Blackfeather
34 Life and Death
“I WILL NOT put on the blues again,” Jason said firmly.
“We can make… accommodations,” the officer facing him said. Miranda watched as the two argued at the kitchen table. She didn’t like him. He’d been the one to twice deny them permission to marry until Jason was discharged. Now he wanted him back. She poured coffee. Her aching back and protruding belly complained at the effort. “You will not be an official part of the army. You can even wear buckskins like your Indian friends.” There was a note of scorn in the captain’s voice that grated on my ears.
“What is this all about?”
“Red Cloud signed a treaty after the devil massacred Fetterman’s unit. He fashioned himself chief of all the Sioux and visited President Grant himself in Washington, D.C. Now he has his tribe at Red Cloud Agency east of Fort Laramie. We ceded the land near there and abandoned Fort Phil Kearny. But that damned Crazy Horse has refused to recognize the treaty. He prances all up and down the Dakota and Wyoming Territories harassing anyone who even ventures across the plains. Then there is Black Kettle, who just sits up north and waits for an opportunity. Nobody knows who is chief of what. The only Indians you can tell apart are the dead ones.”
“Sounds like you have it all figured out already,” Jason said bitterly.
“Red Cloud is sending his niece, Nellie Larrabee, to Crazy Horse as a bride to encourage him to become part of the family. You are to be part of the escort. There will be an official army representative to try to parlay with Crazy Horse, but you know and understand those savages. We need to know what that renegade is planning and how many people are in his camp,” the captain said.
“Nellie Larrabee does not sound like a Lakota name to me,” Jason responded.
“She is a half-breed. And do not get too close to her. She is a sneaky little savage whose loyalties are as divided as her breeding. She is supposed to get Crazy Horse to sign the treaty.”
“He won’t,” I heard Jason’s voice but recognized Kyle.
“Then she will probably kill him. Be fine by me. Never trust her or anything she says,” the captain said.
“Why would I be with that kind of party? Crazy Horse is no fool. He would know me no matter what I wore,” Jason said. He kept shaking his head and I knew that he was fighting against every word the captain said. Miranda held her peace, sitting in the chair by the fire, but her mind was in turmoil. She was near her time and the thought of Jason leaving was terrifying.
“You have that Indian friend, John Hamm. He and his white bride—your sister-in-law, I believe—are living somewhere up there either with Crazy Horse or Black Kettle. Your reason for being with this party is to find your old friend and tell your sister-in-law of your wife’s condition. Invite her back with you to tend your wife and child,” the captain said.
“Jason, don’t go,” Miranda moaned. “I’m near my time. I need you.” I’d have just demanded my husband stay put, but this was a different age.
“A husband is needed only for the sowing, not the reaping. Your women would chase him out of the house while you give birth regardless. Corporal Wardlaw will return within a few months.”
“I am not a corporal, Captain. I left the army behind and took a wife. I keep a shop.”
“The United States of America has need of your service, Mister Wardlaw. I would not expect a man who served under me for six years to have turned a coward in ten months. The unit with which you will travel will depart Fort Sanders at dawn. Good day. Missus Wardlaw, congratulations on your impending motherhood.” The captain stood and made his own way to the door. Jason did not stand to see him out. He nearly knocked Katie back down the stairs as she came up.
Miranda had begun to cry, but I took control and stood to face Jason.
“Husband Ramie!” Katie shouted as soon as she saw me. She rushed to me and kissed me, softly petting my distended belly. She turned to look at Jason. “Husband Kyle!” She gave Jason the same treatment.
I swear that Katie knows I’ve arrived before you do, Miranda.
“Jason, you must not leave me,” Miranda commanded.
“Leave?” Katie asked. “Why ever would he leave us? You are near term and little Katie-Lynn will be here to greet her brother just five months later.”
“Of course he’s not leaving,” I asserted. “Kyle, tell him. My god! What year is it?”
“Mid-June of ’73,” Katie supplied.
“What year, Kyle? I can’t remember. What year was the Little Big Horn?” I screamed. We could not let Jason go to Crazy Horse. His long yellow hair would make him an easy target.
“I don’t know,” Kyle said. “I don’t think it’s yet, but it is soon.”
“Has Custer taken charge of the 7th Cavalry, Jason?”
“He has been around the 7th since ’68 when he led the Battle of Washita down south. I have not heard of him lately. Why?”
“Custer led his troops into an ambush by Crazy Horse at Little Bighorn. The entire cavalry was wiped out.”
“Wiped out?” Katie asked.
“No survivors,” Kyle said. I saw Jason pale and knew that Kyle must be sharing as much of the history as we knew.
“I do not believe that is what we are facing,” Jason said. There has been no word of that kind of uprising.”
“But you are not going!” I shouted. “Kyle, make him see reason!”
“My loves,” Jason said after visibly struggling. “I have no choice. Captain Riggs has the power to conscript me if he chooses. If I go willingly, at least I am not under his command. I have freedom to go where I choose within the commission,” Jason said. “My darling Miranda, I do not wish to leave you. I will rush back to your side as quickly as I can.”
