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Drawing on the Dark Side of the Brain

6
Commencing our Lives

MY MOTHER actually made me open up my gown to show her I had clothes on under it. I suppose she was a little bit justified. Jasmine had sent me a picture showing me she had only a bra and panties on under her gown. Not to be outdone, Kelly sent a picture showing that she was wearing only a garter belt and hose. It’s a good thing I did have trousers on. I’d have been tenting out my gown.

There was something like three hundred in my graduating class. Carney High isn’t a huge school, but there are enough people that it isn’t possible to know everyone. They tried to get us to line up alphabetically, but we didn’t have to walk across the stage or anything. They would read the names of the graduates and we’d line up to shake the principal’s hand and get the fake. They just give you an empty folder with a flier in it that says ‘Congratulations! You’re a graduate!’ So, it doesn’t make any difference what order we go up in. It’s just so there will be a picture they can sell us when we get our diploma in the mail.

So, of course, our little clique managed to all sit together. All except Sarah Lynn. She was valedictorian and had to sit on the dais so she could give her speech. She’d had to give the speech to the principal and her adviser and have her slides approved earlier in the week. It was timed and had to be over in five minutes. The motivational speaker who was brought in for the keynote went before her and had half an hour of us yawning. I don’t think he had a single original thought in his speech.

As Winston Churchill once said, “Do not let us speak of darker days: let us speak rather of sterner days. These are not dark days; these are great days – the greatest days our country has ever lived; and we must all thank God that we have been allowed, each of us according to our stations, to play a part in making these days memorable in the history of our race.”

As Steve Jobs who invented the computer so many of you carry around said, “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there.”

And as the great influencer of your childhood, J.K. Rowling said, “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all— in which case, you fail by default.”

You get the idea. As the snoring students said, “STFU!”

We finally got to the student recognition part and Sarah Lynn stood at the podium and attached her smartphone to the projector. The first slide was a picture of a bunch of us in first grade. We were all lined up in front of the school sign with our mothers hovering over us.

“Remember this? When we were all young and innocent and ready to take on the world? Well, most of us made it through twelve years of school. We’re sitting here ready to receive our diplomas—one more attaboy in the long list of awards and prizes that our parents have told us now that we have to pack up and take with us. I’ve saved a place for my diploma on top of the participation award for freshman cheerleader tryouts.”

The slide was a box of crap that had been given out over the years. I had one pretty much like it. Ribbons, plastic trophies, and certificates. There was even the mortar board all decorated up for our kindergarten graduation.

The next picture showed the box closed and taped with ‘Goodwill’ labeled in big letters across the top. I don’t know about the parents, but all of us sitting in caps and gowns thought it was hilarious.

“That’s what all that stuff is worth now. Now we have the real prize. The high school diploma. We are now fully qualified to take orders at McDonald’s, pull shots at Starbucks, and pump gas at Shell. Or to go a hundred thousand dollars in debt to get a college education. We might not be able to get a loan to buy a car, but we can get one to go to college.”

She had a clever graphic that showed an old-time scale with a Tesla on one side and a scroll on the other.

“You’ll notice that my choice of car is a socially responsible electric vehicle. It’s good for the environment and cheap to run because it doesn’t use gas. Not only that, it’s perfect for me because I never got around to getting a driver’s license and this vehicle is self-driving. That’s what we’ve all been taught the past twelve years. We’ve been taught how to let someone else drive us around, feed us, educate us, entertain us, live life for us without us ever getting to live life at all. Where do we go next?”

Her next slide was of Derek and Dee in their infamous blanket fort. We’d all played that where we got all the chairs and sofa cushions in the family room surrounding us and spread blankets over the top so we had a tent. But Derek and Dee had never grown out of that stage. They often ran home after school, even as seniors, and built their little blanket fort and huddled under it to study. When we chatted online, it wasn’t unusual to see them there, using flashlights to illuminate their faces.

“Got news for you, guys. Our comfy secure little blanket forts are going to turn into cardboard boxes under the overpass. Basically, everything we’ve been taught and told over the past twelve to eighteen years has been lies. There’s no happy ever after waiting for us after graduation.”

She showed a picture of the honor society that had been taken just a couple weeks ago. While it was displayed, a circle appeared over Lonnie’s face.

“You all know that there is someone missing today and I can’t finish my spiel up here without acknowledging my best friend and fiercest competitor, Lonnie. We drove each other. We compared test scores after every class. We drilled each other to memorize all the states and capitals, practiced for the spelling bee, had math flashcard contests. We always wanted to show that we were just as good as the other. A few years ago, Lonnie cut himself, so I did, too. He got really mad at me and told me that there were some things that were meant for him that I couldn’t have. That I had to find my own way. Lonnie wasn’t depressed suicidal, he was committed. He believed that the only thing he truly had control over was his death—that he could choose when and how he would die. So, he hung himself.

“We were told that he was dead when police arrived. They lied.”

