Bob’s Memoir: 4,000 Years as a Free Demon
25
Great Caesar’s Ghost!
I DIDN’T STAY in Babylon long after Alexander died. No one did. His generals split up the empire among them and all led their armies out to rule their part of the world. Many soldiers went back to Macedon and Greece. I decided I missed the sea and went to Tyre to buy a boat. It wasn’t as difficult this time as it had been the last time I bought a boat here. I did look around at every sound to see if My Lady Goddess had shown up. But she, too, was silent in the process. I bought a small ship, which came with a crew from Cyprus. I guess I was feeling sentimental and thought I might visit Crete as well as the island of My Lady Goddess. I offered to transport the crew back to their home base as I learned the intricacies of my new ship.
My new ship had a single mast that could be lowered to the deck in case of a storm. There was essentially nothing else above deck except the rails. Below deck, there was a cabin for the captain (me) and hammocks for the crew. The remaining space was used for cargo and I picked up a shipment of copper bound for Rhodes at the port in Beirut. While my crew was loading the ore, I went looking for books and found a few very interesting old daily journals and account lists, mostly scrawled on clay tablets. The Phoenicians focused their society on trade and so, they had made records of every transaction of every kind. I bought a few old record books, but found little to interest me otherwise.
We sailed first for Kyrenia on Cyprus. There, I bade farewell to my crew who were happy to be back in their home port. I did not allow curiosity to grow regarding what I would do for a crew when I continued my voyage. Suddenly, my deck was crawling with women from the infinity room who all wanted a Mediterranean cruise. It looked good to have so many people swarming over my ship and I set sail on the next tide, not waiting for the longshoremen to negotiate a new crew.
That next portion of our voyage was very pleasant. I set a fair wind to the northwest and then spent my time enjoying the sunbathing beauties lying naked on my deck. Every day or two, the crew would change and one group would return to the infinity room as another emerged.
Among my many subjects in the infinity room were a few good sailors—some from my time as Odysseus. These I invited above deck to man the craft as we sailed into the harbor of Rhodes. I was able to trade the copper for a good profit. Rhodes was a center of education and understanding. Following the withdrawal of Demetrius’s army and capture of all their military equipment, the city had decided to build a colossus in honor of Helios, their sun god. The copper was needed for the statue. I’d had a couple of run-ins with Helios back in the day, so I was careful to make fair trades on the copper.
Perhaps as a result, I had the unbelievable good fortune to take on a cargo of manuscripts and books bound for Alexandria. Ptolemy Soter was one of Alexander’s best generals and had forged a strong bond with Rhodes. He was building a great library in which to store all the knowledge of mankind. That was my kind of king!
I am an admirer of Ptolemy Soter and believe he would have been the best choice to rule the empire after Alexander’s death. However, when Alexander was asked who should succeed him, his answer was simply, “The strongest.” That had the predictable result of creating conflict among the three remaining generals of his army, and the division of his empire. Antipater, the regent of Macedon and Greece held that territory, even though Alexander had sent a replacement for him. Seleucus made the biggest land-grab, claiming everything from southern Anatolia to the Indus River. In today’s language, that included Syria, Jordan, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and Pakistan. It was also the most unruly portion of the empire and Seleucus could not effectively fight off Ptolemy when the latter claimed Egypt, Cyprus, Lebanon, and Judea.
Ptolemy claimed to be Alexander’s half-brother, the bastard of Philip II and Arsinoe of Macedon. As such, he claimed the body of Alexander from Babylon and moved it to Egypt, eventually settling the tomb in Alexandria. He attempted to establish his dominance through negotiation and marriage. His sons by Eurydice briefly ruled over Macedon in their succession. He later married Eurydice’s lady-in-waiting—apparently waiting for her opportunity to marry her mistress’s husband—Bernice. To them was born Ptolemy II of Egypt.
One of the reasons I liked Ptolemy was because he shared Alexander’s cultural perspective. As I’ve indicated, Alex was educated under Aristotle, knew the arts and sciences as well as war, and had a dream of creating a vast paradise as his kingdom. Antipater was primarily a politician with all that spells included. Seleucus was a warrior and had very little to do with the arts in any way. It was easy for him to conquer and difficult for him to rule. Only Ptolemy carried on that dream of creating a cultural center of the Mediterranean—a dream carried on by a dozen generations of his descendants.