The battle wasn’t over but it was clear that we’d lost the war. As we talked into the night, we became convinced that it was too early for the Battle of Little Bighorn. But it still wasn’t safe.
“I’ll send a message and warn Custer,” Jason said. “I can’t let my fellow soldiers march into their death without warning them.”
“Didn’t you learn anything from trying to save Lincoln?” I shot back. “To you, it is a dreadful thing that will happen sometime in the future. To us it is history. Nothing you say or do will change the outcome.”
“But don’t I have to try?”
I knew that Kyle was having the same argument inside Jason’s head as I was having outside. And I knew Kyle was just as conflicted. Just because we could not change history didn’t mean we shouldn’t try, did it? I just wanted them safe.
“Husband Ramie,” Katie said abruptly. “Husband Kyle, Husband Jason, and Wife Miranda are ignoring my needs. Will you not take your pleasure with me? I ache to feel you touch me. I would have Jason and Kyle with me as well, but they are determined to spend the night arguing.”
I could see what Katie was doing as soon as I felt Jason reach across me to pet our wife’s side. We needed to be together. All five of us.
“Katie dear, I cannot lie comfortably to kiss your privities. I will lie on my back for a while and if you can get them to my mouth, I will kiss them with ardor.” Katie scrambled to get us in a position that was comfortable. I scooted down on the bed so she could get her legs on either side of my head and I tasted her sweet nectar against my tongue. So wonderful. So intense. Her slight baby-bump—four months?—pressed against my breasts. She could not reach my pussy with her mouth. It was simply too far across my baby belly to reach it. Then I felt a tongue and knew Jason had edged down the bed and buried his face in my pussy.
Oh my! He’s never done that before!
I smiled and then gasped. Perhaps Jason did not know how to lick a pussy, but Kyle did.
Even after Katie and I had climaxed, I held her there as Jason climbed over me and entered our lover above my face. In this position I could kiss and lick both of them—all three?—and Miranda cherished the loving. At last we were together.
“Kyle? Are you there?”
Jason’s eyes opened and Kyle looked back at me.
“I’m here, love. I don’t like this.”
“What’s really going on?” I asked. “I can’t believe Jason could be conscripted back into the army after already serving six years.”
“It’s like being in the reserves. He can be called up at any time if he is near a conflict.”
“I’m worried, Kyle.”
“Me, too. I’ll do my best to protect him. At least one of us will always be awake.”
“Make love to me, Kyle. Gently. Don’t squash our baby.”
Miranda and Katie rose early, fed Jason well, and packed his panniers. He wore frontier buckskins Katie had made for him, but they covered his cavalry boots, not moccasins. We wept on his shoulder until he had to go round up Shadow and leave for Fort Sanders. He kissed us tenderly, kissed Katie, and hugged us to him. I shared their tears as I watched our men leave.
We’ve shared so much these years. Now you are alone. Perhaps I’m just here to keep you company.
“Will he be safe?”
Kyle will do his best to keep them safe.
“But you know things. You are from the future. Does he come home safely?”
I only know what history has recorded. And not even all of that. The rest is what my Pa called a box that contains the unknown. Inside the box, all futures are possible. It stays that way until we open the box and then only one emerges. Believe me, I went to the library and researched everything I could find about this time. I can’t find a mention of you or Jason or even the name of this store.
“Please, dear God, bring our husband home safely. Amen.”
It was the first time I ever felt I had prayed.
One day after school a few years ago, there was a prayer rally. It was held in the gymnasium because there just isn’t as big a deal about keeping church and school separate in Wyoming. God help the atheist who tries to protest a prayer meeting. If you are some other religion, go someplace else. School buses left an hour late that day and the gym was packed with community people. At the center of the rally were the wives, parents, and children of three soldiers who had been killed overseas. The prayers were for their support and comfort. But I heard a woman not far from me pray almost those exact words. Please bring my husband home safely. She was very pregnant. I wondered if God had answered her prayer.
Katie kept the store open, though we operated on less than business hours. I waddled in to help behind the counter as long as I could sit in one place. I was strangely comforted by the sight of my Colt under the counter. In the afternoon, when we closed the store, I took the gun with me to our apartment. Katie and I held each other through the night, kissing softly and whispering words of encouragement.
Jason had left on a Monday morning and it was Wednesday night, two weeks later, when Miranda’s water broke and labor began.
I thought I would die!
I was in no way prepared for the pains of delivering a baby. Miranda was scarcely better prepared. Thursday morning, Katie prepared to open the store as we labored in bed.
“Damn the store!” Miranda said. “My husband has left me. Do not also leave me.” Katie sat by our side, wiping sweat from our brow with a damp cloth.
“I know nothing of delivering babies, my love,” Katie said. “Rest while I run to get the midwife.” Miranda finally agreed and Katie ran off.
“This is much worse than I expected,” Miranda said between contractions. I’d delivered foals and calves before, but I had no experience with human labor. I certainly never expected I’d be experiencing it.
