Double Take
Chapter 38
“She liked who she was becoming, despite the pain and frustration it brought.”
—B. Barmanbek, Culpa Innata
3 APRIL 2019
I’m too young to fall in love. My inner eighty-year-old continues to tell me that I’m only fifteen and that at least five years will pass before I can even consider a long-term relationship. But my outer teen wants to write poetry and sing love songs.
And I know—absolutely know!—how absurd it is to think of a permanent commitment. One in three marriages end in divorce and the number is rising. The odds against finding my one-and-only soulmate at this stage of my life are astronomical. And still I can’t imagine a future without her.
Oh, I’m a romantic, I am. I want to believe that it’s possible to have a mate—a partner—who is the only desire of your life for fifty or a hundred years. I’ve even known people who were like that but each year I live, the average life expectancy of a relationship decreases by a year.
And I know how this will end. I know we will be separated by forces that we can’t combat and that eventually one of us will say, ‘I’ve found someone new.’ And at that moment, whether it is me who says it or her, my heart will break in pieces. It would be fairer to both of us to have a big fight this afternoon and never see each other again than to watch years of love and hope and expectation built up and then shattered.
But we won’t. I will do anything I can to make this last until I am old and ready, at last, to pass from this earth.
Rachel and I made love almost every day during spring break. And we tried all the things she said we would but, in the end, we made love.
“Rachel, I’ve fallen in love with you,” I confessed as we lay in her bed Wednesday afternoon.
“I’ve heard people are always in love right after great sex,” she sighed.
“I know. I know what I’m saying is dumb for someone my age, but I want to grow old with you. I want to watch our children grow up and marry and give us grandchildren. Even before we made love, I’d fallen in love with you and now I’m afraid for every day in the future. Every day that something might happen to separate us,” I said. She kissed me. I was lost in the touch of her skin against mine. We fit together so well.
“We’re fifteen and sixteen. You are the second boy to have sex with me. Am I the second girl you’ve gone all the way with?” I nodded. “Do you really think there will be no others? What about Joan and Desi?”
“I’d give them up for you without a second’s hesitation,” I said. She pressed her finger against my lips.
“Please don’t ever tell them that. It would hurt them so much,” she said.
“But…”
“No. Listen to me. We stumbled on this by accident. I love you, Jacob. I’m completely in agreement with you there. But that is why Joan and Desi and Beca are so important for us. They are like glue that can hold us together.”
“But they want—or at least Joan and Desi want—sex. I think Beca is only interested in Joan.”
“And me.” I looked at her with my eyes wide open. Beca was interested in Rachel? “But think about it. We’re different ages. Joan has one more year and then she’s off to National Service. I have two more years. You and Beca and Desi have three. We’re all on different timelines. But instead of just being two people dealing with the stress and separation, we have four partners to help us through. And there might be more. If we get upset or possessive or jealous about the thought of having another sex partner, we wouldn’t last through a month of my service. We’d both be wondering if the other was cheating.”
“And this way we’d know it for a fact? I’m not sure that makes sense.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I just know that I’m not going to stop you having sex with Joan and Desi. Or even Francie if she wants an encore. We have to get used to being away—with someone else—and then coming back together again. If we’re practiced at that, then maybe we can spring back together later, when we’ve truly been separated.”
“I guess I just have old fashioned ideas,” I laughed.
“There is so much about you that’s old fashioned,” she said. “Sometimes you say things and I ask myself ‘Where’d the old fart come from?’ I don’t think that’s the real you, though.”
Oh, God! If she only knew.
“Make love to me again. Then we need to shower and go pick up our girlfriends for dinner.”
“Jesus Christ! Just looking at you two makes my pussy tingle,” Desi said. “You’re fucking each other! You’re really doing it. I lost my chance.”
“Don’t be such a fucking slut,” Joan said. “My chance was coming long before yours. I’m not even going to bother going to prom.”
“Wait!” Rachel shouted at them. “Stop it!” We all looked at her and Beca reached over to take my hand. She was the calmest of everyone at the table and lifted my hand to kiss my fingers. I wondered if she’d already talked to Rachel. “Desi, your auction agreement that we all witnessed says either of you can pull out, so to speak, right up to the moment of penetration. That’s still at least six months away. Why would you want to call off the agreement now instead of waiting until the last possible minute? Anything could happen between now and then. You might get a new boyfriend. Jacob and I could break up. We’re not going to, so stop looking so hopeful. But just because we’re in love and making love doesn’t mean that he won’t still pop your cherry and give you a big tit fuck, too.”