Nonetheless, I plied the waters from Rhodes to Alexandria and set up a favorable trade situation with Ptolemy, whom I had met when I was an actor. Of course, I’d changed shape since then and he didn’t recognize me. He did, however, introduce me to his librarians and I became a book gatherer for the great library. That was a relationship I enjoyed for many years, though I returned to Alexandria in a new body each generation, having inherited my ship from the previous Bob.
On each of the trips, as we sailed (and my women sunbathed), I replicated nearly all the books I was transporting and moved them into the infinity room where my own librarians were thrilled to have the additions to my rather impressive and growing library. Occasionally, I convinced a librarian from Alexandria to join me and we created a replica of the great library in the infinity room.
The entire Mediterranean was a war zone from the time of Darius to the time of Caesar and beyond. As the heirs of Alexander were primarily in the East, Rome, founded by Aeneas after the fall of Troy, gained prominence in the West. Instead of turning straight north after my book-buying voyages, I turned westward and sailed along the coast of Africa as far as Carthage. Another great mess. The Carthaginians were at war with the Roman Republic, or with a Roman in Sicily, or both. I continued west and sailed through the great rock passage and into the next sea.
Fast forward. I don’t remember anything really interesting happening in the islands west of Gaul. Oh, there was Tiona, but I’ll get to her later. I know I sailed into the frigid North Sea and settled there with Impi until she passed away. I might have stayed there if it hadn’t been so cold. Neither the Scandanavians nor the Britons had progressed to the point of wanting my hand at architecture for temples or palaces. There were some impressive stone circles, though. There were precious few books of any sort there, but I collected what I could, and after paying my respects to Mac Lir, I made my way back through the great rock passage into the Mediterranean, sticking closer to the north shore of the sea this time.
I’m not exactly certain how long it had been since Alexander’s death—a couple of centuries, at least. I’d become rather skilled at sailing past the warships of Carthage, Rome, Greece, and Persia. Egypt had withdrawn from the fight and simply held its borders. I used a look-away spell to conceal my ship from others to which I gave wide berth. Mine was one of the few vessels that made its way to Alexandria unmolested.
Rome had risen as the dominant power in the north. They annihilated Carthage and the western Mediterranean was theirs. Their alliances had consolidated their rule into the Seleucid kingdom, giving them control over the eastern shore of the Mediterranean and a shaky alliance with Egypt.
In all this time, there was as much damage being done by pirates on the sea as there was by warships. I made it my unofficial mission to intervene when I saw pirates besetting undefended merchant ships. When I succeeded in freeing a merchant ship from pirates, I was often given some reward from the merchant. A portion of its merchandise, for example. All too often, I was too late to help the merchant and crew when I drove off the pirates. Then I found myself in possession of a ship and its entire stock of goods for trade. It was very profitable.
Unfortunately, it also earned me the reputation of being a privateer.
But I am an honest demon. I can say without blushing that I never attacked a trade ship, but only the pirates I found preying on them. I just couldn’t be everywhere at once.
That was how I met Julius Caesar—the third of the great rulers who would influence my life.
I was sailing south through the Aegean Sea and saw a battle raging. It was rather one-sided. The master of the Roman galley lowered sails and shipped oars. The pirates were all over it in an instant. It seemed there was little cargo aboard the galley, but I saw a few men led from it to the pirate ship.
This was something that was becoming more common these days. The Roman Navy ruled most of the Mediterranean by this time. They used galleys that typically had a hundred slaves to man the oars, so they could gain speeds much faster than a simple sailing ship. I noted the pirates stayed tied to the galley for longer than was necessary and eventually, there was a trade of galley slaves made. Maybe twenty were swapped from one ship to the other. Then the pirate ship shoved away from the galley and the galley made quick work of getting away and heading south—presumably to get to Athens or perhaps all the way around the Peloponnese to Rome.
Pirate ships were often older than the galleys. Mine was much older, but didn’t require slaves to row it. Most had the upswept bow and stern of the Cretan ships and could cut through the water with greater speed due to their shallow draft. In general, they were more maneuverable than the galleys and hence ideal for piracy. You didn’t see many pirates take on a galley, though. Galleys were warships and could throw fire at you or ram you. This one had to be something special.
