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Drawing on the Dark Side of the Brain

19
Test Drive

I HALF EXPECTED Eva to be waiting outside the door for me again, but it was Mary that stopped me.

“Thank you.”

“Any time,” I said.

“You’ve dealt with panic attacks before. I could tell.”

“Like I said, you’re not alone. My mother was susceptible, though not as much since I hit high school. I have a lot of friends, though, who picked up the slack. People are all different. I try to be calm.”

“Girls must love you.”

I chuckled. Oh, if she only knew.

“It’s not just girls who have anxiety,” I said. “I’ve helped my friend Ford down a few times. Others. We all have different ways of coping. If there are special things that help you, you can tell me about them and I’ll try to incorporate them. When we happen to be in the same place. I’ve only met you twice and we didn’t talk at all the first time.”

“Yeah. Well. It’s hard to meet people. I wouldn’t have talked to you today if you hadn’t been there to focus on,” Mary said. “I’ve got to go. I guess I’ll see you Tuesday.”

I don’t know what came over me. I spoke before I thought clearly. “I’ve got a house and five housemates. We’re having dinner together on Saturday evening. Would you like to come?”

“Me and six guys? I don’t think so.”

“No! I’m sorry. My housemates are all female. We’re… kind of a family. Oh. And there’s another artist coming over who wants me to paint her. We’re going to discuss the concept.” Shit! I forgot Eva was coming over. Well, so what? It isn’t a date.

“Um… Uh… text me the info and I’ll see how I feel. That’s a lot of people.”

“All I can say is that we try not to be threatening. Everyone is different and we don’t get in people’s faces.”

“Unless she’s having a panic-attack?” Mary laughed. “I’ll… What’s your number? I’ll text you and you’ll have mine so you can send me directions.”

“YOU ALREADY HAVE A DATE Saturday night! What were you thinking?” Sarah Lynn exclaimed.

“It’s not a date. I just invited a couple classmates over for dinner.”

“Girls,” Kelly clarified. “You invited a couple of girls over for dinner. On Saturday night. Date night. And they don’t even know each other. They’ll think you invited them over for a threesome.”

“I think it would be an octet. I wouldn’t leave the five of you out of it.”

“Je-ett,” Jas moaned out. “This could be serious. Text me their names and numbers so I can call them and make sure they’re prepared. We were all going to slip out after dinner and leave you here.”

“No! Don’t do that. I don’t want any more girlfriends!”

“Are we so bad that you don’t want any others?” Ariel asked.

“Wait! That’s not what I said. I love each of you. I don’t need anyone else.”

“Well, it sounds like at least one of them needs you. What you did in class today is just the kind of thing we love you for,” Char said.

“Okay,” Sarah Lynn said, taking control. “Jett has to work from god-awful until two on Saturday. That means we need to have the house cleaned up tomorrow and Saturday morning.”

“I’ll do it,” I moaned.

“Wrong. You’ll help. We are having guests Saturday. All of us. Will anyone be gone?”

“Char and I are working breakfast and lunch, so we won’t be home any earlier than Jett,” Jas said.

“I’m clear. I wanted to invite my mother over to hear me play Saturday morning. She always wants to make sure I’m practicing,” Ariel said. “But I can do cleaning, too.”

“I’m latest,” Kelly said. “I work ten till six on Saturday. I’m just hoping to be home in time for dinner.”

“Well, if everybody can take a room Friday night and do the vacuum, dust, and empty thing, Ariel and I can take care of the kitchen and bathrooms Saturday morning.”

“Thanks for volunteering me, Sarah Lynn,” Ariel pouted.

“Honey, I’ll give you an orgasm on my tongue for every bathroom you clean.”

Ariel bounced up and sat in Sarah Lynn’s lap, giving her a steamy kiss that I thought might progress into advance payment. Sarah Lynn regained control.

“Two exclusions are Jett’s and Kelly’s studios. You each get a room to clean on Friday, but you’re responsible for your own studios, too.” We nodded. That was always assumed. We had private studio space and we were responsible for keeping it clean. “Jett. You are responsible for dinner at six-thirty sharp. The only thing that might delay it would be if Kelly has trouble getting home. Eight for dinner, unless one of us falls madly in love at school tomorrow and brings home our date.” I started to say they weren’t dates but she scowled at me. That shut me up. “Remember, you’ll have guests to entertain as well. We’ll trickle in and help with that, but dinner is your responsibility.”

We all agreed to our responsibilities, but Jas wasn’t quite ready to let it drop.

“Jett, honey, we love you. We know you didn’t plan dates for Saturday night. We hope the girls will just become good friends, like our bunch back in high school. But girls think different than guys. I guarantee they both think they are your date. Having other girls living with you just means it should be a safe first date. But don’t be surprised if one or both of them are still hanging around at ten, hoping for an overnight invitation.”

