Bob’s Memoir: 4,000 Years as a Free Demon
58
Test Pilot
I’M CERTAIN I had a point to make with that whole story. I can draw all kinds of conclusions from it that probably don’t have relevance. Even gods who are generally seen as horrific in their worst appearances have a humorous side to them. My time with A’a reminded me of my time with Zeus, only with less fucking.
I also noticed that there are phenomena that the gods don’t understand, even in the world they created. A’a had no idea what came over the girl that made her tell the story she did. I didn’t mention the fact that she’d seen us setting up the last stone. Perhaps she was just a gifted storyteller and made it up on the spot. It wouldn’t be the first time a storyteller saw something they didn’t understand and made up a story about it. Read the daily news.
A’a did show me his island getaway. I couldn’t see it until we’d sailed right onto the beach. He had quite a comfortable dwelling there and said he just needed to get away from his brothers at times. And it got soggy at the bottom of the sea, even for a sea god. I wondered if Poseidon had joined the Greek gods on Olympus when they withdrew and if so, did he have a sea there to rule over or was he happy to be on dry land?
I will say that since that time, I have searched for the island of A’a on maps to no avail. When satellite imagery became available, I searched all over the South Pacific for an unidentified island and could not find one. I’m sure the imagery would have revealed it, just as airport x-rays showed my satchel. The video cameras saw it, too.
I found reference to an island called Land of Davis after a pirate who had sighted it but did not land. After many decades, reference to the mysterious island disappeared from maps and it is all but forgotten. It is possible that Davis did see the island during a time when A’a was entering or leaving his secret kingdom.
I will also say that this story illustrates that gods are capricious. Or perhaps they quickly forget. I encountered the god of the sea again years later (after I’d found another island just at the time of its mass marriage ritual) as I sailed westward and was caught in a battle between the brothers Tawhirimatea and Tu (also sometimes identified as Tangaroa or A’a. That was when my voyage on the Pacific came to an abrupt end when my little ship was cast half way across Australia by the warring brothers.
What brought all this to mind was our refuge while we were planning the next season of To Boldly Go. Peninnah had managed to acquire a very nice villa on a Pacific Island and we’d been enjoying relative peace and quiet. It was getting to be time, however, when I needed to shoot a test pilot of the concept for the next series. I was going to emerge from isolation yet again.
“We’re going to have fun with this,” Doug said as I sat with the family and crew. “The fabulous ladies of Crew 1 did a great job of sorting and matching up contestants.”
I looked around and saw the cameras running. So, Doug wasn’t just talking to us, we were actually in the beginning stages of recording the show. I noticed that the cameras were mostly behind us, so they’d be showing Doug over our heads. Avril, however, was in front where she could record facial reactions and… Let’s just face it and say she was making sure we had tits on display. She’d been recording the entire process of the evaluation and selection of candidates—hours and hours of recording. We’d discovered something intriguing: In Areola, the batteries for the cameras never ran down. We didn’t have to go to the natural world to plug them in to recharge.
“Now, we left a few details out when you were doing the evaluations. Nothing critical that would affect your decisions, but something that might have subconsciously caused some subtle shifts. We intentionally removed the names of the contestants and you have referred to them only by their contestant number. We also removed the location information. Our applicants come from literally all over the world. And our first set of three contestants are from three different continents: North America, Asia, and Australia. This will show how well we can work in coordinating things in a quick and effective way.”
There were a number of exclamations and comments about the minor deception, but no one was upset about it. It made sense that they might have rejected someone on the basis of a name or of a country of origin. We’d been heavily North America-centric in our first round having only five of thirteen contestants from countries other than the US. This was almost like a random drawing to find out where we would travel.
“The interviews with the candidates will occur over three days in each country. Bob will need to make a decision quickly after that, assisted, of course, by you lovely ladies. You’ll get to see all the footage as it’s revealed and I’m sure you’ll be cheering for your favorites. So, the initial interviews will all be over in nine days. Then Bob will cycle back through to the women to tell them who he really is and whether they were successful. This might require some fine tuning. We will pay each of the losers, but our signed releases allow us to film them candidly and to broadcast the footage without limitation, regardless of whether they are chosen.”
“How are we arranging the travel?” Liz asked. “I assume we still need our production crew and cameras.”
