like our children… but…”
“Anna,” I dropped my voice so we had to lean in toward each other to be heard, “I don’t know what we are doing. Hayden and I both like you. Both. A lot. If we lived next door to each other, I’d see us having afternoon coffee every day, watching each other’s children… I think you’d be my best friend. That’s something I haven’t really had in my adult life. I’m just discovering what it might be like. So, in a way, we are… or at least I am… trying to make something work.”
While I unburdened my heart, my hand slipped into hers. She squeezed it and I glanced around to see if anyone was watching. Instead of letting go, we just lowered our hands beneath the table.
I went home with Anna’s kiss on my cheek. I truly felt like I had a girlfriend.
Of course, adult life doesn’t give the opportunity for dating like teen life. Especially, when trying to coordinate three adult schedules around the schedules of three teens. We weren’t telling the teens we were getting together, either. Maybe that was sneaking around, but I just didn’t want to have to cart my son with me every time I went to see Anna. Not that there were that many times.
Thanksgiving was the next weekend and I had to drag my entire family to Louisville for my cousin’s daughter’s wedding. My mother had convinced me that I needed to go, even though we didn’t see that part of the family more than once every three or four years. Betts was downright angry that she had to spend her Thanksgiving break in the back seat with her brother as we tried unsuccessfully to draw her out about college life.
The one bright spot was that we stopped at Bob Evans in Kokomo for lunch to ‘meet Brian’s girlfriends.’ Betts sulked. Brian, Jennifer, and Courtney were so into each other that they didn’t notice how I’d subtly arranged for Hayden to sit between Anna and me, nor that there were frequent under the table touches among the three of us. Nor did they observe us arranging to get together for Hayden’s birthday on the first.
“It’s an important birthday, honeybunch,” I said to Brian when we’d finally settled down Sunday night. “Your father is finally becoming an adult.”
“Are you saying I’m not going to be an adult until I’m forty?” he squeaked. It was adorable that his voice still occasionally broke into two octaves.
“Yes,” Hayden said. “We hadn’t intended to let you date until you were forty, but we slipped up on that one. Your sister still hasn’t forgiven us.”
“She sure gave us the stink-eye when we stopped to see Jennifer and Courtney. Thanks for that, by the way,” Brian said.
“Well, I think she was slightly mollified by having Doreen drive her back to Lafayette. But if your father and I slip away tomorrow night, we need to know that you will be responsible. I don’t need to hire a babysitter, do I?”
“Mom! I can sit myself. Basketball practice is kicking my butt and I still have homework. In fact, teachers have been increasing the load all term. I’ll come straight home, eat dinner, do homework, and go to bed. I promise.”
“We believe you, son. You’ve never let us down,” Hayden said.
“What are we doing, Marilyn?” my husband asked about the time we passed Peru. He’d driven in silence ever since getting off work. “Are we crazy to think so much about a woman a hundred miles and one heartbeat away?”
“That was poetic, love. I think that shows exactly what we are doing.”
“I hurt you once. I never want to hurt you again. I can’t deny that I’m attracted to Anna but, Marilyn, you are the love of my life. I will never do anything to hurt you again.”
“I feel the same way. That’s why… why it’s so important that if we do anything, we do it together. Hayden, other than agreeing that we want to be best of friends, we don’t really know that Anna wants anything more. I just know that when I’m with her, I want to hold her hand. I want to kiss her cheek. And I imagine your hand and your lips joining mine. I’ve never been attracted to a woman before… never even had a best girlfriend. I’m floundering a little. I want you to hold my hand so I don’t drown.”
He reached across the seat an took my hand in his. I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid over to the center of the big bench seat and fastened that belt so I could lean against my husband while he drove.
Bill and Crystal Price joined us at Anna’s house. It was Hayden’s first opportunity to meet them and they hit it off well.
“Convenient of you to have a birthday celebration on Monday. It’s our weekend,” Bill said.
“And the girls are at your house Monday through Wednesday nights, so mine is available,” Anna said. “It just happened to work out.”