“Really? But why would he do that with you there?”
“Because you’re OUR girlfriend. And we already told you that we were all going to be there to verify that you’re a virgin that first time before we agree that he has to pay up with two weeks of sex slavery to you.”
“Oh, God! I need to change my panties.”
“And you, Joan! Do you think I would let him back out of taking you to prom when I’m planning to ravish Beca that night?” Rachel asked our blonde girlfriend. Beca’s grip on my hand intensified so much it hurt.
“You mean you’re pimping out your boyfriend?” Joan said, a little hurt.
“No, dummy. I’m in love with Jacob and he’s in love with me. But we both love you, too. And you. And you. I plan to spend some special time with Desi’s tits. I’m hoping I’ll get to put my face between your legs, Joan—but I won’t take the first time away from Beca. We might make out a bit, though,” Rachel laughed.
“You mean we’re all in this together?” Joan asked. Beca sighed. She hadn’t said a word so far in this entire exchange.
“Isn’t that the way it’s been since we first got together?” she said. “You three all horned in on my boyfriend. Don’t you remember? Rachel came in and decided to sit with us. Then Joan kept flashing her panties at Jacob until she finally came over and made her intentions even more obvious. We all three went to the Winter Dance. Then, Miss Cosplay dragged her boobs over to our table and put them down right in front of Jacob and suddenly she was part of our group. Jacob and I called you to us. We plan to have you all. Having each other is optional.”
Having what? No. Beca must have meant Rachel, Joan, and Desi having each other was optional. Beca laid her head against my shoulder and I squeezed her hand. This was one of those conversations where I felt my best option was to just shut up and let the girls handle it.
“That’s exactly it,” Rachel said. “We’ve seen it in that Human Geography project you guys have going. Every day the flow is the same. There are little variations as maybe one person splits off from a group and joins a different one. But you don’t see whole groups splintering. If we are all together, there’s a better chance of us staying together as a group than there is of any couple staying together.”
“I think that’s worth a footnote in our paper,” Beca added.
I got to Rachel’s house early enough Thursday morning that I had to wait across the street until her parents had gone to work. Then our time together was hampered by her little brother being home. I only had the morning because I promised Pey and Em I’d go to the mall with them in the afternoon. So, instead, I suggested that Rachel and her brother Richard come over to our house and then we could all go to the mall in the afternoon. Richard was willing enough because he kind of liked Pey. And Pey was always happy to have someone who wasn’t ‘old’ around to play with.
The five of us had a blast, everyone getting a chance to navigate my quadcopter around the neighborhood. We took a lot of drone selfies in the park and tried to spy on people’s houses, finally getting close enough that Rachel could look in her own window.
“Wow! You could, like, see everything with my shades open,” she said as she snapped a picture of her room as seen through the window. “If I knew exactly when you were flying, I could guarantee it,” she whispered.
We spent the afternoon at the mall. We started out together, but girls and shopping… Richard and I ended up going to Champs, Game Stop, and Spencer’s before we plopped at Starbucks and started playing on our phones. My phone chimed regularly as the girls checked in at Chico, Forever 21, and Victoria’s Secret. I quickly closed my messages when I got a selfie from Rachel in Victoria’s changing room. Holy shit!
I managed one long lovely kiss with Rachel before we split and she took Richard home.
“Come over at noon tomorrow. Richard’s going to a friend’s house,” she whispered in my ear. Yes, I would be there.
Friday would be the last chance to make love that we’d have for a while. Parents would be around on the weekend and we weren’t sure how schedules would work out once school was back in session. I needed to check in with Em to see how much she was willing to put up with from the two of us. Francie and I had screwed in my room after school, but only once or twice a week. And I didn’t know if Rachel would be comfortable either.
But Friday… We just took our time and made love. We figured we had three or four hours before we had to worry about getting dressed and, to me, every minute naked with Rachel was a lifetime of memories.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to shave off my bush?” she asked as I parted the silky wet strands so I could run my tongue through her slit.
“I’ll never tell you what you should do with your pussy,” I said nobly. “I like having hair here because it lets me know you are really an adult woman and not a little girl. I also like getting it out of my way so I can reach the goodies.” I found her clit with my tongue and she arched up to meet me.
“Oh, yeah. It is definitely goodies.”
We had fun with oral sex. I tried to find her mystical g-spot with my fingers as I licked and whether I found the trigger or not, she enjoyed the sensation. When she went down on me, she concentrated on seeing how long she could make me last by teasing and licking but never quite devouring me so I could come. When her lips finally slipped over the head of my cock, I filled her mouth before she could slide down any farther.
