Alienable Rights
political satire
7
The Arrival
“WHERE ARE WE?” Millie asked, a little bewildered. After her last cum at the tentacles of Rina, Millie had passed out and slept for two hours.
“Just crossed the Mississippi into Missouri, darlin’,” Harlan said. “It’s time for you to drive. I’ll pull off for gas at this exit.”
“Well, I’m feeling fine, like I just got a good night’s sleep. Thank you, Rina.”
“It was my pleasure,” the alien ho declared. “I just want to get this bad boy into me. We’re about five hours from the president’s landing and I want to be there to welcome him.”
“Five hours all the way across Missouri and half of Kansas?” Millie exclaimed.
“Maybe less if you keep the hammer down,” Rina said. “It all depends on how fast you can drive.”
“I’ve got a pilot’s license,” Millie declared. “I’ll fly this little truck.”
“That’s my babe,” Harlan declared.
As soon as the tank was filled, Harlan got in the back seat with Rina. By the time Millie had the truck up to 95, Harlan was up in Rina fucking vigorously. After a glance in the rearview mirror, Millie pressed on to 110.
In Longview, little Johnny was having the time of his life. His classmates had been in school since eight, but he’d spent all morning getting in his costume. He was pretty pleased with what he managed to do with a bunch of dryer hose he dug out of a garbage bin and a can of green spray paint. He’d ordered the green alien mask from a Chinese online store all the way back in the summer and had kept it hidden even from his parents.
About noon, he’d headed out to haunt the town. He’d been surprised at the reception he’d received. It seemed like there were a lot more people in town for the holiday than he remembered from the past. But Halloween was a big day in Longview and their reputation was growing with the crowds.
He wandered into Sarah Lee’s Diner about noon, thinking he’d yell ‘trick or treat!’ but the diner was packed and rowdy. People looked like they’d been drinking all day. And they were all in costumes. There was a little jostling going on and a big man tripped over Johnny’s flippers. Johnny saw him falling, but couldn’t get out of the way. He was knocked out when the big man’s weight pinned him to the floor.
When little Johnny woke up, he was lying on the counter and a beautiful woman was bending over him. She had a strange red cross on her bonnet, but otherwise she looked like a girl from one of the videos his father liked to watch before bed. Then another girl who looked exactly the same but with no red cross leaned in from the other side. Johnny found it hard to breathe and pulled at the latex mask until he had it off.
“Oh! You’re a human!” the red cross girl said. “What a great costume. I thought you were one of ours.”
“If you want, ma’am. But I’m only twelve,” Johnny said, a little hopeful.
“You’re a perfect little gentleman alien,” Ohna laughed. “You’re perfect for the wagon. Don’t you think so, Cece?”
“Absolutely. Why aren’t you in school, kiddo?” Cece asked.
“I got suspended for a day because I made a joke about illegal aliens,” Johnny said truthfully.
“I don’t see anything wrong with that. Technically, I guess we are.”
“You’re an alien?” Johnny asked.
He suddenly figured it all out. He’d been knocked out and he was having a big dream he’d wake up from soon. He hoped it wouldn’t be like the dreams he had when he spied on his father’s videos. That would be embarrassing if he woke up in a crowded restaurant with… He glanced around and realized he really was in a crowded restaurant and one of the pretty girls was showing him a tentacle.
Johnny passed out again.
The next time he woke up, the other pretty girl was giving him a glass of water a sip at a time. A nice guy was supporting him from the other side.
“You’re really aliens,” Johnny said, wide-eyed.
“Not us,” Cece said. “Ohna and most of these others are. Seems they got confused about humans eating at noon and all showed up here at the same exact time. No matter how crazy advanced they are, they still have a lot to learn. How would you like a job?”
“I was just getting a head start on trick or treating,” Johnny said.
“I’ll get you all your favorite candies and Ohna will pay you, too,” said the guy. “I’m Austin. We’ve been riding the hay wagon out to the corn maze and crop circle all morning. We could teach you to be the tour guide. You know a high school kid named Brett? He’s driving the tractor with his girlfriend, Bridget.”
“I know Brett.”
“Okay. All you have to do is ride in the front of the hay wagon in your costume and tell people about the aliens landing out in the corn maze.”
“I don’t know anything about that!”
“No problem. Cece and me will be with you and give you ideas. You can just make up everything. That’s what we’ve been doing.”