I observed this from just at the horizon. My eyes are considerably sharper than most humans and two leagues or so to the horizon is not a stretch for me. This gave me the opportunity to sail at the edge of their vision and with the look-away spell on my ship, I was able to keep pace with the pirates until they made anchor at a small island. As the sun set, I took sightings of the stars and where the island was. In the darkness, I sailed silently toward the pirate ship.
I had no need to apprehend these pirates. It appeared they had no cargo of value, but sometimes, a person can be considered as valuable as a shipload of goods. When I was a stade away, I anchored my ship and launched a skiff.
Just as a reminder, I always keep my satchel with the infinity room in my possession, no matter where I go. So, when I leave the ship, the satchel leaves the ship. And when the satchel leaves the ship, everyone who lives in the infinity room leaves with it. I say this to indicate that my ship was completely abandoned. It lay at anchor, protected only by the look-away spell.
I made my way to the pirate ship, gliding across the water silently. They were carousing on the deck.
“And then I boxed in the legion with shields locked as one and spears outward. We simply marched through the them, having only to stop and shake their bodies from our spears,” said a voice I took to be a boy’s It had the pitch and timbre of a voice not yet come into manhood.
“Bravo, Caesar!” the crew yelled.
I had little contact with people except when I was in port trading my goods, but even I had heard of the noble who was said to be a brilliant strategist and orator. He was quite popular. Shields locked and spears out, though, was a battle move developed by Alexander’s father, Phillip II. I wondered if Caesar had also used the sarissa, an extra long spear, to extend the length of his legion’s reach in front of the phalanx. Regardless, I wasn’t expecting him to sound like a child!
So, that was the cargo the pirates deemed worthy of attacking a Roman galley. Ballsy of them, I had to say.
“Rome will miss me and you will have the money soon,” Caesar said.
“It’s good you told us to increase the ransom from twenty silver talents to fifty,” said one of the pirates. “We’ll be wealthy men when we leave here.”
“Oh, it’s the least I could do for you. When I get back and organize a hunt, I will find you and crucify you.”
In his boy’s voice, he sounded like he was joking. The chill his words sent down my spine told me that, like Alexander, Caesar didn’t have a sense of humor.
As the ship quieted for sleep, I slipped aboard and silenced the pirates. Don’t think I slit their throats or anything. I used a deep sleep spell on them so I could locate and liberate their captive. I thought rescuing Caesar might be a way to get on the good side of Rome for a while. Of course, the spell worked too well and by the time I reached Caesar, I found he, too, was fast asleep. I looked to see if there were any valuables on the pirate ship, but only found stale food and sour beer. I left everything as I found it, hoisted Caesar over my shoulder and returned to my skiff. When we were well away from the pirates, the spell broke and Caesar awoke with a start.
“Where am I and who are you?” he demanded.
“Glorious Caesar, I am Bob and I’ve come to rescue you.”
“In a rowboat? I might have lived longer with the pirates!”
“My ship is just here, sire.” With that, we bumped up against the ship and Caesar suddenly saw it.
“Nice trick! Can you equip an entire navy with the capability to be invisible?”
“I fear it’s not that easy. I’m a simple demon, not a god.”
“Well, demon Bob, I command you to take me to Rome instantly!”
“I’m uh… not sure where you get your ideas, your Lordship. Let me say… Well, it just doesn’t work that way,” I said, startled by his imperious attitude. “First of all, you cannot simply command me and expect me to obey. I am a free demon and serve whom I will. We might be able to reach an agreement on that front. Secondly, I can take you to Rome, quite willingly, but we are sailing. It will be about two weeks before we can get there.”
“You can’t just pick the ship up and put it down somewhere else?” he asked incredulously.
“If I could do that, what would be the sense in having a ship at all?”
Caesar was as well-educated as Alexander, and just as ambitious. He wanted to know all about my ship and where my crew was. I told him they would arrive with the light of day, but until then, I could sail by myself to get us well away from the pirates by morning.
He had many excited questions about my plans and what I did while sailing around.