The slide changed to a feed of Lonnie in his room. We all gasped because it was obvious that Lonnie had sent a stream of his suicide to Sarah Lynn. He had the rope around his neck, but before he dropped, the door to his bedroom burst open, knocking the stool out from under him. He swung away and then back and his body jumped as a splotch of red erupted from his chest. His leg pulled up and his back arched. I closed my eyes.

“You lied to us. You took away the one thing he thought he could control. Lonnie didn’t commit suicide. Police killed him. Thirteen shots as he was swinging by his neck.”

The people on the podium, of course, had their backs to the screen. They’d reviewed Sarah Lynn’s valedictorian address and it took them a minute to realize she was off-script. When the principal turned and saw Lonnie’s body jumping, he was so shocked he fell as he jumped up to stop Sarah Lynn. But she’d already unplugged her phone from the projector and stepped away from the podium.

“I hate you! I hate you all! You lied to us for eighteen years. I hate our parents. I hate the police. I hate the school and the teachers and the principal. I don’t even want your fucking diploma!” With that, she threw her mortar board down and ripped her robe off. She stood in just her bra and panties—what I suspected most of the girls wore under their gowns—and marched off the dais. “I hate you all!”

Sarah Lynn marched down the aisle as the room watched in stunned silence.

I don’t know what came over me, but I dropped my mortar board and pulled off my gown as well. Jas caught my eye and did the same, we headed for the aisle and followed Sarah Lynn. There was a general move in the auditorium as many of our friends dropped their caps and gowns and left the room as the principal tried to get order restored with all kinds of threats and pleas.

Not everyone left. Not even half. Face it. Most of the people in my graduating class were drones. They probably thought the video Sarah Lynn played was an animation. I heard two guys near the aisle talking and one said, “What a fake.” But there were enough of us who left that there were big holes of empty seats in the auditorium.

“WE NEED A PLACE to go,” Jas said. Kelly, Rick, and Charmaine were piled into the back of the Mini and it was groaning as it pulled away from the curb. She had a good point. Where were we going?

“I need to paint.”

“Can we watch IRL?” Kelly asked. I don’t think anyone but Jas had watched me paint in real life. And she was modeling. But I had an image burned in my head from Sarah Lynn’s commencement address. I wasn’t sure anyone would want to watch me paint that.

My phone buzzed. I had it on silent through commencement. I handed it to Jas and she answered. I noticed she was sitting, all prim and buckled in, in nothing but her bra and panties. Both very skimpy and almost transparent. I jerked my head back to face the road.

“Hi, Granddad! Are you mad at us?” Jas had always liked my mother’s father and took up calling him Granddad like I did years ago. I don’t think she knew her own grandparents. “I’m so relieved,” she continued. “We’re in the car now, but we need to find someplace to go.— Really? All of us?— At least five. Maybe twenty.”

“And paint,” I said.

“And Jett needs to paint. He’ll have to drop us off so he can go get his stuff.— Thank you, Granddad. You’re so sweet. We’ll see you soon.” I’d already made the turn out to the country road where my granddad lived. “Granddad says to come to his place. He has room for all of us for as long as we need. You’ll need to drop us off so you can go get your paint. Um… Would you mind picking up a T-shirt for me? I shouldn’t run around in a bra and panties in front of your grandfather.”

“One for me, too, please,” Kelly said. I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw that she was still in her gown, piled on top of Rick and Charmaine. “I… um… didn’t wear a bra and panties. I had the gown unzipped in the auditorium before I remembered.”

We all got a laugh out of that. I don’t think Kelly ever wore clothes unless she was out of the house. Well, that was a pleasant thought, anyway.

“I’ll just pick up as much clothing as will fit with my art supplies,” I said.

“I just sent a text to Derek and Dee,” Jas said. “Who else should we tell?”

“Sarah Lynn. Be sure to include Granddad’s address.”

“Of course.”

Fifteen minutes later, I pulled in the long gravel drive at Granddad’s. It took a bit to unpack everyone from the limited back seat of the Mini. I reached in to help Kelly off the top and found my hand held snugly inside her gown against her bare breast.

“After you paint, I want to take your briefs off you myself,” she whispered. I groaned as my cock responded to the feel of her skin beneath my fingers. She moved aside so I could reach in to help Charmaine. I expected play like that with Kelly, I guess. I didn’t expect it with Charmaine. The feel of her skin under my hand sent a jolt through my body. She had a bra and panties on but having her breast in my hand did nothing to relieve my erection pressed against her.

She gave me a kiss and whispered in my ear, “What she said.” I wondered if she knew what Kelly whispered. I glanced across the top of the car and saw Jas locked in a kiss with Rick and his hand petting her breast. Then they broke apart laughing and Jas yelled for our friends to come to the house and told me to get moving and get back. I got in the car and headed home.