“Okay.”
That began Johnny’s new job as a tour guide.
“Idiots!” Oswald growled as he put an AR15 on top of the stack of firearms beside him. He might not have time to reload when the action started. “We’re being invaded and they’re playing trick or treat! Going out to look at crop circles without imagining what was causing them.”
The last wagonload of people going out to the maze even had a little alien acting like a tour guide. The laughing teenagers thought it was just a kid in a costume. It was a real goddam alien! At least that’s what Oswald thought. He’d be watching for that one when the shooting started.
Oswald had gotten a call at eight-thirty in the morning Central Time. Number Fifty-one activated the calling tree. He was located on top of a mountain in West Virginia and kept track of where the president and vice president were at any given time.
‘Code name Cheeto’ had taken off from DC a little after eight in the morning Eastern Time. Oswald had to write the times down on a sheet of paper with the time zones written on it so he wouldn’t subtract an hour when he was supposed to add one. Cheeto left at eight Eastern, seven Central. An hour later at nine Central… no, nine Eastern, the president’s new plane disappeared over West Virginia—right where DCA1427 was lost a few days before.
Conclusion: The president had been abducted by aliens. It was as clear as the nose on your face. All eighty-four members of the American Protection Exchange Service—APES—had been put on alert by eight-forty-five. Central time. By noon, Oswald had hay bales stacked in front of his gate, had painted his face in camo, was sitting in a hunting chair on his front porch with a stack of guns beside him, and had drunk a six-pack from the cooler. He was ready.
The phone had been ringing all morning. He’d found out ‘Cheeto’s Lay’ had been hustled into the White House bunker with the crown prince and a dozen secret service agents, which should keep her safe or at least occupied for the rest of the day. Samosa Sam was reported to be in Russia, which was a good place for him. Gunfire had died down in the Capitol and the Army was picking up bodies and survivors. Both were being shipped to a retention center in Florida.
The thing was, no one knew where the aliens would land or exactly when. He hated this part. All he could do was wait, drink, and pray that they’d come to Longview.
As the day wore on, kids got out of school in their costumes and visitors to the town increased. It wasn’t unheard of for the population of Longview to double by dinnertime. The Methodist, Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic, and Presbyterian churches all had long tables set up and were prepared to serve their church specialties. The Methodists had huge kettles of chili cooking. They would serve it with corn chips and coffee or soft drinks. All for just $20.
The Baptists had the grills fired up and would soon be serving hot dogs and hamburgers, garnished with ketchup, onion, tomatoes, mayo, and mustard. And sweet pickle relish. They, too, served soft drinks and potato chips. All for just $20.
The Lutherans, of course, served barbecued pork on a bun, potato salad and baked beans. All for just $20. Beer and wine were available for $20 a glass. At the Presbyterian Church, a vast array desserts, crafted by the women of the community, whether they were members of that church or not. Dessert with coffee, hot or cold, was just $20.
Oh. The Catholics. Under a temporary license from the town, they operated a full bar. Any cocktail the priests could make was available for just $20. For beer or wine, see the Lutherans.
On the outskirts of town, the Pentecostals and Evangelicals were locked in their churches praying.
There was one other church. Next to the town cemetery was the former Episcopalian Church. Those folks built the first church in Longview back in the 1870s when the town was overrun with cowboys and outlaws. It founded the cemetery to deal with the blossoming needs of the frontier railroad and cattle town. They built a monstrously huge brick building, paid for by the diocese and a few cattle barons. It only lasted about 100 years before it closed its doors for all but funerals.
And Halloween.
With so many dead people having passed through its doors, it’s not surprising that it acquired a reputation of being haunted. So, it was only natural to open its doors on Halloween as a haunted house—or church. There was a small haunted house for children set up by the high school kids in the elementary school. As soon as school was out for the day, the older kids went to work decorating the gym with spooky cobwebs, caskets, and ghosts. The Episcopal Church, though, was for adults only.
This year, Darrell’s secretary, Kristin, was recruited for the haunted church. She was too young the previous year, as she’d not yet turned eighteen. She’d had a major celebration with Darrell on her birthday back in May, while Stacy was seven months pregnant. She thought she was pretty hot. Stacy even thought so. They’d had a heart-to-heart and a tongue-to-cunt talk after the baby was born.
