Blackfeather
22 Opened Box
“I ALWAYS WONDERED what that looked like,” Pa said. Blackfeather was still sitting on my shoulder. The sun was just coming up. “Sometimes Mary Beth and Ashley didn’t even realize I’d been gone until I was back. Your spirit bird is a lot friendlier than mine was. If that redtail hawk had lit on my shoulder, I’da shit my pants.”
I glanced at the raven on my shoulder. You don’t realize how big a raven’s beak is until you see it six inches from your eye. I reached in my saddle pouch and pulled out a piece of jerky. The bird took it from my fingers and then flew off. I breathed again.
“Does he always come to you like that?”
“No. Once he flew into my room and sat on my bare shoulder. I had marks from his talons for a week. Pa, I just never know when he’s coming for me or what he’ll do. It was like I just knew he wanted some jerky and was waiting for it. But I don’t go off traveling every time I hear him, either. I’ve come to believe that he calls both Kyle and me with different calls.”
“Ravens have a number of different calls. I suppose it’s possible.”
“Pa… I’m not like, crazy, am I? It’s all so real when I’m there. Then I get back here and life just goes on the way life always does. But I remember everything so clearly and I… Pa, I think I’m falling in love.”
“You ain’t crazy, Ramie. There’s a reason for you being here and a reason for you being there.”
“But I love Aubrey. How can I go and fall in love with Katie? And Jason?”
“Hmm. That must be interesting. But don’t let it worry you, honey. I fell in love with Laramie Wyoming Bell to the depth of my soul but it never once affected how deeply in love I was with your mother and Ashley. Remember, you are also dealing with the mind and heart of another person. In that time, it is not only you that is falling in love.”
By the time we got the cattle all driven back down the range, we’d lost two more calves. I was exhausted and ready for school to start so I could get some rest. We barely got the cattle down before the first day of school. We had two full weeks of school before Labor Day this year. And that whole time, Aubrey wasn’t able to come out to the ranch. Kyle and I both went into town to take her out on Saturday night. We fell easily into our patterns, just kind of flowing from one to the other, so that Aubrey got attention from both of us.
She spent Labor Day weekend with us at the ranch and we had our year-end picnic up at the gravestones.
“Your family stories mean a lot to you, don’t they?” Aubrey asked as we cuddled together late that night. Pa had recited the names of our ancestors as we touched each stone that afternoon.
“More and more. Honey, we are tied to this land with bonds of family that go back generations. Every year, it seems like the bonds grow tighter.”
“Is that what the map on your wall is all about?” she asked. It would have been hard to hide all that from her.
“Sort of. It’s like charting the journey to Laramie. Learning where we all came from.”
“I know where my family came from. Great-grandpa swam across the Rio and joined the U.S. Army the day after Pearl Harbor. While he was in the army, he studied for citizenship and came out a free member of this society. He fell in love with a cute gringa and moved north so they wouldn’t be tempted to go back to Mexico.”
“And now your parents own a restaurant in Laramie,” I sighed. “Aubrey, you don’t much like horses. And you are a city girl. Do you think… Would you ever be happy living on a horse ranch?”
“Ramie,” she giggled, “we’re only seventeen.” Shit! That sounded like I was proposing to her!
“I didn’t mean…”
“Shh. I know. That doesn’t mean we aren’t all thinking about it. Ramie, I’ve been making love to Kyle for a year-and-a-half now. And with you for a year. It’s getting so that it’s hard to imagine any other kind of life. I might not be tied to the land like you and Kyle are, but dearest Ramie, I am tied to you.”
Longtime residents of Laramie will sometimes tell newcomers, “Laramie was founded by some pioneers who came over the mountain and got down here by the river seeking shelter from the wind. They planned to move on as soon as the wind died down. They are still down there by the river.”
Of course, we all know that the railroad got here on May 10, 1868 and that night there was a town. The U.P. had a government grant of a big tract of land and divided it into lots. The lots went on sale in April and the day the train got here there were already whorehouses waiting for it. A lot of the town was just tents, but there was a fair number of wooden buildings. Some just for sleeping, but most for commerce.
Commerce included JB Mercantile where Jonathan sold boots, gloves, trousers, shirts, hats, and sundries. It also included several tents and hastily erected buildings that had a bar with liquor in front and a row of cots in the back with available, if not willing, ladies lying on them waiting. Commerce meant relieving the railroad workers of as much of their pay as possible in as little time as possible. Commerce could also mean relieving the Union Pacific of as much money as possible. A saw mill and treatment factory was set up and logs came down from the mountains to be cut and treated for railroad ties. A gravel pit opened for the ballast. A blacksmith kept the horses shod.
And if commerce couldn’t supply your needs, then a simple gunshot would. Laramie was lawless and had no government. Half the population were criminals.
Of course, we’re a lot more civilized today, but the wind is still here, and when winter comes whipping through, sometimes it brings commerce of any sort to a standstill. Laramie is at an elevation of 7,100 feet. Centennial is 8,100 feet. Six miles up the road, Snowy Range Pass is 11,000 feet and the road is closed five months of the year.
This winter was brutal.