“Yes and no,” Doug said. “I’ve talked over some of the logistics with Bob and we’ve agreed on a trial for the first set. Bob will travel alone.”
“What?”
“No!”
“He can’t leave us!”
“Calmly. Calmly, ladies. Bob will travel with… er… um… the portal. When he arrives in each location, he will summon forth the players needed for the interview, including camerawomen. I have a ground crew already in place in each of the locations, gathering background footage and seeing how aware the contestants are when they are filmed. These will all be distance shots with telephoto lenses. We aren’t getting close enough to tip them off.”
“When we get to the location, I’ll um… use some tech… um… that enables us to move without being noticed by people. I use it to disguise the portal, for example.” I was trying every way possible to not say I was going to cast a spell that would make them unnoticed. “It does not shield us from electronic or mechanical recognition, however. We don’t blend with the air, so to speak. People just won’t notice us. That way, the camera crew that joins me from Areola should be able to get in fairly close to the subject and record all our interactions without her noticing.”
“Look away, look away, look away, Dixie Land,” Karla sang. She was a Georgia girl and I guess they never forget.
“The great thing about this is that we don’t need to mess around with entry visas and passports—except for Bob. And he’ll be incognito. Once we’re inside, we’ll stage the operation and make the recording. Then he’ll put us back on his shoulder and beat feet for the next location.”
It all sounded like it would be easy. It wasn’t, of course.
I took our private plane from Tahiti to Honolulu and put it in storage after I’d passed customs and they’d agreed there was nothing in my satchel that shouldn’t be. In fact, they’d called in a supervisor, led me to a white room and emptied everything there was in the satchel, x-raying it again when it was empty.
“All right,” said the Customs Officer. “Where is the portal?”
“Really? It’s a television effect. Haven’t you seen them before?”
“I knew it. All this fuss over a fake TV reality show. The stupid brass have their undies in a bunch over this transporter thing you’re supposed to have.” He lowered his voice confidentially. “So where did you stash all the babes you had on the show. There were some seriously good-looking women there.”
“They were fun to work with. They’re all still hiding out in California. We’re trying to put together a second season concept, but it’s rough going,” I answered lightly.
“I thought that palace scene looked like California. Well, if you need a guy to help you manage all the women, call me. You can repack now.”
I put my underwear, shaving kit, toothbrush, and change of clothes back in the bag and left the checkpoint. Across the way, I could see agents still crawling all over my plane. I took a Wiki Wiki Shuttle to the main terminal and grabbed a cab to my ocean-front home farther north.
That could have gone worse. I had visions of them tearing the bag apart at the seams. I needed to figure out a way to change the appearance of the bag itself. I was going to change my own appearance, as well. From here, I wouldn’t be traveling as Bob.
My problems were resolved through an unexpected means. I stopped at the main shopping area in downtown Honolulu to pick up some clothes. It’s a shopping Mecca and people go there from all over the world to buy designer clothes and accessories that they could get for half the price in any big shopping mall on the mainland. But I needed clothes to fit my new image. The image I adopted, in the changing room, was that of a blond surfer dude I’d seen on the beach. The body wasn’t quite as big as I normally choose, but it was strong, fit, and young. This next part of the trip could be fun.
However, as I was shopping and strolling through the stores, I came upon a display of “The Bob Satchel” by a top name luggage manufacturer. Hmm. I examined the quality of the bag and it wasn’t bad at all. Of course, it was made of cow leather instead of goatskin, as my original bag was. If anyone was sharp enough at customs to identify that, the difference would give me away right off.
“That is our best seller!” a bright young woman said as she came up to me. I mean, it’s flying off the shelves. We’ve sold at least a hundred of them since the end of that mini-series on TV. It’s almost impossible to get them now because the manufacturer in Hong Kong can’t keep up with the demand. And they’re all over. The world, I mean. Look at this copy of GQ. It has pictures of handsome guys like you carrying it from Europe to Asia to America. I’ve got to tell you, though, most of the guys in these pictures don’t look as good with it as you do.”
“You don’t need to flatter me to make the sale,” I laughed. “I’m sold.”
“I’m not really. Are you a beach bum? It’s, like, just my luck to pick out somebody who doesn’t have a penny to his name. But I guess you wouldn’t be buying this bag if you were poor.”