The church event was more of a show than a typical haunted house. No one went there to see the Holy Ghost, though one year it reportedly showed up. The organizers decorated, dividing the space into isolated areas that could not be seen from each other. People who paid their $20 admission followed a path from one tableau or short scene to the next. Each tableau was a risqué scene featuring various Halloween characters.
A pirate scene featured a knockoff of a famous amusement ride, but with costumes that didn’t cover as much, and some action that was definitely not ‘family entertainment’—unless you were thinking of starting one. Witches danced around a cauldron in a Macbeth parody. In their scene, though, the witches and Mac both lost their clothes and enacted a sexy scene as they danced around the pot. One of the perennial favorites was a reenactment of the masked robbery of the bank that found all the bank employees masked, too. By the end of the night, all clothes except the masks had been removed and bandits were making regular deposits. There were scenes of cowboys and Indians, a wizarding school, ghosts, ghouls, vampires, a few undefined monsters, and this year, space aliens.
That was a last-minute addition when the news broke, and Kristin had been recruited or volunteered for the scene. Stacy had agreed to help with the scene, but with her husband missing, there was always the chance she wouldn’t show up. If she did show up, so much the better. Two beautiful naked teenage girl aliens would be much better than just one.
The whole church was a kind of maze through which people would wander, coming upon a scene and stopping to gaze at the mostly naked actors. Of course, they were all made up and fully disguised so no one could recognize them—even each other. Very few people on the organizing committee knew who was in which tableau. For days after Halloween, people would wander around looking at their neighbors and trying to decide if they’d seen them naked or possibly even fucked them.
It was all the out-of-towners who ponied up the $20 admission to spend an hour or so watching the spectacle. They were all warned upon admission that they could be touched by any of the characters and interaction would be guided. The closer to midnight it came, the more daring the acts and the audience participation became. The event made so much money for the town that they didn’t have any local taxes.
Kristin rushed to Stacy’s house through the crowds after work to get dressed and made up to go to the old church for the nine o’clock show. Stacy was waiting for her.
“I’m so nervous,” Kristin said. “You did it last year. Will it be okay?”
“Of course it will,” Stacy answered. “I’ll be right there with you. Without Darrell, we’ll have to grab someone else. Maybe the mayor. Or your father!”
“Stacy! I couldn’t!” Kristin cried.
“Oh, yeah. Maybe we’ll find a well-hung visitor. Just don’t start fucking too soon. If you start at nine, you won’t be able to walk in the morning.”
“I wish Darrell was here,” Kristin sighed.
“The bastard has been screwing an OF model,” Stacy replied. “He’ll show up with his tail between his legs soon enough. Now strip down and let’s work on that beautiful body of yours.”
“You really don’t mind me screwing Darrell?” Kristin asked.
“Hmm. I thought I’d be pissed. And he thinks so. But as long as you get your face between my legs on a regular basis, I’ll tolerate it.”
Stacy stripped her own clothes off and embraced Kristin. They kissed until they were both panting and had their hands all over each other. Kristin pushed Stacy down on the bed and spread her legs.
“How could I not want to dive into this pussy. You taste like honey,” Kristin said, taking a long and sensual lick.
“Yes! Get that tongue to work, little bitch. Momma needs a big one. Yes! Get your fingers in me. I want it! You’ll figure it out eventually. A dick is nice for that full feeling it gives you, but there’s nothing like a girl’s tongue. Get up here and let me taste you while you’re doing me. I want my tongue in your twat.”
Eventually the two got out of each other’s pussy and into their makeup so they were unrecognizable, and Stacy turned on the TV. It was six o’clock and time for the news.
“It’s been a tumultuous day in America,” The newscaster said.
Civil unrest broke out early this morning in Washington DC as the president alluded to an alien invasion. A flight of navy fighters, missing for 80 years, landed at Andrews Air Force Base. It escorted Air Force One into the air and an hour later disappeared again. The president has been out of touch since a declaration that he would personally negotiate with the aliens, who he calls Covfefe.
The last word of the president’s address to the nation this morning was that he would negotiate directly with the Covfefe and would bring the invasion to an end by dinnertime. You may remember, the president promised to end the Ukraine war in a day; it is still under way.
