Double Tears
Chapter 102
“And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”
—Andy Weir, Artemis
BETTY MARVEL, Cindy’s mom, had been busy. When Mom and I got to her house, we were met by a full contingent of people who had something to say about our future. First of all, Jannie, Vinnie, and Mr. LeBlanc were in a heated discussion regarding the kind of music appropriate for us to be playing. Riko was taking Cindy’s measurements and was being lectured by Betty about what kind of costumes were appropriate and inappropriate for her daughter. Mom was quickly engaged by Betty and drawn away from the measurements. Cindy looked plaintively at me as if she’d just been sold into slavery. I closed my eyes and made it all go away for a minute. I reached for my guitar and sat on a kitchen chair and started to play.
I didn’t make a big deal about it. I started with some simple scales and then transitioned into the slow and deliberate tones of Händel’s ‘Sarabande’ that I could lose myself in. It wasn’t loud and I intentionally kept the volume low so I could just focus on the music and shut out everyone around me. I moved from there into Lislevand’s ‘La Lucrèce’. I wasn’t specifically trying to be a downer but in the chaos of the Marvel home, I needed to calm my heart and mind. I was going to move to Bach’s ‘Chaconne’ when Mom laid a hand on my shoulder. Everyone was sitting at the table. I guess the meeting was starting.
“With the schedule you’ve laid out, they’ll have to spend every spare minute practicing. Cynthia doesn’t like to start before ten but if you don’t need Jacob until two, they can get four hours of rehearsal in each day this weekend in Indianapolis and, of course, will have three more days until we leave for Kansas. They’ll need to record when they get back here, but we have almost two weeks between Kansas and Denver. The best venue for a live concert looks like Kentucky. Do you absolutely need him for San Diego?” Mrs. Marvel started with Riko.
“I’m not convinced this medieval lute and recorder music is good first CD material,” LeBlanc said. “We need Cindy on her flute. And, as nice as the guitar lute is for show, it is nowhere near the quality instrument of the guitar. I would rather have that last week of August as a studio session.”
“Studio won’t cut it. They need the audience connection,” Vinnie jumped in. “You saw what happened when they did their encore. It was dynamic.”
“That was completely undirected,” LeBlanc said. “The most amateur musician would be able to tell they were off the score for timing. They were simply depending on each other for cues.”
“Cindy can follow the music as it’s noted,” Jannie said. “I’m not sure Jacob’s playing is mature enough for that. A few weeks of rehearsal and we should have his major faults corrected. We could arrange a live concert in December and record there.”
“Well, that delays things while we have this opportunity for experience through the summer,” Betty said. Mom watched me as I pulled out my cell phone.
“I need all my girlfriends as soon as possible at this address,” I wrote. “Desperately.” Mom saw what I’d written and smiled at me. I sent the text.
The arguments continued. And were getting nowhere. They even got off on what was an appropriate costume for a few minutes. I strummed the guitar and stood up.
“We need a Gantt chart,” I said. “Where’s Mr. Bryce when you need him? We’ll have to chart the dependencies and figure out how much time each task takes, then what the scheduled lags are for interruptive activities, and finally, determine the critical path to make sure everyone’s deliverables arrive on time. Once we have the critical path, we can project an exact date for completion of the final product. By the way, can anyone tell me what the final product is supposed to be? Are we talking about just getting a random bunch of music into the public eye or is there an actual plan for a progression of platforms and products? And exactly how many hours a week are you scheduling our time for? A three-day show at PopCon or a Ren Faire is ten or more hours a day. You then expect us to put in four more hours each of those days rehearsing? And continue with eight or ten hours a day between shows? Maybe Cindy has no life, but when am I going to run? Write? Make love to my girlfriends?”
It was completely accidental good timing that the doorbell rang. Mrs. Marvel was taken aback when I stood and opened the door for Desi, Rachel, Livy, Brittany, and Beca. I waited at the door while Nanette came running up the steps. Behind her, Donna Levy wandered in, looking like she was a little lost.