“That’s true. $500? Wow!”
“Marcie, our manager is raising the price another twenty percent, but I haven’t got them marked yet. She says no one knows the difference between $500 and $599. Can you believe that? No one’s supposed to notice the price went up a hundred bucks!”
“Is this like your career? I mean selling luggage?”
“Oh! No, but I haven’t had much luck with my real career, and a girl’s got to eat.”
“What’s the real career?”
“Singer actor dancer. Triple threat, they say in the theatre. But live theatre is being undercut by the media. Ever since that pandemic hit a few years ago, people don’t go to as much live entertainment as they used to. At least not live theatre. I guess the music venues are still packing them in. I finally thought I had my big break. New show, with good music, and I had the lead. Then opening night—would you believe it?—management came through and told us the show was canceled and the theatre was closed by order of the governor. They kept telling us we’d pick up where we left off, but the playwright died from COVID and the theatre company went bankrupt. The building is in use for corporate meetings and live audience recording of comedians and such.”
“Gee, that’s too bad. I bet you’d be dynamite on stage. I used to do some performing myself. All classics though,” I said. I didn’t say I was in original Greek plays 2,500 years ago.
“Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day,” she quoted. “I was in that Scottish play in college. We learned classics as much as musical theatre.”
“I hope that one didn’t have any catastrophes waiting in the wings.”
“Only minor ones. I grabbed a drink of water just before going on stage and was choking when I heard the messenger tell me the king was coming. I made it through, though:
The raven himself is hoarse
That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan
Under my battlements. Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full
Of direst cruelty!
“I got some nice notices.”
“It gives me the chills to hear you talk like that,” I laughed. Her voice was really quite compelling.
“It’s high school drama these days. You find Shakespeare in specific festival theaters around the country. Ashland, Stratford, Stratford, and Stratford, Canterbury, Cambridge. I am not going to even consider going to Alabama for their festival!”
She struck a dramatic pose and did the same speech in a southern accent, rephrasing the speech in her vision of Southernness.
That big ol’ blackbird jest cawing itself hoarse
Telling everybody I’m gonna off the King t’night.
I tell ya, bogeyman:
Fuck me raw and fill me up.
I’m a gonna off that bastid.
“I can just imagine that!” I laughed. “We ought to get together and stage our own down South version. We’ll call it That Confed Play. Anyone who says the name is cursed to a life of mint juleps and humidity.”
“And wearing a ballgown made of draperies.”
We laughed and there was a sparkle in her eye that I found incredibly attractive. I started to speak, but she beat me to it.
“Um… Wanna get together tonight?” she asked. “I mean… I’m not offering to fuck you… yet. But I like you and I get off work here in a couple of hours. We could, um… go somewhere and talk some more.”
“I’d like to say yes, but I never go out with a girl unless I know her name.”
“I’m Annie Wolcott.”
“That’s a great name for the stage. I’m Bob.” No, I didn’t use my real name, but aren’t there enough people in this story without wondering what name I’m going by all the time? “Can I pick you up here in two hours?”
“Yeah. I’m single. Unattached. Um… Are you?”
“I have a lot of attachments, but I’m free.”
“That sounds like a story to be told.”
“Annie, I want those tags changed before you leave tonight. If you’re done there, let’s get it going so I can update the computer.”
“Okay, Marcie,” Annie called toward the back of the store. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours or so,” she said to me and scurried off. I left with my new The Bob Satchel.
I had the driver take me to my house, half an hour north of the city and had him wait for me to put my purchases away and then take me back to the city. I changed clothes into something I thought appropriate for an evening out near the beach. Hawaii is not exactly a suit and tie kind of place. Then I spent a few minutes working on the satchel. The new bag was good quality—it had better be at $500. I did some scrunching and forcing, but I managed to fit my old satchel inside, and then worked a little magic to make the two bags mold together. I opened a gateway to make sure everything was okay in Areola and my wives laughed at me when I told them I was going out on a date. They sent a new camerawoman with me and I worked the look away spell on her and her equipment. I guess this was a good test. I’d had a camerawoman dogging my steps ever since I landed and I was sure my entire shopping spree and conversation with Annie was on tape.
At the store, I finally dismissed and paid the driver, giving him a nice tip. In Honolulu, every place we might want to go was within walking distance. I stood outside the store waiting for my date.