“YOUR MOM’S IN BED with a migraine,” Dad said when I walked in the house. He held a finger to his lips and then replaced it with a glass of bourbon that he took down in one long swallow. “You are still welcome to stay here,” he said. “We’re not going to throw you out. Jas is still welcome. We’re just a little shocked, you know?” A tear ran down his cheek and he turned to refill his glass. I didn’t think the one I saw him drink was his first. “And Jasmine, too. I don’t think she’ll have a problem with her mother. I worry about that poor Sarah Lynn, though. We’ll need a copy of that video when we picket the police station. We just can’t do it today. We just can’t.”

He patted my shoulder and turned away. I ran upstairs and started transporting the stuff I thought I’d need. I figured that I could come back for more clothes, but I grabbed all my underwear, socks, T-shirts, and jeans. I piled them in the back of the car with my painting supplies and half a dozen blank canvases.

“We’ll be at Granddad’s for a while,” I said to my father when I was loaded.

“He called. It’s okay. I talked to Grandpa, too. He’s arranging a grocery delivery.” Dad stood and looked at me with such a mournful expression that I reached out to hug him. He pulled me tight into his embrace. “When I saw that clip, all I could think was that it could have been you. What terrible parents have we all been?”

“Dad, I’m sure you were no worse than your parents. And you survived. So will we. I love you.”

He didn’t respond to that, but just patted me on the back as I headed out to the car.

I FELT MY PHONE buzz again as I was getting into the car and realized I’d never turned up the ringer. I checked it and saw about five messages from Sarah Lynn. I opened the most recent.

“Please?” That was all it said. Shit, I didn’t have time to look at all the other messages. I just called her.

“Sarah Lynn, what do you need? I’m sorry my phone was still on silent. I only saw your last message,” I blurted out.

“Please pick me up, Jett.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at Starbucks on Fifth. They won’t let me come in.”

“What? Why not?”

“I don’t have any clothes on.”

“Shit!” I said as the car lurched forward. “Sarah Lynn, stay on the phone with me. I’m on my way. It’s about four minutes from here. How long have you been there?”

“Not too long. I’m getting cold, though. I didn’t think this through very well.”

“Where were you ever since you left the auditorium? We looked but didn’t see you. You know a bunch of us walked out.”

“I went to the park. I just got so upset. I didn’t think I’d show it until I hit the play button. Now everyone hates me.”

“We don’t hate you, Sarah Lynn. Not even the parents. My dad wants a copy of the video because they’re planning to picket the police station tomorrow.”

“God! Just give our parents an excuse to demonstrate against something. I almost erased it.”

“How could you stand having it for so long?” I asked.

“I… When I saw the stream on my Snap I just saved it. I couldn’t bear to watch. He set it up to stream so I wouldn’t try to copy him. He knew me too well. I didn’t look at it until last night after the funeral. How could I… I never… God, Jett, I’m so fucked up.”

I pulled up in front of Starbucks and opened the door. A shivering Sarah Lynn jumped in the car. I reached behind me and grabbed a T-shirt for her from the stack I’d piled there.

“Not that I mind looking at you,” I said, “but you’re cold.”

“Thanks. I’ll let you look when we’re someplace warmer,” she said as she pulled on the shirt. It was long enough that she could pull it down under her butt and over her legs. We didn’t talk much on the way to Granddad’s. She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.

I DON’T IGNORE my friends.

Friends. Those are like people you’d do anything for. I’d do anything for my friends. Except I needed to paint. That’s when I found out my friends would do anything for me.

“Do you need a model or anything?” Kelly asked. “You know I’m willing.”

“She’s so willing she hasn’t put clothes on yet,” Jas laughed.

“Um… No. I mean, I know what I need to paint. I don’t need a model.”

“I still get your underwear,” Kelly said. “Make sure you smear a lot of paint on them before I take them off of you.”

“Kelly…”

“Jett,” Jasmine interrupted me, “you know you need to give her what she wants. If you can’t tonight, that’s okay, baby. Just know that… well, I don’t think she’s going to put clothes on until you’ve fucked her.”

“But, Jas, I don’t want anyone but you.”

“Really? We’re eighteen, Jett. How do we know what we want?”

“Well… I mean… Are you going to fuck Rick?”

“Maybe. Probably. But not tonight. We’re all too fucked up to do sex tonight. But sometime. Yeah. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. No more than doing Kelly will mean you don’t love me. Hell, I might do her, too. And look around. Granddad brought us air mattresses and bedding. He just gave us this big family room down here, expecting we’d all be in it together. No one is wearing anything more than underwear and some aren’t wearing that. Eventually, Charmaine is going to jump your bones. And I think, somehow you lit a fire in Sarah Lynn this afternoon. I think Derek would do us both, but then he’d crawl back into his little blanket fort with Dee. Ariel is going to pine away if someone doesn’t show her some love soon—she’s so emo. Don’t worry, though. I think Ford is all over that one. For now. Just paint and see what comes up.” Jas lifted on tiptoe and kissed me. “And when it comes time for Kelly to remove your painted underwear, don’t let her use her hands,” she whispered.

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