“Happy birthday, Hayden,” Crystal said. “It’s a pleasure to meet the father of the boy who has captured my daughter’s heart. Or a piece of it.”
“Well, philosophically speaking, I was taught that the more love you give away, the more you have. Seeing the three of them together makes me think perhaps our definitions of love and family have been too narrow,” Hayden said. I caught a glance between Crystal and Anna. I had an instant pang of jealousy that caught me completely by surprise. I knew they were close friends and they shared caretaking of their children. Did they share other things as well?
“Let’s have dinner,” Anna said. “Everything is ready.”
We enjoyed the evening. After dinner we played Hearts and had birthday cake. Hayden moaned that he should be watching what he eats now that he’s forty. Anna and I both pushed a bit of cake into his mouth and laughed about watching for him. About ten, Bill and Crystal bid us goodnight, mentioning that the last time they spent the night here the girls were late for school in the morning. I assumed that was the night I was here. I hoped.
We started making noises about having to get up to drive a hundred miles to work in the morning, but none of us made a move to go to bed. Anna fixed us all a martini and we sandwiched Hayden between us on the sofa as we continued to talk about nothing in particular. That empty conversation, though, was an opportunity for our bodies to touch. Our hands sought out subtle ways to touch hands, shoulders, cheeks. We couldn’t put words to what we wanted, but our bodies communicated.
Once, when we were in high school, Hayden and I stayed out late on a date. We weren’t really out. We’d come home and were parked in my driveway. We started making out. Neither of us was used to staying out late since Hayden had been up since five and would need to do chores in the morning at five. Still, as it approached midnight, our lips refused to part and in that near dream state, I felt his hand fleetingly caress my breast. We pulled ourselves together and he walked me to the door, kissing me once more before going across the road to his own house. We never mentioned the caress in our sleep deprived make-out session, but I felt that gentle touch through my clothes for weeks afterward.
We were near that same state as our martinis sat on the coffee table, long-forgotten. I held Anna’s hand against Hayden’s chest and he had an arm around each of us. I had no intention of doing anything else, but after some deprecating remark about age, I lifted my lips to his.
“Happy birthday, husband,” I said as I pressed my mouth against his and it suddenly opened to admit my tongue. He took my breath away and I could almost feel, across the decades, his feather caress of my breast. I sighed.
“Happy birthday, Hayden,” Anna echoed and lifted her lips to his. I caught my breath as I watched the two let their first real kiss deepen into passion. I stared at Anna as they broke their kiss and could see the moisture in her eyes. “Happy Hayden’s birthday, Marilyn,” she said and closed the distance to my own waiting lips.
I had never shared a passionate kiss with a woman. In fact, with anyone other than my husband. Her mouth was soft and sweet, her tongue playful against my own. I staved off my panic over kissing a woman—right in front of my husband—for as long as I could before finally pulling away. We all shuffled apart and straightened clothes that hadn’t been mussed.
“Let me um… show you to the guest room. You must be simply exhausted,” Anna said. She led us down the hall to a bathroom and bedroom, made sure we knew where our towels were, and fled up the hall to her own bedroom, disappearing inside.
Hayden and I stood at the sink, silently preparing our toothbrushes. Before lifting the minty goodness to my mouth, I licked my lips, remembering that kiss. Hayden watched me in the mirror and dropped his toothbrush in the sink. He turned me and pulled me to him in a kiss so passionate I thought we would make love right there in the bathroom. But instead he picked me up and carried me to the bed, pushing the door closed behind him. My nightgown was off and his pajamas around his ankles in seconds and I felt the poker-hot head of his penis pressing into my wet opening. It was fast and intense. I grabbed a pillow to muffle my cries as he filled me with his seed.
“The holidays are coming up,” I said over coffee and toast in the morning. “Do you have plans, Anna?”
“Oh, it’s always a little chaotic coordinating three families’ schedules. In addition to Bill and Crystal, Art and Teri—Art’s my ex—expect Jennifer to join them for a few days over the break down in Indy. The invitation always extends to Courtney as well. Bill and Crystal have big holiday dinners they prepare at the restaurant but I don’t know which days they’ll actually be open.”