“Oh, cool. A Bob Bag,” a woman said as she and some friends came up the street. “Are you him?”
I just grinned at her and pointed to the display in the store window.
“Oh, damn. I suppose all the guys will be carrying them now. Too bad. I’m married, but I’d still put out for Bob.” The women giggled and went on up the street, stopping in at a lounge for cocktails.
“Hey, nice bag,” Annie said as she came down the steps from the shop. “Think you could stuff me in it and take me for a ride? My feet are killing me.”
“I could try,” I said with a forced laugh. She just stooped to pull off her shoes as she held onto my arm.
“That’s better. Let’s walk down by the beach. We can find someplace for dinner and drinks.”
That was fine with me. Waikiki Beach had been grown over with hotels. It was hard to find an access to the beach that wasn’t through one of the massive resorts. She navigated through the maze and found a nice tiki bar with a view of the beach and the ocean.
“I love these funky old-style bars,” Annie said. “They make me feel like I just walked onto a television set for something like Hawaii Five-0.”
“Different than the old days, though. Something like this is more of a caricature of what Don the Beachcomber was when it opened. It barely had stools at the bar. The grass roof was to keep the bartender cool, not the customers.”
“You sound like you were there,” Annie said.
I shut my mouth. Don the Beachcomber had opened in 1933. I’d taken the ladies of the infinity room there to get a taste of a modern tropical beach which they went back to the infinity room and replicated on our own ocean front. I wasn’t sure exactly how big our ocean was. I’d taken some water from the Pacific and started the ocean back in the first or second millennium AC. We often sampled the sand of various beaches around the world to create different experiences at our shore.
“Just a history buff, I guess,” I said lamely.
“So, tell me about yourself, Bob the History Buff. I’ve already decided you aren’t a local. Where’d you come from and what do you do?”
I told her I had a small import and export business and I traveled a lot. In fact, I was supposed to leave the next day, but I’d already decided that I’d like to spend another day with Annie before I ran off to interview others. I mean, really, why couldn’t Annie have been my first interview. I really liked her.
Annie was a native of New York who got tired of the cold winters and decided to go to college as far away as possible. I gathered there were more reasons than the weather. She mentioned a love affair gone sour. She got her drama and theatre arts degree from the University of Hawaii and had been in Honolulu ever since.
“We created our bubble during the pandemic,” she said. “One of the guys was born on the island and we all invaded his family farm on Maui. There were eight of us, plus his family. We earned our room and board by working on the farm when most other people wouldn’t or couldn’t. It’s one of those farms that has always doubled as a retreat center and attracts eco vacationers. The vacationers get to come to Hawaii and in turn they work on the farm. Well, there were no vacationers during the pandemic and the farm work still needed to be done. So, we went there and broke our backs for two years until the all-clear sirens sounded. Brad and two of his girlfriends are still there and hosting the place. His parents didn’t make it through the pandemic.”
“That’s too bad. You weren’t tempted to stay?”
“Tempted, but I wanted more in my life than frustrated theatre people turned farmers. I came back to Honolulu and got a job waiting tables as tourists began to return. Then the opportunity at G&B came up and I decided that was better than wiggling my tush from four till midnight, hoping for tips. Marcie’s a bit of a slave-driver, but she pays well. And we get a commission. I’m a pretty good salesperson,” she laughed, poking at my bag.
“You are, indeed.” We stayed at our table and ordered dinner. I’d always had a thing for poke and they served a delicious bowl.
We had another cocktail and then went out for a walk on the beach. She gave me her shoes to stuff in my bag. There was room. We held hands and I soon found my arm around her, my own shoes stuffed in the bag and my trousers rolled up so the surf could play around my toes. In one of those romantic moments I was sure my camerawoman was catching, we stopped for a kiss, silhouetted against the dramatic backdrop of Diamond Head with a full moon in the distance.
“Would you like to come home with me tonight?” I asked.
“Yes, but… I have to tell you something. I really like you and I’d like to be with you for a while…”
“But?”