I’m here, Miranda. I’m sharing every contraction with you. We’ll see it through, you and me.
“You are a comfort, but I wish I was riding and you were driving,” she laughed weakly.
I’ll do my best, but from what I’m feeling, it might not give you much of a rest.
For the next few hours, we traded back and forth. We each got a little rest while the other endured the direct pain. But just like with sex, we both had the experience. We could drive the body we shared a little harder, but our body was weakening. And where is Katie?
I lost track of time. I heard voices so I knew someone had been there, but it did nothing to relieve the pain.
“There now, love; it seems like forever, but you will triumph. Women have been giving birth since God cursed Eve in the Garden. Seeing you gives me courage for when Katie-Lynn is born.”
“Katie?”
“Yes, darling. I am here.”
“Where is the midwife?” Miranda asked.
“She’s drunk. Doctor Finrock stopped and gave instructions for seeing you through your labor. He had to leave for surgery and promised he would be back to congratulate you tomorrow morning,” Katie said.
I moaned through another contraction and time dissolved again.
“I see him!” Katie screamed. “There’s a little foot here.” It was light out. Morning again, I supposed. But at least we were having a baby. It had been at least thirty hours of agony.
Wait! A foot? Oh God, no! That’s wrong. There should be a head.
I grabbed Katie’s hair from where she was staring up between my legs and dragged her to my face. I was delirious.
“Ow! Husband Ramie, you are hurting me!”
“Katie, listen to me,” I gasped. I loosened my grip so I wasn’t pulling her hair. “That’s the wrong way for the baby to come. He’s breeched. I can’t deliver him that way.”
“But I can see it.”
“Katie, babies come head first. You have to turn him around.”
“But how?” I’d watched the vet turn a breech calf once. This was going to hurt.
“You have to… have to reach in and push the foot back up and pull the head down. Here. I can feel his head right here. He wants to get turned around but his foot is stuck. Push it… Push it back into my womb so his head can get into the opening.” I was crying. I hurt so much. I fought not to push when the next contraction hit.
Miranda was hysterical. We would be damaged for life. But with one foot presenting and the head at the cervix, we’d both die.
“But…”
“Do it, Katie. Or else we will die!”
I felt her hand. Thank God she had small hands. And I felt the baby reverse direction.
“There’s blood!”
“Finish it, Katie!”
“The foot is in but where is the head?” I put my hand on my abdomen and more from hope than knowledge pushed my baby’s head down.
“I see… I see hair,” she screamed. I rallied all the strength Miranda had left in her body and pushed. “He’s coming. One more time.” I knew she’d keep saying one more time forever. It was always just one more time.
We’re birthing, Miranda. Don’t leave me now. Our son is being born.
“Are we alive?”
There couldn’t be this much pain if we were dead. Push! Push with me, Miranda. Help!
Together we united ourselves. Together we silently swore we would cut our husband’s cock off. Together we pushed again. And again.
“It’s a baby boy!” Katie screamed. There was a cry from the child and I reached to pull him to my breast. He was slimy and crying and when he grabbed for my teat his hands clenched so tightly, I cried out again. I was sure there was no milk there yet but he started sucking vigorously. I could scarcely see him through my tears. I could hear Katie with a pan of water and felt its warmth as she began to sponge him off.
“The after birth,” I croaked as another cramp hit me.
“Oh Miranda. Husband Ramie. Is there supposed to be so much blood?” Blood? It’s always messy, I guess.
“It’s okay. The cord has stopped pulsing. Tie some of that silk thread on the night stand around it near the baby. Then use my sewing shears and cut the cord.”
I was so tired. Miranda had kept our eyes on our baby’s blond head since he found her breast. She was delirious. I was conscious, but Miranda faded in and out. Katie cleaned away the afterbirth and placed a towel against my vagina.
“I wish the doctor would hurry and get here. It’s still bleeding,” the worried girl said.
I shouldn’t still be bleeding, should I? I was slipping into another world—afraid Raven would call and I would not be here with my baby. But Raven was busy. I could see him swooping down on a man in buckskins and an Indian as they rode side-by-side. The man looked up. A pack of wolves bore down on him. No! Not wolves. Renegades dressed in wolfskins. Jason pulled his rifle and swung to shoot, as did his companion. He hesitated and pulled the rifle up.
Two arrows struck his chest. His gun fired into the air. The Indian companion fell from his horse.
“Kyle!” I screamed. I heard Miranda echo Jason’s name in my head.
“Don’t you worry, Husband Ramie. I’ll take care of little Kyle for you. You rest now. I hear the doctor on the stairs.”
The door opened and Doctor Finrock spoke.
“So, we have a baby?” Footsteps. I no longer felt my body. “What is this? She’s hemorrhaged! Girl why didn’t you…” I felt their presence but could no longer hear them. I no longer felt my baby at my breast. All I could feel was the last gasp of breath that Jason/Kyle took. Only it was mine.
Awkawkawkawk!
And I was no longer in Miranda’s body.
Ramie! Don’t leave me!
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