“You’re going to have to give some things up, Jacob,” Mr. LeBlanc said. “The music has to come first and foremost.”
“No.”
Vinnie sat back in his chair kind of smugly. Jannie jumped into the breach.
“The kind of music you’re capable of takes time and practice. You need to bring your playing up to the level of Cindy’s.”
“Jannie, I love the music and I love the guitar. I love playing with Cindy. But I could be perfectly happy playing in the evenings and recording a Sunday morning solo concert for the next twenty years. I have a life.”
“You spoke big words yesterday, Jacob. I took you at face value. You said you’d do what was necessary to make Cindy famous.”
“Not exactly. I said I wanted to provide a background that showed off her talent and made her a household name. I also went into detail to describe three non-human things that make me feel alive. Running, writing, and music. I didn’t go into the human things that make me feel alive. That’s why I asked them to come over right now to meet you all. Beca is my best friend, companion, and sometimes spiritual guide. I love her from the bottom of my heart. Rachel is my lover, my soul mate, my intellectual challenge. I love her from the bottom of my heart. Livy and Nanette are my running mates, inspiration, and lovers. I love them from the bottom of my heart. Desi is my playmate, gateway to artistic exploration, and fabulously fun bedmate. I love her from the bottom of my heart. Brittany is my dancing partner, which is like running in circles in an enclosed area in rhythm with the music. I love her from the bottom of my heart. Donna… Wow! Hi. Donna is my mentor, my editor, my inspiration in many instances. She holds a part of my heart in her hands. Mrs. Marvel… No, let me say this to Cindy. I think you are fantastic. I want to do what I can to help you. I love your music and I love playing with you. But I’m not going to sacrifice my love on the altar of your success.”
Cindy was crying and jumped up to run. I thought she was headed down the hall but she came around the table and slammed into me, hugging me so hard I thought my ribs would crack.
“I hope one day you’ll love me like you love them,” she whispered. I know Rachel and Beca were close enough to me to hear her and I think, by the way she rolled her eyes, that Mom heard. I sighed.
“Can we all work together to plan something that will help meet our goals without killing the hopes and dreams and loves of everyone else?” I asked. I didn’t let go of Cindy.
Everyone had an idea of what we should do, where we should go, how to measure success, and what was important. Having made my stand, my mother took over negotiations at the table. She and Riko explained to everyone what it meant to have a pod. It was a new concept to most of them who thought that Cindy and I would simply be boyfriend and girlfriend. For convenience sake. I gave Donna a one-armed hug.
“Thank you for joining in my defense,” I said. “I didn’t expect you.”
“Oh. Nanette and I were having coffee when your message came in. I didn’t have much choice,” she said. “But I’m glad I’m here. Do you mind if I go take a seat at the table? Someone needs to defend your writing aspirations.” I gave her a squeeze and she sat in my chair next to Mom. Nanette went over to take Cindy’s chair and I realized I still had an arm around the overwhelmed girl.
“Let’s go to the music room,” I whispered. I collected my guitar and lute and we led my other five girlfriends to the music room and shut the door.
“Isn’t this cozy,” Rebeca said. “Cindy, do you mind if we listen to you and Jacob practice?”
“Um… no. Of course not. You’re um… Are you really all his girlfriends?” she blurted out.
“Not just his,” Livy said. “Each other’s, too. Not everyone is a lover to everyone else, but we all love each other.”
“Nicely said, Lover,” Rachel said. “And don’t forget, there are three more of us who are elsewhere. And I think Donna is going to join. Nanette would be in here but she’s representing Jacob’s running interests at the table and can speak to the interests of the pod.”
Cindy sighed. “I suppose we might as well practice and wait to be told what we’re going to do. I’m sorry this became such a big deal, Jacob. I know you didn’t volunteer to sacrifice everything for me. Mom gets… enthused.”
