Bob’s Memoir: 4,000 Years as a Free Demon
50
Navel Battle
IT WAS SO EASY to talk about all the things that happened a long time ago. Believe it or not, it’s much harder to keep recent details straight with what happened when. But we had an artist who came in for auditions and she was something else.
“Hi. This where you’re auditioning for some space race reality show?” she asked.
“This is it,” Doug said. “Um… Wow! Do you have a resume and headshot?”
“I, like, took this at Walgreen’s. It’s all I have, but there are some selfies on my Deviant Art page. I can’t believe you guys need paper. Can I email my bio to you? That’s all the resume I’ve got,” she said.
I still hadn’t gotten a good look at her, but as Doug turned and ushered her to the front of the little studio we were using, I saw Peninnah stiffen. I finally got a look at her and almost choked holding back my laughter.
She looked small, but it only took one good look to realize she was a real hardbody. She made it obvious by the way she dressed. She wore a sleeveless crop top that clearly showed the muscles in her arms. Her bare abs were ripped. The legs that stuck out of her miniskirt were as strong as the set of her jaw. She wore ankle height black boots with thick soles. Her hair was short and curly with makeup that bordered on goth but didn’t quite cross the line. To cap it all off, a cluster of rhinestones sparkled in her navel.
Peninnah stood. Her own crop top had short sleeves and her miniskirt might have been a touch longer than what this girl was wearing. Peninnah, of course, did not wear boots, but five-inch spike heels that gave her a good three inches in height over the prospect. And the diamond in her navel was all the competition the contestant’s rhinestones needed. Pen walked around the table and stood facing our guest as they stared at each other.
I was ready to move in to separate them and I saw Zhi, our security detail, slipping up behind Doug. Peninnah had taken her martial arts training seriously, but I didn’t want to risk either of them being hurt if this tinder caught fire. After just staring at each other for almost a minute while the rest of us held our breath, they started laughing.
“You’re just what we need,” Pen said. “Come and have a seat and tell us about yourself.” Pen showed her to the usual auditioner’s chair and then took Doug’s place beside her, forcing Doug to come around the table to sit beside me.
“Well,” I said when we were all breathing again. “Let’s start with names. I’m Bob. You’ve met our producer, Doug, and my wife Peninnah. Between Peninnah and Doug is Liz, our casting director.”
She nodded at each of us in turn and sat there waiting.
“Um… Your turn,” I said.
“Oh. Yeah. I’m Artemisia.”
“Last name?” Liz asked.
“Nope. Just that. I got it legally changed.”
“We try to be pretty informal, girl,” Pen said, adapting an accent almost identical to Artemisia’s. She was definitely Californian, from somewhere near the valley. “Give us some help here and tell us about yourself and what made you decide to come and audition. You aren’t an actress.”
“Dang, is it that obvious? Yeah, sure Penny. Okay, I’m an artist. At least I intend to be. I just got out of high school. I’m eighteen, which in California is old enough for any legal activity except alcohol and weed. As if we haven’t been smoking since we were old enough to raid our parents’ stash. I’d like to go to CalArts, but just tuition is like sixty grand a year. I don’t have that kind of money, so I looked for a job where I could get it. This looked like fun.”
“You’re a body-builder, too, aren’t you, Artie?” Peninnah asked. Apparently, it was okay for Artemisia to call her Penny, but she was giving it right back.
“Yeah. Beach bum. I play beach volleyball, too. I know that kind of thing is unusual for artists, but I get a lot of models out there,” she said. “And I don’t have to take shit from anybody.”
We went over the concept for the show, signed the papers and headed for the screen test.
You might not believe this, but she wasn’t the first Artemisia I’d ever met. And I don’t mean the other artist in sixteenth century Italy, from whom this one had borrowed her name. I was already in the Western Hemisphere by her time.
Remember I told you I went to Greece with Xerxes? Well, I kind of got caught up in the flotilla as a supply ship. I sailed with a small unit out of Anatolia. The queen of the area was Artemisia I of Halicarnassus. She was a subordinate of Xerxes, but was also one of his favorite generals. Or Admirals. I never knew quite how to address her, though she felt ‘Your Majesty’ was appropriate. She led a small fleet of five warships and an equal number of supply ships in Xerxes’ fleet of seventy ships that he sailed to Greece.