The vice president is also in the air, someplace between Russia and the United States, and is therefore unable to act in the president’s absence. The next in line would be the speaker of the house, but it is unclear how many congressmen and senators survived today’s violence across the aisle, and how many are still on vacation while the government is closed down. ICE has promised that survivors, transported to Florida, would be questioned and examined to determine their status as American citizens or alligator food.
This leaves a question of who is actually in charge, as most cabinet members have been isolated in the White House bunker.
The newscaster paused and held a hand to his ear.
This just in! A plane from Flight 19, missing for eighty years until this morning when it arrived to escort Air Force One to its meeting with the aliens, has just landed in a small Midwestern town where a local broadcaster is covering a Halloween event. We go live to Jerome Cavendish of KNKD in Longview, Kansas. Jerome, what can you tell us?
“This is Jerome Cavendish, live from the Halloween Capital of the world, Longview, Kansas, where a Navy fighter plane missing for eighty years has landed. Pilot Charles Taylor is approaching now. Lieutenant Taylor, what can you tell us about your past eighty years?”
“Not much,” said the pilot. “No time passed at all for us. But what is more important is that we have been escorting the President of the United States and he has selected this as his landing spot. We will expect the first of his entourage on approach now.”
“Who is the first of his entourage?” asked the excited newsman.
“We were informed this is flight DCA1427,” said the pilot.
People saw the approaching aircraft coming fast and scattered to hide. Others who had heard the news bulletins began arriving. DCA1427 was a wide-body jumbo jet that required at least three miles of perfect runway to land. The Longview airport, such as it was, was a half-mile dirt track.
The plane came in fast, drew to a stop in midair, and settled gently on the runway, right behind the fighter. Before people could comprehend what was happening, two more fighters streaked in and landed behind the passenger plane. Then the sparkling, jewel-encrusted visage of Air Force One landed, with two more fighters behind it. That pretty much occupied all the space on the dirt runway.
A portable hay conveyor was rolled up to the jumbo jet. The doors were opened and people began to emerge.
“We made it!” Millie yelled. She didn’t let up on the accelerator.
“Straight through town to the airport,” Rina said.
Millie started backing off the speed as she spotted the crowds gathering. Amazingly, the crowd parted for the Bronco and they pulled up in front of the airplanes.
“That’s Air Force One!” Millie screamed, wondering why they’d been allowed so close. Passengers were flooding out of the other plane and down the conveyor. Everyone was hurrying to join the Navy pilots lining up to welcome the president.
“And that’s DCA1427,” Harlan added. “Will wonders never cease.”
“That rotten son of a bitch!” Stacy screamed. “That filthy mother fucking cock sucker.”
Kristin stared at the TV.
“Is that really Darrell being escorted by the beautiful flight attendant?”
“And the OF model he’s been fucking,” Stacy said. “Where’s my gun? Oswald left me one the other day. That shit has a surprise waiting for him if he thinks he can just walk in here with another bitch or two. I’ll blast his balls off and he can spend his life watching us fuck his new toys.”
“You make me so hot, Stacy. Fuck me again!”
Brett pulled up with his hay wagon in front of Air Force One, but he and Bridget stayed in the tractor cab making out. The door of the big plane opened, dropping stairs to the wagon. Cece, Little Johnny, and Austin were still on the wagon, expecting to pick up another load of passengers for the corn maze. It was just getting to be dark and a couple of big farm trucks shone their lights on the makeshift platform.
Ohna ran to meet them and almost bowled her mother over as they collided and bumped into Darrell, Janelle, and Haro. They all jumped up to the wagon and stood respectfully next to the stairs.
“Mama, this is Austin, Cece, and Johnny,” Ohna said. “We kind of fell in together when I fell out.”
“You sure chose a pretty girl for your model,” Zeta said. “I hope they are as good as they look.” Zeta hugged Austin and Cece, sniffing deeply. “Oh, yes,” she sighed. “This is Darrell and Janelle. They’ve been very helpful. And you, Johnny. How are you doing on this Halloween?”
“I’m having fun, Mrs. Alien,” he said. “I tell people all about the crop circle and alien culture.”
“I would love to hear that.”
Just then ‘Hail to the Chief’ started playing from speakers on the airplane. A moment later the president stood at the top of the stairs and waved at the crowd. The three or four thousand mixed townspeople, visitors, and aliens might have been the largest crowd the president had ever spoken to. Too bad the only crowd he saw were half a dozen young beauties he could grab by the pussy.