But mostly, what we both wanted was to make love. It was energetic enough, but that wasn’t the big turn-on for either of us. What we wanted was just to be connected—to know there was no way we could be closer together. And in those moments, we whispered our love to each other.
6 April 2019
I’m lost. I’ve done the one thing that I should never have done. I’ve fallen in love with Rachel. The old man inside me rolls his eyes and tells me how stupidly foolish I am. That I could be so easily led around by my cock, despite everything I know that is working against us.
I could justify getting involved with F and M. They were just trying to help me over a rough patch in my life and I returned the favor. Yes, I fell in love with them—How could I help that?—but there was always a barrier that we knew we would not cross. J and D are fantasy girls who like to play but are mostly in it for themselves. It’s like being in a strip club and having a girl who is all over you and telling you how much she loves you as long as you keep stuffing dollar bills in her belt. Only their currency is their own pleasure and exploring what it means to have these voluptuous bodies. I half-expect both of them to land exclusive boyfriends, if not right away, then probably this summer.
And B. She brings something out in me no one else does. If I was strong enough and she was willing, I’d carry her around to her classes. I know exactly how stupid that sounds. This time, it’s the old-man-inside-of-me’s fault. He wants to baby her and protect her and not let so much as a stone in her path upset her. I know how stupid that is. B is a lot stronger than she looks, both physically and emotionally. She’s my best friend. I don’t remember ever having a friend like her before.
Rachel. I can’t justify any of my feelings for her. You know how the Hindus talk about reincarnation and our many lives? I feel like we’ve been searching for each other through multiple incarnations and now that we’ve finally touched, we’re complete. Next stop Nirvana. I feel like the two of us together could conquer the world or simply find a cabin in the woods and live on our love for the next hundred years.
I can tell my hormones are controlling me. I’m wanting to write poetry.
Even though it was the end of spring break, we’d all agreed to get together at Joan’s house to work on the big project for an hour and then go do something fun. ‘Something fun’ included a marathon make-out session with Beca claiming Rachel, and Joan and Desi competing to see who could stuff more of her breast into my mouth. It was really a time to reconnect and reassure our girlfriends that we still loved them.
I was really surprised, though, when Desi and Joan left me to pull Rachel’s shirt off and suck on a nipple each. Beca landed in my lap with a lightweight plop.
“We have some pretty sexy girlfriends, don’t we?” she whispered in my ear. It made the hair on the back of my neck prickle up.
“We do. And you are getting sexier every day,” I said. I was just being fair. Beca was wearing a nice pair of shorts that weren’t too short but left a lot of bare leg under my hand. She wore a form-fitting long-sleeve T-shirt that showed just how perfectly proportioned her breasts were. I still thought of her as a little girl, but this little girl was not relieving any of the pressure the other girls had put on my cock.
“I’m getting more comfortable in my body,” she said. “When my boobs started to grow last summer, I didn’t know what to do with them. People kept looking at them. And it took a while before I started shaving my legs, so I wore jeans almost all the time. Now, I’m feeling more like a girl every day. I kind of like showing off my legs.”
“Well, I think you are insanely cute and I’ll beat off any guy who tries to make a pass at you.”
“I didn’t know you swung that way,” she giggled. I blushed, realizing what I’d said. Damn the difference in language between 1952 and 2019!
“I… I mean… Like beating them with a stick. I mean… Not beating them off. Like that.”
“Your hand on my leg is almost as nice as Rachel’s. But no higher, please.” I complied. I didn’t really want to feel up Beca’s pussy. That would be indecent of me. On the other hand, I didn’t mind when she kissed me and pulled my hand to caress her breast. “Yeah,” she breathed. “Almost as nice as Rachel. I’m not, like, trying to lead you into thinking that I’m into you sexually but I figure there’s going to come a time when we’re both going down on one of our girlfriends and we should be comfortable with each other, too. You know?”
“Did you have this planned all along when you sat with me last fall?” I asked. I squeezed her breast one more time to see if I could feel her nipple but moved it away when it became obvious we weren’t going to keep kissing.
“No. I didn’t have any expectations when I joined you. I just… I needed a friend and you looked mostly harmless. Besides, every guy needs a gay girlfriend. Right?”
“Yeah. Right. I’ve grown to care for you a lot, Beca. Please don’t be upset if I get aroused when we’re together. Just because you’re not interested doesn’t mean I’m not.”
“As long as you don’t mistake my arousal as being about you,” she giggled. “Let’s all go out for ice cream.”
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