Of course, most of Xerxes’ forces marched by land and had to cross the pass at Thermopylae. That’s where the famous battle against the Spartans took place. I’d seen Spartans led by Menelaus at Troy. That’s where Helen was married to the king and then ran away with Paris. They were fierce, but what they were doing all the way up at Thermopylae is a mystery. They were part of a Greek coalition that included Thebes, which was much closer.
You remember Thebes. Always contrary and when they refused to pay their tribute to Alexander, he sacked the city and laid waste to it. Nonetheless, Xerxes’ army had to pass Thermopylae and the battle there was legendary. During the battle of Thermopylae, Queen Artemisia was distinguishing herself by leading the assault on the Greek Navy in the narrow sea passage to the Gulf of Malia, so we could resupply the soldiers.
Both Xerxes and Artemisia won.
On the other side of the pass, with fresh supplies, Xerxes was gung-ho to press southward and capture the Isthmus of Corinth, so his rule would be established over all Greece. Artemisia warned against it, but by that time, Xerxes was calling himself a god king and couldn’t be wrong. He sent the navy around the Athenian peninsula.
I was an admirer of Artemisia. She was a strong woman who was decisive and courageous. Also passionate, if you must know. We’d had some time together in Halicarnassus before the war. I probably wouldn’t have joined Xerxes’ invasion had it not been for her.
Her husband was dead and her son was a bit of an idiot, so Artemisia had taken over as Queen and ruled until her death—long after I knew her. But I’d been trading up the coast and brought some interesting Persian goods with me. She especially liked the linen that was being woven in the south. It was much softer than the wool she was used to. After supplying her with enough squares of linen to have an entire new wardrobe, we had a nice intimate dinner and I stayed with her for a year or so before Xerxes sent the word to get ready to sail.
We did not marry. Artemisia had a thing against marriage and I wondered exactly how it was that her husband died. But she was a strong woman and I might have been a little more vigorous in my loving than I was with most women. Artemisia uncovered a bit of my secret and knew I was more than just a man. She was not happy that I wouldn’t command a warship, but was satisfied that I would bring a supply ship. I believe knowing I was kind of a demon might have contributed to what happened when the Greek Navy sprang its trap at Salamis.
Artemisia had rightly predicted the superior numbers and ability of the Greeks and ended up turning rapidly and heading out of the Saronic Gulf as fast as she could. That did not appear to be fast enough, as a Greek ship was in pursuit and would surely catch her. She took the tiller and ordered her rowers to ramming speed, bearing down on my ship! She hit me mid-ship and split it in two. It sank within minutes.
Of course, I was the only one aboard, with all my crew safe in the satchel during any time of conflict. The Greek ship, thinking she must be on the same side, broke off pursuit and Artemisia escaped. If they had known that the admiral with a 10,000-drachma price on her head was the captain of that ship, she might not have escaped.
As far as I was concerned, that was it for me. I’d swum through Poseidon’s storms bearing Aphrodite on my back, I could swim to shore here. I made land at Piraeus and eventually ended up in Athens where I discovered theatre!
I didn’t hold the event against Artemisia. I didn’t really think I could go back to her bed after that, though. I don’t give people who try to kill me a second chance.
“Bob. Bob!” Liz demanded. “We’re ready to do the scene.”
“Oh. Sorry. I was thinking of something. So, you’re a little young to do a heavy scene…”
“I signed the 2257 form. I know what I’m getting into. Liz said that it would be my choice when the time came, so make me hot and you’ll get lucky. Piss me off and I’ll let Penny have you,” Artemisia said.
Well, we got right into the scene and she handled everything we threw at her in terms of situations and improv. There was even a point where she practically flew across the stage as if she was diving for a volleyball and then did a roll out of the dive to come back up to her feet with no shirt on.
It was obvious that she wasn’t a cookie cutter actress from Hollywood. Her breasts were rather small, but there was hardly any body fat on her at all, let alone in her breasts. I kept the scene going to see how far she’d take it and before long she lost her skirt and panties in one slick move while yelling out, “Gravity burst! Everything’s coming down.” Unfortunately, her panties got tangled in her boots and she tripped, falling on top of me in my chair.
“Cut!” Liz called.
“Before I even blow him?” Artie asked. She turned around and plopped herself in my lap, pulling my hands around her naked body.
“We’ll let you look forward to that later,” I said.
“Really? I get the job?”
I looked to Pen and Liz. They nodded. Between the jewels in her navel battling Peninnah’s and the memory of Artemisia’s naval battle, I was sold.