“Cindy, you’ve got a great talent and you work hard at developing it. What do you want?” I said. “What’s with the whole going to PopCon and Ren Faires thing?”
“Mom spotted it and I thought it would be fun. Playing with you is so much fun, it seemed like doing it outdoors in a medieval village would be so romantic.”
“It’s damn hard work,” Desi said. “Not that I’m discouraging you, but Jacob was right about working ten hours or more a day. And you are outside in the heat wandering around in more clothes than you’d like to be wearing. Sometimes there are so many people you can’t walk through the lanes. Sometimes you find someone camped in your performance area doing God-knows-what so-called entertainment. And there is sure to be some guy pretending he’s in character who grabs hold of your butt and won’t let go.”
“I’m so naïve,” Cindy sighed.
“But don’t let me discourage you. I don’t think the cons are a good choice, but getting some experience at a Ren Faire would certainly give you a grounding for your music. And Jacob and I can keep you sandwiched between us so you don’t get groped too much,” Desi said brightly.
“Do you get groped at these things, Desi?” I asked. I was horrified.
“I’ve been working them for years,” she answered. “I’ve learned how to cripple a guy and stay in character. Don’t worry your sweet little buns, Jacob. I’ll protect them.”
“This still doesn’t get us closer to what your goals are, Cindy,” Beca said. “Is playing Renaissance and Medieval music where you want to make your mark?”
“Well, I’ve mostly let Mom and Mr. LeBlanc guide me. I’d like to play in an orchestra, I guess.”
“That doesn’t sound like what they’re planning—or trying to,” Brittany said. “I can’t name one flute player who plays with an orchestra. Well, one. There was a big hubbub last year about the woman in Boston who sued the orchestra for equal pay with the oboist. I know she was making about $150,000 a year, but he was making twice that. And she’s in her forties. How many jobs like that are there for flute players?”
“Not many,” Cindy said. “There are only four orchestras in the country that pay that much over base for principals. The people in those chairs tend to stay there forever. That’s why everyone’s so excited about having a duo. It would be a step outside the normal orchestra or band expectations. It’s a niche we could fill and make our own.”
“Is that what you want, Cindy?” I asked.
“Yes. Sort of. I want to make a mark musically. In order to do that, I need a sound. Have you ever heard Lindsey Stirling play violin? She has eleven million subscribers on YouTube. Can you imagine? Forbes says she earned $12 million last year,” Cindy said excitedly. I admit, that was impressive. “The thing isn’t so much how much she earns, though. If you hear one of her tunes come on the radio or Pandora, you know it’s her instantly. And she’s never played in a big orchestra. She’s done it all as an individual and working with select others. She’s kind of my idol.”
“I know about her,” Rachel said. “But she isn’t just playing music. She writes a bunch of her own stuff. She choreographs videos that are complete performances. She doesn’t just sit in her room playing to her boyfriend. She’s done music for video games. If you guys do something like that, it’s going to be close to what those guys in the other room were arguing about. You won’t have time for anything else.”
“That’s not true,” Livy broke in on our lover. “I think it depends on how we support them.”
“Wait. I’m trying to not have to upset our pod,” I said.
“Why does it need to be upsetting?” Desi asked. “I admit I’ve had similar dreams. What excites me about the whole Ren Faire scene this summer is getting to sing while Jacob plays. Singing with the two of you would be uber-cool. Putting together whole performances would be totally out there.”
“Jacob, we won’t all be pursuing the same dreams all our lives,” Beca said. She walked over and very deliberately pushed my guitar aside and settled herself on my lap. “But there’s no reason we can’t support each other’s dreams. Think of what we have in our pod. You on guitar. Brittany and Sophie dancing. Desi singing and acting. Joan doing computer graphics and websites. Emily learning transportation economics. Nanette rubbing down sore muscles after a run or performance. Livy and Rachel and me making love to each other,” she giggled. “We’ll all find a way to fulfill our own dreams while supporting each other’s. That’s what our pod is all about, right?”