About the first of November, snow started flying. We had nearly two feet by my birthday. We’d already missed three days of school when the weather up our direction was a white-out. Our teachers were all considerate of the situation and we could get our assignments online. Mr. Hammersmith even posted his geology lectures as podcasts so we didn’t miss any of his classes. Damned technology!
Friday after school, Aubrey piled into the Explorer with us and came home for the weekend. Even our dating had been limited by the weather, and we were looking forward to a fun weekend. Sunday was my birthday.
“…Happy birthday to you,” the family sang before I blew out all eighteen candles on my cake. We had ice cream and I started getting presents. Phile and Caitlin presented me with a replica LK branding iron. We don’t actually brand horses with a hot iron, but it was really cool.
“You wouldn’t believe how many places we had to call,” Phile said. “They thought we wanted something to brand steaks on the grill with!” We all got a kick out of that. Aubrey gave me a new belt for my jeans and, when I looked closely, I saw that it had a Colt belt buckle.
“Kurt has all those belt buckles in the store and it was between this and the Remington buckle, but Kurt said he thought you’d prefer the Colt for some reason. I guess between the two, it’s the prettier one.” She held up both hands in a kind of girlie way and looked like the only reason to have a belt buckle was because of how pretty it was. I kissed her.
“Children,” Mom Ash reprimanded us as she shoved another box at me. Inside this package was a pair of short Lasso cowboy boots. They were hand-tooled and had crystals embedded in them.
“Mom Ash! These are beautiful! Where am I ever going to wear them?”
“Oh, I figured you’d probably want to go to prom or something this year, and need nice shoes.” We all started laughing and I thought, ‘hell, why not?’ Kyle handed me his package. I opened it up and found a new pair of chaps and spurs. I’d been complaining that I’d really outgrown my chaps but I sure never expected a new pair for my birthday. Those damned things are expensive. They were the same color as my new boots and even had some crystals down the side. He’d obviously coordinated his gift with his mother.
Aubrey stood up and held the chaps up to me. She held the spurs in her hand and then looked at Kyle. I saw the devil in her eyes as she caught a corner of her lower lip in her teeth.
“Kinky,” she whispered. Oh god! Come to think of it, maybe I’ll wear them to bed tonight!
Mom Mar and Pa held out a good-sized package to me. It was heavy.
“Eighteen is a pretty important birthday,” Pa said. “Seems you need something special to remember it by.”
I was a little nervous opening the package. When I finally got the plain corrugated cardboard box open, I saw something I never expected to see outside of Kurt’s gun shop. There was a sleek black holster holding an 1851 Colt Navy .36 caliber. I just dropped it and rushed to Mom Mar and Pa.
“You didn’t…” I panted as I crushed myself to my parents. “You didn’t give him the Smith & Wessons, did you?” I was so afraid of what he’d say. Those guns belonged in our family. Pa shook his head.
“Even for you, I wouldn’t part with those irons,” Pa laughed. “Kurt and I reached… an agreement. Your Ma had the holster-belt made by your old friend Merv.”
“Thank you. Thank you. You don’t know what it means to have it.”
“I think we do, honey,” Mom Mar whispered. “We ain’t really crazy.”
Making love with Aubrey Sunday night was heaven. Kyle begged off having her come visit him.
“I sorta got a headache tonight,” he sighed as we walked toward the bunkhouse. “I don’t feel much like company. Do you mind just spending the night with your girlfriend, Aubs? I just don’t think I’d be fit company.” He was so full of sighs and drama that we all busted out laughing.
“You are going to have your ear plastered against the wall and your cock in your hand the whole time,” I laughed.
“And all the time, he’s going to be thinking of my girlfriend in nothing but her new chaps and spurs as I lie helplessly naked in the middle of the bed, waiting for her to put her brand on me,” Aubrey laughed at him. Kyle groaned.
“Why’d you have to go paint that kind of a picture,” he said. “I gotta get back to my room so I can tune into the regularly scheduled broadcast.” We laughed at him. I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Aubrey kissed him considerably more intently and I saw her rub his crotch a little at the same time. Then we went in.
“Now get outa your clothes and into them chaps, miss,” Aubrey commanded me. Hell, what could I do?
There was no school Monday morning. It wasn’t canceled. Kids in Laramie had to go to school. But buses weren’t running up to Centennial. Wouldn’ta made a bit of difference if they did because we’d be at least until noon plowing the ranch road into town. Moms sat all five of us kids at the dining table and commanded us to get started studying. Kyle, Aubrey, and I listened together to Mr. Hammersmith’s lecture and wouldn’t you know that he called us out in class as having celebrated my birthday too enthusiastically to get to school. I called his office right after the podcast and he laughed at me.
“Just wanted to make sure you were listening,” he said. “I expect you’ll just stay out of town tomorrow, too, so if you have any questions on the assignment, just let me know.” He was a nice guy.
We spent the day in the house and even baked cookies. Even with studying, we had fun.