“You’re in our cast,” I said.
“Oh, cool!” She smashed her mouth against mine for a tongue probing and my hands got familiar with her little tits and muscular ass. I’d enjoy getting to know that more, later.
After the cooking competition and ‘loss’ of Linda, we spent another couple of days decompressing in the penthouse, most of it spent naked around or in the pool. Then we loaded everyone on the plane and headed for India. We had a nice estate home there, near the headquarters of the tracking station. We filmed a tour of the facility where the girls would get training on how our ship would be tracked.
Wendy had been hugely popular with the guys at the station ever since her audition when she translated their instructions into ‘English.’ They mobbed her and treated her like a princess, sitting her at their stations and showing her all about the system. Suhani, who had been employed there, was welcomed back as if she was the prodigal come home. Which, I guess she was. She’d written a good bit of the software they used.
After the initial introductions and fawning over their favorites, we got some serious training in. The girls were surprised to find that we had a martial arts trainer to work with them. In fact, I’d asked Drona to come out of the infinity room for this session. He’d been old when he entered the infinity room almost two thousand years ago, but he really hadn’t aged and was still as vigorous and skilled as he’d been. I think both Lalonda and Artemisia were fooled into thinking they needed to go easy on the old man. They were sadly mistaken.
“Are we all sore now?” I asked. All I heard were groans. It was Sunday night and we were ready to begin our second elimination round. “This is going to be tough. You’ve all gotten a taste of what it takes to spar in the martial arts. I insist that everyone we work with have an understanding of and at least a moderate proficiency in martial arts. So, we are going to have a tournament.”
“You’re kidding!” Karla sighed. “I’m already a black and blue belt.”
“This is going to be a round robin tournament with nine rounds. You will be competing in three rounds a day for the next three days. You all have received Drona’s training and Zhi has gone over the sparring rules. Each pair of contestants will be scored on the items in your folder. You must do your best to win your match. If you do not, you will be eliminated immediately. And that won’t stop the tournament loser from being eliminated, so you won’t be taking one for the team,” I commanded. I was serious, but I didn’t think we’d really have a problem.
“Now, we’ve chosen one person to have immunity from this match. And that person is…” Dramatic pause. “…Rin.”
There was a huge sigh of relief from everyone in the room and then a round of applause. Rin had been game to do all the exercises, katas, and forms. She’d worked out hard. But everyone knew she would never hit anyone. To damage her hands would harm her cello playing. None of us wanted that.
“Rin, there is responsibility that goes with immunity,” Peninnah said, hugging the girl. “You will join Liz, Penelope, Bob, and me, giving a massage to the five losers of each round. You’ll also be the tie-breaking judge. If Drona and Zhi split a decision, your score will make the difference. So, you will need to score every match.”
Rin had been enthusiastic about the thought of giving massages, but the thought of judging every one of the forty-five matches was daunting.
I was wondering how good an idea it was to massage every loser each day. By the end of the first day, I’d given three massages and it was already looking like Lalonda, Artemisia, and Suhani were going to get very few if any. Artemisia and Lalonda had no losses the first day. Suhani lost to Lalonda in the second round. Marie had lost only to Suhani in the third round, and Julie lost only to Lalonda in the third round. We had four clear leaders and only two had won no contests so far.
I wasn’t keeping track of how Liz was assigning the massages, but I had three different girls after the three rounds and ended up with Julie. And that massage ended up with me in Julie. I had a feeling, however, that my client was not the only one who got a good orgasm after her massage. I hoped that didn’t affect anyone’s performance.
Day two saw similar results. Lalonda, Artemisia, Suhani, and Marie were maintaining the lead with Julie a near fifth. Eun-ha, one of our smallest girls and our Korean mathematician, was on the table for me after the last round. She had yet to win a match.
“Make love to me, Bob,” she pled. “I have a bad feeling about this. I keep thinking I am doing everything right and instead I make a mistake and lose. Please love me. I don’t want to lose.”
“I don’t want you to lose, honey. And yes, I will make love to you, but not because you are a loser. I will make love to you because I love you.”
“Oh, Bob, I love you,” she cried. I made sure she was very relaxed and was full of my love.
It seemed to do wonders for her because in the first round of the morning, she defeated Julie who had been contesting with Marie for a top honor. Eun-ha was jubilant, dancing around the gym joyfully.