“It’s a difficult time for everyone. Reverend and Mrs. Gordon were mentioning that Hannah wanted to throw a New Year’s Eve party for the kids and maybe we should get all the parents together as well. What do you think?”
“That sounds like fun,” Anna said. “You know that if the kids have a party, Jennifer and Courtney will want to be there. I’d need a place to stay.”
“You always have a place with us, Anna,” Hayden said softly.
“You two…” she whined. “I’m dangerously close to falling for you.”
“We’re dangerously close to catching you,” I said. “Anna, come to spend New Year’s Eve with us. Spend a couple of days if you can. Oh. And bring the pesky girls.” We all laughed. Hayden and I bid farewell to Anna with another little kiss. It wasn’t deep and passionate like the night before, but there was no pretense that we were only brushing lips against a cheek.
It was more than just a kiss. It was an invitation.
Hayden and I each went to have coffee with Anna in the next two weeks. Hayden’s job is much less flexible than mine, but I insisted that he needed to have some one-on-one time with Anna like I had so he took an afternoon off.
I saw Anna a week after his birthday and we found a park in Rochester where we could just sit on a bench and talk. While we talked, we held hands.
“Anna, what happened to end your marriage to Art?” I asked. I’d told her about Hayden’s affair and how close that had come to ending our marriage.
“Well, I just wasn’t aggressive enough. He’s a few years older than me and was in law school when we met. I was in high school. I’m not stupid and he thought I was going to go to college and be as competitive as he was. But I got pregnant. I was only eighteen when Jennifer was born. About six years later, Art was made partner in his law firm and began withdrawing more and more from me. When Jennifer was ten, he met and fell in love with a twenty-year-old pre-law student at Butler. We divorced. It was never a question of healing from an affair. Our marriage had been over for four years without having divorced.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
“Well, to my mind, I got the better end of the deal. Art and Teri moved to an apartment in Indianapolis and I got the house—free and clear. He pays an adequate amount of support that I can devote my time to raising my daughter, which is what I wanted to do in the first place. When Bill and Crystal started paying me to watch over Courtney, life seemed complete. I just… you know, I miss having an adult companion. A lover.”
“I wish we lived nearer,” I sighed. “I mean, so we could… you know… sort of… be in your life. God! What am I saying.”
“Marilyn, have you ever been with a woman?” I gulped and shook my head.
“Have you?”
“Once. I thought it might go somewhere more but it didn’t materialize. When Jennifer and Courtney started talking about being in love and always being together, Crystal and I talked about what it would mean to have lesbian daughters. We were quite rational about it all. We even talked about combining our families but wanted to know what it would be like. You know. With each other. So we tried it,” she said.
“And?”
“I discovered I could give a woman an orgasm with my tongue and I had the most satisfying orgasm since my marriage ended at the tongue of another woman. I discovered there was nothing at all disgusting about it.”
“What happened?”
“Two things. The restaurant has taken a heavy toll on Bill and Crystal’s life. That’s why I have Courtney so much. They just don’t have time. But it was also a case of mutual attraction… or non-attraction. I like Crystal. When I focused on doing it, I discovered I could have sex with her. But there was nothing there driving us forward except trying to build enough experience to counsel our daughters when they made that transition. We just weren’t attracted to each other that way.”
“Anna, if you aren’t…”
“I am. Marilyn, I’m very attracted to you. What surprised me is that I’m just as attracted to Hayden. I… I want to make love with you.”
Before I went back to Mishawaka that day, Anna and I sat in my car in a parking garage and seriously kissed and made out. There was no question in my mind that I was attracted to her.
The next week, Hayden took his afternoon off work and went to meet Anna. His conversation went much the same as mine and when he got home that evening, he was still hard from his time making out with Anna. His underwear was damp from the amount he’d leaked. Rather than being upset by it, I was so turned on that we skipped dinner and made love instead.
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