“Now, Bob,” he said. The condescending tone of his voice was out of place with its immature pitch. “What is it that separates you from common pirates? You say you only attack pirates, but then you take what they have and leave them to steal again. You are in possession of goods or people stolen from a legitimate merchant, yet you hold that since you took those goods from pirates, you did not steal them and are legitimately in possession. Are you not simply using others to commit your piracy? You could have slit all their throats last night and the world would be a better place.”
“Oh, but my Lord, I would never deprive you of fulfilling your oath to crucify them.” The casual snort he made was, I found, as near a laugh as I would ever hear from him.
“Kind of you to think of it. What makes you think I won’t hunt you down and crucify you?”
“Hmm. That would be an interesting experience, but not one I would prefer. Perhaps instead, there could be an alliance between us. Suppose I made sure the pirate ships I subdued were left where your navy could pick them up and declare justice upon them?”
“Ha! A demon with an aversion to killing. I like that. A noble trait. What else can you provide to me?” he asked.
Hmm. Ask not what Caesar can do for me. Ask only what I can do for Caesar. I would need to be very careful in our negotiations.
“I could tell you stories. I’ve been around for quite a long time. I traveled with Alexander the Great and could tell you the strategies he used to become the ruler of all Asia from Macedonia to Gordium to Babylon to the Indus River and to Egypt. I know how it was that he could march 20,000 leagues with 40,000 soldiers and bring nearly all home safely.”
“Alexander was a pompous upstart,” Caesar scoffed. Words from a pompous upstart.
“By the time he was your age, he’d conquered the known world,” I rejoined. Oh, that got Caesar’s goat. I soon discovered that anytime his accomplishments were compared to Alexander’s, he flew into a rage. I’d need to be careful about that.
“The world is bigger now. I’ll conquer places Alexander never dreamed of. But your knowledge could be of value. I would like to call upon you at times. Even Pompey has counselors who advise him, but they are all human and see only with human eyes. I should like to have your counsel and the use of your demon eyes,” he said. He sounded like a child, but he was a shrewd bargainer and I reminded myself to be careful of what I agreed to.
“Great Caesar, I will give you a means of requesting my presence. If it is possible for me to fulfill your request, I will do my best.”
“Bob, that’s what I like about you. No oath of loyalty. No solemn vows. We’ll have some good conversations.”
When the girls started arriving out of my cabin in the morning, Caesar let his mouth hang open. He definitely had a weakness for women. They scrambled over the rigging, cleaned the decks, and brought food to us. Then they got naked and lay around as I guided the ship toward our next stop.
“Are these all demons?” Caesar asked in amazement.
“Oh, no. These are women who have attached themselves to me over the centuries. They come out of my infinity room once every few weeks to enjoy the earth’s sun for a day and then return. The next day a different group emerges. I’m never quite sure who has requested duty on the ship for a day. Mostly, Nimia and Josie manage the schedules.”
“Amazing. I would like that one for a bit of play time, if you don’t mind,” he said. I wondered if he was still a virgin. Silly. The man was near thirty years old. I had to remind myself not to be thrown by his voice.
“You may ask,” I said. “I don’t attempt to control what any of them do. Some have husbands back in the infinity room. Some are devoted solely to me. But you must abide by one rule. These women are as free as I am. If you attempt to force one after she has rejected you, she will probably kill you.”
“You’d allow that?”
“I don’t think I could prevent it. Many of my women have seen war and have been the spoils. They have been raped and men have attempted to enslave them. They have learned to defend themselves, and even naked in bed, they are seldom unarmed. And if that woman failed to kill you for your crime, I would execute you myself.”
That slowed his lust a bit. Long enough for me to converse with Josie about sending a few willing women on the next shift.
We did not leave the area immediately. In fact, it took nearly two weeks for a Roman galley to appear on a heading toward the island of the pirates. I sent all the women below and handled the ship myself as we intercepted the galley and Caesar hailed them. There was a short exchange during which the galley was prepared to do battle with me, but Caesar gave them a new target.
He had a small chest of silver delivered to my ship for having rescued him and then pushed away, waving to me as they continued toward the island of the pirates. I had a feeling the island would have a number of new Roman crosses by morning.
I hefted the chest and assessed that there were considerably fewer than the 50 talents of silver he’d promised the pirates. Less, even than the 20 they’d initially asked for. It weighted less than a good cask of wine. Ah, well. Becoming ruler of the world requires some cash, I suppose.
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