Later that night, I listened to Kyle and Aubrey making love in the next room. It was sweet. It made me happy to hear them and I didn’t even rub myself. I didn’t expect Aubrey to come in tonight. Didn’t see any sense in her running through the snow from one door to the other to pretend something that everyone knew was different. I sat in my sweats and pulled the gun to me. Mom Mar and Pa were generous, but they really didn’t know what this meant. I just looked at it for a long time. I hadn’t taken it out of the holster, even when they’d given it to me. I needed this to be private time.
It slid smoothly out and I checked the six chambers. They were clean as a whistle. I strapped the belt around my waist and pulled the gun. It was smooth. Not a bit of drag. I brought it up and cocked it with my left thumb while my right finger hovered over the trigger. I returned it to safety, positioning the cylinder between two chambers. Then I did it.
I rotated the gun to look at the brass butt.
“Pa! Pa! Pa!” I screamed as I ran through the house toward his office. I hadn’t bothered to even put on my boots. I ran through the snow in my bare feet, slipping and sliding on the linoleum in the kitchen. I was crying and carrying my six-shooter. I ran into the office without pausing. Moms and Pa were all cuddled in his big chair with a fire going. Mom Mar didn’t have a shirt on and Mom Ash had hers pushed off her shoulder. I should have been embarrassed but I was crying too hard.
They opened their arms and I collapsed on top of all three of them.
“I opened the box,” I gasped. “I opened the box.”
“What did you find, honey?” Pa asked.
“It’s all real. I’m not crazy. You’re not crazy. It’s real and I’m scared.”
“I thought you knew it was real,” Pa said.
“I wanted it to be a dream. If it was just all a dream, then I could wake up and maybe, when I went to sleep, I could dream better. But it’s not a dream and I’m a murderer.”
“Shh, baby, what you told me was self-defense,” Pa whispered.
“But I still killed them. I took this gun from the second man I killed. I marked it with my initials. I marked it with the knife I used to kill all three of them.” I held the butt of the gun up to Pa and he traced my initials engraved in the brass. They were faint, almost polished away when Kurt restored it. But they were there—LWB.
“You poor baby,” Mom Mar said. “With a knife? How horrible for you.”
“Tell us, honey,” Mom Ash said. “It will be better when you tell us and it isn’t all held inside.”
I told them. I told them about the man in Baltimore whose knife I took and used it to gut him. I told them about the kidnapper who had no idea he was about to die when he pulled the tarp off of me. And I told them about holding the knife to the third man’s throat while I questioned him.
“Then Miranda twitched my hand and I cut his throat,” I moaned. “Sometimes, I go to sleep and see all that blood covering me. And I know Miranda does, too.”
Pa rocked me and Mom Mar petted my hair. Mom Ash went to fix us some tea. I whimpered as I held the gun and slid it into its holster.
When I’d settled down, Pa stood us all up.
“Strap that on, baby girl,” he said as he reached for his Smith & Wessons. He settled the left belt around his hips and then the right. It looked like they used to fasten tighter.
“You’ve gained weight, Cole,” Mom Ash chuckled. “What are you up to now?”
“Just come with me, sweetheart,” he said, taking my hand. “Put some boots on.” We went to the front door and shoved our feet into a couple pair of Sorrels. We stepped out onto the front porch. Moms stopped at the door.
The bunkhouse was off toward the barn and we most always used the kitchen door. Out the front, the snow was deep and clean looking out toward the river. The full moon was almost directly overhead and everything was bright white with black shadows. Pa pulled his Smith & Wessons from their holsters.
“I killed five men right out there where you are looking,” he said softly. I heard Moms gasp behind me as I stared up at my father. He pointed the guns to one point and then another as he spoke his tale. “There isn’t a day I walk out this door that I don’t see exactly where their bodies landed. It wasn’t even a time as primitive as when you are visiting. The hawk called and all of a sudden it was 1906.”
“But I thought Kyle Redtail died in ’92,” I said.
“He did. I was long dead. Arthur Alexander came into the office and went straight to my guns, hanging right where I still keep them. ‘I know you’re still here, Kyle,’ he said. ‘I know you watch over them—us—all. I love Kat. I’ll die to save her and Artie and Bonnie. And Laramie and Kaylene, too. We’re all family and I’ll fight for them now.’ He had to be near seventy-five and broke down, wheezing and coughing, as he reached for my gun belts. ‘You got to help me, Kyle. I don’t know how to do this. Help me save them.’ As soon as he touched my guns, I flowed up into him and wrapped myself around his old body.
“Six riders had taken it upon themselves to claim the spread by raping our women. I stood in this very spot and killed five of them. The sixth cried for mercy and ran for his life.”
I was crying again. Pa holstered his guns and turned toward me. He put both hands on my shoulders and I looked into his eyes. I’d never seen my father cry.
“Every day, Ramie. Winter, summer, spring, and fall. Every day I see their bodies hit the ground right out there. And every day I know that I would do the same thing again. Kaylene was just your age. Artie and Bonnie were a little younger. Laramie and Kat were standing in the doorway behind me, right where your moms are now. I would kill those men again to keep them safe. And so would you.”
I went up to my room in the big house that night instead of going back to my apartment. Mom Mar came and cuddled me all night long.
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