Not a chance in hell.

SLAUGHTERING 101. Not my favorite course in the world.

Richelieu Processing Plant is not the biggest slaughterhouse in the country by a longshot. Big houses can process as many as ten to a hundred-fifty head of cattle an hour. Sound like a lot? Well, consider the fact that over thirty million head of cattle are slaughtered for food in the United States every year. Richelieu is capable of processing up to twenty-five head of cattle an hour, but seldom reaches that capacity. They also slaughter hogs and sheep. The number is dependent more on their staffing levels than on the capacity of the plant itself. There are over a thousand head in the feedlot.

We’re lucky. The Richelieu family bought an existing operation back in the seventies. They’d heard a lecture by Temple Grandin and hired her to redesign the pens and slaughterhouse for the best in humane animal care. Look her up at Grandin.com if you really want the details of the process. I’ll just say that the animals were calm when they were put down and the butchers were efficient. Our first class was a walk-through of the entire process from transportation through to hanging carcass.

I’m not squeamish about meat. Grandpa had been a meat cutter before he bought the grocery store where I work as an assistant meat cutter now. Once when I was little, I declared that steak was my favorite animal. I knew the relationship between moo-cows on a farm and hamburger on the grill. Like many people who are half-intelligent, I was amused by the Facebook meme that made the rounds in which an animal rights activist declared that hunting and ranching were evil and we should get all our meat from grocery stores where it’s made. People are so disconnected from what they eat. They think it came from a Star Trek replicator.

Nonetheless, I viewed the process that first day with the awareness that sometime in the next few weeks, I was going to participate directly in the karma of my food. It was a sobering thought.

Thinking of the incredible serpentine path that the cattle follow to their death, though, reminded me of the rest of Temple Grandin’s research and study. Geez, the woman is older than my Grandpa by a few years. She’s one of the country’s greatest animal behaviorists. And she was autistic! For years, she couldn’t stand to be touched and crowds and strangers made her extremely anxious. She actually invented a hugging machine that was based on the same philosophy as the chutes she designed to calm cattle. A lot of what we know about dealing with anxiety came from her research.

When I got home after class, I showered first and then started work on cleaning. My responsibility was the dining room, which was kind of a give-away. Vacuum and dust. I put out two folding chairs for our guests the next day along with the six mis-matched chairs that came with the mostly furnished house. When I finished vacuuming, I just carted the machine upstairs and did the floors in all three bedrooms to relieve Char and Kelly. In addition to dusting, they had to change all the beds and then Kelly had to do her upstairs studio, too. Of course, we all knew that it wouldn’t take her long to do her studio. She kept it immaculate for her camming.

My studio was a little more complicated. I had a big piece of canvas on the floor and it was too loose to vacuum easily—at least with the big machine—and moving all the supplies and furniture off of it to take it outside and shake was a hassle. I swept it with a broom and made sure everything was dusted with non-allergenic dusting spray to clean all the surfaces in the room. I knew if the Dragon Lady was coming to listen to Ariel play the piano tomorrow, she’d run her fingers over every surface to check for dust—including the tops of the door frames.

With all six of us working Friday afternoon, the cleaning went quickly and was pretty much fun, too. We chatted and there were more than a few kisses shared with pats and fondling tossed in. I got to thinking, though, about what I learned at the slaughterhouse and the fact that I’d invited a high-anxiety girl to dinner with seven other people the next night. I was trying to figure out how we should prepare in case she had a panic attack.

ON SATURDAY AFTER WORK, I shopped for dinner groceries. It was only fair that I was springing for dinner since I’d invited the guests. But I didn’t feel so flush that I could buy steaks and lobster for eight. Good old reliable meatloaf was on the menu. I did pick up four pounds of ninety-eight percent fat free prime ground beef. I bought baking potatoes and salad makings. I stopped by the bakery and picked up a chocolate and strawberry cheesecake. Even being conservative, dinner was costing me close to eighty bucks and I was thankful that we didn’t drink any alcohol. Bottles of sparkling water were expensive enough.

I got everything ready to put in the oven at five o’clock, had the salad made and in the refrigerator, and had the table set before I heard the knock at five after four. I wondered which of the girls would arrive first. All my girlfriends were at home except Kelly but they were staying discreetly in different spaces so they wouldn’t overwhelm the guests all at once.

They were both there. I hoped I’d managed to get the door before they started talking to each other.

“Hi, Eva. Welcome, Mary,” I said brightly. Eva stepped forward and gave me a hug—sort of possessively, I thought—before Mary got through the door. I let go of her and had to sort of push her out of the way so Mary could get in.