I was about to note that Cindy was not a part of our pod but when I looked past Beca’s shoulder, I saw her sitting on Livy’s lap while she quietly explained the differences among her flutes and recorders. I looked back at Beca and she kissed me. Not deep and passionate, but the kind of kiss I’d come to expect from my best friend that let me know everything was going to be all right.
“She’s too young for our pod,” I whispered.
“No. She might be too young to have sex with us, but she’s going to fit in just fine.”
Cindy and I started playing and going through pieces of music. It was fun to have the rest of my girlfriends there. Desi sang to some of the pieces we played. I didn’t even know they had words. I think she made them up in a couple of cases. Brittany did some creative dance moves and even got Rachel and Livy involved in them. We were having a darned good time.
After a couple of hours, we all decided we needed a break and braved the kitchen. Mom, Betty, Donna, and Nanette still sat at the table. Everyone else was gone. When we all had soft drinks, Mom motioned us in to sit around the table with them. There weren’t enough seats for everyone. Beca perched on one of my knees and Brittany on the other. Cindy settled onto Rachel’s lap like she’d been born there. It was sweet. Desi took Nanette’s lap and giving a shrug, Livy perched on Donna’s knee—much to her surprise.
“Well, do you have our lives planned for us?” I asked Mom.
“Yes. You know I planned your entire life out the day you were born. I just had to convince the others my plan was the right one,” she said. I raised my eyebrows.
“Of course, now we’ve all got input to the plan,” Donna said. She looked up at Livy as if still surprised our tall girlfriend was sitting on her.
“Cynthia,” Betty said. “Is… this what you want?” She vaguely gestured around the table at us.
“Mom, we have an idea and a concept right now,” Cindy said. She sat up straight on Rachel’s lap. I hadn’t heard her speak to her mother with so much strength in… ever. “The thing is that while we appreciate everyone’s help and musical direction and other input, we need to discover ourselves. We need a chance to get comfortable with each other. All of us. I would like to proceed with our plans for the Ren Faires this summer, please. But I don’t think we should be planning albums and recordings until we have a better idea of who we are as musicians, independently and together.”
“I just want what’s best for you, Sweetie.”
“Isn’t that what parents are supposed to want?” Cindy asked. “I won’t be slacking off on my regular training, but this summer I want to experiment with what Jacob and I can do together.”
“Don’t take that too far!” Betty said. “There are some things you don’t need to be experimenting with.”
“Mom!”
We all broke up laughing. My mom and girlfriends all went home, leaving Cindy and me to practice for another couple of hours.
12 June 2020
I think our pod has grown. Maybe by two. I really didn’t expect that. I still feel very big brotherish toward Cindy. But that’s how I started with Beca, too. Not that Beca and I are having sex together. No matter what she says about being bi when we play together with another girlfriend, she’s really lesbian. And I still feel sort of like a protective brother. But Cindy is still learning who she is. A lot like Beca was when we first met.
Donna, on the other hand, occupies my thoughts a lot. Like this morning when I was in the shower. That kind of occupation. She came to the meeting yesterday almost by accident but she was right in there negotiating on my behalf—on all of the pod’s behalf, really. When I went running with Nanette and Livy this morning, I got a better rundown on what went on. Nanette and Donna went out for coffee that morning. Nanette decided to take the morning off and just have a date with Donna. Then my message came and she dragged Donna along with her.
The thing is that having those two at the table gave our pod a presence that wasn’t dismissed as a couple of over-emotional teens sulking. I’m seeing a real advantage to having some older women in our group. Not that they’re that old. But I also see something else. I wonder if Donna looks at me like I look at Cindy. Protectively, as an older sibling wanting to guide and protect me. And, if that’s true, does Cindy look at me the way I look at Donna?
Shit! I need to make sure she knows it’s just music between us. And make sure the girls don’t lead her to believe it’s something else.
I need to take off now. I’m picking up Desi and heading for PopCon. We’ll see how the whole Bard cosplay goes.
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