At the end of the day, the judges knew the tabulation of scores. Everyone knew her own number of wins and everyone knew that Lalonda had never been defeated and that Artemisia had only been defeated by Lalonda. They weren’t really sure where everyone else fit in. So, after a nice brunch the next day, we had our awards ceremony.
“I think no one is surprised to find that Lalonda is our champion,” I announced. We handed her a trinket we’d gotten at the market for prizes. “Nor that second place goes to Artemisia.”
I’d had a very nice fuck with Artemisia after her loss to Lalonda. That eighteen-year-old hardbody was something special. She also got an award trinket.
“Third place goes to Suhani, our local girl.” She got her trinket and a kiss from each of us. “Fourth place goes to Marie. Fifth place is Julie’s.”
Now it was getting tense. They all knew how many wins they had and only hoped it wasn’t the least.
“In a tie for sixth place, we have Valerie and Karla.” Our chef and our pilot. They came to get their trinket and stopped to kiss each other to the applause of the other girls.
“In eighth place, Deedee…” I paused as she jumped up to come running to me. I held her in one arm. “…and Wendy in a tie.” Wendy stopped and turned to Eun-ha. They were both crying.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Wendy pled as if she could have changed the outcome.
Eun-ha pushed Wendy forward to receive her trinket, then stood and shouted out, “I won eight massages! And I received them from the most wonderful, loving, and beautiful people I’ve ever known. And I love each of you. And I’ll miss you.”
I hadn’t expected the elimination of our Korean mathematician when we announced this competition. I guess that’s just my Americanized prejudices. She’s Asian. Of course, she must be good at martial arts.
After her goodbye party, she came into my study with tears running down her face. I held her gently in my arms and comforted her.
“Eun-ha, baby, I want you to watch something, okay? I got this from Linda yesterday.”
“Linda? She contacted you?”
“And you, it appears.”
I settled into a chair and played the recording on my big-screen TV. The screen came to life with a picture of Linda, lying naked under an umbrella next to the pool at my palace. The shot didn’t take in enough to really get an idea of where she was—just that she was next to a pool with a cold drink and enjoying herself.
“Hi, it’s Linda,” she said. “Hope you haven’t already forgotten me. Man, getting eliminated really sucks, doesn’t it? Well, look at me. I suddenly have everything I ever dreamed of. Maybe more. I know that you’re probably upset—maybe even crying because you have to leave the show. Take a deep breath and listen to what Bob has to tell you. Honey, they aren’t being mean to you. Listen and make the decision with your heart. Who knows? Maybe I’ll see you again sometime soon.” Linda raised her glass to the camera and it faded out.
“You have something to tell me?” she asked. “Besides ‘goodbye?’”
“Look over there,” I said. “On the right is the door to the big wide world. Waiting on the other side is enough money that you’ll never want for anything again. A driver will take you anywhere you want to go. If you want to go to Europe, he’ll provide tickets. If you want to get on a slow freighter to Korea, he’ll arrange it. But when you go through that door, the one thing you won’t have is us—all we’ve been working the past few months to achieve. You’ll never see us again.”
“I don’t want to never see you again, Bob. I love you. I love Peninnah and Liz and Penelope. I love all the other girls. I don’t want to go.”
“I have kept some things from people. I’m a lot more powerful than you all think. In fact, I have a transporter. You know, like in the Swarm Cycle? Beside the door out, is a shimmering gateway that is my transporter. If you choose to walk through that gateway, you will be transported to another mansion of mine. A palace, actually. All of the people you meet in the palace will be joining me when we arrive at our destination. That’s a lot more people than the little colony you thought you were preparing to build. You’ll wait for a while, but waiting there is easy. In fact, people waiting in my palace do not age. And I visit occasionally. I’ll come to check on you and see how you are getting along. I’ll make love to you again. Often. But you need to understand that if you choose the transporter, you will never see earth outside my palace grounds again. So, you need to choose now if you will walk out of our lives forever, or if you will walk into the future and be with us forever. Your destiny awaits you.”
“You don’t like, just kill me if I choose to use the transporter, do you?” she squeaked.
“I promise that neither the door nor the portal leads to your imminent death or suffering.”
“I… I choose…”
“Just go to the passage you’ve chosen,” I said.
Eun-ha turned and kissed me and then walked bravely to the gateway and disappeared into the infinity room. I smiled. That worked extremely well. I might not lose them after all.
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