“Hey, Jett. Nice place for the neighborhood,” Eva said. I had a feeling she’d been down this street once or twice last year and was surprised to find our house neat and clean.

“Hi, Jett,” Mary said softly. She didn’t step forward for a hug or offer her hand. She just nodded toward Eva. “Is she one of them? Your housemates?”

“Oh, no. She’s the artist I told you about that wants me to paint her. I thought it would be fun to get to know each other and talk about the concept, so she’s a dinner guest, too.” I was smiling but I felt like my heart was going to hammer through my chest. Fortunately, they both nodded and I led them on into the living room. Sarah Lynn stood up from where she’d been reading a book on the principles of aeronautics.

“Sarah Lynn, this is Eva and Mary. Ladies, my roommate, Sarah Lynn.” I thought I did a good job of subtly switching from housemate to roommate. I’d let that one sink in a while before I started referring to them as my girlfriends.

“Nice to meet you,” Sarah Lynn said. She held out her hand and Eva immediately stepped in for a hug. Apparently, she was the huggy type, not just with me.

“So, it’s true and he really does live with a girl. You’re okay with me being here?”

“Of course. And, you know, I’m only one of the girls. Hi, Mary. Welcome to our chaos. If you need anything, just let any one of us know.” Mary had stepped just slightly behind me and nodded to Sarah Lynn.

“Thanks.”

“Say, I’ve been dying to meet Eva ever since your interview last spring, Jett. Can I take her around to meet the others? Pretty please?” Sarah Lynn played it perfectly and all of a sudden Eva had a new best friend. I barely nodded before Eva had picked up the text Sarah Lynn had been reading.

“You’re studying aeronautics? Cool! Do you plan to fly? Design airplanes? Work in aerospace?”

“Oh, no. I’m in Poli Sci. I had to have a science elective and this looked interesting.”

“If you want a tour of the insides of an airplane, I’ll take you out to the field with me. I was up this morning and it was beautiful. I’m so glad the weather is holding,” Eva said as Sarah Lynn led her to the stairs and left me alone with Mary. She sighed.

“You’re a pilot…”

“YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME this was just a time to get to know your girlfriends,” Mary said. “It would have saved me a lot of stress. I was afraid you were expecting me to date you.”

“I did say there’d be others here,” I defended myself.

“Yeah. That was almost worse. I dialed your number twice today to cancel and hung up before it rang. Thank you for holding them off so I didn’t have to deal with everyone at once.”

“The part where Sarah Lynn took off with Eva was planned,” I said. “I wanted to talk to you and make sure you were okay with being here.”

“Um… I guess. That Eva girl is sure… um… touchy-feely.”

“I take it you aren’t. That’s fine. I wanted to let you know that if things get too tense and you want to leave, I’ll take you home at any time. If you just need to be alone for a bit, all three bedrooms upstairs are available to you and you won’t be disturbed. If you feel like you really need to hide and go to sleep, go all the way to the attic. Kelly says she doesn’t plan to use her room tonight, so it’s available to you. Nobody will try to touch you or hug you unless you initiate it. And like Sarah Lynn said, if you need anything, let one of us know. We’ll do our best.” I breathed deeply, having gotten everything out in what seemed like one breath. It was me who was feeling anxious around her.

“I’m not fragile, so don’t go overboard trying to accommodate me,” she said. It was the strongest I’d ever heard her voice. She softened at once. “But thanks. It’s nice to know I’ve got an escape route. Where’s your studio?”

We were on comfortable ground for both of us when I led her into the tiny room. She unslung her shoulder bag and set it on the floor.

“Okay if I leave this in here? If I do feel something coming on, it helps if I grab my sketchbook.”

“I understand that. I can block out just about everything when I’m drawing. I guess I learned to paint with a lot of distractions going on.”

“This is a cute little room. I can see you spending a lot of alone time in here if you really have five girlfriends. That’s bizarre,” Mary said. She looked at everything in the room, touching my paints, easel, and drawings. It was strange that a girl who didn’t want to be touched was so tactile when it came to inanimate objects. But each thing she touched gave her a point where she could ground herself.

“So, what do you think of Blankenship?” I asked as I watched her.

“He gets it. Like you do. Half the people in his class will be gone before the end of the semester. That’s why he’s such an asshole. But even though my first drawing was little more than a scribble, he didn’t comment on it. He touched my hand. It wasn’t creepy. His hand was cool and dry and it was like he just stopped my shaking. Then the next time he told me to keep hold of my pencil.”

“Be thankful he isn’t commenting on your drawing. I haven’t heard him say anything positive about anyone’s drawing yet.”