“Well, I kind of made a commitment and it’s only fair I tell you about it. You know that Reality TV show To Boldly Go? I applied to be on it. I’ve heard there were like thirty thousand applicants and they only chose a tiny fraction, but I signed a release and agreement that I’d like to be on the show. That means the star, this Bob-guy, could show up at any time and ask me out. It would be dumb of me if I said, ‘Oh, I’d like to but I met this other guy.’ I just want you to know that there’s a remote possibility—I mean really remote, because what’s the chance I’d get chosen for one of his surprise dates?—that he’ll show up and take me out and interview me and maybe sleep with me to decide if I’m a good candidate to take to Mars with him. I just want you to know that… I’m willing to sleep with you and have more fun, but I can’t make any big commitment right now.”
“That’s really good to know,” I said. What were the chances? I was nearly jumping inside to tell her that I was Bob, but I was sure she wouldn’t believe me if I did and that she’d probably stalk off away from me if I tried something like that. “I’m still willing if you are. I told you I need to leave in a couple of days and will be gone for about two weeks. We can both use the time to think it over and decide if we want to see each other again. Fair enough?”
“Fair enough. Take me home, Bob the History Buff, Bob the Importer, Bob the Actor, and whatever other Bob you have in store. I hope one of you is Bob the Great Lover.”
I did my best. Annie was a marvelous lover. She was, I found out, twenty-seven years old. She was about five-seven in her bare feet, which when I discovered it, was not the only thing that was bare. Her body was built for a bikini. I wasn’t sure how she managed an overall tan like she had, but there was no evidence of the bikini straps anyplace. She appreciated my new body, as well. It was the first time I’d had the opportunity to try it out and I was pleased with the way my new body responded to her. So was she.
We kissed and danced around the room, moving out to the lanai where we overlooked the beach down to the water’s edge.
“I’d suggest we go make love on the beach, but I’ve done that before and it took days to get the sand out of places that were never meant to have sand in them,” she giggled. “So, why don’t we make love on the bed and then go take a walk in the moonlight before it’s gone.”
“I like the way you think, Annie.” I picked her up as she squealed.
“I’m too big to pick up like that!”
“Nonsense. You’re just right. I could carry you in my arms all night long.”
“Oh, you sweet talker.”
I kissed her as we settled on the bed and then began working my way down her body, taking my time to worship her plump and sensitive breasts. Her nipples stood out straight a good half an inch from the areola. They were just too tempting to latch onto and tease. She squirmed and I continued tracing a path down her body until I parted her legs and played my tongue across her bare mons. Before long, I’d found her happy spot and teased it until she moaned.
“Fuck me, Bob. I want you desperately.”
“Soon, love,” I said. Instead of moving from between her legs, I inserted my tongue in her love tunnel and licked across the G-spot, tickling it until she screamed with her second orgasm. Then I moved back up her body and pushed her blonde hair out of her eyes where it had fallen as she thrashed around.
I notched my cock at her entrance and swiped it up and down to make sure I was well-covered in her juices.
“Yes. In me. Put it in me, Bob. I want you.”
I kissed her deeply as I gradually pressed into her pussy, both of us moaning as I entered her.
“Give it to me. Give me all you have. I’m being stretched more than I’ve ever been. You’re going to ruin me for any other man, Bob. Fuck me!”
I did. I fucked on top of her until she came again. Then I rolled over and she fucked on top of me until she’d peaked again. In addition to being beautiful, she was agile. She swung a leg over me and managed to spin around on my cock until she was facing away from me and I played with her lovely bottom as she fucked her way to another orgasm.
Yes, I know. That’s four or five orgasms. I hadn’t come yet. I’m not a human. I’m a demon. I was created perpetually horny. I can fuck for hours without coming, and I often do. I wanted to be sure Annie was fully sated before I spent my load. It wasn’t that I couldn’t turn around and come again, but I’ve learned one thing about sex in my four millennia, it’s that something changes once the man comes in his woman. Even if he stays hard, she can tell the difference if she’s paying attention. Annie was the kind of girl who pays attention.
After she’d come in the reverse cowgirl position, I pushed her forward until she was on her hands and knees and I was behind her. And then I rode for glory. I’m pretty sure Annie came twice more before I unleashed my torrents into her welcoming pussy. We collapsed together on the bed and gasped, trying to continue kissing as we were catching our breath.
“You weren’t supposed to make me feel like that, you bastard,” she whispered. “What am I going to do now? It shouldn’t have felt like that.”
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