“Yeah. I get that he’s an asshole. I’ll probably never like him. But I think I can survive his class now. As long as… Um… Did you mean what you said? About being there?” she asked tentatively.

“If there is anything I can do to help, I will,” I affirmed.

“So, this Eva. Are your roommates going to let you screw her?”

I sighed. “It will be a small miracle if my roommates don’t all beat me to it. Let’s go to the kitchen. I need to put dinner in the oven.”

“AH, SO LET ME get this straight,” Eva said as we sat at the table talking. “When I said I wanted you to paint me, you decided that I didn’t mean I wanted to model for you, but that I wanted you to put paint on my body? That is freakin’ weird.”

“Jett learned in automotive class. He wants to paint your chassis,” Ariel giggled. She was sure acting a little squirrely. I bet she’s waiting for Sarah Lynn to pay up on the orgasms she’s owed.

“I think it’s a cool idea,” Mary said. “If I could hold still long enough, I’d volunteer. Jett would have my hand in one position and when he looked again it would be someplace else.”

“So how would it work?” Eva continued. “I mean it sounds like it could be fun and sexy, but you couldn’t really show your art anywhere. You might put paint on my body, but you aren’t hanging me in a gallery.”

“It would be a performance piece,” Kelly jumped in. She hadn’t really talked about what she did. I wondered if she was going to go into it with Eva and Mary. “I can show you the piece he did as a test with Char and Sarah Lynn. I video-taped two hours and then edited it down to fifteen minutes. I added some music and titles and now we can sell it online when Jett’s ready.”

“It wasn’t a great piece,” I said. “I was really just experimenting and getting used to the airbrush. In fact, I think we’d need to test the whole idea once or twice before we do it. So far, I’ve only painted that way twice. Ariel was the first and we discovered it took her all week to get the paint off. With Char and Sarah Lynn, I switched to water-based paint and we managed to scrub it all off after about half an hour in the shower.”

“Half that time you were fooling around,” Ariel said. “Besides, I liked wearing your art for a week. And Kelly still wears your signature on her mound.”

“You what?” Eva asked.

“The first time Jett and I made love, I said he’d painted my insides. So he signed me.”

“You got it tattooed?”

“No! Jett told me that was forgery. The only art that is going to appear on my body is Jett’s. He can paint me any time he wants. Inside or out,” Kelly declared.

“Wow. Um… I guess we could try it once with the water paint. But filming? Me naked? I don’t have that great a body. I knew you could make it look good on canvas.”

“You’re cute, Eva,” Sarah Lynn said.

“That doesn’t make me porn quality. Can we watch the video of Char and Sarah Lynn and see what you want to do to me?”

“If you want the whole experience, I’d suggest the upstairs shower. It’s a little bigger and has hand holds,” Ariel said brightly. Eva blushed.

So did I.

WE CLEANED UP the dishes quickly. I’d have to wash them after the guests left. Kelly hooked up the video to our television and ran it. Then she showed pictures of the art I put on Ariel. Mary had a quiet smirk on her face as Eva watched with her mouth open. Kelly really did a great job with the video and the final painting even looked pretty decent. And I really loved the mechanics and music art on Ariel. Yeah, I was definitely going to stretch her out and paint her again.

“So, all you end up with is a photo and video,” Eva said, still not convinced.

“Not quite,” I said. I went to the studio and got the canvas that had been in Char and Sarah Lynn’s arms. “The concept I’m working on will leave me with a finished canvas as well. I had this picture mostly all painted when I posed Char and Sarah Lynn. But in painting them into the canvas, I got this negative space image of the parts of their bodies that overlapped the painting.” It wasn’t a huge area with this painting, but I’d looked at it frequently. Char’s arms and Sarah Lynn’s left boob were clearly outlined by the mist from the airbrush spattering on the canvas as I painted them. I’d been thinking about it more and more as I looked at the painting.

“I’ve got a question,” Mary said just loudly enough for us to hear. We all turned to her. “Um… Well, I was wondering if you could show some poses with a blank canvas so we could get a better visual of what she’d look like. Kelly could take a few reference photos. I wouldn’t mind doing a sketch or two if Eva doesn’t mind posing for a bit. Then you could talk more about the way it would unfold. I’m betting that Kelly has an idea about making it a live performance—not just video. You could find out how Eva would hold up with just the other seven of us in the room watching her.”

That was more than I’d heard Mary say at one time since we met. She was a different person when she was truly into her art. I nodded and turned back to Eva. “What do you think?”

“You want me to strip in front of all of you?”

“We could do the whole changing room and enter in a robe thing,” Sarah Lynn said. “I mean if that would make you more comfortable. It might be more fun the other way, though.”

“Do you have any weed?”

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